Thanks mischief, that would be great.
And thanks, Vix. That was constructive. I apologise for not being the most articulate writer in the world, and I obviously succeeded in convincing you that I am an asshole (or something). It was not my intention to do so, so I apologise for thereby coercing you into a post which so demeans your no-doubt astoundingly gracious nature...
Sharp wit, though, kudos to you... ;)
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
A question for the Ladies (and anyone else with an opinion)
Quote by EasyTeep
2: Mrs Teep, bless her soul, has no sexual fantasies. She has no interest in sex whatsoever. Much in the same way I have no interest in ballet or jodeling. You following me so far?
Teep, this is exactly what my ex said (and still probably says) about me!! Pretty much word for word!!
Course, when I lost interest totally it was my fault
You could be right and your wife has zero interest. On the other hand, there could be a side to her that nobody knows about.
You've got to go right back to square one - and getting off the starting blocks is the hardest part. Judging from what you've put above about the 'present', she is going to be extremely suspicious about your motives and not want to get off those starting blocks at all.
Why do you want her to be a sex goddess? You want her to be like it for YOU, not for herself. This has nothing to do with her thoughts on it. Its all to do with at the end of the day YOU'RE gonna have a great sex life if it goes well. I used to dread these 'surprise romantic weekends away' because it was all about sex. If it was wrapped up in a 'surprise weekend' then I would just be thrilled at his 'thoughfulness' and have to enjoy it! But even that was for him, so he could have great sex, nothing to do with me or what I wanted - couldn't be, he never asked.
Even if he had asked I would have changed the subject. The old vicious circle thing - if I did tell him then he would take it in then guaranteed he would be trying that within about 2 days...... but it never felt for my pleasure, always felt that it was done purely to make me horny enough for HIM to have good sex!!!!
How many times have you made your wife cum and not expected it yourself? Just do something for her then afterwards give her a great big cuddle, not even try anything on for your own satisfaction? ......... Mind you, by the time me and the ex got to the stage we're talking about, there was noway I would let him either, because I just knew he would want that orgasm himself too.
You said you wanted her to be able to tell the difference between sex and making love. Maybe she feels that if she dares do anything slightly sexual, you're gonna be upon her. There were times with us that the mucking about, for instance, something cheeky happened, just joking and larking about, bit of backchat from both sides ...... would have been the perfect time to just yank me top up and flash him - in a jokey up yours way. Ideal reaction to that from him would've been to be called a saucy minx, think you can win an argument like that, and promptly chase me with a teatowel, flicking it at me backside or something like that ..... but the reaction I would have got would've been ooooooooo come ere, grope grope :roll: Sometimes it just isn't appropriate. That's what takes the fun out of sex!
That's just an example, but you've got to look at sex as a whole, not as a great shag/orgasm.
You can't expect changes overnight - because first you have to change your attitude towards it. Once that has been done, then she's got to learn to be confident in herself. Take everything at her pace. If you're going to do romance, then do it properly - don't expect or even try for a shag. Romance is to show her you love and appreciate her, never just because YOU want to get laid.
Foreplay isn't just that bit in bed directly before sex. It's that larking about, towel flicking backchat. It's that little kiss you give the top of her head when you pass on the stairs, it's that look you give each other when the other one isn't watching - it's a way of life!
Only when foundations have been set would I have been able to find my feet and begin to share what was inside of me. Only once I knew that if I said anything, it wasn't going to be taken as a 'shag me now' - and it wasn't going to be tested out on me about 3 days later!! It feels so text book then. You have to try without looking like you're making a huge effort!! Personally, I like to talk, I like to talk and not have the other person think it's an invitation or a come on, I just like to talk to a partner openly and frankly ...... I could always talk with my friends about very personal sexual stuff, but never my ex, because his reaction would have been to take action!
I will say again, all of the above was from my angle only - I've been in a sexless marriage, sexless of my own making ....... Those were just a few reasons as to why I made it sexless. You're posts hit a nerve with me, that's why I have replied. Not to tell you what your wife is feeling, but to tell you how a very similar situation was for me. It's probably very different from your situation, but it at least gives you an insight to the flip side of the coin.
