I was wondering if the wonderful world of SH could help with a dilemma...I need jokes, corny, rude, cheesy, naff, pun-tastic...any jokes you can think of. I need them for a newsletter I am doing. They can be Christmas related too but not essential. I know I could turn to the internet but I think it's better to ask others (already have a few) and I need a variety. Sooooo....help please
ME: Please Santa, for Christmas I'd like a dragon. Santa: "Be realistic" Me: Santa I'd like a really beautiful and faithful young girlfriend. Santa: "What colour dragon would you like?"
What's green and let's you go where you want? Permit the frog. I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing. Two ninjas walk into a bar. Or do they A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn, you sick bastard." My wife threatened to leave me over my flamingo impressions. I had to put my foot down. Bet on 3 horses yesterday called Sunshine, Moonlight and Good Times and none of them won. I blame it on the bookie. Went to a pet shop for some breeding birds The cashier said, "Have you got a store card?" I said, "No but I did get a budgie excited once."
Quote by dee_licious omg zilt where did you find those
Ah, That'd be telling. Anyhoo... A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded. Must have bin one of them Jihady Long Legs. This girl came up to me yesterday and said she'd recognised me from vegetarian club. I was confused, I'd never met herbivore. My mate had a racing snail. He thought it would go faster if he took its shell off, but it only made it more sluggish. Woman in Asda notices a young assistant. He has such a cute arse it makes her horny! She asks him to carry her shopping to her car. On the way she cant hold back anymore and says " I've got an itchy pussy " Assistant says " you'll have to point it out love, all these Japanese cars look the same to me ! My mate, Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic, when holidaying in France. I was walking past the church on Sunday morning when the vicar turned to me and said, "Love your neighbour." I said, "Me too - she's got a cracking pair of tits!" What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay £100 to have a lentil on my face. I'll stop now.
Quote by meat2pleaseu Any particular subject? I have a joke book with about 10,000 rather dodgy jokes split into subjects to make it easier to pop a gag in any situation
Oi you, you're no bloody use now doing a bunk When you decide to come back (if before Chrimbo) then I would appreciate anything you have Mr Meaty :lickface: