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Swine Fever are we in for an epidemic ???
:D :D :D :D :D :D 
Master of Sex
From The Daily Mash:
PEOPLE across the world were last night urged not to panic as experts warned that most of you would be dead by the end of this sentence.
As swine flu swept across the globe governments sought to calm fears by ordering 400 million coffins, while media organisations offered a reward to any scientist prepared to use the word 'holocaust'.
In the UK, experts stressed there was no risk from pork products before urging Britain's army of morons to round-up all the sausages they could find and throw them into the sea.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "There's nothing to worry about but this is definitely worse than four simultaneous nuclear wars and a dinosaur invasion."
Governments have called on media organisations to work together in the face of what one official described as 'a nice, big, fat panic'.
Professor Brubaker added: "The world is paying the inevitable price for years of unprotected pig sex.
"It's no surprise this started in a devoutly Catholic country where everyone follows the Pope's instructions to the letter, especially the pig molesters.
"Pig sex, chicken sex, monkey sex - eventually they all come back and bite us on the arse. But not goat sex, that still seems to be fine."
Meanwhile the editor of Daily Mail was last night under observation in a central London hospital after suffering what witnesses say was a 'cataclysmic ejaculation'.
A source said: "He got more and more engorged as the details came in and then, when we got the Brubaker quotes, he went all cross-eyed, fell backwards off his chair and his trousers exploded. There was spunk everywhere."
I think that sums it up nicely.
PEOPLE across the world were last night urged not to panic as experts warned that most of you would be dead by the end of this sentence.
As swine flu swept across the globe governments sought to calm fears by ordering 400 million coffins, while media organisations offered a reward to any scientist prepared to use the word 'holocaust'.
In the UK, experts stressed there was no risk from pork products before urging Britain's army of morons to round-up all the sausages they could find and throw them into the sea.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "There's nothing to worry about but this is definitely worse than four simultaneous nuclear wars and a dinosaur invasion."
Governments have called on media organisations to work together in the face of what one official described as 'a nice, big, fat panic'.
Professor Brubaker added: "The world is paying the inevitable price for years of unprotected pig sex.
"It's no surprise this started in a devoutly Catholic country where everyone follows the Pope's instructions to the letter, especially the pig molesters.
"Pig sex, chicken sex, monkey sex - eventually they all come back and bite us on the arse. But not goat sex, that still seems to be fine."
Meanwhile the editor of Daily Mail was last night under observation in a central London hospital after suffering what witnesses say was a 'cataclysmic ejaculation'.
A source said: "He got more and more engorged as the details came in and then, when we got the Brubaker quotes, he went all cross-eyed, fell backwards off his chair and his trousers exploded. There was spunk everywhere."
I think that sums it up nicely.
apparently a gazillion and one masks have been ordered to try and halt the spread.....this is a complete waste of money, as these masks are only effective for 15 minutes.....thats why most surgeons dont wear masks when operating now!
would have been better placed spending the money on vaccines/development of vaccines
would have been better placed spending the money on vaccines/development of vaccines
Sex God
Be prepared
:giggle:
:giggle:
Sorry guys first dibs goes to health and medical staff and there immediate family..... rightly so too.
Do you know that over 500`000 people a year die worldwide of normal flu a year anyway so its no real biggy, and this could be a huge boost to the economy and jobs worldwide as production of drugs and the testing facillities get so busy.
Anyway i know for a fact i have had intimate with a few "pigs" in my lifetime and i am fine....... off now i can smell bacon butties.
Cassie
Do you know that over 500`000 people a year die worldwide of normal flu a year anyway so its no real biggy, and this could be a huge boost to the economy and jobs worldwide as production of drugs and the testing facillities get so busy.
Anyway i know for a fact i have had intimate with a few "pigs" in my lifetime and i am fine....... off now i can smell bacon butties.
Cassie
Sex God
Quote by jumptoit
Sorry guys first dibs goes to health and medical staff and there immediate family..... rightly so too.
Do you know that over 500`000 people a year die worldwide of normal flu a year anyway so its no real biggy, and this could be a huge boost to the economy and jobs worldwide as production of drugs and the testing facillities get so busy.
Anyway i know for a fact i have had intimate with a few "pigs" in my lifetime and i am fine....... off now i can smell bacon butties.
Cassie
:shock: :shock:
Sex God
Quote by Freckledbird
Sorry guys first dibs goes to health and medical staff and there immediate family..... rightly so too.
Do you know that over 500`000 people a year die worldwide of normal flu a year anyway so its no real biggy, and this could be a huge boost to the economy and jobs worldwide as production of drugs and the testing facillities get so busy.