Your wife could be entirely different, and genuinely not interested. If that is the case then no amount of sex toys and outfits are going to change her, and you're going to be treading very dangerous ground if you decide to go ahead with this plan.
So my advice to you, would be to lay off the 3some gangbang lesbian whatever fantasies and start putting a little bit of lighthearted fun into everyday life ....... never know you might actually enjoy starting from the beginning and growing with her
Christmas pressie for her? Something from your heart rather than from your dick :wink:
Sex God
Well said Misschief
My ex said I was frigid - little does he know lol
My ex said I was frigid - little does he know lol
Quote by Lil_Bunny
Well said Misschief
My ex said I was frigid - little does he know lol
Thank you Lil
thank youWas a very personal post for me to put up ......... after all, it hardly makes me look like the sex siren I feel inside :lol2:
Awwww and thank you Lil miz too :kiss:
so relieved I haven't been slated :lol2:
Sex God
Quote by lil_miz_naughty_0204
Of course not MISSCHEIF,
I liked what you said about doing something for her then giving her a big cuddle.
Men a re so damn selfish
Not ALL men Lil_miz
since splitting with my ex over 3 years ago I've found that there are men out there who aren't selfish, who love to treat a lady like a lady, like to have a laugh and all the other wonderful things that can happen in life.
Even had my first ever G-spot orgasm at the age of 29 when I met the most unselfish lover I've known so far, and boy did he teach me a whole host of things about myself, we had so much fun - all thanx to him being unlike any other guy I'd known
Thankyou for that, mischief, it was insightful and moving in a way that you'd share that... I think there are probably some similarities there.
We do, however, have a great relationship outside of the bedroom. We flirt (ish), chat a lot, we're very tactile and playful and I try to avoid being selfish - especially in the bedroom. When we do have sex its far more important that she enjoys it than myself (I confess, that apart from that being the gentlemanly way, and because I love her, its because she might like it more, if it's better... that make sense?)
Anyhow, I don't want her to be a sex goddess. I don't even want her to be a sex angel - that's not who I fell in love with. I fell in love with a funny, smart woman who has more to talk about than makeup and fashion and the latest gossip - but is interested in art, music and a myriad other things. It's important for me (and always has been) to have a partner who I like and can talk to.
Yeah, I want a good sex life - who doesn't? - but more than that I want as many "things" between us to bring us close together as possible. Maybe it's a personal insecurity, but at the moment (since I'm such a new age guy, and totally sensitive and all that) I can happily confess to loving my best friend and her with equal fervour... so what is there that's different between the two relationships at the moment? Sure, I don't sleep in the same bed as my best friend, nor does he pay half the household bills, but at the moment that's all that marks the two apart. Not that I would give up either one for all the tea in china, you understand...
I hope I'm making sense (which, sadly, is seldom the case) but it is my hope that I can remain a part of these forums... and I confess I'd not want to do that if everyone thought I was a chauvenist dickhead who thought with his crotch not loved with his heart...
On a related topic, but on a different tack (and if it's not too personal), have any of the ladies here ever found sex to be painful? Just vanilla sex, that is - she sometimes mentions that, and I'm concerned it may be a factor in her not-enjoying it. There is something of a size discrepancy, and she was a virgin when I met her... I haven't enough experience to make a diagnosis...
We do, however, have a great relationship outside of the bedroom. We flirt (ish), chat a lot, we're very tactile and playful and I try to avoid being selfish - especially in the bedroom. When we do have sex its far more important that she enjoys it than myself (I confess, that apart from that being the gentlemanly way, and because I love her, its because she might like it more, if it's better... that make sense?)
Anyhow, I don't want her to be a sex goddess. I don't even want her to be a sex angel - that's not who I fell in love with. I fell in love with a funny, smart woman who has more to talk about than makeup and fashion and the latest gossip - but is interested in art, music and a myriad other things. It's important for me (and always has been) to have a partner who I like and can talk to.
Yeah, I want a good sex life - who doesn't? - but more than that I want as many "things" between us to bring us close together as possible. Maybe it's a personal insecurity, but at the moment (since I'm such a new age guy, and totally sensitive and all that) I can happily confess to loving my best friend and her with equal fervour... so what is there that's different between the two relationships at the moment? Sure, I don't sleep in the same bed as my best friend, nor does he pay half the household bills, but at the moment that's all that marks the two apart. Not that I would give up either one for all the tea in china, you understand...
