Written by Paul and Debbie
27 Oct 2018
How did we get started
Here to help
- 6 Comments
- 3606 Views
3 minute read
We are a couple, live in the US and who likes to play and involve others. When we are with others it often comes up in conversation regarding how we started. That is having sex with others outside our marriage. As I stated the most common question is “how did you guys get started,” or “how does it work.” So I thought I would share our experience in the hope that it might help someone.
Firstly for us, it’s more of an evolution than a one-time decision. We’ve been together a long time (25 years total). That’s dating and marriage. We’ve always had a pretty healthy sex life. Sure, there are real life challenges (kids, family, job changes, etc), but overall I’d say we have a good, solid marriage. That’s a prerequisite for this stuff, by the way, if you are on shaky ground, I wouldn’t recommend it.
We’ve always shared fantasies, but just as an abstract concept. We’d never had the opportunity to act on them, or we never sought them out until a few years ago. Ever since the advent of digital cameras, we’ve dabbled with bedroom pics on occasion, but as time has progressed, we’ve gotten better with experience, and now our photo sessions have become kind of a hobby.
The long story short, we stumbled into a great group of people at a resort in Cancun, some of which were in the lifestyle. So here’s the big eye-opener: They were perfectly normal people, with kids, jobs, etc. Not porn stars, and not low-rent sleazy people either. We actually recognised someone we knew in this group. He was there with his wife and we swapped partners. It was soft at first, that is no penetration but the next day it was full sex and we haven’t looked back since.
Ok, for rules and roles, we tend to identify as stag/vixen. I’m too much of an alpha male to be into the humiliation stuff (not judging, just not my thing). Most, not all of our experience is with couples, although as a disclaimer, we’re very selective about who we let into our lives. It all boils down to right people, right place, right time and right comfort level.
Every couple is different. I’ve never been the jealous type, so getting over seeing her with another guy isn’t an issue, it’s a turn on. And to this day, our single friend experiences have been the most awesome with regards to an extra guy. These actually have been our only MFM to date, all others are with couples so that’s FFMM. Sometimes one may sit out and watch the other 3 but that’s only to experience more lust and witness each other’s reactions. As a couple we have always played together, although separate rooms in the same place is fine, we both like that. Reclaiming her is awesome, and one of the hottest things ever. It’s great to desire her, and it drives my desire for her through the roof.
Best advice for others who are considering this: Take baby steps. Explore the fantasy between you, and then find others to discuss it with. Same-room sex is a good ice-breaker, couple’s photo shoots, etc. Even try a swinger’s club, just to get the vibe of it. In our experience, those in the lifestyle tend to have a good set of rules and etiquette, and are not pushy. There might be an exception, but it’s certainly not the rule. Men in single bars are far, far worse.
Bottom line is “Life is short. Live it to the fullest”. Hope this helps.