While sex is a serious matter, it can also be quite funny – at least looking back. After the experience I described in “Not so gay”, I was still interested in exploring relationships with men. At that time I used a contact magazine (talking the early 1980s when I was in my late 30s). I saw an ad put in by a TV in a nearby town and I sent a short letter saying I was interested. The reply I got was a real cock raiser. It was really filthy and explicit, bawdy really, and I soon had a wank over it. The writer – he/she called herself Sandra – said she would dress up in her undies as a woman. I would arrive and play the role of her Daddy. I would realise that she was dressed to receive a man, would slap her and call her a whore and a slut, and then fuck her. It sounded wonderful – both the situation and Sandra herself. I phoned to make arrangements and was quite surprised to hear a very softly spoken, almost meek person at the other end. I had expected a more manly voice and a more brazen attitude from the stuff I had read. I assumed it was nervousness on her part and went ahead to visit her. When I arrived at her town-centre flat, Sandra opened the door to me. She was again very softly spoken and said she wasn’t quite ready so would I sit in the lounge and wait. After five minutes she re-appeared – mid-20s, a wig of long red hair, heavily made-up face, a red basque, frilly black panties and black stockings and high-heeled shoes. She did indeed look like a tart, so I started the role play: “You disgusting little slut, you look like….”. “Stop!” she whispered at me, “Shush. You must keep your voice down. The walls of these flats are very thin and the neighbours can hear every word if you raise your voice. Please just whisper.” Now the thing began to descend into farce. I had come there to be the heavy father, to rant and rage at her before spanking her and then fucking her. I was all geared up for that, but how the hell do you “rant and rage” in a whisper? How do you slap a backside quietly? I even like to let out some good grunts when I fuck. No, I was completely thrown by the new situation. I tried but it just seemed to me to be so silly it couldn’t possibly be sexy. We struggled on for a while with the make believe, but it was so unreal I just couldn’t get excited and we ended up wanking each other, trying to salvage something from the afternoon. She had quite a nice cock and arse, but I was too far gone to respond. I didn’t stay long.