Uhuru and I used to love having fun in lay-by's.
Can you reccommend some good ones to visit?
(as opposed to dogging sites)
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Tool
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 63
Straight Female, 48
0 miles · Wombourne
Forum
Quote by little gem
Can I be awkward blue?
I disagree with the no shagging in the loos rule as if two people want each other so badly and aren't staying over I would prefer them to disappear to the loos for a quicky to get it out of their system than to engage in public acts of sexual conduct. ie. bj's at the bar. Maybe a rule about no hogging the toilets for sexual acts, take it else where to places more appropriate, might be a better way of saying things.
I also disagree with the flashing rule as well. On a night out with my non-swinging friends we have been known to get the odd breast out, usually in drunken fun or in medical inspection purposes. I find this rule rather strong as I would have to get my breasts out, nobody would be doing it for me. Maybe it should be phrased like excessive flashing is against the rules, cos I'm not interested in seeing someone get them out every two minutes, once or twice in a night is acceptable, having ones bits out everytime you turn around is simply pervy.
I do agree with kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
I also agree the what is not acceptable is PUBLIC sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc..., not asking before kissing the person and no touching unless it is specifically OKed by the other person.
Sorry to be a pain, but thats just how I feel.
I understand your points, but it's blurring the edges again, chipping away at the rules.
I think Blue's post was spot on and should be adopted.
What if the loos are engaged? The corridor? It just blurs it. I guess people could go out to a car if they simply couldn't control themselves.
This is not about people being boring, it's about there being a time and a place.
I don't feel it is blurring the boundaries to put in the rules:
1. No excessive nudity
2. No touching or kissing without permission
3. Please try to refrain from using the toilets for sexual purposes.
I am NOT a child, I am an adult and have a brain in my head. I would like to be given enough leeway to use it.
I don't want to be dictated to like a child and have all my decision making skills taken away from me. When I have participated in organising a mini munch I put specifically in the invites that it is a pub environment and so please keep all public play out of the venue. If not then I would have to ask the person to leave. How clear is that? Very.
Don't treat me like I am one of the people trying to chip away at the rule and boundaries as I am all for rules, they can make people feel safe, but if they are too restrictive it can make people resent them and not follow them anyway.
Regards.
Gemma. x
Blue had said "no sex in bogs", and many of us have said her guidelines are good, yet straight away you said you disagreed with that part.
If that is not chipping away I don't know what is.
Quote by westerross
I think Blue's guidelines are good. That way people can at least make their own judgement as to whether they want to attend a munch.
Sean, just to clarify - I haven't been to a munch. I would like to and would probably only come with Mrs TE, who is very uncertain about things. The 'heresay' (it is in fact much more substantive than that) has merely served to persuade me that even suggesting it to her would be a waste of time - in fact it would be counterproductive. I appreciate this doesn't give me a right to say much but I am really glad that the people here have been able to discuss it in a mature way and, under Blue's guiding hand, produce something constructive from it.
I don't think it's fair for munchers to critisise TE or anyone else just because they haven't been to a munch yet. As someone else said, you don't have to jump off a cliff (to paraphrase) to know it wouldn't be much fun.
Surely, the regulars would like to encourage new members to the munches and the parties? Otherwise, it will become an ever decreasing clique who already know each other well.
Yes, newbies are here because they're into sex and swinging, but munches are sold as places they can 'meet the crowd' and get to know the people they may be swinging with face-to-face.
I feel this is more about what the regulars go there for than the newbies. Maybe there should be post-munch parties arranged (as there probably are) for them if they want to get down to it (and any newbies who are interested), but they accept that the munch itself is more of a 'getting to know you' event than anything else.
If I was a regular at a munch, I would spend a lot of the night chatting to newbies and have a laugh and answer any concerns. I would then go back to the hotel or whatever and watch Fabio and Uhuru do the wild thing.
Quote by little gem
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?
Can I be awkward blue?
I disagree with the no shagging in the loos rule as if two people want each other so badly and aren't staying over I would prefer them to disappear to the loos for a quicky to get it out of their system than to engage in public acts of sexual conduct. ie. bj's at the bar. Maybe a rule about no hogging the toilets for sexual acts, take it else where to places more appropriate, might be a better way of saying things.
I also disagree with the flashing rule as well. On a night out with my non-swinging friends we have been known to get the odd breast out, usually in drunken fun or in medical inspection purposes. I find this rule rather strong as I would have to get my breasts out, nobody would be doing it for me. Maybe it should be phrased like excessive flashing is against the rules, cos I'm not interested in seeing someone get them out every two minutes, once or twice in a night is acceptable, having ones bits out everytime you turn around is simply pervy.
