Written by Gillian

6 May 2004

I hope you don't mind me making my confessional here. I need to share this with someone I don't know as the guilt is wracking me.

I'm 23 and got married just over a year ago to someone I'd met at school when we were both aged 15. One thing seemed to role into the next, getting engaged then organising the wedding.

Following the wedding we moved house and as a civil servant I was able to transfer to the nearest office.

So as I was saying about 12 months after the wedding I started to feel that I had done the wrong thin. I love my husband and we really, really get on well together, but I'd never had another man and no matter how much I tried I couldn't stop thinking what it would be like with someone else.

I'd settled in well at the new office and was looking forward to the Christmas party. My husband had arranged to go out the same evening on a boy's night out and I'd booked a late taxi.

The party was well underway and everyone was having a great time. Th eparty was held at one end of the office that had a large open space a DJ had been booked and most people were up and dancing. I needed to go to the loo as I'd been drinking a little more freely than I would normally and to get to the loo's I had to pass the filing racks - row upon row of large floor to ceiling metal filing racks seperated by what can only be descibed as a corridor, each individually lit. At this time of the evening there were not lit. I went to the loo (at the far end to where people were dancing) and on the way back met Simon as he came out of the gents. As we walked past the filing racks, Simon gently took my wrist and pulled me into on of the corridors and asked for a Christmas kiss. He was a lad I got on well with and quite liked as he took endless ribbing about not having a girlfriend. The kiss started off gently and Simon seemed a bit unsure. I stopped the kiss and told him that I didn't mond him kissing me as long as he didn't tell anyone. We kissed again this time slowly exploring each others mouths and I felt his hand going onto jumper and started to feel my breast. I allowed him to move his hand under my top and slip it under my bra so that there was flesh on flesh. He seeme drather nervous and I suspected he hadn't done too much of this before so I let him carry on for a little while but then said we needed to go back as others my notice. As we walked back I noticed he'd gone beetroot red and hoped nobody else would guess what we'd been doing!

After a while I saw Stuart talking to Simon and smiling. the next time our eyes met he winked at me. Th eparty continued and later I had to go to the loo again. This time as walked bout of the loo Stuart just seemed to be passing. He looked at me and said I'd like my Christmas kiss now. Stuart is in his early 30's and has a reputation as a ladies man although he is married and there were rumours circulating that he'd just ended an affair with one of the girls on my group. He isn't much to look at but some of the other girls says he has a certain type of animal magnetism that some found it hard to resist.

He led my into on of the ante-rooms and I realised it was the "sick" room. He leant down to kiss me and to this day I still can't explain why but I felt so helpless and defenceless in his company and I just wanted him to kiss and caress and touch me. Which he did. He stood behind me and brought both hands up onto my breasts slowly and softly caressing them while he kissed all around my neck - little pecks which set my skin alight. He slipped his hands under my jumper bringing them around to deftly unhook my bra. Immediately he lifted my jumper over my head, my bra with it. I could feel him getting hard and moved my hand down to feel the hard shape of his now erect penis. I found his belt, undid it, then his zip and then the trouser fastening, slipped my hand inside his pants and started to rub his cock. He moved his hand to my skirt, undid it and with his hand on the waistband slowly pushed it down expertly hooking his thumbs into my knicker elastic taking them down as well. As he turned me around I stepped out of my skirt and opened my legs knowing what was to come next. He slipped one finger then two into my vagina and fingered we till I was very wet. He took his fingers out and asked me to kneel down which I did. He asked me to push his trousers and pants down which I did and his penis flicked firstly up then down coming to rest about a inch from my mouth. Needing no prompting I opened my mouth and started to suck him. I'm not keen on oral sex, not even with my husband and even though I was beginning to enjoy it I still felt guilty. I was releived when he took his penis out before ejaculating, but pushed me down so I was lying on my back and he spread my legs and before I realised had slid his penis into my vagina - it felt glorious especially when he started to slid very purposefully in and out. I realised almost to late that he wasn't wearing a condom and for medical reasons I can't take the pill. I asked to him to withdraw which, he did straight away, I looked at his still erect penis and knew that I had to do something for him but on that occassion could only rub him off till he ejaculated over my breasts.

A couple of days later was the last day we were open before Christmas and we'd closed early and gone to the local pub. Stuart offered to drive me home and I accepted. On the way as he drove down a quiet lane he pulled into a disused farm. He left the heater running and straight away continued where we'd left off a couple of evenings ago. He undid my blouse and was pleasantly surprised to see I'd a front opening bra on (I'd worn one the past couple of days -just in case) he undid it and started to kiss and lick and nibble on my nipples. He pulled my skirt up, his eyes lighting up when he saw I was wearing stockings and suspenders and he was able to pull my knickers down and started to finger my vagina. I must have climaxed two or three times before noticing he'd taken his penis out. he looked at me and asked that I finish him off. I took him in my mouth and sucked him until he exploded into my mouth. For the first time in my life, I swallowed. To cut a long story short, inbetween Christmas and New Year when very few people were in work he took me back into the sick room and wearing a condom made love to me. Since then we get togther two or three times a week when either I suck him off or we make love.

I now think that lot's of people in the office suspect that I'm his latest conquest. I don't love him but physically he turns me on like no other man has. I don't want to give him up but I feel guilty cheating on my husband. I love my husband I really do. I can't confess to my priest - he's a family friend and I can't talk to other people at work, there is no way I can talk to my closest friend. I hope, you don't mind hearing my confession.