I have been very lucky over the years by having had the benefit of several open minded partners who were willing to explore their needs and mine, and test the boundaries of our desires. Due to the fact that I have enjoyed such a varied sex life I have pretty much been allowed to indulge in most that some others see as fantasy and share as pillow talk. Recently I have had to post under an assumed name as my new woman (encouraged by me) has tuned into the often believable stories posted on swinging heaven. I almost laughed out loud one night when we were surfing and I deliberately opened a story my ex and me had posted under assumed names that she dismissed as "a sad mans fantasy" Oh well? When I was younger I never questioned anything and just lived it for that minute. As I have matured though, I do think "why did I do this, and why did she do that, and what is she/me getting out of this?". The complex psychology and motives I paid scant regard to for all those years fascinate me now. Please believe me, I have lived a bit. It is only now when I do occasionally reflect on past situations that despite experience (I even view as bizarre and unexplainable) I feel the need to break my silence. When perplexed and failing to make sense of it, it is only now and all these years later, that I do seek the opinions of others. I usually dress them up as fantasy or hypothetical situations though. I once (for a year or so) had the wonderful experience of having a beautifully shaped older neighbour give me weekly strip shows with the proviso "only looking, no touching". Only once in all that time did she allow me to finger and kiss her pussy but point blank refused to allow me to ride her. Why? It was superb at the time though despite my obvious frustration. The one that still occupies my thoughts more than any other though is when a really close friend asked "if someone paid you £25-£30 just to see your cock, would you do it?" I panicked a bit at the time because I thought he meant him. He told me he had been offering an "obligement" to an older woman in the village but he now wanted to pass the buck. I did think it was a joke but he offered to take me to her house and ease it through. It was in 1986 and my weekly wage on night shift was only about £120 so £25-£30 an hour was absolutely unbelievable. We were both 25 at the time and game for anything (except gay) so this was too good to be true. As it turns out, (anticipating my compliance) the meeting had already been arranged for the next day. When the lady opened the door I thought I had been set up. She was about sixty then and none too pretty with it. She was also very refined and polite and I immediately thought it an elaborate joke. She was also very well dressed and expensive Capo Di Monte type ornaments adorned her home. She welcomed us in and then asked "has Stuart told you the rules". Well kind of, I replied? She then gave me a prepared list of must and must not's in writing. For the next twenty minutes she spoke to me in the manner a school teacher speaks to her pupils as she firmly laid down the law. Discretion, privacy and cleanliness were mentioned many times during the lecture. It was also reinforced that this was going to be a non sexual formal business transaction. I kept the list for years as it used to fascinate me. 1. No talking 2. No eye contact. 3. No touching. (Me or any object in my home) 4. No smoking. 5. No sunglasses. 6. No jeans. 7. No trainers. 8. Close shaved but no aftershave. 9. Do not come here under the influence of alcohol. 10. Never use my name. Address me as "Madam" 11. Never acknowledge each other outside of this home. 12. No Christmas cards or postcards. The requirement to seal the deal was "Nudity in its entirety is not permitted, it shall be from the waist down only". There were about twenty rules in all but the astounding one was "Under no circumstances do not become sexually aroused in my presence. (not too difficult that one) After the introduction I was given a time to attend and told to watch my time keeping. Big Stuart assured me all there was to it was to strip from the waist down and sit there reading a paper. He assured me I would get used to it. And I did. For the first few sessions I half expected something to happen but after a month or more I was really relaxed about it all. The changing room was a little bedroom at the top of the stairs and when she called "time up" the envelope with the money would be sitting next to my clothes when I went to dress. I always watched her from the corner of my eye but never once did I catch her looking at me. She pottered about doing house work or sat opposite me reading her book until she gave me the command to get dressed and leave. The only times it breached the borders of the agreement was the few times she suggested I take a bath. Even so, she was never present in the bathroom when I did but asked that the door be left open. With my back to the door I was never sure if this was her way of looking at my body without having to interact directly in any shape or form. The envelope on those visits always had £40 in it instead of the £25 or £30. They were the only times I was totally naked in her presence. Even so the instruction for the next visit was invariably written on the envelope with the money inside without a word spoken. I think all in all it lasted for just short of two years and on the final visit she told me a parting of the ways was overdue. That was the first day she had spoken directly to me since the introduction. Even on that final day though when she asked me to bend over in front of her so she could see my bum, it was in the form of a request written on an envelope. The envelopes were never allowed to leave the house, I had to take the money but leave the envelope. That was that. No more visits no more contact. She was always fully clothed and did not appear aroused or uncomfortable in any way with the situation and all these years later has left me asking myself "what was the point?". If at any age I was paying for the services of a young thing I feel sure I would have a list of requests and be drinking in the view during the visit. It was so strange to be mute and apparently invisible in the presence of another person and it will forever bewilder me? Think about it, what was her buzz?