Me & My Huge Penis

Hey, I was hearing on the news only yesterday about how there's a shortage of nurses. Way I see it, by splitting nurses in two, I'll be doing the NHS a favour.

And if they happen to be single and Bi then you can pass them round here,you could even charge for the use of your "new and improved" Nurse

Day 2 of my new life

My release from hospital has been postponed due to a new and unexpected problem - none of my underpants fit me anymore! One of the nurses has been sent to make an emergency call on BHS, for some man-knickers with extra room in the crotch.

The Doc says I'll have to come back next week to get the stitches removed, but otherwise I'm doing fine. But I caught the tremor in her voice as she said it, and I know she's secretly planning to seduce me when I return. I could almost feel her eyes mentally unwrapping my gown to get at the sweet jumbo lollipop within. I can see it now; lying on the trolley, eyes closed as she gently tweezers the stiches from my groin, and then I jerk at the sudden wet touch of her tongue... teasing up and down my rod, and I open my eyes to see her struggling to get her lips around my enormous crown...

I can hardly wait for next week!

Where do we send flowers to in this epic wet dream of yours hun?

Roger743,
The Hospital of the Blessed Hairy Elephant,
Upper Ramsbottom,
W37 DR3

Here we go, hand delivered.

Freaking feisty ram that is



Also, looked every where for super-size condoms but this is the best I could do.



GET WELL SOON

Chinese village pay homage to Swinging Heaven representative as he tours Asia


KinkyLizard

Day 3 of my new life

Released from hospital today! Got back home, had a cuppa, grabbed the porno mags from under my dresser and ran upstairs to put my new tool to use.



Later...

My porn collection is now all stuck together; I must buy some more.

I poured myself another cuppa and logged onto Swinging-Heaven to pick which lucky lady will be the first to enjoy my new elephantine man-trunk. So many advertising for vvvvvvvwe cock, so hard to choose... do I give it to Mandy, who says she wants a big one to split her open like a ripe grape? Or Sandy, who wants a huge one to smother between her voluptuous soft 42KKK breasts? Or what about Karen, whose husband only has a tiny 7-inches and she needs a real man to show her how sex is meant to be, while her genetically inept husband watches?

So hard! So hard looking at their pictures, and so hard to choose!

Maybe I'll just post an advert instead, see which lucky lady wants it the most. Hmmm... what to write..

Can't wait to read my emails tomorrow!

Now this transplant thing seems to be going along O.K. at the moment but I honestly fear for the future for you Roger. It's all well and good having a piggy dick, but I have to say that like many other animals they do have a tendancy to whizz at every oppurtunity to mark their territory. Now with the best will in the world, I just can't see any women being best pleased with being well served by your enourmous todger and then watch you whizz all over her furniture, white goods, soft furnishings and floors, whilst rummaging around for some truffles to eat...........

............just a thought.

dave i know what you mean mate. i have reservations about the whole pig penis thing myself.

i mean roger, a piggies bits are kinda spiral shaped ain't they, so you'd have to kind of rotate in a corkscrew fashion as it we're to gain entry, and then have to rotate the other way to withdraw. now i can see this becoming tricky if any kind of thrusting motion is to be achieved at all? possibly a shetland pony might have been a more suitable donor? just a thought? let us know how you get on ok?

n x x x x

FFS it's already ome sort of chimera - I thought Todger - ahem Roger said that it was pig and elephant already. If it turns out to be a whizzing pony prick he won't know whether he's coming or going.

Just wondering how you and your new penis were getting along, but I guess you must be too busy wading through your emails from all those hotties desperate for a piece of your massive meat.

When you get a chance (next time you've stopped for a breather perhaps) could you bring this up-to-date?

Day 4 of my new life

Woke up this morning with Mount Everest in my sheets! Scaled the heights to a snow-capped peak then descended gently.

Went out to buy myself some new swimwear that properly shows off my best asset. No more sticking socks down my jocks for me! Ended up with three very nice pairs of speedos which really accentuate my third eye.

After a quick lunch, I spent some time testing the range and power of my new cannon. Most impressive!! Hard to get the stains off my wallpaper though. Note to self: hire a decorator.

Checked my emails. Nothing yet... come on girls, don't be shy. I've got what you want here, in my hands, so get in touch and you could be touching it!

Think I would need a pic first, if it's corkscrew shaped I don't know if I fancy that........

Does this mean you no longer need to leave the couch to take a leak?

I do, but now I have to walk away from the loo instead of towards it...

Roger what did you do with your old penis

have you kept it in a jar as a momento

I've got it in my freezer compartment right now. I was thinking about maybe having it stuffed and hanging it on my bedroom wall... what do you think?