My 12 year old daughter would like to meet with friends at a park near her school.
The park is 2 bus rides away and a park that doesn’t have park keepers in attendance I believe.
She said there are 8 children from school all meeting there and I know I can trust her to be sensible.
They have been many times before after school but in a larger group and her brother is always with her. They have never had a problem before.
Knowing the school was open across the road was a comfort but it will be closed due to the holiday period.
I know of her friends and they are a good group of children that like to have fun.
But I do not feel comfortable with her being so far away.
Should I let her go?
Would you let your sensible 12 year old go?
I don’t worry about her getting there and back safely or that an accident will happen.
I do worry about other groups of children coming along and causing trouble.
Would you worry about such things?
I do feel a bit mean not letting her go.
I have let them go out alone but it is normally to the cinema, swimming etc
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A bit of a dilemma
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Sex God
Could you arrange to be somewhere close if your not sure about letting her go, Even if she does not know??
Arrange to have a coffee with a friend in a nearby cafe??
Arrange to have a coffee with a friend in a nearby cafe??
We're of the agreed opinion that we'd not let our 12 year old if in the same circumstances.
If we say no then we do generally offer to have some friends round the following day or something.
We do let her go into town with a group of friends or her sister, but it's only a bus ride away and we generally get the "come and pick us up" phonecall LOL
Callie
If we say no then we do generally offer to have some friends round the following day or something.
We do let her go into town with a group of friends or her sister, but it's only a bus ride away and we generally get the "come and pick us up" phonecall LOL
Callie
well..I have a 14 year old daughter so have some idea where you coming from on this. Now the thing is if you say no...there is always the chance she might go the next time behind your back. This would be more of a problem as you don't even know she is there. I say...if she hasn't already got one..get her a mobile phone. Top up with £10..and get her to text when there and say once an hour until home again. This way you are slightly more assured she is okay...and ofcause you can always ring her at any time. Equally she will not feel left out or excluded. Its a difficult one..only you know what to do ..but if your daughter is as sensible as she seems... I would say you have to put your trust in her.
Quote by Calista
We're of the agreed opinion that we'd not let our 12 year old if in the same circumstances.
If we say no then we do generally offer to have some friends round the following day or something.
I'm with Callie on this :thumbup:
It is not your child thats the problem, its everyone else that is out in the big wide world that worries me
I have a sensible twelve-year old too. I don't know what your area is like but ours is pretty decent and I would let her go to our local park if it's in the day time.
I wouldn't let her go two bus rides away though and I don't care what other parents do or don't allow, we have to do what we believe to be right.
Horrendous drinking and drugging go on amongst young teens in our parks at night though and it will be over my dead body that she ever goes to a park in the dark!
I wouldn't let her go two bus rides away though and I don't care what other parents do or don't allow, we have to do what we believe to be right.
Horrendous drinking and drugging go on amongst young teens in our parks at night though and it will be over my dead body that she ever goes to a park in the dark!
Difficult one really lady.
My response is of a personal nature, and may well not apply really ....but here goes anyway!
I am a Mother of 3 adult children now, even when married I took the sole charge of parenting.
My eldest 2 were never allowed to hang out at the park or infact any where else!
With my 3rd, a girl who at this age was 13, I finally relented and allowed her to meet her mates at the local park(did I really think they were going to play on the swings?) All the other children I knew, they were of respectable parents. She said I was the only mum who had originally said no(do not be fooled by this!)
Two hours later, I had a phone call from another Mum, to tell me they had been caught eggging the pavilion!Their school were also informed.
When I asked her why she got involved, and did not walk away, she said she would of felt a fool in frount of her mates......the dreaded peer pressure!
She said she personally did not throw an egg, but I say guilt by asssosiation!
Your child probably will not do anything silly, but 2 bus rides away, I feel is just a little too far!
I just had open house after that. All they want to do is to hang out together and have fun, so the comfort of a warm home, instead of a freezing park might be appealing to them!!
My response is of a personal nature, and may well not apply really ....but here goes anyway!
I am a Mother of 3 adult children now, even when married I took the sole charge of parenting.
My eldest 2 were never allowed to hang out at the park or infact any where else!