I do agree with kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
I also agree the what is not acceptable is PUBLIC sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc..., not asking before kissing the person and no touching unless it is specifically OKed by the other person.
Sorry to be a pain, but thats just how I feel.
I understand your points, but it's blurring the edges again, chipping away at the rules.
I think Blue's post was spot on and should be adopted.
What if the loos are engaged? The corridor? It just blurs it. I guess people could go out to a car if they simply couldn't control themselves.
This is not about people being boring, it's about there being a time and a place.
Quote by foxylady 123
After thinking about it,I havent seen anything at a munch that would differ from a normal "vanilla" Saturday night out in our snog and grope,and even shag in the loo's in nightclubs,so why is it so to do these things at a munch?????
!
Ah, now i think yuou may have hit the nub of the problem. Yes there are certain places that one may go on and see this sort of behaviour, but they arnt the sort of places I or I suspect other non munch goers would go. That perhaps is why some people find this sort of behaviour normal and others dont!!
They happen in nightclubs by me, but not in ordinary pubs.
Quote by bluexxx
Would it mean that I wouldnt be able to even snog Steve
I don't think anyone is trying to stop that Clare........
I think the "average pub" theme works well.... think about what you would not do in a pub cos it would be just, well, errrrrrr, wrong... and apply that to a munch....
As I said on page 7:
I'm assusing that kissing is OK, so is hugging, so is sexy dancing and light CONSENSUAL stroking that is not overtly sexual - all of which you might see in an average pub.
What is not acceptable are things like nudity - tits, dick out etc. Sexual acts, hand jobs, BJs.... etc... sex in bogs - well, yeah it happens in pubs, but it shouldn't really... so that's a no too.
Are we agreed on that or not?
I think that is a good description of what I thought a munch was...
Kissing, light stroking, dancing, etc, but not actual sex acts.
Quote by bluexxx
We have mods and chatroom ops saying different things.
Probably why we need some general rules in writing. But as Shireen just said, I think now people realise there is a problem, all but the most ardent dickheads will stop and think. The ardent dickheads of course do not belong here.
One more thing, the mods are people too - we are allowed to express our INDIVIDUAL opinions, just as everyone else is!
But..... let's move on.......
I agree, Blue, and I certainly believe that if you stifle swinging with too many rules, it stops being fun.
I don't think that's what most of us are saying, just that the whole issue needs to be looked at.
I think Dawn_Mids encapsulated this whole issue in the first post....
She's an established member of the site (and a mod) who admits that she regularly plays at munches (although the site clearly states there is no playing), but says that newbies shouldn't think that it's a green light to grope her.
Someone else describes how a long-established member of the site barged into a couple so he could chat the female up.
We have mods and chatroom ops saying different things.
We don't need 20 guards patrolling a munch with machine guns, but we DO need the senior members of the site to sing from the same hymn sheet and to lead by example.
If play is going to happen, be honest about that and warn people so they know. It doesn't mean no newbies would go, but maybe not newbies who don't want to play till they know people.
If established members want to get straight down to it, they should leave early and go back to the hotel. Either that or the description of munches must be altered.
If the purpose of a munch is for established members to 'vet' newbies, they should spend time getting to know them. The fact that they don't appreciate being dived on does not mean that they don't swing.
I've been involved in swinging, in some form, for 20 years, but I've only recently joined SH. Therefore, although newbies are new to you, many know the protocols involved already.
I think you need to have a long, hard look at this. Maybe re-write the description or the rules. Maybe take on board that if you hold a position of authority on the site, or are a senior member, you should demonstrate the ability to control your behaviour off the site as well as on it.
It is not that those of us expressing concerns are not here for fun, of course we are, but swinging should be enjoyable for all the people involved.
She's an established member of the site (and a mod) who admits that she regularly plays at munches (although the site clearly states there is no playing), but says that newbies shouldn't think that it's a green light to grope her.
Someone else describes how a long-established member of the site barged into a couple so he could chat the female up.
We have mods and chatroom ops saying different things.
We don't need 20 guards patrolling a munch with machine guns, but we DO need the senior members of the site to sing from the same hymn sheet and to lead by example.
If play is going to happen, be honest about that and warn people so they know. It doesn't mean no newbies would go, but maybe not newbies who don't want to play till they know people.
If established members want to get straight down to it, they should leave early and go back to the hotel. Either that or the description of munches must be altered.
If the purpose of a munch is for established members to 'vet' newbies, they should spend time getting to know them. The fact that they don't appreciate being dived on does not mean that they don't swing.
