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Great Chatroom put down lines

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Having used the Chatrooms for many years now, I've started collecting those great on-line put-downs that appear from time-to-time, that make me chuckle.
Here's a few to get you going....
When we need a Director, we’ll get Spielberg thx.
Last time the Mrs saw something that small, she was giving birth.
M8ty, u couldn’t afford the platform ticket, let alone the ride.
In the event that I need an idiot, I’ll phone 118 118
For the idiots who can’t read a profile:- ..-. ..- -.-. -.- / --- ..-. ..-.
If you wank on cam, then you’re probably a complete wanker in real life.
We’re insured against ‘loss’. However, in your case we won’t be making a claim.
VWE? you truly are an optimist!
The only ‘fun’ to be found in here is watching you lot!