With my 3rd, a girl who at this age was 13, I finally relented and allowed her to meet her mates at the local park(did I really think they were going to play on the swings?) All the other children I knew, they were of respectable parents. She said I was the only mum who had originally said no(do not be fooled by this!)
Two hours later, I had a phone call from another Mum, to tell me they had been caught eggging the pavilion!Their school were also informed.
When I asked her why she got involved, and did not walk away, she said she would of felt a fool in frount of her mates......the dreaded peer pressure!
She said she personally did not throw an egg, but I say guilt by asssosiation!
Your child probably will not do anything silly, but 2 bus rides away, I feel is just a little too far!
I just had open house after that. All they want to do is to hang out together and have fun, so the comfort of a warm home, instead of a freezing park might be appealing to them!!
I would let her go if she is sensible and is with a group that are also sensible. However, if my daughters are going further than walking distance from home I insist on dropping them off and fetching them back, otherwise they are not allowed to go. They always have a mobile phone with them and know not to engage with any groups who are drinking etc. Young people need to be allowed some freedom and be given the chance to make good choices but within boundaries.
Sex God
If it was my daughter(as sensible and grown up as she is for an 11yr old) I would have to say no and offer a detailed explanation of why you said no...
Often adding a good explanation helps them to see the reason behind your decision....
Often adding a good explanation helps them to see the reason behind your decision....
I've let my 12 year old do almost that - phoned her about 10 times to check she's ok (or more to the point, check she hasn't lost her phone 
).
I've dropped her off at the park once her friends are there, then picked her up again a couple of hours later.
Luckily tho, her friends live pretty close to the park, so she had had somewhere to go in an emergency.
I think it's such a difficult position to be in. On the one hand I want to keep her safe, secure and practically in bubble wrap. On the other hand, she needs to be a little bit street wise as she's growing up
She's not bothered with the park since, probably cos it's winter now - and she's a bit of a fair weather kid
But I would've eventually let her walk or take her bike to the park, still with phone contact etc, as her confidence and street wisyness grew.
The last thing I want is for her to reach 16 17 18 or whatever, to start visiting further away, with me knowing she's not used to it. I don't want her to eventually go into a club or a place like that, to see rowdiness and for her to freeze up, not know what to do or panic. I want her to be able to recognise potential situations and to get out of them quick.
The only way I know how I can teach her that, is to let her stretch her freedom slightly, in a more controlled environment - ie going to the park, firstly by me taking her/picking her up, moving on to taking her bike. She can then see things around her, feel her comfort zone, see different types of people around the park etc.
Tis difficult, and it's not exactly the most stress free thing in the world when kids start to want to stretch their freedom :?
).I've dropped her off at the park once her friends are there, then picked her up again a couple of hours later.
Luckily tho, her friends live pretty close to the park, so she had had somewhere to go in an emergency.
I think it's such a difficult position to be in. On the one hand I want to keep her safe, secure and practically in bubble wrap. On the other hand, she needs to be a little bit street wise as she's growing up
She's not bothered with the park since, probably cos it's winter now - and she's a bit of a fair weather kid
But I would've eventually let her walk or take her bike to the park, still with phone contact etc, as her confidence and street wisyness grew.The last thing I want is for her to reach 16 17 18 or whatever, to start visiting further away, with me knowing she's not used to it. I don't want her to eventually go into a club or a place like that, to see rowdiness and for her to freeze up, not know what to do or panic. I want her to be able to recognise potential situations and to get out of them quick.
The only way I know how I can teach her that, is to let her stretch her freedom slightly, in a more controlled environment - ie going to the park, firstly by me taking her/picking her up, moving on to taking her bike. She can then see things around her, feel her comfort zone, see different types of people around the park etc.
Tis difficult, and it's not exactly the most stress free thing in the world when kids start to want to stretch their freedom :?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sex God
I'm all for giving kids independence and making them street-smart and able to cope and take risks etc, as I think that is important.
But quite honestly, it's flipping freezing out there. A park?! On a day like this?
I say invite them round and then you know where they are. Let park trips wait till Spring and warmer weather.
But quite honestly, it's flipping freezing out there. A park?! On a day like this?
I say invite them round and then you know where they are. Let park trips wait till Spring and warmer weather.
I wouldn't Minx. I would probably compromise and take her there myself but remain 5 mins of where she is to pick her back up again.
