What r we doing wrong

Warming the Bed

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

we have been member for a while now we r looking for a couple or a bi female. we have never had a meet before do u think this will be putting ppl off any advice would be welcom

Unknown User

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

Hi both and welcome to the forums wave

Being novices doesn't put some people off at all, we all started somewhere ! I found the forums very useful, made some nice new friends and got a couple of meets through them. Pop into the Cafe and say hello, we're not a bad bunch of pervs really :giggle:

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

What she said! biggrin

its not the fact that you're 'new' to this - its that you're looking for the 'holy grail' most other people are looking for too.
You have FAR better chance of getting yourselves known in the Cafe forum on a social basis than you have, in my opinion, of finding what you're looking for by trawling through hundreds of ads. wink

Naughty_Wigan_Couple

Sex God

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

Quote by Darkfire
You have FAR better chance of getting yourselves known in the Cafe forum on a social basis than you have, in my opinion, of finding what you're looking for by trawling through hundreds of ads.

You have to put yourself in the place of the single female. Who would you meet? Someone who you had chatted to regularly on the forums, met at socials/munches or a complete stranger who you know nothing about, apart from a couple of lines in an advert?
Come into the forums and join in with the banter, let peope get to know you and at least while you are waiting for the first meet, you can be having a bit of fun and a bloody good laugh :wink:
Good luck!

Unknown User

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

Why???
When does the humour hour start???
wink

Come into the forums and join in with the banter, let peope get to know you and at least while you are waiting for the first meet, you can be having a bit of fun and a bloody good laugh

surrey_couple

Forum Virgin

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

Quote by linzi-and-kev
we have been member for a while now we r looking for a couple or a bi female. we have never had a meet before do u think this will be putting ppl off any advice would be welcom

Ok, your profile say's you've been members since Feb 2006, so depending on when exactly in Feb you joined you could have been on here for anywhere from 6 - 10 weeks which isnt exactly a very long time.
Also your ads are not very detailed, so that may be a reason why people arent responding to them.
In our experience you need to get ourt there and find people rather than waiting for them to come to you.
Hope this helps
Dxx

northeastcoupleuk

Sex God

0 likes 20 Apr 2006

ello and welcome wave

yes your profile does not say much about you`s
how ever saying that u do get in to the chat room a lot
but i think peeps need to used the forums as well to get known lol

Saffy

Sexlightened

0 likes 21 Apr 2006

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
You have FAR better chance of getting yourselves known in the Cafe forum on a social basis than you have, in my opinion, of finding what you're looking for by trawling through hundreds of ads.

You have to put yourself in the place of the single female. Who would you meet? Someone who you had chatted to regularly on the forums, met at socials/munches or a complete stranger who you know nothing about, apart from a couple of lines in an advert?
Come into the forums and join in with the banter, let peope get to know you and at least while you are waiting for the first meet, you can be having a bit of fun and a bloody good laugh :wink:
Good luck!
I have to agree as single bi-fem i would rather get to know people on here or msn for a period of time before i diside to go for a social that reply to my profile with ' I like your profile, check mine out' get deleted. No imagination & lazy. You are newbie so you need to enjoy the banter & have fun getting to know people. Try attending munches as i hear these are a great way to meet people. I haven't as they are never in my area(hint,hint) rolleyes

It took me nearly a year to have my first play so give it time & good luck.

Unknown User

0 likes 21 Apr 2006

All the above tips are great and very correct.
We suggest you also try our any swinging clubs in your area. Read the reviews here to find the ones nearest to you. Go on 'couples nights' if you don't want to be bothered by single men, the good ones are great fun and whether or not you play or just socialise is always very much up to you biggrin

cockslut

Sex God

0 likes 21 Apr 2006

ditto, all good advice above but why someone so young wants to start swinging so early in life concerns us, weve been members of chameleons 5 years now and seen a huge rise in "young" people attending and seen some long established marriages seperate through it, so why someone with little marriage foundation wants to start swapping partners is a cause for concern we think, but we do wish you success and luck in your think it through fully b4 you cross the boundary, once you've done something you can't undo it. (blimey starting to talk like our parents did)

Unknown User

0 likes 21 Apr 2006

Quote by cockslut
ditto, all good advice above but why someone so young wants to start swinging so early in life concerns us, weve been members of chameleons 5 years now and seen a huge rise in "young" people attending and seen some long established marriages seperate through it, so why someone with little marriage foundation wants to start swapping partners is a cause for concern we think, but we do wish you success and luck in your think it through fully b4 you cross the boundary, once you've done something you can't undo it. (blimey starting to talk like our parents did)