I've been involved in swinging, in some form, for 20 years, but I've only recently joined SH. Therefore, although newbies are new to you, many know the protocols involved already.
I think you need to have a long, hard look at this. Maybe re-write the description or the rules. Maybe take on board that if you hold a position of authority on the site, or are a senior member, you should demonstrate the ability to control your behaviour off the site as well as on it.
It is not that those of us expressing concerns are not here for fun, of course we are, but swinging should be enjoyable for all the people involved.
Quote by rogerthedragon
Here are my thoughts - unpopular though I'm sure they are!
At the end of the day this is a swinging site - sex may not be the only reason people are on here but it is the central theme that the site revolves about, friendship is important, so is socialising and having a laugh but sex is why the site exists in the first place. Behavior at parties gets raunchy - it is always going to happen when you get a room full of liberated adults together, some of whom may have had a few too many driinks. If this is not your scene then a Munch, Party, Social whatever is never going to be your ideal situation - this isn't a vanilla site and it isn't full of vanilla people and no amount of pretending is going to change that!
But Roger, the point is that every munch is advertised and depicted as a vanilla environment. People should respect that .. the organisers go a long way to stipulating this and yet people still use the excuse that it's an adult website get together therefore anything goes.
Because a few people can't respect the organisers wishes you're saying that those who don't want this shouldn't attend a munch becasue it's not their ideal situation. That's disrespectful.
The organisers may wish everyone to sit down for a tea party - we all know that isn't what happens and no amount of pretending is going to change that. The behavior of a lot of the regular and respected members of this site is not vanilla at munches - I could start going through a list but I have no intention of doing so, from what I have seen a large portion of the people on here don't want to behave in a completely vanilla way when they go out to a SH party and calling it a munch doesn't change that. We seem to be trying to pretend that we all behave like saints until we are behind closed doors - I'm sorry but life isn't like that.
By the way I am not talking about non-consensual behavior here - I have as much condemnation for that as anyone else and if anyone cannot take no for an answer then they do not have a place within the swinging community.
Roger the Dragon
Then if that is an honest description of what munches are about, it should be made clear to everyone who attends, and the description on the site should be changed. Then, only people who aren't offended will attend.
I'm not a puritan, I wouldn't be here if I was. I just think we should have clarity so that people know what they're getting into. It wouldn't put me off going, or snogging people who approved, I just think 'rules of engegement' should be made clear and stuck to.
Well so far, this thread seems to span the entire spectrum of society...
It goes from people who don't swing, to people who swing but are shy, to people who are happy to play, but only when asked politely and only with people they know to people who love a snog and a grope and really don't mind!
We'll have to get the UN in to sort this one out.....
It goes from people who don't swing, to people who swing but are shy, to people who are happy to play, but only when asked politely and only with people they know to people who love a snog and a grope and really don't mind!
We'll have to get the UN in to sort this one out.....
Quote by neilinleeds
I understand your point about comparing it with an ordinary party, but as this is a 'party' involving people who've met through a swingers' site, I suppose that puts a different complexion on it.
no it doesn't! AT ALL!
you will find all the behaviours you'd find in any pub on a saturday night. the fact we belong to a swingers site simply doesn't come into it. just cos someone goes to a social meet arranged on the site, doesn't mean they are signing up for some kinda shagathon. if it's a shagathon you want, well there are other opportunities, maybe even on the same night, but not at the munch! that's why there is such a big deal about join dates and cut offs and security.
they are no different to a night out down a pub. swinging is neither here nor there as far as the SOCIAL side of the meet comes into it.
n x x x .
I think you misunderstand me, Neil.
The fact that these parties are arranged by swingers seems to give some people the impression that they have a right to do as they please.
You seem to think I'm defending them. I'm not. I'm sorry you can't see that.
I've heard so many swingers over the years repeat the mantra 'No means No', but the examples people quote on here show that isn't happening.
I'm simply saying that if everyone followed the 'rules', none of the ladies who've spoken on this thread would have had bad experiences.
Quote by neilinleeds
I was led to believe that munches were purely social gatherings, with no playing. Just sitting talking with a group of friends.
If established members, who have previously played together, don't want unwanted attention, surely they should stick to this rule like they expect the newbies to?
