Hi all, Not sure if this is the right place to post this but, I am a confused and frustrated 50 something man who needs to talk one to one (or one to two, if it's a couple) about my general feelings towards my wife and swinging. It's abundantly clear to me that my wife will not participate in swinging, or anything sexual for that matter, certainly for the foreseeable future, and probably never. I would just like to talk to someone who will not judge me about my desire to watch my wife have sex with another man, or men, and how that makes me feel. And to also talk about her previous sexual experiences, Which is something I find extremely arousing. I'm hoping that there's someone out there, be it a man, woman or couple, who would be prepared, and maybe even enjoy, sitting down and talking to me about my feelings towards this subject, and perhaps even discussing their own feelings towards swinging. I have always liked the term Aural sex, I'm absolutely certain it would be liberating, and I would really like to be able to discuss the subject with like minded people. To be honest, it's not a something I can discus with my existing friends and family, not because it's wrong, it's simply something that isn't exactly conventional and, therefore, something very difficult to even start to talk about. I know some people will say "be true to yourself and damn the consequences" but sadly, life isn't quite that simple. Please respond if you think you can help. Mar2
Hi, I am sure there are a lot of people around feeling the way you do - I was one of them, loved my partner, but sexually frusterated. Due to the heavy nature of your post I would suggest you contact a charity like "Relate" who offer someone to talk to. In the first meeting print out what you have written and show them, that might be the easiest way to express your feelings. I went to Relate about 1.5 years ago and found that they did help introduce some incredibly valuable new thinking.
Thanks for the response, but I don't think Relate is an option for me, I'm not necessarily having problems in my relationship, I love my wife, and I know she loves me, the point of my post was to, hopefully, have a one to one discussion with like minded people who will not judge me.
O.K, thanks for you feedback. You say you're confused and frustrated, yet not necessarily having problems in my relationship. Either what I have said has bypassed you, or I am misunderstanding the situation. Either way I hope someone else will contribute to this thread because I am now curious as to what other people understand, and see how you interact with them. The OP and me can agree on one thing - others please contribute lol
You have no problems with your wife but you come on here behind her back moaning about her because she won't fulfil your particular sexual fantasy?... Doesn't sound right to me.
If you are in a loving and respectful relationship then there is a simple solution. Talk to her. Your fantasy is nothing wrong, or even abnormal. If it were abnormal then this site probably wouldn't exist and neither would swinging clubs. Women have some fantasies that us blokes would never even imagine. I would recommend the works of Nancy Friday for more details, they really opened my mind. As long as you are both happy with the fantasies, then there is nothing wrong with them. If you are happy and secure in your relationship then it might be possible to act on some of them. BUT ONLY IF YOU ARE BOTH UTTERLY HAPPY ABOUT IT. If you need a way to open a narrative about this then perhaps introducing Nancy Friday to her might be a way to get her to open up about her desires. There is even a volume of her work on the sexual fantasies of men (Men in Love, a quick google told me) that might point out to her that you are not abnormal in your inclination. Once you have started the conversation, broached the fact that you have fantasies that some might not think conventional then you should find out that she has things going on in her head that you are unaware of. No matter what, good communication is vital in sex and in life in general. As one sex expert says, communication is lubrication (Emily Morse). Have a chat, perhaps after sex might an idea, or any time when you are both relaxed. Be gentle, reassuring and ensure she is comfortable with what you are discussing and never push her into something she doesn't enjoy, be it an act or conversation.
Sorry but there seems to be far too much analysing going on here. I am not looking for any marriage or relationship advice; I have simply stated that I would like to talk to someone about my sexual feelings. My wife is fully aware of my desire to watch her have sex with other men, and we have discussed her pre, and post, marital sexual activity on numerous occasions, which I have always found extremely erotic. Unfortunately, my wife is now suffering a lifelong illness that is quite debilitating and has had an adverse effect on her libido, which may possibly never return. As I have already stated, I love my wife and I know she loves me. I have no intentions of leaving her, and I could never cheat on her. But, sadly, she is no longer interested in discussing sex with me and finds any sexual activity uncomfortable and often painful. This is not me moaning about her behind her back because she won’t fulfil my sexual fantasies. In fact, my wife has a great deal of sympathy for me and has even suggested I find myself someone to have sex with. But that’s not what this all about, all I want to do is talk to someone about my sexual desires and my wife in general, and yes! It is for titillation; as long as it doesn’t involve cheating on my wife then I can’t see the problem.
But you are asking for marriage and relationship advice, what you are doing and want to take a step further is go behind your partners back and discuss her most intimate thoughts and sexual desires with strangers, strangers that are probably not qualified like relate councillors to do that. Or am I wrong, have you told her about your profile on here and that you are hoping to meet couples to discuss your sex life with ? What is wrong with forum advice, why do you need to sit with a person or persons to discuss the problem you feel you have. Personally my relationship is about respect, there are things I would like my partner to do but she does not want to do them, so that is the end of it, I love and respect her so would never ask her again. Swinging, in fact, any form of sexual activity should be about mutual enjoyment, therefore, if my partner decided to stop swinging that would be that, no more swinging for us, would I miss it, yes of course, but the time I spend with my partner doing mutually enjoyable things and having mutually enjoyable sex is more important. If my partner did not want sex would I swing alone, yes, with her permission, if she did not want me to then I too would abstain, that is a relationship, that is love and that is respect. So the advice you seek, in my opinion is simple, forget swinging, concentrate on the things you and your partner do enjoy doing together. Swinging for us IS part of our relationship, ending swinging would be part of our relationship, it is part of our marriage, you cannot separate it from that. It is not fishing or building model railways, stamp collecting or any other hobby that one of you can enjoy whilst the other does something else UNLESS you both agree that this is ok, ie you have her permission to swing alone. I think that is the problem you have, you don't see what you want to do as being part of the relationship or having anything to do with the love and respect you and your wife have for each other. Now all that said you do say that your wife is happy for you to have sex with other people, so why not open a couples profile making it quite clear within it that your wife will not take part or be present but is happy for you to do so. If you don't want to meet people for sex make that clear to and be honest about what you do want, which according to your last post is, to find people who will discuss your sexual desires and no more, I am sure being upfront and honest on your profile, you will find people who are looking for the same as you, ie to discuss sex and hear about someone else's desires. The initial post made it sound like you wanted advice and just advice not for titillation or sexual gratification. It is therefore understandable that people could come to the wrong conclusion about what you said.
Quote by Mal As it has been confirmed that this thread is not about receiving advice, but titilation, then I'm moving it to the 'Let's Meet Up' forum. Mal
Good point! I've obviously posted on the wrong forum, I was wondering why there was so much analysing going on, please accept my apologies.
very interested in t-alking to you about these things. I think you are looking to enjoy the fantasy of your wife having sex and her previous sexual experiences in a mature, erotic conversation. this sounds very intersting to me.
Quote by London1978 very interested in t-alking to you about these things. I think you are looking to enjoy the fantasy of your wife having sex and her previous sexual experiences in a mature, erotic conversation. this sounds very intersting to me.
That's exactly what I would like to do, I would find it extremely erotic, not as erotic as watching my wife by used by other men, but erotic nonetheless. Thank you for understanding me. What is your situation? are you single, in a relationship or married?
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