We don't think age should come into it. Personally we don't play with people young enough to be our own kids BUT swinging and the sex we have in our own relationship are two different things for us and, presumably, the couple here? The length of time we have been together and our ages have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 21 Apr 2006

I've been back and read through your ad and profile a few times now ( redface

)
and I'm curious as to why (in your ad) you're looking for a couple but in your profile your activities are dogging/ threesomes/oral and parties.
My initial advice to you both (and please feel free to pm, I'm only a part time bitch) is to concentrate on perhaps looking for intimate meets - drinks/ meal/ talk/ and extend to playing is you feel comfy with it - with couples (or singles) and leave the parties alone until you're much more sure of yourselves. That's only my gut response though of course.
I also think (IMO) that some swinging couples/ singles may be 'uncomfortable' meeting you in the sense that many dont want to 'teach' or show the ropes to inexperienced (and young) couples in a sexual sense. No one would want to push you into anything or talk you into anything , and its oh so very easily done, especially with people who are so keen to jump in and be 'taught' - it could all be a very different ball game the following morning . I dont mean to sound patronising, but am aware that I do sound that way ...
...and while I'm doing the patronising thing, I may as well say that I do find the thought of your pics being 'cute' and 'sweet' quite worrying. Mike this isnt a dig at you, but my gut instinct (based on pics/ ad and thread) says these two are 'ripe for corruption', and that concerns me too. I might be way off the mark here I know, and I'll apologise in advance in case I am.
I'd be more than happy to meet you both SOCIALLY to just chat and find out more, but you're way out my area so the pm box will have to suffice, if you'd like?

cockslut

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by flidais-media
ditto, all good advice above but why someone so young wants to start swinging so early in life concerns us, weve been members of chameleons 5 years now and seen a huge rise in "young" people attending and seen some long established marriages seperate through it, so why someone with little marriage foundation wants to start swapping partners is a cause for concern we think, but we do wish you success and luck in your think it through fully b4 you cross the boundary, once you've done something you can't undo it. (blimey starting to talk like our parents did)

We don't think age should come into it. Personally we don't play with people young enough to be our own kids BUT swinging and the sex we have in our own relationship are two different things for us and, presumably, the couple here? The length of time we have been together and our ages have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
yeah all i was trying to say was it takes a certain characteristic in some people to watch your partner having sex with someone else just few months after taking your vows etc, hence the concrete foundation explanation, that is of course your swinging with your spouse and not someone elses,

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by cockslut
ditto, all good advice above but why someone so young wants to start swinging so early in life concerns us, weve been members of chameleons 5 years now and seen a huge rise in "young" people attending and seen some long established marriages seperate through it, so why someone with little marriage foundation wants to start swapping partners is a cause for concern we think, but we do wish you success and luck in your think it through fully b4 you cross the boundary, once you've done something you can't undo it. (blimey starting to talk like our parents did)

We don't think age should come into it. Personally we don't play with people young enough to be our own kids BUT swinging and the sex we have in our own relationship are two different things for us and, presumably, the couple here? The length of time we have been together and our ages have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
yeah all i was trying to say was it takes a certain characteristic in some people to watch your partner having sex with someone else just few months after taking your vows etc, hence the concrete foundation explanation, that is of course your swinging with your spouse and not someone elses,
We have only been together for a few months (though both swung as singles for many, many years beforehand) We believe if you are sure in your relationship then watching your partner have sex (not make love) with someone else is not a problem and, for us, indeed is a very erotic experience. biggrin

We don't know this couple but, for all we know, they may have been together for many years? confused

cockslut

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

what at ages 21 / 22 ?

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by cockslut
what at ages 21 / 22 ?

How do we know that they aren't 'childhood sweethearts' who met at junior school? confused

Also, we may have missed something, but how do we know it's only a 'few months' since they 'took their vows'? Can't see where it says that they are married and, if they are, it could have been a couple of years ago at least? There are many 'older' couples on here who've only been together a few years too.

cockslut

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

yep its possible,but still feel you need a strong relationship with solid foundations b4 travelling down this road if your doing it with your spouse, we're a mature couple (married over 30 years) been swinging 21 years so think we're a success story but have seen many a relationship fold through it.i know we will still be here in 10 years time(god permitting) just hope some of the others are. and like you say if we're not told the facts one has to presume, hence more info on peeps profiles please.

well_busty_babe

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by cockslut
yep its possible,but still feel you need a strong relationship with solid foundations b4 travelling down this road if your doing it with your spouse, we're a mature couple (married over 30 years) been swinging 21 years so think we're a success story but have seen many a relationship fold through it.i know we will still be here in 10 years time(god permitting) just hope some of the others are. and like you say if we're not told the facts one has to presume, hence more info on peeps profiles please.