When my daughter was 12 I started allowing her to get the bus to our local shopping centre. I followed in the car and went around the centre myself, it was more for self assurance that she was fine, it was one bus ride and my mother worked in the centre anyway.
Then I started letting go bit by bit each week. You have to do what you feel comfortable with yourself, your daughter will no doubt think she is invincible and can be independent but she's young and vulnerable.
When my daughter was 12 I started allowing her to get the bus to our local shopping centre. I followed in the car and went around the centre myself, it was more for self assurance that she was fine, it was one bus ride and my mother worked in the centre anyway.
Then I started letting go bit by bit each week. You have to do what you feel comfortable with yourself, your daughter will no doubt think she is invincible and can be independent but she's young and vulnerable.
Sex God
These 2 bus rides, how long is that in time.
I'd invite the kids round and get pizzas in, at least you know where they are, even if they are playing loud music.
I'd invite the kids round and get pizzas in, at least you know where they are, even if they are playing loud music.
I am glad others feel the way I do, I sometimes feel it is I that is being over protective as her friends seem able to go all the time, it just seems I am the one always saying no.
I do let my children out as I have twins boy and girl they often go together with friends to the cinema swimming or down the local high street. I do have their friends back here most days I am happy with them all being here, they both had a friend each staying over last night.
This new idea of going to the park has just come about since starting secondary school in September and I really don’t feel comfortable with her going.
I think it could be a case of testing the boundaries maybe, as my eldest son never seemed to want so much freedom at the age of 12 it is a little new to me.
I haven’t let her go and I know she wouldn’t go without me knowing as she has in the past called from a friends to ask if she could, as now I don’t feel so overly protective I am going to stick to her not going.
Thanks all for the great responses.
It is hard to get the balance right at times and it helps to get a broader view of others opinions.
I do let my children out as I have twins boy and girl they often go together with friends to the cinema swimming or down the local high street. I do have their friends back here most days I am happy with them all being here, they both had a friend each staying over last night.
This new idea of going to the park has just come about since starting secondary school in September and I really don’t feel comfortable with her going.
I think it could be a case of testing the boundaries maybe, as my eldest son never seemed to want so much freedom at the age of 12 it is a little new to me.
I haven’t let her go and I know she wouldn’t go without me knowing as she has in the past called from a friends to ask if she could, as now I don’t feel so overly protective I am going to stick to her not going.
Thanks all for the great responses.
It is hard to get the balance right at times and it helps to get a broader view of others opinions.
Mod
Quote by Dawnie
We're of the agreed opinion that we'd not let our 12 year old if in the same circumstances.
If we say no then we do generally offer to have some friends round the following day or something.
I'm with Callie on this :thumbup:
It is not your child thats the problem, its everyone else that is out in the big wide world that worries me
My son has two tours of Afghanistan in the bag and I still worry what he's up to at night!! :?
At 12, two bus rides away? not for me, I'm afraid.
Mal
its difficult to make these desisions, and its comforting to get back upwith your desisions.
if it hadnt been 2 bus rides away,and i dont know what area you live in then i would have said let her go with some bounderies in place.
i do think its sad when parents dont let their children out to explore life and take risks but this has to be within bounderies.
sadely you see to many people who dont take your stance on this and either let them go out and dont know or care what their children are upto, or restrict them so much they cant cope with life.
can i ask minx and you dont have to ask but what was it you were fearful of happening?
like i said i dont know the area you live in. im very lucky here and we dont have the worry of gangs etc.
i think being open and discussing situations that could arise helps the to feel confident when out to react right.
sometimes kids ask to do things mates have asked them todo , but hey dont really feel comftable in doing and actually wanted you to say no
xxxfem xxx
if it hadnt been 2 bus rides away,and i dont know what area you live in then i would have said let her go with some bounderies in place.
i do think its sad when parents dont let their children out to explore life and take risks but this has to be within bounderies.
sadely you see to many people who dont take your stance on this and either let them go out and dont know or care what their children are upto, or restrict them so much they cant cope with life.
can i ask minx and you dont have to ask but what was it you were fearful of happening?
like i said i dont know the area you live in. im very lucky here and we dont have the worry of gangs etc.
i think being open and discussing situations that could arise helps the to feel confident when out to react right.