Anyway i know for a fact i have had intimate with a few "pigs" in my lifetime and i am fine....... off now i can smell bacon butties.
Cassie
:shock: :shock:
She must be telling porkies.
Sex God
I did find Egypt's response rather baffling... a sort of porcine genocide is all I can call it... Call me daft but it is entirely possible that just ONE Mexican pig, or one litter, caused this and passed it on to one human, who is then the source of every other human infection since... Call me daft, I don't know many Brits who head off to Cancun to snog pigs apart from the desperate 18-30 crowd... It seems a bit harsh to suddenly open up the abbatoirs to every single pig in the country (when the outbreak is thousands of miles away and the disease is spread from human to human).
Does this mean if someone gets the Ebola virus Egypt is going to cull it's own population too as a precaution?
I never thought I'd see the day when we'd all be rushing to the supermarket stating "Give me British Beef! Now! I don't care if it makes me foam at the mouth and stagger blindly into things... Just keep the sausages away from me, especially the ones with a sombrero, swigging a bottle of Sol with a snotty tissue next to them..."
The Government's think tank however has reassured us that "most" people will be ok. So, kind of like, every other fupping thing in the entire world then? I mean "most" people will go to work today and come home fine. Some will drop dead, some will hurt themselves, some will go crazy and do something suicidal like buy a Jamie Oliver cook book. So it kind of doesn't clarify matters any really. "Most" people recover from MRSA, but critically it's the ones that don't that tend to be a tad miffed about it.
Anyway, whose for a BBQ? I believe sausages will be relatively cheap in Egypt for a good while.
Does this mean if someone gets the Ebola virus Egypt is going to cull it's own population too as a precaution?
I never thought I'd see the day when we'd all be rushing to the supermarket stating "Give me British Beef! Now! I don't care if it makes me foam at the mouth and stagger blindly into things... Just keep the sausages away from me, especially the ones with a sombrero, swigging a bottle of Sol with a snotty tissue next to them..."
The Government's think tank however has reassured us that "most" people will be ok. So, kind of like, every other fupping thing in the entire world then? I mean "most" people will go to work today and come home fine. Some will drop dead, some will hurt themselves, some will go crazy and do something suicidal like buy a Jamie Oliver cook book. So it kind of doesn't clarify matters any really. "Most" people recover from MRSA, but critically it's the ones that don't that tend to be a tad miffed about it.
Anyway, whose for a BBQ? I believe sausages will be relatively cheap in Egypt for a good while.
Quote by Resonance
I did find Egypt's response rather baffling... a sort of porcine genocide is all I can call it... Call me daft but it is entirely possible that just ONE Mexican pig, or one litter, caused this and passed it on to one human, who is then the source of every other human infection since... Call me daft, I don't know many Brits who head off to Cancun to snog pigs apart from the desperate 18-30 crowd... It seems a bit harsh to suddenly open up the abbatoirs to every single pig in the country (when the outbreak is thousands of miles away and the disease is spread from human to human).
Does this mean if someone gets the Ebola virus Egypt is going to cull it's own population too as a precaution?
I never thought I'd see the day when we'd all be rushing to the supermarket stating "Give me British Beef! Now! I don't care if it makes me foam at the mouth and stagger blindly into things... Just keep the sausages away from me, especially the ones with a sombrero, swigging a bottle of Sol with a snotty tissue next to them..."
The Government's think tank however has reassured us that "most" people will be ok. So, kind of like, every other fupping thing in the entire world then? I mean "most" people will go to work today and come home fine. Some will drop dead, some will hurt themselves, some will go crazy and do something suicidal like buy a Jamie Oliver cook book. So it kind of doesn't clarify matters any really. "Most" people recover from MRSA, but critically it's the ones that don't that tend to be a tad miffed about it.
Anyway, whose for a BBQ? I believe sausages will be relatively cheap in Egypt for a good while.
I didn't know you could commune with the dead Res :shock:
Sex God
It does look as though we are in for something extraordinary.
The significant effects are going to be on the public services.
Schools closing to avoid cross-infection.
Health services unable to cope with the normal load of 'other' serious ilnesses.
Transport will be affected as well - because staff may be sick but also to minimise people moving around.
Difficult to say how bad it is going to be but I hope the messages about hygiene e.g. disposal of tissues etc is getting through to the masses.
I had a shop assistant cough right into my face the other day
.
Right - I'm off on me hols.
.
The significant effects are going to be on the public services.
Schools closing to avoid cross-infection.
Health services unable to cope with the normal load of 'other' serious ilnesses.
Transport will be affected as well - because staff may be sick but also to minimise people moving around.
Difficult to say how bad it is going to be but I hope the messages about hygiene e.g. disposal of tissues etc is getting through to the masses.