If some of you guys sit around snogging, groping, etc, you cannot critisise the newbies who attend for thinking it is allowed. That is just hypocrisy.
tool, yep you're absolutely right in that first sentence. that's what they are, and that's how they should remain.
but like any party, where a group of friends get together and get ridiculously pissed, you'll always find someone snogging in the corner, and someone will get dekecked for a laugh, and someone will start singing really REALLY badly! :lol2: you might even have to wait for the toilet while someone finishes shagging, but it's still just a party, same as you'd have if i invited 200 people to my house.
that's not to say just cos you see THAT couple snogging eachother silly, that suddenly everyone else should follow the example and start a free for all. i don't think leading by example should come into it, nor do i see it as hypocrisy that has anything to do with established member or newbie?
neil x x x ;)
I understand your point about comparing it with an ordinary party, but as this is a 'party' involving people who've met through a swingers' site, I suppose that puts a different complexion on it.
If I eventually go to a munch as a newbie, I would expect to sit and get to know people in person that I've talked to on here. Then, down the line, it would let uhuru and I know which of these people we wanted to pm and 'take it further'. I thought that was the procedure.
I would not go to a munch and expect people to let me snog them as of right.
If people snog and grope at the munch, I just feel that is blurring the edges of the 'rules'.
It makes me feel that sticking to the ads would be less hassle than a munch, which is sad, because it's a (mostly) great crowd here on the board.
I'm hoping that Fabio will come on here later and reassure me about munches because uhuru and I would really like to attend one when we can...
As someone who hasn't been to a Munch yet, I'm really confused.
I was led to believe that munches were purely social gatherings, with no playing. Just sitting talking with a group of friends.
If established members, who have previously played together, don't want unwanted attention, surely they should stick to this rule like they expect the newbies to?
If some of you guys sit around snogging, groping, etc, you cannot critisise the newbies who attend for thinking it is allowed. That is just hypocrisy.
The newbies aren't going to know who every person is, so they won't necessarily know that two people have known each other quite a while and have played before. People aren't mind readers.
I was led to believe that munches were purely social gatherings, with no playing. Just sitting talking with a group of friends.
If established members, who have previously played together, don't want unwanted attention, surely they should stick to this rule like they expect the newbies to?
If some of you guys sit around snogging, groping, etc, you cannot critisise the newbies who attend for thinking it is allowed. That is just hypocrisy.
The newbies aren't going to know who every person is, so they won't necessarily know that two people have known each other quite a while and have played before. People aren't mind readers.
Quote by equi-princess
Its not the accent....... its the person.............
and no, I do not have the 'carrot cruncher' accent.... thank you !
equi-princess xxx
p.s. Tool, where did you get that picture????????????????
Somebody emailed it to me at work. Prince Charles sitting on Camilla. Can't see it properly as an avatar.
Quote by SilverOne
Hi all
It it me or does anybody else find a Georgie accent sexy
Even if I cant see the person I imagine them to be gorgeous Does anyone have any other dialects they find makes them cum lol
As a Lancashire lad Eee Bye Gum just doesnt cut it lol
Kindest Regards
Scott
Nope. There's only one, truelyunattractive accent.... but I'm not telling.
I'm guessing that would be the Brummie one...it really doesn't sound very sexy, let's be honest.
MAJOR RULE
Anyone can try to help, but if you purposly give bad advice, mock, make fun of, or act like a dick to someone i will not only ban you from this forum, i’ll ban you from every forum. as i am a mod.
also, do not ask for stupid advise, only serious questions are allowed.
GOOD
"how do i ask a girl out?"
BAD
"i want to kill someone, how can i do that?"
Dont be an idiot, because i dont want to ban anyone if i dont have to.
Mods seem hot......
Anyone can try to help, but if you purposly give bad advice, mock, make fun of, or act like a dick to someone i will not only ban you from this forum, i’ll ban you from every forum. as i am a mod.
also, do not ask for stupid advise, only serious questions are allowed.
GOOD
"how do i ask a girl out?"
BAD
"i want to kill someone, how can i do that?"
Dont be an idiot, because i dont want to ban anyone if i dont have to.
Mods seem hot......
Quote by westerross
It might actually be better if we join in dribs and drabs...less suspicious to the mods.
am i just being nieve if we tell the mods we are coming.. not in a non threathening way, but just explain what we do on a sunday night where we all visit a website and see if we can develop good relations... as long as we remember not to spam....
sean xxxxxx
I'm sorry, I haven't read all of what is obviously a very popular thread. Can't think it would work if you herald the arrival - especially if you want to maintain civilised relations. Just think of the reaction on this site if someone else tried it (think of the poor mods as well). If you don't want to maintain good relations then it could be WAR and that might have unfortunate consequences here.
Killjoy me I know but that's me view.. Sorry if this is all a scam and I'm being a prat - as I say I haven't read it all.
No, tunessence, you're not being a prat.
I did say previously that sometimes these things can lead to dos attacks and things like that, so I think we have to be subtle.
