I apologise to those wanting an exciting and racy story. Part 2 gets that way but part 1 is a build up designed more to straighten my own head than titillate others. I would describe myself as an desperately unfulfilled transgendered man. This sounds a bit sad but that's the way it is. Like many my desire to dress started in my teens and has followed a fairly regular pattern of feeling the urges, then dressing, then feeling guilty, then 'killing' the mental creation of me as a girl for as long as possible until the next time, whilst I struggle to follow a 'normal' work and family life. To be fair the conventional side of my life has been quite successful, enjoyable and satisfying, but as many who have read this far will testify, when there is a girl in the guy she just won't go away; not for long anyway. I was not until my forties, well into my second major relationship that I took things a little further. I had always known that my feminine side was a strong and permanent part of character, and during a pretty dire stage in my relationship with my girlfriend I took to dressing quite regularly, but with a difference. I wasn't just snatching moments in borrowed clothes - I started to buy clothes and shoes and make up and wigs. These were kept safe in my office at work where I was alone most of the time. Then the Swinging Heaven era began. When I discovered SH, it was not long before I wanted to furnish my profile with pictures. To make a reasonable effort I expanded my wardrobe with frequent charity shop visits. It never ceases to surprise me what sexy clothes can be found in such places. My underwear was purchased from a variety of places but mostly Tesco & M&S. I transform quite readily into my female form being 5'9'' & 11.5 stone, I make a nice neat size 12. I have size 8 feet which easily slip into the boots and shoes of my dreams. My biggest problems are with hair but at this stage I was a headless presence on SH so not really a problem. As soon as my photos were on SH, things really began to move at a pace which I couldn't, or didn't want to control. I attracted a lot of interest from men and other tv/cd's which was a brand new experience and very, very exciting. I was asked to meet frequently and at first found myself leading guys on before I realistically accepted that although I desperately wanted to share sex as a girl with a guy, I just didn't have the bottle. Actually it was more than that; up to now my experiences had been entirely in my own head and so didn't hurt anyone too much. The potential for hurting others had just got a whole lot bigger and the thought of betrayal played on my mind so much. I found a compromise in camming in the chatrooms. I became a regular in the tv rooms in late afternoons when I could lock myself in the office and dress. I loved displaying myself to anyone who cared to look and soon became more daring. I met some lovely people in the chatrooms who loved the tg thing. I found I had a particular thing for black guys and girls which I had never previously realised. As I was appearing on cam so regularly, this forced an expansion of my wardrobe which became quite extensive. Being quite vain, I didn't want to appear in the same clothes too reguarly! Whilst camming satisfied my feminine needs for a while it wasn't long before I felt the urge to be feminine in the real world! My camming sessions were making me feel so sexy; I felt the urgent need to get out and meet people. Part 2 describes my subsequent experiences - I hope to see you there xx