I had a shop assistant cough right into my face the other day
.Right - I'm off on me hols.
.
Sex God
Well, I've asked the internets, and it seems we're not all gonna die, yet. 
Good news I'm sure you'll agree. Seems the whole thing is either . .
1) just a dry run for the big one still to come, you know, a test of the principle, a bit like what microsoft do when they beta test new versions of windows, or something, or
2) it's all a hoax designed to distract us from the fact that Prince Philip is head honcho of an ancient race of space lizards intent on taking over the earth and establishing something called the New World Order, or summat, or
3) it's an artifially engineered weaponised virus designed to wipe out, like, just poor people who can't afford Tamiflu cos they haven't got adequate medical insurance, and stuff.
Apparently, it's not even spread not by ickle piggy wigs at all. It's sprayed in chem trails from Ryan Air jets, or Virgin Atlantic, or something, so a bulk order of face masks and NBC suits is most definitely the way forward. The evidence is incontrovertible, oh yes, yes it is! The truth is out there . . .
Anyways, I'm gonna be very busy this afternoon. Making meself a bit of
N x x x ;)
Good news I'm sure you'll agree. Seems the whole thing is either . . 1) just a dry run for the big one still to come, you know, a test of the principle, a bit like what microsoft do when they beta test new versions of windows, or something, or
2) it's all a hoax designed to distract us from the fact that Prince Philip is head honcho of an ancient race of space lizards intent on taking over the earth and establishing something called the New World Order, or summat, or
3) it's an artifially engineered weaponised virus designed to wipe out, like, just poor people who can't afford Tamiflu cos they haven't got adequate medical insurance, and stuff.
Apparently, it's not even spread not by ickle piggy wigs at all. It's sprayed in chem trails from Ryan Air jets, or Virgin Atlantic, or something, so a bulk order of face masks and NBC suits is most definitely the way forward. The evidence is incontrovertible, oh yes, yes it is! The truth is out there . . .
Anyways, I'm gonna be very busy this afternoon. Making meself a bit of
N x x x ;)
Sex God
:giggle:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Sex God
I am so backwards at times
I got that in email this morning thought weird person sending me old tosh that aint funny
ops: Now I've seen it again I realise how thick I really am
(best not mention the fact I sent my grandad 3....yes thats three birthday cards yesterday)
:doh:
I got that in email this morning thought weird person sending me old tosh that aint funny
ops: Now I've seen it again I realise how thick I really am (best not mention the fact I sent my grandad 3....yes thats three birthday cards yesterday)
:doh:
Sex God
Someone once said that when a black man becomes president, pigs will fly.
Sure enough, 100 days later - swine flu
:giggle:
Sure enough, 100 days later - swine flu
:giggle:
Quote by Angel Chat
Someone once said that when a black man becomes president, pigs will fly.
Sure enough, 100 days later - swine flu
:giggle:
I think you & I have been reading the same things
As an aside, I tried to ring the helpline today.
Couldn't hear a bloody thing- too much crackling on the line.
Sex God
Quote by Witchy
Someone once said that when a black man becomes president, pigs will fly.
Sure enough, 100 days later - swine flu
:giggle:
I think you & I have been reading the same things
As an aside, I tried to ring the helpline today.
Couldn't hear a bloody thing- too much crackling on the line.
:shock: One of my FWBs has been texting you too? :lol:
I had to laugh at a woman at the petrol station earlier though. She wouldn't get out of her car because she was frightened of catching swine flu. She was ok once I explained that was Mexico, not Texaco :lol2:
Quote by kaz_allen
Just been mentiond on the tv that the first case of swine fever has been confirmed :shock:
the govt have enough vacine for 30 million doses :shock:
Looking that the population is around 58 million :shock:
Means that 28 million are going it alone :shock:
hhhhhmmmmmmmmm questions ?
two weeks ago I had to attend a meeting been arranged by our local authority on how we would deal with a flu pandemic if we were to have one so all I will say is that plans are been made on how to deal with it
i work in education/childcare and my workplace now has plans made on how to deal with the pandemic should it happen
the figures we have been given on how many people it could affect is very scary !!
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
So after all the hype on the news tonight, it seems that it will not be as bad as they first thought.......suprise suprise.
Scraemongering indeedy.
As I said earlier, damned if they do, damned if they don't. It's already being passed between humans, which was the original fear. 159 people have died in Mexico, and (as far as I'm aware) one child outside of Mexico.
Would you prefer that the authorities did nothing?
There are still people getting ill, the disease is spreading via person to person contact. Maybe we should just be grateful that this particular strain isn't as virulent as was first thought?
