SH Poetry Corner

Wishmaster on Wed Apr 27 2005 wrote:



Hi Rachel,

I hope you don't mind me analysing your work but I used to be a critique editor on a poetry forum and this piece intrigues me.

In my experience, poets write about what they feel or what they have experienced and work as painful as this is absolutely clear to see that the author has emotions that are in total chaos.

To analyse:

I have numbered each line and repeated the number sequence for repetitive lines, which, in my opinion are the crux of this poem.

Lines 9 through 16 repeat twice and show that you are 1). questioning yourself, 2). your addiction, - in this case it seems to be saying self harm. 3). the abandonment of those closest to you, and 4). your justification for why they abandoned you - your own self loathing.

I hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am, I have seen it before. Tell me to bog off if I am though.

The last four lines are very significant as they demonstrate your own hope for the future. I don't know you well enough to say what that hope is but it's there in plain view and I wish you well.

<pre>
1I hurt myself today
2To see if I still feel
3I focus on the pain
4The only thing that’s real

5The needle tears a hole
6The old familiar sting
7Try to kill it all away
8But I remember everything

9What have I become?
10My sweetest friend
11Everyone I know
12Goes away in the end
13You could have it all
14My empire of dirt
15I will let you down
16I will make you hurt

17I wear my crown of s**t
18On my liar’s chair
19Full of broken thoughts
20I cannot repair

21Beneath the stain of time
22The feeling disappears
23You are someone else
24I am still right here

9What have I become?
10My sweetest friend
11Everyone I know
12Goes away in the end
13You could have it all
15My empire of dirt
15I will let you down
16I will make you hurt

25If I could start again
26A million miles away
27I would keep myself
28I would find a way
</pre>

raswinging on Fri Apr 29 2005 wrote:

Tribute to the body


To your contours I will cling
For the pleasures that you bring
Like a rock star I will sing
To the love that you bring

You're Limestone to me
Wild and by the sea
Angles that make me bend
A crack to stick my friend
Pockets where my fingers play
Can I find the way
To climb all over you
Like a rock star

Reprise

You're Granite to me
A craggy majesty
Holds like a rounded breast
Little nipples where I can rest
Pain as your grasp my hand
Is this what I planned
To climb all over you
Like a rock star
:69
Reprise

rachel-lane on Sun May 01 2005 wrote:

Alcoholic kind of mood
Lose my clothes, lose my lube
Cruising for a piece of fun
Looking out for number one
Different partner every night
So narcotic outta sight
What a gas, what a beautiful ass.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
Got the muse in my head she’s universal,
Spinnin’ me round she’s coming over me.

Kind of buzz that lasts for days
Had some help from insect ways
Comes across all shy and coy
Just another nancy boy.
Woman man or modern monkey
Just another happy junkie
Fifty pounds, press my button
Going down.

Does his makeup in his room
Douse himself with cheap perfume
Eyeholes in a paper bag
Greatest lay I ever had
Kind of guy who mates for life
Gotta help him find a wife
We’re a couple, when our bodies double.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal
Got the muse in my head she’s universal,
Spinnin’ me round she’s coming over me.

rachel-lane on Sun May 01 2005 wrote:

I would tell you about the things
They put me through
The pain I’ve been subjected to
But the lord himself would blush
The countless feasts laid at my feet
Forbidden fruits for me to eat
But I think your pulse would start to rush

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes

Morality would frown upon
Decency look down upon
The scapegoat fate’s made of me
But I promise you, my judge and jurors
My intentions couldn’t have been purer
My case is easy to see

I’m not looking for a clearer conscience
Peace of mind after what I’ve been through
And before we talk of repentance
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes

Now I’m not looking for absolution
Forgiveness for the things I do
But before you come to any conclusions
Try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

You’ll stumble in my footsteps
Keep the same appointments I kept
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes
If you try walking in my shoes
Try walking in my shoes

rachel-lane on Sun May 01 2005 wrote:

chew chew i do love a chew
theres nothing like breakfast all covered in dew
theres no need to fry it
or even to buy it
so why dont you try it
and chew

munch munch i do love a munch
theres nothing like clover for flavouring lunch
although it grows thickly, you wont find it sickly
so gather some quickly
and munch lol

rachel-lane on Sun May 01 2005 wrote:

My vagina has two set of lips, but I don’t get Monthly blood drips.
my vagina hardly even used.
My vagina got lots of extra skin.
they took my Outtie and made it and made it an inner.
turning donnie osmand into Marie osmand.

