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Eureka Naturist Spa

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After a fraught journey on the M25, our reviewers finally found it!

Driving through the electric gates of Eureka Naturist Spa was a 'eureka' moment in itself - not because it was hard to find, although the website does admit it can be. No, we'd been sitting on the M25 with a shredded tyre, thinking we wouldn't make it at all, and so weren't in the best of moods by the time we finally got there, much later than we had initially planned.

We had no idea what to expect or what to dress in, since Eureka promotes itself as a naturist club rather than a swinging venue; our experience is more with the latter. Saying that though, it is listed in the Clubs section of the Swinging Heaven website and members have given it an average rating of five out of five stars.

Saturday is party night

The driveway was pitch black and quiet, but as we parked up and made our way towards the club house, the noise of the music got louder. The party had definitely started!

We signed in at reception and, as nonmembers, paid £30 entrance.We were told it would have been the same cost if we'd gone earlier, spent the day at the club using all the facilities then stayed on for the party night - but we found the prices on the website confusing. One of the staff said the website had recently been redesigned... it certainly looks great, but in our opinion, the navigation could be improved.

Well-informed staff

The staff were exceptionally friendly, giving us a tour and telling a few anecdotes about the place and its past history as a commune. They keep numerous scrapbooks about it if you're interested in knowing more. The small reception leads into the main room with a bar area selling snacks and soft drinks. The prices are reasonable and you're welcome to bring your own alcohol.

The seating in the main clubroom is preallocated so you can't always choose who you sit with. Being advised that people call on the Saturday morning at 10 am to arrange for a table to be reserved wasn't helpful to us on our arrival on the Saturday evening. This little nugget of information isn't included on the website and was not disclosed when we called the club a few days earlier to ask if we needed to book in or could just turn up. 'Just turn up', was the answer - and we did - but we didn't have anywhere to sit down all night, which seems a tad inhospitable to someone going to the club for the first time. In fairness, the staff were incredibly friendly and helpful, so we're sure they'd have sorted something out had we insisted.

Geography of the club

Just off the clubroom, there's a couples-only room shielded by a drape.With three big beds and a mirror, it can see plenty of action, but because it's not an open room, it's private enough for the sex not to be in people's faces. The 'couples only' aspect is well enforced, giving couples the space to play with other couples only if they should choose to.

Through a corridor and just off to the right are four wood-panelled private rooms. The rooms were functional, although a couple of them looked a bit shabby with the wall-to-wall swinging-club standard plasticcovered beds ripped and torn in places - no doubt from past visitors ignoring the 'no shoes' sign.

Further on is the spa suite. It's well equipped with two large Jacuzzis, a steam room, sauna and showers. For those who prefer a steam room to a sauna, this is a bonus, as many clubs only have a sauna, if that. One of the Jacuzzis was marked 'couples only', the other was available for singles or couples.

Overnight accommodation

Outside was where the smokers gathered and we could see three large static caravans in the grounds. These are available to rent nightly for £40 and each caravan can accommodate up to six people - so it's a really affordable option between two or three couples. Alternatively, if you have your own camper-van or caravan, you can park and plug in for a bargain £5 per night.

We were then shown back to reception to tour the outside areas. There was a decked area with plenty of tables and seating, and this was busy all night on the evening we attended. It was a mild night and is an ideal place to chill out on a balmy summer night with a cold beer.

The decking area looked out on to the grounds and five Scandinavian-style chalets.
Each can accommodate up to two people and are available for stayovers at £25 each chalet. Be warned though, you might have to book a good while ahead!

Swinging by the pool...

A walk around the corner led us to the swimming pool, surrounded by two dozen sun loungers. At 18 metres long, it's one of the largest swimming pools at a naturist club in this country. They maintain the pool's temperature at a constant 85 degrees F - what a shame it was covered by the time we got there because of the shredded tyre!

Adjacent to the pool is second sauna - a much older one than the other located in the spa suite - and a plunge pool.

Joining the party

That was the official tour done... the question now was where to start.We stood at the bar for a while having a drink and were impressed by several annual photo collages of the many parties the club has held. Most parties were fancy dress, and it says a lot about a club to see members smiling, laughing and genuinely having such a good time.

The music was superb - Faithless' Insomnia came on, one of my favourite club tunes, followed by Encore Une Fois and Heaven.We were up dancing to song after song, so it didn't really matter about not having somewhere to sit. Had the music not been to our taste though, we would have been more irritated by the seating business.

As the music went on, I realised why the club has so many regulars - the DJ and the great choice of music made it like a proper nightclub, as opposed to the taped sounds that you get in some clubs.

Dress codes

We'd been told about the club by friends of ours (they'd described it as Butlins in the Buff!).We weren't sure what to wear; it was a party night and the website said 'clothing optional' - but it was hard to make up our minds just what optional clothing would be appropriate, not knowing the place. There were people dancing naked but many went for the 'optional clothing' choice.

All the ladies had made an effort to look good - some of the delights included sexy lingerie, an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie but not yellow-polka-dot bikini, while others dressed in sassy nightclub style. As for the men, there was a variety of nakedness, towel-wearing, tartan kilts or small briefs (including one guy in a little leather number).

We wanted to have a play in the couples' room but there was no one else in, so we decided instead to jump in the couples' hot tub. There was another couple in there already and we got chatting. They were regulars and told us how much they like the club. Slightly unnerving, though, was one of the two single men in the other Jacuzzi who just sat and stared as if he'd never seen a naked woman before! The staff told us if there were any problems to let them know, but as much as it felt uncomfortable, it didn't seem enough to report.

General maintenance

After spending some time in the steam room, I found the shower unit to be somewhat dirty and it was host to a number of dead dragonflies. The club is open long hours on a Saturday (10 am to 3 am) and the spa suite is busy - but this is no excuse for allowing an area get so dirty. Later on we went back in the Jacuzzi and chatted to another couple, who were as unimpressed as we were with the scum around one side of the Jacuzzi.

We stayed over, and they allow you to stay until midday - time to get over your hangover, walk in the grounds, have breakfast or have a swim. The panini we had was tasty, but we had other matters to attend to - the pool was now open! We had a swim, a very quick one actually - it was too nippy.Well, to be fair, it was September.

The club as a whole

If you love clubbing and dancing the night away, Eureka will do it for you. If you want copious amounts of swinging though, it may not. In swinging clubs, the sex is the mainstay. At Eureka, the sex feels incidental to the naturism and dancing - but it is there if you want it. The club also has female and male masseurs available and offers couples massage too.

Set in 23 acres, the club has a great many plusses - the music, the stunning grounds, the pool and spa suite, and the friendly members and staff are a definite advantage to the club. The website would benefit from tweaking, but the main disappointment was the occasional lack of cleanlines, which is easy to solve. That aside, I'll be definitely going back on a hot day to have that long swim I'd promised myself.

Eureka Naturist Spa

Opening Hours
Wednesday 10 am - 12.00 midnight
Friday 10 am - 2 am
Saturday 10 am - 3 am
Thursday and Sunday 10 am - 10 pm
Monday and Tuesday 10 am - 7 pm

Address
Manor Lane, Fawkham,
Kent DA3 8ND
Website
www.eureka-naturist-club.co.uk
Telephone
01474 704418
E-mail eureka-naturist-club@hotmail.co.uk