but if they were a cpl in their 50s, who had only been together a year would you say the same thing?
i have been swinging since i was 22 (i am now 26). i did not feel less able to make the right choices about my sex life at 22 than i do now.
to me, age is imaterial to if swinging is right for you. what is important is your feelings and relationship. and THAt can be strong enough to survive and thrive on it - no matter how long you have been married.
i have known couples in the scene who have had 20 year marriages fall appart through lack of trust etc so it can work both ways.

well_busty_babe

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

back to lini and kev.......
i dont think the fact that you are newbies will put everyone off, we met a cpl who were swinging virgins and we all got one wonderfully and had a great time.
i think you would do youserlves more of a favour if you worked on your advert a bit though.
its a bit of a one liner and a lot of people feel that if you have not put the effort into your ad, then you may not put effort into other things! wink

maybe a bit more aout the type of person/people you are looking for.
what your expectations of a meet would be that kind of thing.
also, like has been said - get yourselves known in here. we DO look at ads, but only of people who catch our eyes through the forums or chatrooms. most people do not have the desire or inclination to trawl through the thousands of individual ads.
hope that helps
xxxxxxx

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by well_busty_babe
yep its possible,but still feel you need a strong relationship with solid foundations b4 travelling down this road if your doing it with your spouse, we're a mature couple (married over 30 years) been swinging 21 years so think we're a success story but have seen many a relationship fold through it.i know we will still be here in 10 years time(god permitting) just hope some of the others are. and like you say if we're not told the facts one has to presume, hence more info on peeps profiles please.

but if they were a cpl in their 50s, who had only been together a year would you say the same thing?
i have been swinging since i was 22 (i am now 26). i did not feel less able to make the right choices about my sex life at 22 than i do now.
to me, age is imaterial to if swinging is right for you. what is important is your feelings and relationship. and THAt can be strong enough to survive and thrive on it - no matter how long you have been married.
i have known couples in the scene who have had 20 year marriages fall appart through lack of trust etc so it can work both ways.
Agree with you 100%, it's trust in a relationship that holds it together not the length of time it's lasted (we all know couples who stay together for all sorts of reasons but have no sexual relationship whatesover and really don't even like each other very much)
We have all met very sexually immature people in the 40' 's and people who know exactly what they want in their early 20's (as both of us did). Let's not prejudge people based solely on their age...after all it's couples who claim to be in their 40's who are forever failing to turn up for meets with us and others we know rolleyes

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by mike48
corruption.....please explain ?

To clarify - and bearing in mind Linzi & Kev havent been back to the thread yet to post their views but we continue to speculate on their relationship, how long married, age etc.......
i said this:

I also think (IMO) that some swinging couples/ singles may be 'uncomfortable' meeting you in the sense that many dont want to 'teach' or show the ropes to inexperienced (and young) couples in a sexual sense. No one would want to push you into anything or talk you into anything , and its oh so very easily done, especially with people who are so keen to jump in and be 'taught' - it could all be a very different ball game the following morning . I dont mean to sound patronising, but am aware that I do sound that way ...
...and while I'm doing the patronising thing, I may as well say that I do find the thought of your pics being 'cute' and 'sweet' quite worrying. Mike this isnt a dig at you, but my gut instinct (based on pics/ ad and thread) says these two are 'ripe for corruption', and that concerns me too. I might be way off the mark here I know, and I'll apologise in advance in case I am.

By 'ripe for corruption' I mean that from their ads ('someone to show us the ropes',etc) this couple come across as being pretty naive. Yes they're new but thats not the issue, its the fact they (and like I've already said, it may well just be me jumping to assumptions when actually they may well be totally clued up & know exactly what they're doing) are looking for an experienced couple/ single to 'help' them .
From the ad/ profile and posts, I cant work out what it is they're actually looking for - Linzi is a bi curious fem, so maybe they're looking to experiment and expand this????
The flip side of course, and what I meant by 'ripe for corruption' is that to me Linzi & Kev appear naive, young, eager to be 'led', and looking for someone to show them the ropes - and IMHO this also makes them both prime targets for, let's say, the more manipulative people who are around in this lifestyle. I'm not saying Linzi & Kev cant think for themselves etc, but there are people here (in the minority of course, but nevertheless, they're here) who use 'helping someone' as a platform purely to their own gain.
And that applies to any of us, whether we're 20, 30 or 99, married single and anything else in between.

Quote by mike48
If you were looking for an older single guy and didnt live so far away i,d give you a chance ...so come on all you older more seasoned cpls and bi fems lifes about taking chances why not take a chance on these two ..they could do with a hand up

hand up or protective wing?

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by Darkfire
corruption.....please explain ?

