Right to slap women?

16 Mar 2009

Quote by fluff_n_stuff
From the Times online today:
Perhaps most depressing of all, a survey of 1,300 schoolchildren found that one in three boys thought violence against women was acceptable.
What message are our children receiving?

Interesting thing about statistics, they can be interpreted to mean anything.
1 in 3 boys thought violence against women is acceptable
2 in 3 boys thought violence against women is deplorable
On the other hand, very few people accept that violence (by women) against men equally deplorable - usually followed by chants of "self defence", or "it was his fault" or a the classic "he had it coming".
So good excuses, they even made a TV advert with subtle undertones of (four) women having a good night out, taking an ice pick to the apendage of a (male, ofcourse) statue to refresh their drinks.
I wonder if it was 4 lads in suits taking the ice pick to lop off the breast of a female statue, how many calls for "violence against women" would be ignored.
My opinion - all forms of violence are abhored, yes. But in that knowledge, why would any woman hit any man in the hope of hiding behind "You can't hit me, I'm a woman!". Gamble wisely I say.

16 Mar 2009

Quote by Ahabs
From the Times online today:
Perhaps most depressing of all, a survey of 1,300 schoolchildren found that one in three boys thought violence against women was acceptable.
What message are our children receiving?

Interesting thing about statistics, they can be interpreted to mean anything.
1 in 3 boys thought violence against women is acceptable
2 in 3 boys thought violence against women is deplorable
On the other hand, very few people accept that violence (by women) against men equally deplorable - usually followed by chants of "self defence", or "it was his fault" or a the classic "he had it coming".
This person does. :thumbup:
So good excuses, they even made a TV advert with subtle undertones of (four) women having a good night out, taking an ice pick to the apendage of a (male, ofcourse) statue to refresh their drinks.
I wonder if it was 4 lads in suits taking the ice pick to lop off the breast of a female statue, how many calls for "violence against women" would be ignored.
My opinion - all forms of violence are abhored, yes. But in that knowledge, why would any woman hit any man in the hope of hiding behind "You can't hit me, I'm a woman!". Gamble wisely I say.
In the hugely unlikely event that I lamped a bloke- I'd expect to be lamped back. Losing your rag with someone & then pretending that you're too weak & feeble to take the consequences is pathetic.

16 Mar 2009

violence can assume many disguises.
my mother's second important relation (read the father of 2 of her children) only struck her once, apparently by mistake. he is not a violent man.
even so, she stayed with him for 10 years. why? he made her feel guilty, weak and needing. she had 2 little children to take care off, and her income depended on him. her closest relative (if you take my father her previous partner out of the equation) live 800miles away, and she would be alone.
so she remained in a psycologically abusive relationship. one that has scarred 3 of my brothers and sisters and herself forever.
one day 15 years ago she upped and left with her children, choosing to live a life of hardship rather than subjecting the children to the situation any longer.
to this day, she's working odd jobs, he's sitting on a pile of cash, and every year she receives a new injunction by the court, when he accuses her of the most ludicrous of things over and over again, just so he can keep her down and financially unstable..to make her pay for leaving him.
legally, there is no way to stop him from doing so.
I'm not a violent man and what violence I had in me, the martial arts training I received during my school years took out of me...
but sometimes I wish I were.

16 Mar 2009

Quote by Melting_pot
violence can assume many disguises.
my mother's second important relation (read the father of 2 of her children) only struck her once, apparently by mistake. he is not a violent man.
even so, she stayed with him for 10 years. why? he made her feel guilty, weak and needing. she had 2 little children to take care off, and her income depended on him. her closest relative (if you take my father her previous partner out of the equation) live 800miles away, and she would be alone.
so she remained in a psycologically abusive relationship. one that has scarred 3 of my brothers and sisters and herself forever.
one day 15 years ago she upped and left with her children, choosing to live a life of hardship rather than subjecting the children to the situation any longer.
to this day, she's working odd jobs, he's sitting on a pile of cash, and every year she receives a new injunction by the court, when he accuses her of the most ludicrous of things over and over again, just so he can keep her down and financially unstable..to make her pay for leaving him.
legally, there is no way to stop him from doing so.
I'm not a violent man and what violence I had in me, the martial arts training I received during my school years took out of me...
but sometimes I wish I were.

