I agree that in its origin swinging should involve a couple, as you say, to swing from. But is it not possible that the term has now evolved to encompass a wider range of activity. The English language is never static and word uses do change over time. Is it possible that swinging has come to mean engaging in recreational sex with others and not just wife swapping?
H.x
Listen I don't really mind how people wish to refer to 'it'....
I JUST WANT A SHAG!
I think the reasons to take the identity of a swinger are to establish how a relationship or sexual encounter is to be conducted according to perceived rules and codes of conduct. So that it is a structured thing that has a beginning and an end and the variations are reciprocatory to the amount of intimacy, trust and confidence which are shared by the participating people. The feeling of belonging to a group of practitioners is important to some people, as it provides a social and behavioural focus. It helps to determine how they are living their lives. From which they also seek other aspects of being part of a community. So it gives a sense of confidence to say , ' I did that in my life, I was a swinger'. providing who you wish to say it to, actually understands what that means.
And can you give it up and erase it from your life, like it never happened, you didn;t need it etc. Or in years to come will you still accept that it was a really important life developing thing to do, that you have no regrets. So that perhaps if you don't commit mentally and physically now, you could claim that you never really were a 'swinger'. Or will it linger like an unfulfilled longing, because you didn't really do?
I am not sure I am in the right frame of mind to try and explain this and I am not a fan of drafting things and spending ages going back and forth to a document (I like to type spontaneously) – so, I’ll give it a go and see if it makes sense….
I find it annoying when singles (more frequently females) use the ‘swinging’ label in a manner as if they are trying to set themselves apart from and indeed above people who just openly admit to enjoying sex as a recreational activity.
It is almost like they are saying “I am not a slag like those people – I am a swingerâ€
“I don’t just shag – I swing†(god this is hard to describe in text)
“I like to ensure I know people and build a friendship… blar blar blar …†( I actually have no problem with that bit – it is the attitude that they are a better person for doing that than someone who doesn’t – if you get my drift).
How is meeting someone from here and having sex 1-2-1 any different to meeting someone elsewhere and having sex?
No, not all people who say such things annoy me or mean it in the way which annoys me – but there are some people who used the swinging label in an indirect judgemental way – that is, if I call myself a swinger I am not a slag like the vanilla girls are. Why do they feel the need to differentiate? Why think anyone is a slag in the first place (or whatever derogatory term they choose)?
Oh the other one … “I am not here to sleep with loads of people – I am here to swing with my selected friends†– so what if you don’t want to sleep with loads of people – just don’t say it in a manner which implies someone is a lesser person if they do.
It appears as if they need to say “if I have sex it is ‘swinging’†rather than “hey I enjoy sex – big dealâ€
I don’t think those people truly do have the swinging attitude as they still harbour derogatory thoughts about recreational sex outside of the swinging scene.
I do believe some of these people are not really looking for sex with no strings attached – more like no visible strings but a fucking basket full of fishing line which will be pretty hard to see if they keep the lighting low.
I believe some somehow feel guilty for having sex and not hooking the person into a monogamous relationship - applying a vanilla mentality to their own actions.
I don’t feel whether you partake in certain activities (which would more traditionally be viewed as swinging) or not makes any difference in status or in anyway effects your belonging in a scene which (hopefully) embraces likeminded people.
It is the snobbery/need to differentiate in that manner which I find the most in appropriate. The need to grasp the swinging badge as if to say I am beyond my own judgement of others.
I am here (on the swinging scene) as I feel liberated from that judgement and I can openly enjoy sex without being judged in a derogatory manner for doing so.
I enjoy being shagged and shagging and don’t feel the need to dress it up as something it is not.
Gotcha. Yep, have to agree. If people in general had a more relaxed attitude to sex and its enjoyment then I think people, women in particular, would have far fewer hang-ups about themselves.
H.x
Since I am just a stupid old fart who dont get none- my opinion is of no value!
But- in the late 60s I knew a girl who had been married to an American and lived for long time in the States. We had never heard of swingers here in normal society but apparently over there it was common. There was no doubt that in her experience swinging was a full swap with a married couple in different room.
Things seem to have evolved- but I heard an American say the other night that there is no such thing a soft swing- that is only teasing!
Like I say my experience is nil so just ignoreme- it makes me feel at home.
Since I am just a stupid old fart who dont get none- my opinion is of no value!
But- in the late 60s I knew a girl who had been married to an American and lived for long time in the States. We had never heard of swingers here in normal society but apparently over there it was common. There was no doubt that in her experience swinging was a full swap with a married couple in different room.
Things seem to have evolved- but I heard an American say the other night that there is no such thing a soft swing- that is only teasing!
Like I say my experience is nil so just ignoreme- it makes me feel at home.