Cuddly (read overweight) middle aged divorced man with two teenage daughters seeks NSA (or SA, what the hell!) fun with women or couples before he buys a pipe and slippers and starts subscribing to railway magazines. Bearing in mind that all men are 18 at heart, then I must be mentally 18 too.

I have no communicable diseases (not likely to catch any on this site either, judging my the response so far), even shaved my willy, which is a pretty good effort I think, given that I can hardly see it past my massive belly (take a look in the mirror before you snigger), in fact, if anybody would like to help me with the bits I missed I'd be very grateful.

Would prefer a regular partner, size or looks not important, who's prepared to have a giggle while I try an manoeuvre myself/us in to all kinds of adventurous positions. I'm quite partial to oral sex (giving) and will quite happily spend ages down there, as long as it's clean and not minging. I do like having pussy rubbed on my face too. Hint - if I stop moving, I may have suffocated.

If you're a redhead, and I mean proper ginger, not out of a tin, you will instantly become my new best friend!

On the non-sexual size, I know words of more than one syllable and am very discrete. I have a car and am normally available at short notice too. Kids are usually so busy killing zombies on the Xbox they probably wouldn't notice I've gone anyway.

I CAN accommodate single women, as this will seem within the realms or "normal" to my children, any other visits will have to be last-minute and short notice.

Feel free to message me. I will always reply, even if it's to say "no thanks, you're not my type", although that's extremely unlikely.