Who let the dog(gers) out? Who? Who? Who? Who?
Thursday, April 17, 2003
By Slim (even the ice cream didn't help) Haines
English is an interesting language. For example.
Did you know that pink is not just pale red but it’s also a shade of yellow, a boat with a narrow stern, to stab or pierce, to decorate with holes, pre-combustion in an engine or to be small or half shut.
Also the term pudenda meaning the visible genitals of both sexes comes from the Latin word pudendus meaning ‘something of which one ought to be ashamed’!
And what has this got to do with fetish? Not a lot really except that I was browsing through the abcdeary (old English for dictionary - truly!) whilst seeing if a certain interest of mine appeared in it and pink was the word the book opened at. Not surprisingly what I was investigating didn’t exist but just have a look at how many words are formed by conjugation with the word dog. Quite astounding.
Anyway after flicking through the old tree-ware, just by way of something completely different, I thought I’d take you, dear reader on a brief excursion into the realms of other peoples lives. Well mine and a few other pervs at least. OK then, here we go.
Dogging! Right, hands up all of those people who know what dogging is? Well straight off I can assure you it isn’t crawling around on all fours and barking for your sexual partner in a fit of Bonio induced ecstasy, though as a description, it has promise!
One of the following is that to which I refer;
1. There’s moving chunks of metal about by slings and chains (Hmm sounds promising and there’s several books on it too!).
2. There’s bobbing up and down like a prairie dog, to look over your cubical wall when a bit of an inter-office ruck going on
3. There’s lurking in your car either watching or being watched as you (or others) practice some of the oldest exercises known to man.
Well spotted geezer (see last paragraph below on that subject); have a crackerjack pencil! It’s number three I’m referring to even though the other two are also called dogging.
I mean getting down to a bit of clandestine parked-car lurking, ferking and jerking. Now, at personal levels neither I nor the OFA (The Occasional Female Accomplice, not the RFA I must add) feel that winter’s really the most conducive time of year for an al fresco f**k. Even the interior of a (rapidly cooling) frost-clad car is far less than I find generally attractive even when it's equipped with a nubile young thing en dishabile. I’m old and she isn’t but it’s still too chilly round certain bodily bits even for her. But I can assure you that, until the new sex laws start to hit home even harder, even now it’s still quite a thriving indulgence in these parts squire! And with the approach of spring, the sap rising and all that…… OK not that there’s many suitable places in your actual Biggin Hill exactly but the Shirley Hills car parks are hardly a million miles away and those particular locations feature on several dogging web sites. (For your interest they’re the ones before the Chinese restaurant hidden in the trees off Coombe road.)
It occurred to me therefore that since it is a quite widely enjoyed enterprise from my experience, and wishing to disseminate my knowledge (dirty old bastard that I am), by donning my surfing hat and dipping my ice cream coated fingers into the melting pot of personal experience, I thought I’d see what I could dig up.
So why is it called dogging anyway? Simple enough! Some of the wandering dirty mackintosh brigade of lurkers who once gathered to watch the vehicular making of the two backed beast used to take their dog with them as an alibi for why they were skulking around steamy windowed cars in the pouring rain miles from the nearest habitation. Mind you, how they would have explained away the splatter of a certain fluid trickling down your pristine metal-flake paintjob would have made interesting listening.
Nowadays most just think ‘f**k it’ anyway and go ahead with overt lurking, furtling (another real word) and bodily self-abuse. Again watch for the ruined paintwork, semen really does bugger your cellulose finish.
And, as always, there’s a Latin term for it. This one’s called Amomaxia or sex in parked cars. (I wonder what sex in a moving car’s called other than f**king dangerous!)
The normal situation is those inside the tin box perform for those outside although that‘s obviously not the only version. The invite to watch can be by different means. Sometimes it’s something like three flashes on the interior light, a different coloured interior light, a cigarette lighter lit and held up inside or three presses on the brake pedal. (Don’t ask me how I know, ok, I just do!) So don’t decide to sit having a fag whilst tapping your foot on the brake pedal to the latest Britney number unless you are quite sure you’re not in a dogger’s area. This I know from personal experience. It was quite disconcerting to be parked up at lunch time and looking up from my egg mayonnaise chiabatta to find a couple of tatty weirdos (rich coming from me I know but…) trying to look inconspicuous whilst they furtively yet nonchalantly circled my car attempting to see if there was someone giving me head just below their field of view. As it happened, there wasn’t but of course if they’d just waited a while longer………….
The normal fetish/swinging rules tend to apply. No involvement unless invited. Touching may be offered but, as normal, don’t push it. Noise is also not normally appreciated. You may (if photographic lurking is your wont) even be allowed to take pictures but check first unless you want to risk an anally inserted Pentax.
Anyway after ruining my eyesight rumbling round the net I came up with the following sites and groups for those of you who may be interested.
then there’s the groups.
I suppose you could extend the older act of candaulism into the modern idiom as part of dogging. Candaulism is where a group of three people consist of two having sex and one watching. It is normally used to refer to the wife-watcher cuckold lurking in the wardrobe scenario but I guess, at a stretch dogging fits the bill. Likewise I’ll accept that glory holes aren’t really dogging but I don’t think it’s pulling the point too far to suggest that watching a couple at it in a public loo ain’t too far removed from watching them at it in a car (and that your honour is the case for the defence).
In light of the last line, I guess I’d better also point out that these wonderful new laws which are threatening havoc to all of us good natured pervs in general have already hit the dogging scene. Sex in public is now (or soon will be) a complete hanging, drawing and quartering with transporting to the colonies crime. No longer is one likely to get the chance to hitch up the strides, drop the skirt, hit the throttle and go. It’s more likely than ever to be a case of “Hallo, hallo, hallo, you’re nicked my old chummiesâ€. But trust me, they’ll still watch first, just to make sure. I know a true story about that and a certain personality but the libel laws are exceedingly powerful in this country so I think I should stop right there.
But as a parting shot and reverting to the joys of the English language, don’t be to quick to be chuffed when someone calls you a diamond geezer. Not that long ago a geezer was another name for a masquerader, an old woman or a female impersonator. You have been told!
Author: Guest Author - Slim Haines