Truly people can sometimes be thoroughly unkind to each other and it makes me sad and frustrated to hear about it. Especially when there appears to be no legal recourse. I admire your strength of spirit to resist taking physical action against the man :therethere:

16 Mar 2009

I reckon living a thousand miles away has something to do with it.. lol

that and the fact he's a pathetic fuck of 70, but still the father of a brother and sister of mine
If I had the money I'd give him a dose of his own medicine and take him for every penny he's worth..but it's a lost cause...
sadly not even him dying will make much of a difference, as his other daughter will start feuding over the inheritance before he's in the ground..
anyway, to get back on topic, I must agree with what most of you have said, but feel we should not forget that every case is a different one.
there are just too many factors involved in violence inside a couple, to stand here trying to find a general rule by which to "judge"..if judge we must.
I'm quite miffed about the fact that we all seem to be appalled by the statistics but most of us seem to have some history of the same kind in our immediate surroundings.
the world is a harsh place.
edit: if I may trow some more salt into the debate..
since some of us, I'm sure, indulge in BDSM practices where a certain ammount of violence and "psycological domination" comes into play..
where are the limits, and how do these tie in this debate? how do you distinguish "healty sexy fun" from domestics, when the line can be this blurred?

16 Mar 2009

oh dear...I did it again!

16 Mar 2009

I think in some perverse way people have the ability to take on these things in life. Its extreme when you hear about wife beatings etc.
But take a look at what happens in many normal jobs. We hear about sexual harassment, bullying, back stabbing, snitching and a host of other unpleasant things. The point is that many employees, stand by and do nothing to help each other.
In a lot of incidents, employees actively participate in victimisation. Probably through fear of it being done to them.
And the law does not necessarily stand in to put things right either. Quite often it draws an obscuring veil around the incidents making further acts of violence easier to do.

17 Mar 2009

Quote by janemcc
I just don't get it.
A man would raise his hands to me once and only once. It would be the last thing they did. There are no second chances, there are no excuses.
I don't understand women who stay. Whilst I appreciate there are perhaps financial/security issues given as reasons to stay I don't get it. Why would you stay with a man who beats you? Same goes for men who stay with abusive women.
Love would certainly have to be blind but I suspect stupid to be more accurate. I'm sure someone will be along to berate me for my opinion but seriously... pull yourself together, have some respect for yourself and leave. There are options and they're far better than staying for a beating. Zero tolerance should be right across the board, inlcuding the women who put up with it.
Black and white possibly but in my world it really is that simple.

Its one of those situations where you really cant judge until you've been there.
Yes I would go with what you are saying as a woman can say what they would do in a situation but if it happens to them they may react in a totaly different way. I know it happend to me in my past.

17 Mar 2009

so many times the police get called to domestic incidents arrest the male cart him off to the police station to be met at the front desk by female saying she does not want to press charges and she forgives him so now most police forces dont do domestics wonder why?the other side to the coin there are a large number of men out there who are regularly subjected to vilence from there female partners and very rarly admit it well would you? but believe me it happens

18 Mar 2009

I have a sister that was once in a relationship like this, she is a lot older that I am and I witnessed the way she was treated and vowed to myself no man would ever treat me that way.
Looking back he had insecurities that I think she felt she could help him overcome, but it lead to him destroying her self esteem and belief in herself, she would always defend him when she was questioned about the way he treated her like it was her fault that he threw things at her when the windows got steamed up from cooking dinner as she forgot to open them.
She has been out of the relationship for a few years now and is happy with another partner.
We as a family did not give up on him and he has since realised the error of his ways and regrets what he put her through, but it is all a bit late but they remain friends due to the children they share together.
He is now a more content person but it has taken 35 years of us knowing him for him to reach this stage in his life, so sad really so many wasted years of unhappiness.

18 Mar 2009

it goes to show though..the fact you haven't given up on him and he is now "back on your good side" so to speak, does mean that on the whole he is not a bad person, which I assume to be true in quite a number of these cases...and which makes it all the more difficult to judge, let go or, in some cases, even believe

20 Mar 2009

my sister was beaten and beaten by her boyfriend.
She regulary ended up in hospital/
The police were always involved but she'd never press charges.
The family made sure i was always kept away when this happened because of what could be done about it.
I dont understand someone who ends up being a punch when kids are involved and they have to see this what impression does it have on them.
Some woman beat men up,and again some say that they dont do anything because they love them.
I'd rather be in a cell to my dying days than take a kicking from anyone.
Someone lays a finger on me i go back later and finish it even if there are witnesses.
Bullies get stay fucked.

18 Apr 2009

Putting people on a list implies that the individual cannot change their behaviour with help and support from the correctly trained and informed services available.
Lists merely make an excuse for the behaviour.
Many of the people I work with think there is no other way because it's something they've witnessed first hand themselves and so think that it is then 'the norm'. So when their own relationships are formed they are formed in a similar pattern.
No-one will ever know the true extent of the effect or wide spread nature of domestic abuse because people tend not to discuss it for several different reasons.
kiss

LG. x