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1-2-1/Swinging

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Quote by H-x
So you're saying that 'swinging', as a term, can only be used to describe the sexual act of three or more people?
H.x

just my opinion and i'm entitled to it smile
i'm married but i meet alone and if i meet a single guy alone for sex then personally i do not feel i am swinging i feel i'm having a shag with a guy lol
Quote by dambuster

But....
did you and HLB not take a break from actively 'swinging' at the start of your relationship (i think I remember that anyway) but you certainly did not have a break from sex.

That reinforces my doubts about being able to seperate the two (activity and attitude)
Because that's exaclty what we did do. We took a break from swinging as our sex, with each other, became more and more vanilla/relationship dunno based; as opposed to being purely "recreational"
When you go to bed tonight or any night with HLB and have sex - are you swinging?

It's a school night, so she won't let me :grin:
But seriously . . . .
I know you are not singles - I also appreciate when you two have sex there is the relationship aspect aswell - but that aside - do you think that sex is swinging?

Again . . . . seperation of the two :dunno:
Most definately, we have relationship type sex.
But some of our sex, with each other, does follow my/our ethos of recreational sex.
I have no idea what you are actually saying lol :lol: :lol:
Quote by naughtynymphos1
So you're saying that 'swinging', as a term, can only be used to describe the sexual act of three or more people?
H.x

just my opinion and i'm entitled to it smile
i'm married but i meet alone and if i meet a single guy alone for sex then personally i do not feel i am swinging i feel i'm having a shag with a guy lol
omg i'm quoting myself lol
forgot to add something lol
just wanted to say i don't much like the tearm swinging anyway and i do not call myself a swinger, i would say we have a open relationship not a swinging marrage i just think it sounds better and describes what we are better lol
If you cannot seperate the attitude from the act and the act is to be difined by the attitude of those doing the act....
then...
That means everytime a married couple, who are swingers, have sex with eachother they are swinging confused
All of those couples who write " we are so nervous waiting for our first swinging experience" need not worry as they have been doing it all along :?
Quote by PoloLady
So you're saying that 'swinging', as a term, can only be used to describe the sexual act of three or more people?
H.x

No, swinging is a sexual act involving a person/people from outside of a pre-existing relationship (whatever type of relationship that may be)
Otherwise - anyone having sex and being pretty level headed about it would be swinging (including the example given earlier about the man who visits a prostitute)
So, if I meet a couple - I'm swinging. If I meet two other singles, I'm not. If I meet two other people and one is part of a couple but that person isn't there, I'm swinging. No wonder people get confused biggrin
H.x
To swing you need something to swing from - otherwise you're just standing with a floppy rope in your hands lol
Quote by PoloLady
To swing you need something to swing from - otherwise you're just standing with a floppy rope in your hands lol

I hate it when that happens rolleyes
H.x
Quote by PoloLady
I have no idea what you are actually saying lol :lol: :lol:

rotflmao
I think, like you, I'm struggling to put some of it into words.
Let's do coffee and cakeybun someday :lol:
Quote by dambuster

I have no idea what you are actually saying lol :lol: :lol:

rotflmao
I think, like you, I'm struggling to put some of it into words.
Let's do coffee and cakeybun someday :lol:
:thumbup:
Quote by PoloLady

I have no idea what you are actually saying lol :lol: :lol:

rotflmao
I think, like you, I'm struggling to put some of it into words.
Let's do coffee and cakeybun someday :lol:
:thumbup:
And if you like, you can just shag me, but I'll be swinging with you :rotflmao:
:scared: bolt
I agree that in its origin swinging should involve a couple, as you say, to swing from. But is it not possible that the term has now evolved to encompass a wider range of activity. The English language is never static and word uses do change over time. Is it possible that swinging has come to mean engaging in recreational sex with others and not just wife swapping?
H.x
Listen I don't really mind how people wish to refer to 'it'....
I JUST WANT A SHAG!
Quote by H-x
I agree that in its origin swinging should involve a couple, as you say, to swing from. But is it not possible that the term has now evolved to encompass a wider range of activity. The English language is never static and word uses do change over time. Is it possible that swinging has come to mean engaging in recreational sex with others and not just wife swapping?
H.x

