Have mercy! And my avatar isn't me btw for all those who think it is!I am far more sexy than that skinyy thing on the rock!
here here xxx
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mace173
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 50
0 miles · Greater Manchester
Forum
Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'
Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'
Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
Hired Help
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
An old man was sitting on a bench at the local shopping centre. A young man walked up and sat down next to him. He had spiked hair in different colours; green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared at him. The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and fucked
a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
The old man just stared at him. The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and fucked
a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
are we etched in stone or just scratched in the sand
waiting for the waves to come and reclaim the land - the stone roses - tightrope.
i left home just a week before and id never ever kissed a woman before
but lola smiled and took me by the hand and said little boy gonna make you a man - the kinks - lola
waiting for the waves to come and reclaim the land - the stone roses - tightrope.
i left home just a week before and id never ever kissed a woman before
but lola smiled and took me by the hand and said little boy gonna make you a man - the kinks - lola
i hope im still shagging 
very funny that lucy 
heres on for you.
Bob goes into a public toilet and sees another man standing at the next urinal he also notices the guy stood next to him has no arms.
As Bob is about to leave the man asks if he could help him take a leak.
Being a kind soul Bob agrees to help.
The man asks "can you undo my zip for me?"
Bob says, "ok."
Then the man asks "can you pull it out for me?"
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mould and red bumps and the stench is terrible.
Then the guy asks bob to put it back for him.
Bob shakes it for him and puts it back in the guys trousers.
"Thanks for that" said the man "i really appreciate it"
Bob says " no problem, but what the hell is wrong with it?
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirts and says " I dont know but i aint touching it.
heres on for you.
Bob goes into a public toilet and sees another man standing at the next urinal he also notices the guy stood next to him has no arms.
As Bob is about to leave the man asks if he could help him take a leak.
Being a kind soul Bob agrees to help.
The man asks "can you undo my zip for me?"
Bob says, "ok."
Then the man asks "can you pull it out for me?"
Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mould and red bumps and the stench is terrible.
Then the guy asks bob to put it back for him.
Bob shakes it for him and puts it back in the guys trousers.
"Thanks for that" said the man "i really appreciate it"
Bob says " no problem, but what the hell is wrong with it?
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirts and says " I dont know but i aint touching it.
