agricola on Sat Sep 11 2004 wrote:
something a little lighter for a change:
Down and Dirty (Young Arti at the Party)
I really had become a bore
A workaholic mess,
I resolved to get myself out more
And worry somewhat less.
An invitation out of the blue:
I I took the bull by horn,
I pressed my only decent shirt
And vowed to dance till morn.
I primed myself with cabernet
And eager for some fun,
I took the cab to my friend’s house:
The party had begun!
My shyness soon began to fade
As red wine played its tricks,
I felt I loved the whole wide world
(But most of all the chicks).
I spotted one fine beauty there
Her hair as black as jet,
I drowned my fears in alcohol
And said, ‘Hello my pet’.
How I’d practised chat-up lines,
To make my targets laugh,
How the hell did I end up
Saying something quite so naff?
The ‘Raven Goddess’ simply stared
Then looked me up and down
‘You know’, she said, ‘it’s funny how
I always meet the clown’.
With that she glided somewhere else
And I was left to think
‘Just a minor setback son
Have another drink’.
All around the laughter rang
And dancing then ensued,
I felt the urge to ‘boogie-down’
Whilst wolfing down some food.
When ‘Bachman Turner’ pierced the air
I threw up my arms with feeling,
I forgot my chilli salsa
Which soon covered half the ceiling.
The faces turned to see just who
Was acting very silly
And in a world of acid-rain
Had made it pour with chilli.
‘So sorry folks’, I tried to say
With genuine contrition
Forgetting that my mouth was in
A rather full condition.
As voulevants sprayed those nearby
I spied that sable hair,
And Raven Goddess open mouthed
With pastry- plastered stare.
I rushed to help remove the gunge:
I needed something wet,
I grabbed the first convenient thing
A handy serviette.
This would indeed have done the job
And restored my reputation
But it had been a victim of
The salsa precipitation.
Her screams were quite remarkable
And made me realise
That chilli tends to sting a bit
When dabbed in someone’s eyes.
So that was one thing learned that night
Soon followed by another:
Raven Goddesses rarely stray
Far from doting brother.
I didn’t see the uppercut
But have a vague recall,
Of thinking, ‘Are all Raven Gods
Really quite that tall?’
As down amid the crumbs and mess
Sprawled upon my back,
I saw a dainty Goddess shoe
Imprint my manly sack.
The pain was bad, have no doubt
But I knew it was quite just,
I staggered to my feet again
For apologise I must,
I hadn’t counted just how odd,
A punch can make you feel,
I lurched and clutched for dear life
As my head began to reel.
I’m told it looked accomplished
As my world turned quiet and black,
My desperate lunge removed the dress
From Raven Goddess back.
I really couldn’t tell you
Just how many bones he broke
(Although his friends remind me
He is not that kind of bloke).
Suffice to say that for a while
The only food I saw,
Was that which somehow lent itself
To sucking through a straw.
I’m happy now with boring things
And safe and lonely havens,
But have a really morbid fear
Of chilli sauce and Ravens.
A.
something a little lighter for a change:
Down and Dirty (Young Arti at the Party)
I really had become a bore
A workaholic mess,
I resolved to get myself out more
And worry somewhat less.
An invitation out of the blue:
I I took the bull by horn,
I pressed my only decent shirt
And vowed to dance till morn.
I primed myself with cabernet
And eager for some fun,
I took the cab to my friend’s house:
The party had begun!
My shyness soon began to fade
As red wine played its tricks,
I felt I loved the whole wide world
(But most of all the chicks).
I spotted one fine beauty there
Her hair as black as jet,
I drowned my fears in alcohol
And said, ‘Hello my pet’.
How I’d practised chat-up lines,
To make my targets laugh,
How the hell did I end up
Saying something quite so naff?
The ‘Raven Goddess’ simply stared
Then looked me up and down
‘You know’, she said, ‘it’s funny how
I always meet the clown’.
With that she glided somewhere else
And I was left to think
‘Just a minor setback son
Have another drink’.
All around the laughter rang
And dancing then ensued,
I felt the urge to ‘boogie-down’
Whilst wolfing down some food.
When ‘Bachman Turner’ pierced the air
I threw up my arms with feeling,
I forgot my chilli salsa
Which soon covered half the ceiling.
The faces turned to see just who
Was acting very silly
And in a world of acid-rain
Had made it pour with chilli.
‘So sorry folks’, I tried to say
With genuine contrition
Forgetting that my mouth was in
A rather full condition.
As voulevants sprayed those nearby
I spied that sable hair,
And Raven Goddess open mouthed
With pastry- plastered stare.
I rushed to help remove the gunge:
I needed something wet,
I grabbed the first convenient thing
A handy serviette.
This would indeed have done the job
And restored my reputation
But it had been a victim of
The salsa precipitation.
Her screams were quite remarkable
And made me realise
That chilli tends to sting a bit
When dabbed in someone’s eyes.
So that was one thing learned that night
Soon followed by another:
Raven Goddesses rarely stray
Far from doting brother.
I didn’t see the uppercut
But have a vague recall,
Of thinking, ‘Are all Raven Gods
Really quite that tall?’
As down amid the crumbs and mess
Sprawled upon my back,
I saw a dainty Goddess shoe
Imprint my manly sack.
The pain was bad, have no doubt
But I knew it was quite just,
I staggered to my feet again
For apologise I must,
I hadn’t counted just how odd,
A punch can make you feel,
I lurched and clutched for dear life
As my head began to reel.
I’m told it looked accomplished
As my world turned quiet and black,
My desperate lunge removed the dress
From Raven Goddess back.
I really couldn’t tell you
Just how many bones he broke
(Although his friends remind me
He is not that kind of bloke).
Suffice to say that for a while
The only food I saw,
Was that which somehow lent itself
To sucking through a straw.
I’m happy now with boring things
And safe and lonely havens,
But have a really morbid fear
Of chilli sauce and Ravens.
A.