I agree with parts of that (highlighted)
I appreciate it is just my opinion - but I do feel there has to be something to swing from - though that need not be a husband and wife relationship.
Frequently when I meet a guy who I enjoy having sex with, if we hit it off in more than just a physical way and I feel they have the right attitude - I find I want the sexual experience to go beyond 1-2-1 sex and I want to have sex with them with other people. I want them to share the experiences I have on my little sexual adventures. I want to watch their enjoyment of situation and have no hang-ups about who is sucking their dickie-do-dah. I have no hang-ups about who makes who cum as long as we all enjoy. I want to share the experience of sex with other people with them - that is one of the things which I feel makes my attitude a swinging attitude. One of the other things is being able to separate sexual relationships from commitment. Another is not needing to feel I have to justify why I choose to take my knickers off or that the number of people anyone has sex with makes any difference to whether they are a bad person or not (i.e. referred to in a derogatory manner).
I cannot agree that any old recreational sex is swinging.
I think the reasons to take the identity of a swinger are to establish how a relationship or sexual encounter is to be conducted according to perceived rules and codes of conduct. So that it is a structured thing that has a beginning and an end and the variations are reciprocatory to the amount of intimacy, trust and confidence which are shared by the participating people. The feeling of belonging to a group of practitioners is important to some people, as it provides a social and behavioural focus. It helps to determine how they are living their lives. From which they also seek other aspects of being part of a community. So it gives a sense of confidence to say , ' I did that in my life, I was a swinger'. providing who you wish to say it to, actually understands what that means.
And can you give it up and erase it from your life, like it never happened, you didn;t need it etc. Or in years to come will you still accept that it was a really important life developing thing to do, that you have no regrets. So that perhaps if you don't commit mentally and physically now, you could claim that you never really were a 'swinger'. Or will it linger like an unfulfilled longing, because you didn't really do?
I am not sure I am in the right frame of mind to try and explain this and I am not a fan of drafting things and spending ages going back and forth to a document (I like to type spontaneously) – so, I’ll give it a go and see if it makes sense….
I find it annoying when singles (more frequently females) use the ‘swinging’ label in a manner as if they are trying to set themselves apart from and indeed above people who just openly admit to enjoying sex as a recreational activity.
It is almost like they are saying “I am not a slag like those people – I am a swinger”
“I don’t just shag – I swing” (god this is hard to describe in text)
“I like to ensure I know people and build a friendship… blar blar blar …” ( I actually have no problem with that bit – it is the attitude that they are a better person for doing that than someone who doesn’t – if you get my drift).
How is meeting someone from here and having sex 1-2-1 any different to meeting someone elsewhere and having sex?
No, not all people who say such things annoy me or mean it in the way which annoys me – but there are some people who used the swinging label in an indirect judgemental way – that is, if I call myself a swinger I am not a slag like the vanilla girls are. Why do they feel the need to differentiate? Why think anyone is a slag in the first place (or whatever derogatory term they choose)?
Oh the other one … “I am not here to sleep with loads of people – I am here to swing with my selected friends” – so what if you don’t want to sleep with loads of people – just don’t say it in a manner which implies someone is a lesser person if they do.
It appears as if they need to say “if I have sex it is ‘swinging’” rather than “hey I enjoy sex – big deal”
I don’t think those people truly do have the swinging attitude as they still harbour derogatory thoughts about recreational sex outside of the swinging scene.
I do believe some of these people are not really looking for sex with no strings attached – more like no visible strings but a fucking basket full of fishing line which will be pretty hard to see if they keep the lighting low.
I believe some somehow feel guilty for having sex and not hooking the person into a monogamous relationship - applying a vanilla mentality to their own actions.
I don’t feel whether you partake in certain activities (which would more traditionally be viewed as swinging) or not makes any difference in status or in anyway effects your belonging in a scene which (hopefully) embraces likeminded people.
It is the snobbery/need to differentiate in that manner which I find the most in appropriate. The need to grasp the swinging badge as if to say I am beyond my own judgement of others.
I am here (on the swinging scene) as I feel liberated from that judgement and I can openly enjoy sex without being judged in a derogatory manner for doing so.
I enjoy being shagged and shagging and don’t feel the need to dress it up as something it is not.
I thought you were a swinger if you logged on to a swingers website. confused
Quote by Sassy-Seren
So, the fact that you say people who just have 1-2-1 recreational sex aren't swinging, what are all the single members who don't do 3somes, 4somes or moresomes doing on a swinging site?

I'm with H on this one. I think you CAN be swinging 1-2-1, it is after all recreational sex without the emotional attachment, pressures of dating or simply to realise your own sexual needs and that's what makes it different to plain old shagging or dating.
I see swinging as a lifestyle, a community in which to meet and make friends with like minded people, something you couldn't get within your circle of 'vanilla' friends.

