lads, i take my hat off to ya..night after night, spanking and shafting for england..you can see why dogging never really took off abroad, its not only the stiff upper lips we brits enjoy, i mean, can you really imagine the frogs jacking one up in a carpark surrounded by a dozen of his countrymen? sadly guys, being of dutch descent, i cannot boast your erectile prowess..my monkey spanking days were brought to a hasty conclusion back in the 70's..where an incident of such humiliating proportions left me psychologicaly scarred for life. i did once relate the tale in great detail, but it enjoyed an airtime of 20 seconds before being pulled from the forum by a moderator who sought to protect what little dignity i have left..in short, the event happened in holland, involved a elevator and a glass panelled door to the penthouse suite..draw your own conclusions? so, it is with envy i read such threads as "wanking club in birmingham".i can think of no better night, than one spent with the lads, a few beers, porno dvd and a mass formation monkey spank to conclude the evening, ah, fantastic..but alas, i can only dream.. then there was the show at our local..there i was, unacompanied by mrs d, and its game , i was new to the game myself, and although we'd seen the guys banging one off outside our motor, it hadn't occured that one day, i might find myself in the position where the same was expected of me..fuck that..there i was, feasting upon the performance, thinking "when i get home, that twat won't know whats hit her", when down comes the window, and the cute young thing within says "are you going to show for me then boys"?..oh bloody hell..well fair is fair, i had a right bloody semi-on too, but as soon as i lobbed, the fucker just died on those feelings of humiliation and guilt conspired to make me look like a cxxt once more.. now don't get me wrong lads, in 18 years of marriage, i've not failed to rise yet..in fact i'm hardly ever down, its one of the reasons i never wear jogging pants. oh, there was one time..we went to a peterborough site, just for a change of scenery..there were about six lads watching, so we decide to take the show outside of the vehicle..all was going well, until we decided to treat the boys to a doggy style arse boning over the bullbar..at which point it all went pear shaped, well it was worse than that, it was like trying to push a marshmallow through a buttonhole..then mrs d got a fit of the giggles and it was over..like every sensory nerve from me nut to me nuts had been severed.. now, i did once thread the subject of the antidote to paralasis of the chopper, but once again, for reasons that were made clear, the mods pulled my pecker, thread. the explanation was thus..the tablet that i had described, was but a derivitive of the origional, prescription form..the one i refered to, had a question as to its legality, and therefor it was felt prudent to withdraw the thread..fair enough. the point is, loads of you boys are out there, banging and slapping without any apparent stagefright..it is also clear, that such forms of assistance as i previously described are offered for sale with great regularity..having never resorted to such a prob, my knowledge is scant, but i am reliably informed that there isn't an instant effect, which is a bit of a joker really..so my question is this..and its for guys, and couples..a right fucking boner is something to be proud of, and for the ladies, a joy to behold..but the ole organ can be a let down when it counts the most..and playing on demand without a great deal of pre copulation stimulation, and with an admiring hoarde..so what is the state of sausage stiffness in the carparks today, and how many are relying on tablet starch?
Oh I do love your posts Mr and Mrs D, you bring a ray of sunshine into the drudge of continuous 'anyone out anywhere' threads! I cant personally comment on the failings of a 'should be' hard on because it's easier for us lasses. You've given me food for thought though and something to bear in mind next time we are out! Kisses, Silky xxxxxxx
Quote by dirtydoggers lads, i take my hat off to ya..night after night, spanking and shafting for england..you can see why dogging never really took off abroad, its not only the stiff upper lips we brits enjoy, i mean, can you really imagine the frogs jacking one up in a carpark surrounded by a dozen of his countrymen?