sometimes kids ask to do things mates have asked them todo , but hey dont really feel comftable in doing and actually wanted you to say no
xxxfem xxx
Quote by fem_4_taboo
its difficult to make these desisions, and its comforting to get back upwith your desisions.
if it hadnt been 2 bus rides away,and i dont know what area you live in then i would have said let her go with some bounderies in place.
i do think its sad when parents dont let their children out to explore life and take risks but this has to be within bounderies.
sadely you see to many people who dont take your stance on this and either let them go out and dont know or care what their children are upto, or restrict them so much they cant cope with life.
can i ask minx and you dont have to ask but what was it you were fearful of happening?
like i said i dont know the area you live in. im very lucky here and we dont have the worry of gangs etc.
i think being open and discussing situations that could arise helps the to feel confident when out to react right.
sometimes kids ask to do things mates have asked them todo , but hey dont really feel comftable in doing and actually wanted you to say no
xxxfem xxx
We live in London Fem the park in question is across the road from their school so they are used to the bus journeys and travelling, it is a park I have started to let them go with a whole group of about 20 children after school for 30 mines on a Monday and Friday as they finish school at on these days, I do then phone them to be making their way home, and they have then got back within the time limit.
I think what I am fearful about is that it is so far away and if something did happen as I can’t drive I wouldn't be able to get there soon enough.
I let them go after school as the school is still open and at least then there is somewhere to wait that is safe if I needed to get to them.
I do let my children out, but I like them to have a purpose for going out, and they are really good about calling me etc to say they arrived and that they are leaving. If they go to the cinema as an example.
It is a shame but my biggest fear is that they could have trouble with other children.
i think you made the right desision, i was just wondering what risks they face, living in cornwall we are quite lucky that our kids dont face the same risks as yours do.
i was just wondering what the risks were, incase what happens?
sorry im not making sense, i was wondering if the risks were from gangs etc
but i guess the distance thing is relevent no matter where you live.
how did your daughter take it when you said no
xxx fem xxx
i was just wondering what the risks were, incase what happens?
sorry im not making sense, i was wondering if the risks were from gangs etc
but i guess the distance thing is relevent no matter where you live.
how did your daughter take it when you said no
xxx fem xxx
I just asked my 12 year old what she would want to do if it was her and we'd said no. Her words "I'd be cross because they are my friends but I can understand because I wouldn't want to get stolen" LOL
When we asked what her opinion would be if the risk was, gangs of kids hanging round, the possibility of drugs being around etc. she said she wouldn't even ask to go! Said that if her friends were hanging round with people like that she would be having words LOL.
I'm quite impressed with her responses ... she's normally a "kevin/perry" type kid!
When we asked what her opinion would be if the risk was, gangs of kids hanging round, the possibility of drugs being around etc. she said she wouldn't even ask to go! Said that if her friends were hanging round with people like that she would be having words LOL.
I'm quite impressed with her responses ... she's normally a "kevin/perry" type kid!
We would both say no.
One of the reasons is this time of year there will be fewer people around, if something was to happen.
Plus being a girl I would be double more protective.
So it would be a no no on this side of the fence. Why would kids want to meet in a park in freezing weather anyway? Plus for every sensible well behaved kid, there is another not well behaved trouble maker.
No Minxy, you are quite right to voice concerns, and to say no.
One of the reasons is this time of year there will be fewer people around, if something was to happen.
Plus being a girl I would be double more protective.
So it would be a no no on this side of the fence. Why would kids want to meet in a park in freezing weather anyway? Plus for every sensible well behaved kid, there is another not well behaved trouble maker.
No Minxy, you are quite right to voice concerns, and to say no.
Sex God
I'm late to this but we would have said no too Minxy :thumbup:
Sex God
I'm late too, but I would say no - even to my son at the same age.
I wouldn't feel too worried if it was walking (more specifically running) distance away, but the worry at 2 bus journeys would be 'what if there was an emergency?'.
If you feel you did right - then that is the main measure. I feel a child would rather disappoint her friends because her Mum loves her and cares for her than the alternative.
I wouldn't feel too worried if it was walking (more specifically running) distance away, but the worry at 2 bus journeys would be 'what if there was an emergency?'.
If you feel you did right - then that is the main measure. I feel a child would rather disappoint her friends because her Mum loves her and cares for her than the alternative.
