Need advice

18 Aug 2015

It has been a while since I have posted here... a kiss to my old friends here and a cheery hello to those friends not yet met.
In my experience there is no better place to get honest, well thought out, help and here is why I need advice...
Been seeing a man who, at 46 is nearly 9 years younger than me, for over a year now. Our relationship has been turbulent, such that we split up for about two months but hooked up again at the end of July. We are getting on very well, he stays over most nights and we are getting quite domestic.
However, I discovered a couple of evenings ago that, while we were 'taking a break' he had sex with a beautiful, nay drop dead gorgeous, 20 yr old... She went up to his place at least a couple of times and had hot and rampant sex. He has known her since she was 18 and has trained kickboxing with her.
Not for one minute am I saying what he did was wrong... we were not seeing each other and what man wouldn't take the opportunity to have those heavenly moments... they didn't continue seeing each other because of the age gap but, it is clear that he was smitten. He doesn't know I know about it and doesn't matter how I got to know... but I am sure of the facts.
My issue is my own sanity... I am not unattractive but I am over 2.5 times her age with wrinkles, flab, stretch marks, etc. Even at 20 I couldn't compare to her, she is stunning... so now I absolutely know I am second best how do I deal with this?
I don't want our relationship to end, we tell each other we love the other, we do have a laugh... and he is giving me absolutely no cause to think he is communicating with her. But he so has to be remembering the experience, with a fab wank bank of memories... We have always been good communicators regarding sex... like if I am away at a friends for the evening/night he will let me me know that he had a wank... it never bothered me about his thoughts/fantasies but now it does... because of the direct comparison he surely has to draw.
I suppose time will heal...
Wobbly x

18 Aug 2015

Work on your self-esteem is the only advice I can offer.

19 Aug 2015

I'm not sure I can advise you, except to point out the obvious, that there will always be, and moreso in my case, younger and better looking people around.
So ditto what Toots said, and once your cofidence is high you'll be in a better place. Perhaps you'll be able to talk about the particular young lady, even meet her, with your fella. It sounds like you feel you are in competition with her at the moment, and that's probably not the case.
I've had experience of being a "cheat", (long time ago and not proud of it) and that's not what we're talking about here, so unless revealing how you found out it is likely to cause a problem, then maybe you should talk about his fling.
I've also had experience of being involved with much younger lovers, and although they are lovely to look upon, and for many guys the ego boost is important, they rarely replace a loving relationship. Nevertheless, don't think you're being told that you shouldn't worry, and it's just a fling, because the age gap won't mean it can't be serious. My third wife is 24 years younger than myself.
Beautiful people are just people, with the same desires and vulnerabilities as the rest of us.
If your guy was her instructor, or mentor, in her chosen sport, then it's highly likely that she is the one in awe. It's a common scenario for the pupil, or junior, to be overly impressed by the older person with the additional and admired skillset. When I rode horses for a living it was often the case that some of the young girls would be admirers, simply because I was at a standard which they aspired to and admired. It's almost the same as a schoolgirl having a crush on the teacher, in that it has no real foundation beyond admiration. Of course, as they become consenting adults, it's easy for it to have moved a bit further.
I wish you well.

27 Aug 2015

Thank you both for your replies, appreciate the time you took to reply.
A few days on and I am much more at peace with this knowledge and I am going to let 'sleeping dogs lie' :-)
Wobbly

28 Aug 2015

Quote by WibblyWobbly
Thank you both for your replies, appreciate the time you took to reply.
A few days on and I am much more at peace with this knowledge and I am going to let 'sleeping dogs lie' :-)
Wobbly

wise move chick ;) overthinking things is never good for yourself, he sleeps in your bed most nights and thats what counts xxxxxx