Surely the highlighted section suggests that the much vilified Quick Shag Brigade and married 'cheaters' are actually swinging. dunno
My view is that to swing there must be at least 3 people involved, although 1 of those people may not be physically present, eg separate room:
2 or more couples and any number of singles involved is swinging.
1 couple and any number of singles is swinging.
A single and half a couple playing with the other half's knowledge is swinging.
2 singles playing with no 3rd party involvement is shagging.
1 single playing is wanking. cool
Quote by PoloLady
All that ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

That's fucked it for coffee and cakeybun then rolleyes because I understand almost everything you just said, and agree with a hug amount of it :sad:
rotflmao
Gotcha. Yep, have to agree. If people in general had a more relaxed attitude to sex and its enjoyment then I think people, women in particular, would have far fewer hang-ups about themselves.
H.x
Quote by dambuster

All that ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

That's fucked it for coffee and cakeybun then rolleyes because I understand almost everything you just said, and agree with a hug amount of it :sad:
rotflmao
Then find a bit you don't agree with and we can micro-debate that lol :lol: :lol:
Quote by Kiss
Listen I don't really mind how people wish to refer to 'it'....
I JUST WANT A SHAG!

Sold! , to the nice couple from Cornwall
Though only if you are able to supply the correct definition of Swinger and provide documentary proof to substantiate your claim. confused
Quote by Stormwalker
Though only if you are able to supply the correct definition of Swinger and provide documentary proof to substantiate your claim. confused

Bollocks i forgot to renew mad
Quote by PoloLady
Then find a bit you don't agree with and we can micro-debate that lol :lol: :lol:

I'm trying.
Sometimes, to some people; very
But I the more I read it, the less I can find to disagree with.
But . . . . . . . .
I haven't, knowingly, come across the things you say. Particularly the part about people looking down their noses at vanillas - from the "You're a slag, but I'm not" point of view.
If I did, it would annoy the crap out off me, and depending how far into their nickers I was, could very easily halt any further work on my part. But then, I've never been a fan of the "If you like cock, you're a slag" Not even in my youth.
And I can't believe I'm talking myself out of coffee and cakeybun rolleyes
Quote by dambuster
And I can't believe I'm talking myself out of coffee and cakeybun rolleyes

I can - you're just scared lol :lol: :lol:
Quote by goose35
Though only if you are able to supply the correct definition of Swinger and provide documentary proof to substantiate your claim. confused

Bollocks i forgot to renew mad
Get thee behind me Vanilla!
Er…actually on second thoughts……… :shock:
wink lol
Got one ! ! !
(It's a crap one. More of an attempted answer than disagreenemt, but might be worthy of a micro-debate)
Quote by PoloLady
How is meeting someone from here and having sex 1-2-1 any different to meeting someone elsewhere and having sex?

Hopefully, when I was meeting people from here, as a swingle, in 1 to 1s they would have the same "attitude" about recreational sex that I have. And that would be the difference.
dunno - I can already see a flaw in that :confused:
Quote by PoloLady

And I can't believe I'm talking myself out of coffee and cakeybun rolleyes

I can - you're just scared lol :lol: :lol:
LOL
Isn't one way of conquering fears, to face them. Head on.
bolt
Quote by dambuster
Got one ! ! !
(It's a crap one. More of an attempted answer than disagreenemt, but might be worthy of a micro-debate)

How is meeting someone from here and having sex 1-2-1 any different to meeting someone elsewhere and having sex?

Hopefully, when I was meeting people from here, as a swingle, in 1 to 1s they would have the same "attitude" about recreational sex that I have. And that would be the difference.
dunno - I can already see a flaw in that :confused:
So can I - a 'swingle' is a flat bladed wooden instrument used for beating flax or hemp wink
Since I am just a stupid old fart who dont get none- my opinion is of no value!
But- in the late 60s I knew a girl who had been married to an American and lived for long time in the States. We had never heard of swingers here in normal society but apparently over there it was common. There was no doubt that in her experience swinging was a full swap with a married couple in different room.
Things seem to have evolved- but I heard an American say the other night that there is no such thing a soft swing- that is only teasing!
Like I say my experience is nil so just ignoreme- it makes me feel at home.
Since I am just a stupid old fart who dont get none- my opinion is of no value!
But- in the late 60s I knew a girl who had been married to an American and lived for long time in the States. We had never heard of swingers here in normal society but apparently over there it was common. There was no doubt that in her experience swinging was a full swap with a married couple in different room.
Things seem to have evolved- but I heard an American say the other night that there is no such thing a soft swing- that is only teasing!
Like I say my experience is nil so just ignoreme- it makes me feel at home.
did someone just say something?.........it must have just been the wind! wink