Thought I should share this with my SH buddies. I having been applying for jobs over the past several weeks, and one in particular stood out a mile. It had an impressive salary, swanky company car, pension scheme the works. I phoned the company and spoke to the recruitment manager……she seemed delighted with my experience and qualifications and said I sounded like the ideal candidate. I hurriedly sent my CV accompanied with the obligatory covering letter, sat back, and dreamt of all the benefits this new job would bring to my life.
As the interview date approached I still hadn’t heard anything, and began to feel a little uneasy. I opened outlook express and checked my sent items folder to ensure that I had in fact attached the CV and covering letter. Yes, I had attached them both. I then opened the CV to make sure everything was ok. Yes, all ok. I then checked the covering letter, I read through it and it sounded of a sudden I went as white as a sheet, and for a moment the world stood still.
I stared at the bottom of the letter in disbelief …“no! no! NO!!!†I couldn’t have done it. But it was there in black and white.
Yours Sincerely
Kinky Lizard
I guess that says it all about Swinging Heaven. It’s on your mind 24-7! ; )
I can smile about it now, the tears have all dried up!
The recruitment manager’s face must have been a picture as she read the Kinky Lizard bit. Lol.
“Kinky Lizard?â€, “Kinky Lizard???????†huh? “bloody perv!â€
I keep expecting the phone to ring and someone jokingly asking to speak to “Mr Lizard†or: “Hello, are you kinky?â€
A friend tried to cheer me up by sending me this text: Think your having a bad day???? Imagine this…..
You’re a Siamese twin joined at the hip. Your brother is gay and you’re not. His lover is coming over and you only have one arse.
Thanks bud, feel so much better now. ; )
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%!!*%$%**!!!!!!!!!! I don't believe it!!!
:rose: awhhhhh poor kinky, do you feel you need comforting??? maybe get away from it all ??? take a trip to cornwall ?? 
Sex God
Does CV stand for "Covert Vices"?
Mike.
Mike.
awhhhhh poor kinky, do you feel you need comforting??? maybe get away from it all ??? take a trip to cornwall ?? relax in the sun, ill rub oil into your body, champagne and local strawberrys in the evening watching the stars come out. More to life than money,
Suddenly the world seems a much nicer place
Thanks Fem, you're a sweetheart.
Glad i'm putting a smile on some faces....that makes it all worth while *he said through gritted teeth*
Orgasminator
KL,
Why didn't you give her a call?
If you could have dug yourself out of the hole you were in you may have been better placed to get the job. If its not too late - ring her now.
Why didn't you give her a call?
If you could have dug yourself out of the hole you were in you may have been better placed to get the job. If its not too late - ring her now.
Hey Kinky,
Try telling that you are of Mongolian-Serbo-Indonesian ethnicity, your father was a resistance hero, given sanctuary by a grateful Government and that you are disappointed and hope such a respected and forward thinking company would not discriminate on the grounds of your background?
Might make them laugh at any rate?
Try telling that you are of Mongolian-Serbo-Indonesian ethnicity, your father was a resistance hero, given sanctuary by a grateful Government and that you are disappointed and hope such a respected and forward thinking company would not discriminate on the grounds of your background?
Might make them laugh at any rate?
I'd be sorely tempted to ask her what her nickname on SH is! 
Blade 'o grass to a ton 'o 'orse shit she read the letter - got to your sig and went white as a sheet and thought - "Oh God - I had sex with him in the Jacuzzi in the GFZ last week!"
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Ring her and ask why you were not considered for the post as you would like some suitable feedback - feign innocence and then comment on the signature as "OMG - just realised I signed it with my nickname" - explain about the mistake and that it is a nickname - nothing to lose now!
Fred
Blade 'o grass to a ton 'o 'orse shit she read the letter - got to your sig and went white as a sheet and thought - "Oh God - I had sex with him in the Jacuzzi in the GFZ last week!"
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Ring her and ask why you were not considered for the post as you would like some suitable feedback - feign innocence and then comment on the signature as "OMG - just realised I signed it with my nickname" - explain about the mistake and that it is a nickname - nothing to lose now!
Fred
Thanks for the advice guys......I can't go into too much detail but suffice to say, I don't think they'd appreciate a kinky swinging lizard on their payroll. I mean, it's not something I want to shout from the highest mountain.
Somehow, I don't think i'd have be taken seriously (actually I'm never taken seriously!) I'd always have been known as 'the lizard guy.' And which female member of staff would feel comfortable in my company???
I can here them now:
female member of staff 1: "Ohh! his bulging eyes were all over me"
female member of staff 2: "Yuk! Bet he was imagining what he wanted to do with you"
female member of staff 1: "Ewww! I've heard about them swingers', they even do it in carparks now yah now, it's called digging or summat"
female member of staff 2 "Yeah, bet he's a digger"
Dave Mcguff (me...name changed to protect the innocent) enters room.
*both snigger as they turn round to face their monitors*
nah, I'll just write that one off I think...
Anyhow, I've heard I'm up for promotion......I'll be serving fries as well soon!
Somehow, I don't think i'd have be taken seriously (actually I'm never taken seriously!) I'd always have been known as 'the lizard guy.' And which female member of staff would feel comfortable in my company???
I can here them now:
female member of staff 1: "Ohh! his bulging eyes were all over me"
female member of staff 2: "Yuk! Bet he was imagining what he wanted to do with you"
female member of staff 1: "Ewww! I've heard about them swingers', they even do it in carparks now yah now, it's called digging or summat"
female member of staff 2 "Yeah, bet he's a digger"
Dave Mcguff (me...name changed to protect the innocent) enters room.
*both snigger as they turn round to face their monitors*
nah, I'll just write that one off I think...
Anyhow, I've heard I'm up for promotion......I'll be serving fries as well soon!
:blast: 
:hump: 
:boink: 
:wanker: 
:smoke: Quote by Kinky Lizard
Phew! you betcha DreamerHelen!
there's no stopping you when you get going........
I'm sure you taste EVEN better than a double cheeseeburger!
i guess not, I'm pretty insatiable.... wanna find out?
Better than a double cheeseburger? Wow, I'm flattered......I hope that I don't have as much grease or cheese as a double cheeseburger though....
Sex God
Kinky.......im in bits... :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
You are detinately in SH 24/7
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: You are detinately in SH 24/7
Sex God
Ooooops ! definately Can't spell either ! 