Er, well if Catherine Millet is to be believed, yes I can. The outdoor gangbang exploits she details in "The Sexual Life of Catherine M" are truly staggering, and I'm sure put any brit doggers in the shade ;-) I wonder if there's a French word for 'dogging'? Mr Licks
Oh DD, i saw the title and thought it was going to be an interesting story about trees, you that does it for me. But again you neglect it. Anyway, Hiya DD, Silk, wheres dipty, she on leave again???? So how do i manage to hold back stage fright? well i think i manage it placing myself in the zone and not worrying about the other fellows and their spanking. But interesting thred tho..... like silk im thinking now...... BB :twisted:
I have to admit that one night, after the police had been round, even old Harry the Rock was struggling, but as a special couple were awaiting me, I pumped away in my car until I got enough of one to do something. Normally even on a cold night, the merest thought of performing for a woman gets me going. Thats my bit. Regards Harry Jones
hey, harry.i was wondering how long it would be before "the rock" reared its head. we've seen your pumping action before mate, no doubt perfected through many hours of inflating those last time we saw harry whacking off, was quite an experience..in order to amuse an impressed mrs dirty with his muzzle loading recoil climax, he went into what he termed a "speedwhack"..i'd never heard of such things, but minutes after he started, he had a hushed, awe struck gathering.. the action was creating so much up draught, his cap was floating six inches above his head on a cushion of air..4 minutes into the whack, his glasses has steamed over, his eyes were mere slits and his top lip had clenched to the extent that his top teeth had become prominent...he looked like a fucking japanese sniper.. harry, i wouldn't concearn yourself with the occassional failure son..like the new airbus, a beast like that takes longer to get up..but when it is, what an impressive sight
Hey Silk and Big G If you want a demonstration of what a speedwhack really is just invite me over sometime . It might be that I am still too hungover from a beer festival last night, but I don't get the scouser on a moped. Can some kind person please explain. Better get ready and go off to Wishys bash in Bedfordshire. Regards Harry Jones
hmmm, interesting..might well have to check that scene out..maybe we can go mob handed, turn it into a tournament, like "its a cockout"..with all our doggers wearing union jack shorts whilst spanking off over the frenchies ..if we didn't enjoy their show, we could blockade the carpark :lol:
Quote by dirtydoggers hmmm, interesting..might well have to check that scene out..maybe we can go mob handed, turn it into a tournament, like "its a cockout"..with all our doggers wearing union jack shorts whilst spanking off over the frenchies ..if we didn't enjoy their show, we could blockade the carpark :lol:
I feel a Swinging Heaven Charabang coming on! Right Mr D, you book the coach, I'll take the names and Silk and Big G can do the route planning! Serandipity is good at finding stuff on e-bay, so she can organise the Union Jack undies for the gals and guys and Harry can make the name badges so we all know who each other is! Can we call off for some ciggies in Belgium on the way home please? :lol:
Well we'd love to come , but navigators we aint . Weve been all over the place , and enjoyed everywhere but the only reason we end up in so many carparks is cos we get lost and have to check the map
I feel a Swinging Heaven Charabang coming on! Right Mr D, you book the coach, I'll take the names and Silk and Big G can do the route planning! Serandipity is good at finding stuff on e-bay, so she can organise the Union Jack undies for the gals and guys and Harry can make the name badges so we all know who each other is!
Serendipity thats a small waist size with a large ouch area for me please. I'll start practising my bestest handwriting now for the name badges. Regards Harry Jones
well, thats sorted then..the 2005 world monkey spanking finals are to be held in munich on september 25 th..before then, we have the county heats, followed by a "head to head" elimination spank to decide who represents their nation in what can only be seen as an international slap extravaganser. each weasle whipper will be wearing his nations flag on his underpants, with the exeption of the italians, whose flag of a white cross on a white background may cause confusion, so pink polka dot will be substituted. there will be seperate heats for the finger/thumb technique, hand over, hand under and , this will be a male only event, so sadly there will be no strumming..there will be points for distance and accuracy which will be measured by an independant adjudicator, velocity for each ejaculate will be displayed on monitors above the stadium. the competition will be run in the same format as the county heats..the cambridgeshire heat was concluded on saturday, and i'm delighted to announce that "harrrreeee the rock jones" will be going forward to the national ejaculation eliminators in skegness in july. it was a close run thing between "h" and "willy the kid" but our harry won the night with a monumentous speedwhack that left the audience feeling that they had witnessed a magnificent demonstration of pork swordsmanship, the hushed admiration left us in no doubt that we were bieng treated to the specticle of a master cocksman at work. at one point, harry's hand was moving so fast it appeared to be standing motionless, when it actually appeared to be moving backwards, the crowd rose to their feet and spontaniously applauded..it was a very emotional experience. moments before harrys finale, in a comical display of showmanship, he lifted our spirits by pointing the "rock" towards the audience and docking his cap in his trademark wanker's salute..but nothing could detract from the moment..now it must be explained, that for reasons of safety, approximately 15 seconds before firing, the contestant must announce audibly, and for the benefit of the line judge the word "cocked"..after this announcement, the contestant will only be allowed to aim his weapon towards the target area, failing to do so, will result in disqualification. it is juring this time, you will notice the top ranking spankers getting into their respective stances..harry, due to a large appendage, favours a backward leaning counterbalance, which, when viewed in sillhouette, is evocative of the isle of man flag.. the unleash was one of harry's best to date..it might also be worth pointing out, that the laws of phsyics clearly establish, that for every reaction, there is an equal and opposite reaction..there are several options available to the contestants, but the safety net has become the favoured mechanism for the majority..however, due to harry's use of a bicycle, such equipment is impractical, so he has adopted the rear retro methane stability thruster, which, isn't without its inherant dangers..it involves passing wind at the moment of climax, the expulsion being equal, and on the same axis as the penile propulsion..more than two degrees off centreline and the exponent will be spun around like a top..this is where harry played his ace..at the moment of climax, harry shouted "light" at this command, a torchbearer ignited his fart..in the moonless gloom, the spectacle was incredible..it looked like an f-16 on full reheat,,due to harrys downward pointing arse posture, he momentarily achieved liftoff..the sound was awesome, and not unlike a spaceshuttle departure...the blast was eqtinguished by placing his aspestos lined cap over his rectum, the dwindling flames revealing a now spent rock pumping like a gattling gun empty of ammunition..then there was the wait, followed by an explosion of cheers as the linesman raised his flag, it was green..it was a clean shoot..the distance 37 meters, an international record..we can't lose lads..spankings answer to eddie the eagle..we're on our way to munich, and i vouch harry will be our man..
