Written by Rich1_2008

19 Jul 2008

A Short Story : Shocking Afternoon and a Close Shave

Or How not to extend your Assets !

Hopefully you'll find the blunder below amusing - but for goodness sake as they used to say on TV "Don't Try this at Home" however challenged your assets might be

I'd made it home from work much earlier than normal I thought I'd do a bit of DIY (no not that kind). I was decorating the bedroom and had unscrewed the dimmer switch to paint around its easier.

Did I say Dimmer ? probably Dumber was more appropriate, for as I screwed the switch back onto the wall it all went wrong - a wire slipped out from behind the switch and made contact with my fingers, and I immediately became a circuit for 240 Volts ! It was only a second or so, but …

I could feel the electric current flowing from my thumb to my wrist, from wrist to forearm, forearm to upper arm, then into my shoulder, across my shoulder blades, to the top of my spine, then spreading down my spine and across into my other shoulder. Here I was (accidents happen in the home) in the process of being fried. Oddly time seemed to slow down, my brain was telling my hands to let go, my hands wouldn't move, I was literally rooted to the spot. The current meanwhile passed down my spine and then branched, right hip, left hip, and ..oh no straight down - Ding Dong, I suddenly had 240V crackling in my balls (talk about turning on Xmas Lights at Blackpool).

Fortunately it was at this critical point I was thrown backwards, and found myself standing some 6 feet from the wall from where I ripped the socket, so that wires hung limply from the brick and plasterwork. And a visit to A&E confirmed I'd been very lucky - no damage had been done ....

Now I'm sure everyone checks themselves out in the bathroom mirror - do I look knackered or do I look sexy ? Everything always looks bigger and better. Then three months on I noticed my dangly seemed slightly larger - okay while they were never that small to start they could always look better so I dismissed it as wishful thinking - but a bit like Jack's Beanstalk they continued to grow. So several Doctors and Surgeons consultations later, it was confirmed, my balls were growing - I was assured there was nothing to worry about, I would have to have an op, and in the mean time my testicles might grow a bit bigger, but "the tissue is very elastic."

I had to wait some six months, and towards the end was having great difficulty hiding my obvious embarrassment in my pants. Elastic or Rubber ? My balls had each grown to the size of a couple of Oranges, so that if I didn't lean forward when seated, I appeared to be wearing a cod-piece! Strange , quizzical looks were commonplace.

Infact the op itself was a bit of an anticlimax, just before I went under the last thing I remember was lying on my back in a gown, legs apart, meat and veg in the air, and the nurse who was getting me ready, saying (my balls) "looked very big." But before I could come back with a smart response I was out for the count.

When I came round from the anaesthetic I had another shock in store. I'm rather hirsute, and looking downward (to make sure nothing was missing you understand) I discovered I'd gone bald. My cock and balls were naked, I'd been shaved, and in a crazy kind of way I thought they actually look better for it.

Oddly the experience has been like an MOT or a 50,000 mile service. I thought everything was working fine before (certainly for someone of my age) but now everything works a whole lot better (its like turning the clock back 20 years) And should I be tempted to forget the incident, to remind myself of the dangers of messing with a Dumber Switch that shocking afternoon, I keep shaven.