To clarify - and bearing in mind Linzi & Kev havent been back to the thread yet to post their views but we continue to speculate on their relationship, how long married, age etc.......
i said this:

I also think (IMO) that some swinging couples/ singles may be 'uncomfortable' meeting you in the sense that many dont want to 'teach' or show the ropes to inexperienced (and young) couples in a sexual sense. No one would want to push you into anything or talk you into anything , and its oh so very easily done, especially with people who are so keen to jump in and be 'taught' - it could all be a very different ball game the following morning . I dont mean to sound patronising, but am aware that I do sound that way ...
...and while I'm doing the patronising thing, I may as well say that I do find the thought of your pics being 'cute' and 'sweet' quite worrying. Mike this isnt a dig at you, but my gut instinct (based on pics/ ad and thread) says these two are 'ripe for corruption', and that concerns me too. I might be way off the mark here I know, and I'll apologise in advance in case I am.

By 'ripe for corruption' I mean that from their ads ('someone to show us the ropes',etc) this couple come across as being pretty naive. Yes they're new but thats not the issue, its the fact they (and like I've already said, it may well just be me jumping to assumptions when actually they may well be totally clued up & know exactly what they're doing) are looking for an experienced couple/ single to 'help' them .
From the ad/ profile and posts, I cant work out what it is they're actually looking for - Linzi is a bi curious fem, so maybe they're looking to experiment and expand this????
The flip side of course, and what I meant by 'ripe for corruption' is that to me Linzi & Kev appear naive, young, eager to be 'led', and looking for someone to show them the ropes - and IMHO this also makes them both prime targets for, let's say, the more manipulative people who are around in this lifestyle. I'm not saying Linzi & Kev cant think for themselves etc, but there are people here (in the minority of course, but nevertheless, they're here) who use 'helping someone' as a platform purely to their own gain.
And that applies to any of us, whether we're 20, 30 or 99, married single and anything else in between.
Yes, would be interesting to hear what they have to say about all this..they seem to have gone very quiet?

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

I think we've probably scared them off hun, sat here discussing 'them' , must feel like walking into the lions den.
and it does feel like that, because we've all been new at some point and remember it well.

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by Darkfire
I think we've probably scared them off hun, sat here discussing 'them' , must feel like walking into the lions den.
and it does feel like that, because we've all been new at some point and remember it well.

Well, possibly, but, if they are secure in what they are doing they should be back. If they are 'scared off' then, perhaps, they aren't ready for the scene after all? confused

When something is posted in an open forum people will always comment on it, it's something we have to accept biggrin

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by flidais-media
I think we've probably scared them off hun, sat here discussing 'them' , must feel like walking into the lions den.
and it does feel like that, because we've all been new at some point and remember it well.

Well, possibly, but, if they are secure in what they are doing they should be back. If they are 'scared off' then, perhaps, they aren't ready for the scene after all? confused

When something is posted in an open forum people will always comment on it, it's something we have to accept biggrin

my point precisely - Are they secure in what they're doing? after re-reading their ads, and back tracking through posts (not many of them I hasten to add) , I'd say No, they're not secure (oooo i'm a judgemental cow today arnt i!) and THAT bothers me - especially when they're so open to being 'led' (aka 'helped) into a scene they may not be ready for.
I'm being patronising again, but where's the god damn Mentoring scheme when ya need it?

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

linzi-and-kev, you need to ask HERE for a shag hump

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

:smackbottom:

linzi__and__kev

Warming the Bed

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

hi guys thanx for all the advice no u didnt scare us away biggrin

we have been together for 11 years have 3 children evil

and we r not naieve we have a very trusting relationship we have been discussing swinging for a few years now and only recently decided to go for it mainly because i am very bi curious and have not yet had chance to explore that side of me

Unknown User

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

Quote by linzi-and-kev
hi guys thanx for all the advice no u didnt scare us away we have been together for 11 years have 3 children and we r not naieve we have a very trusting relationship we have been discussing swinging for a few years now and only recently decided to go for it mainly because i am very bi curious and have not yet had chance to explore that side of me

Ah, so like I said 'childhood sweethearts'? wink

But, your age and THREE kids, we're amazed you've got the energy to swing :shock: :shock: :shock:
Anyway, best of luck in whatever you choose to do...and we'd still suggest you try a club, there's got to be one near the pair of you? :D

Darkfire

Sex God

0 likes 22 Apr 2006

:D

you two, it''s about time! lol

May I suggest that what you've just put in your post , goes in your ad? along with an expansion of 'very bi curious and looking to explore that side of me'
for example - are you (Linzi) wanting to play with just another bifem? or with the guy of a couple too? Will Kev play with the other fem? or just watch?
(and you dont have to post it in here :lol: , but would be useful info for your advert/ profile)