Another brilliant post from Mr D. Oooh I have never been to Skegness nor Munich for that fact If only the womenfolk at the party I was at on Saturday had read this first, I might have been in with a chance instead of dancing on my own for 90% of the night. No dogging this weekend as my parents are over However I am going to the theatre at Peterborough the following Friday ( I think) so may get a chance to have a look round there. Regards Harry Jones
Whilst looking forward to the event , and packing our 3D glasses in order to fully appreciate the wonders of the " rock " in action , we cant help but be a shade dissapointed by the UK champions attitude to his sport . We are sure by his glowing reputation and recommendations from many senior members of the Olympic Whaking comittee , that hes a decent fella . However we cant help thinking what would the result would have been had say Matthew Pincent missed the first heat due to his parents visiting , or had Denise Lewis been unable to make the final due to a darts match . We realise the lad takes his training regime seriously , but surely turning up is a prerequisite to gaining our proud nation a medal . Silky has said she would be happy to volunteer to sew his union Jack on the front of the athletic keks he plans to wear , but that was before I pointed out she has amazing tits and consequently has never had to learn how to sew - but we settled on perhaps a gusset/wonder-web arrangement . I of course wish to support our national star as well in anyway I can , for the pride of country and glory of the nation - being terminally and gratefully hetrosexual we decided quite quickly that mine could only be a tertiary role and after rejecting the possibilities of brow mopper (too close for comfort) and boot boy ( we assume he keeps them on) we settled on my role in the international squad as perhaps holding the coats ( always assuming the manager is agreeable) . I hope that as champion he is going to take our support of his bid in as serious a vein as we have posted it , and that his finalist whacks will ring out straight and true across this green and pleasant land - leaving a corner of a foreign carpark that shall be forever England . Lastly as a maiden event we would like some clarification of the rules and regulations pertaining to the whacks . It appears individual strokes will not be seen in different heats so we have to assume that all contestants will be " free-style" that being the case will there be any 'compulsory' moves in the whack ? For example a whack with lift or a single/double salcho wank , or perhaps a full toss googly soapy titswank katchov manoevre ( thats the one where both hands release the bar and he lands with his back straight on both feet ) . Also will all the contestants have the same 'motivational material' IE will they all whakc simultaneously whilst watching all the available women , or will they draw straws for an individual woman to whack over ( which isnt quite as fair for the contestants , but would surely make the marking process easier ). Anyway its all details if the main man Chairman DD is correct , as our boy will wipe the floor with them , we certainly look forward to the presentation and pinning the rosettes on , as well as the mandatory lap of honour wearing just a flag . It sounds like the most fun since my cousin Sam the speed freak got up to buy a drink at Stringfellows and won the disco dancing contest . Peace
And just incase some of the newer members wondered what it used to be like in the forums, well here is a little taster of the types of post we often find,
Swinging Heaven features sexually explicit material. To access this site you must be of the legal age to engage with the material of an adult site.
By entering Swinging Heaven you agree to the following;
I am deemed an adult where I live, and I am at least 18 years old
I am allowed to access & view sexually explicit material
0 likes
: :happy:
we've seen your pumping action before mate, no doubt perfected through many hours of inflating those last time we saw harry whacking off, was quite an experience..in order to amuse an impressed mrs dirty with his muzzle loading recoil climax, he went into what he termed a "speedwhack"..i'd never heard of such things, but minutes after he started, he had a hushed, awe struck gathering..
. It might be that I am still too hungover from a beer festival last night, but I don't get the scouser on a moped. Can some kind person please explain. 
off all of us, cause your making the butties 
