The total lack of respect shown here to women and men who have suffered abuse makes me quite sad when it seems the best some of you can do is point score on what promised to be an interesting and informative thread. Adult site? Well you'd think so.
Shame on you.
When I was working as a doorman many years ago, a lady punched me in the eye because I would not let her take a drink outside(club had no off licence), she punched me in the eye very hard!
I went to punch her back, but the other doormen stopped me.
That is a very worrying statistic. At a typical social/munch you get maybe 50-100 people? In that room, 10 to 20 people would consider it fine to see your partner welt you across the face in the car-park and would do nothing about it?
Jeez, no wonder, people just walk by a mugging. The whole idea makes me fume.
I would say it's no better to hit a man than a woman, but there is a size/strength difference. And you can be very sure that a man who feels the need to overpower his partner wouldn't pick one he felt might be strong. Bullies find your weakness, even choose you for it, then work on it. Mental abuse is as damaging as physical, and it can kill you.
A register may help. But a nice big, deep tattoo across the forehead would be more use when you meet someone in the pub and get chatting.
Ummm I don't think that a behaviour is inherent. I believe that violence is a learned behaviour and is as able to be unlearned just as it was learned.
When I was extremely young (I was possibly 3 or 4 years old - and yes, I remember so don't tell me I don't), my older sister (by 3 years) would take to prodding, poking, jabbing and eventually hitting me. Each time I reported, it was laughed off as "young pups play-fighting", except I always knew it took two pups to play fight, not one to hit and the other to receive.
Eventually several months later (the rugrat I was then) I was running round the house with no shirt on, and my sister (the darling young princess she was) was worried I'd embarass her infront of her "friends" (alas, the barbie doll generation), so she resorted to peeling the spine off a dry palm tree and whipping me with it. Considering the toughness of the material, and my age (I was only 5) it left cuts on my back which were bleeding (thankfully there's no scarring).
No matter how many times I begged and pleaded, she would not stop, even after I had stopped running round the house and sat quietly - she had gotten the taste and would not desist. Now she was never the best at "interacting and getting on with people" but this was ridiculous - that was when I saw red mist.
All I recall is turning towards her whilst I felt my little hand close. The result was a seemingly planted blow from a 5 yr old to the tummy of his older sister. My parents were called and my sister taken to hospital, where she spent 3 days supervision. I was scared, really scared I had done her serious damage, even then I understood I had a temper and must never let it get the best of me.
I've never gotten into a situation that resulted in blows since thankfully - I somehow manage to walkaway. However that day my father made sure he instilled his own idea of punishment, just to make sure I remember the consequences of my actions.
His points however I disagree with:
1) You're the man, you should no better (at 5 ffs?)
2) Never disrespect your elders (even when they resort to unwarranted violence, cause they can?)
3) If there's a disagreement between you both, report it (sure - and get laughed off again, like you always do, and then cuddle her and call her daddy's special girl?)
Unlike conventional couples, this was a "relationship" that I had no choice to walk away from, was not taken seriously (by my own parents) when reported, yet made the scape goat if I reacted, even verbally as it was deemed "disrespect", so for years I took it.
Over 25 years later, and she's still a spoilt brat (I've recently had to write cancel a mobile phone line and write off the bills as she's refused to pay a penny for the last 5 years she's had the phone as her parting words were "Leave me alone and go bother someone else". PS: She works, has a 3 bedroom house, 2 cars and has a bigger salary than I do - so money is not her problem.)
For me its not as simple as "Men shouldn't hit women", in my opinion, NO ONE should hit another (ideal world) however saying that, I do feel any woman that raises her hand to hit ANY man in the hope she can yell "You can't hit me - I'm a woman" risks losing her right to that claim. Moral: Don't start what you can't finish. As some would say, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
However, to re-pose the original questions:
1) As the male, was I wrong to hit her?
2) As a 5 year old, was I wrong to hit her?
3) Considering she hit first (and kept on hitting) was I wrong to hit her?
4) Considering, years later, her behaviour has not changed... was I still wrong, all those years ago, to hit her?
I still can't answer these.
I think its wrong for people to hit each other.
I think its wrong for people to judge each other.
I think people involved in violent and abusive relationships need an awful lot of help that simply isn't available.
I think its wrong for people to hit each other.
I think its wrong for people to judge each other.
I think people involved in violent and abusive relationships need an awful lot of help that simply isn't available.quote]
I agree up to a point.
There is help available, but in so many cases, the person who is being abused does not seek the help, that is there.
For it is there, but to get that help they have to do something to either stop the abuse or get out of that situation.
The statistics of domestic violence is awful, and people stay with their abusive partners for many reasons, and I would never judge anyone for staying in that situation. But it must be a horrific situation to find oneself in.
I do not know if some kind of register would work, but I feel it is worth trying. For if it helps the abused person, and goes against the abuser, than for me that would be a good thing.
PMSL who was these 1 in 5 people? did they only ask men lol
From the Times online today:
Perhaps most depressing of all, a survey of 1,300 schoolchildren found that one in three boys thought violence against women was acceptable.
What message are our children receiving?
: 