Operation succesfull, but now I gotta pee through a Miniature hole
gotta remember to put the seat down.
and when I wipe my ass I go from Front to back,
cause I don’t wanna bladder infection
I never thought I’d miss my vas deferance
I traded it in for a pair of huge coke cans
Now I get to hang with lesbians.

Operation paid up front.
now I show all My friends my new designer cunt
They think I’m kinda weird, but that’s Ok with me,
cause now I kick their ass from the ladies team.
there’s Nothing finer than having a vagina

a song for post opprative transsexuals

ive spent far tooo long in here today lmao

rachel-lane on Mon May 02 2005 wrote:

Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom’s not a burden
Anyone should bear.

Constant over stimulation numbs me
But I wouldn’t want you
Any other way.

Just, not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we’ll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way.

But, it’s not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I don’t want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive.

Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it’s something you’ll get used to.
Relax. slip away.

Something kinda sad about
The way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?

How can it mean anything to me
If I really don’t feel anything at all?

I’ll keep digging till,
I feel something.

Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. turn around and take my hand.

by tool.. titled stinkfist

runnerking on Mon May 02 2005 wrote:

Please may I have a kilo of passion
a sackful of hugs
oh, and maybe a couple of those strokes and caresses

I'd really like to see your face first thing in the morning
as I serve you breakfast in bed
and last thing at night, as I brush the hair on yiour head

Please may I have a kilo of passion
a sackful of hugs
oh, and maybe a couple of those strokes and caresses

Can we go shopping, hand in hand down the street
Into Ann Summers for games full of fun
Walking back home, carrying orgasm by the ton

Please may I have a kilo of passion
a sackful of hugs
oh, and maybe a couple of those strokes and caresses

Mere hours together, then days spent apart, Father Time is just so unfair.
We meet other people, our lives are enhanced
Our love always ensuring that with you I'm entranced

Please may I have a kilo of passion
a sackful of hugs
oh, and maybe a couple of those strokes and caresses

Then one day in the morning, the sun fails to rise
I walk through a tempest, my thoughts are of sin
find the shop has been shut, developers have moved in.

edinbughchris on Wed May 04 2005 wrote:

This really needs a few spaces between it and Libra-Love's heavenly post, but I came across this today and thought I'd share the smile it gave me . . .

First of may, first of May
Outdoor shagging starts today!
But if it do come on to rain,
We'll all go back inside again.

rachel-lane on Fri May 06 2005 wrote:

she had alot to say.
she had alot of nothing to say.
We’ll miss her
We’re gonna miss her

So long.
We wish you well.
You told us how you weren’t afraid to die.
Well then, so long.
Don’t cry.
Or feel too down.
Not all martyrs see divinity.
But at least you tried.

Standing above the crowd
She had a voice that was strong and loud.
We’ll miss her
Ranting and pointing her finger
At everything but her heart.
We’ll miss her
We’re gonna miss her

No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me.
Like I care at all.

But it was so loud.
You sure could yell.
You took a stand on every little thing.
And so loud.

Standing above the crowd,
She had a voice so strong and loud and i
Swallowed her facade cuz I’m so
Eager to identify with
Someone above the ground.
Someone who seemed to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way, with
Someone who would die for me.

Will you?
Will you now?
Would you die for me?
Don’t you lie.
Don’t you step out of line.
Don’t you lie.

You’ve claimed all this time that you would die for me.
Why then are you so surprised when you hear your own eulogy?

You had alot to say.
You had alot of nothing to say.

Come down.
Get off your cross.
We need the space to nail the next fool martyr.

To ascend you must die.
You must be crucified
For your sins and your lies.
Goodbye...