I hope I'm making sense (which, sadly, is seldom the case) but it is my hope that I can remain a part of these forums... and I confess I'd not want to do that if everyone thought I was a chauvenist dickhead who thought with his crotch not loved with his heart...
On a related topic, but on a different tack (and if it's not too personal), have any of the ladies here ever found sex to be painful? Just vanilla sex, that is - she sometimes mentions that, and I'm concerned it may be a factor in her not-enjoying it. There is something of a size discrepancy, and she was a virgin when I met her... I haven't enough experience to make a diagnosis...
Quote by EasyTeep
Thankyou for that, mischief, it was insightful and moving in a way that you'd share that... I think there are probably some similarities there.
We do, however, have a great relationship outside of the bedroom. We flirt (ish), chat a lot, we're very tactile and playful and I try to avoid being selfish - especially in the bedroom. When we do have sex its far more important that she enjoys it than myself (I confess, that apart from that being the gentlemanly way, and because I love her, its because she might like it more, if it's better... that make sense?)
What's everything else like in your relationship? I ask because my marriage became sexless and I thought she didn't want to do it anymore, but then she had an affair which means either she did, or she will for a purpose. God knows which cause I don't.
For me, when I think about it now, the marriage would still have been OK even after an affair, and even without the sex, if everything else had been good too. We didn't and don't row, we get on quite well, we joke, we laugh, but we don't share anything outside of the house, separate hobbies, separate friends, so although she has asked for a divorce, (but would probably backtrack right now), and the reason I'm for pushing on, is that I hope I still have time to find a companion to enjoy life with and not just a housekeeper with whom I am friends. It is not enough.
Whose fault has it been? Probably 50/50, I'm no angel and maybe neither of us worked to make it right. I feel too tired to try and put 28 years right though, so if you're young and I think you are, try to steer it the right way. But then if you can't, don't do as I did and hold on and hold on, it's a mistake.
Quote by musketeer
What's everything else like in your relationship? I ask because my marriage became sexless and I thought she didn't want to do it anymore, but then she had an affair which means either she did, or she will for a purpose. God knows which cause I don't.
For me, when I think about it now, the marriage would still have been OK even after an affair, and even without the sex, if everything else had been good too. We didn't and don't row, we get on quite well, we joke, we laugh, but we don't share anything outside of the house, separate hobbies, separate friends, so although she has asked for a divorce, (but would probably backtrack right now), and the reason I'm for pushing on, is that I hope I still have time to find a companion to enjoy life with and not just a housekeeper with whom I am friends. It is not enough.
Whose fault has it been? Probably 50/50, I'm no angel and maybe neither of us worked to make it right. I feel too tired to try and put 28 years right though, so if you're young and I think you are, try to steer it the right way. But then if you can't, don't do as I did and hold on and hold on, it's a mistake.
Everything in our relationship is fine! Neither of us have any cause to complain about anything, I feel... we have shared interests and separate interests, shared friends and separate friends... everything is in happy moderation ( I think) - and so there's no trouble there... there is a great difference in our familial backgrounds, but even that has never been a conflict...
Misschief, that was a wonderfully heartfelt post that I can completely relate to, in fact it is like a perfect copy of my own marriage. Everything you said was exactly the same for me, absolutely to the letter. I thought it was me, that I had become frigid and sexless but since my divorce I have re-found myself and realise that the married 'me' wasn't really me at all, in fact far from it. I feel the same way now that I did when I was younger, horny, sexy and ready to go. But this time round I am much more experienced and able to join in with much more sexy and interesting things thanks to my new found friends on SH. I am alive again.
My ex on the other hand is noticing the change in me and now he comes back sniffing, despite being with the dream woman he left me for Seems that things can't be that great at home, and there was me thinking it was all my fault :roll:
My ex on the other hand is noticing the change in me and now he comes back sniffing, despite being with the dream woman he left me for
Seems that things can't be that great at home, and there was me thinking it was all my fault :roll: Quote by EasyTeep
On a related topic, but on a different tack (and if it's not too personal), have any of the ladies here ever found sex to be painful? Just vanilla sex, that is - she sometimes mentions that, and I'm concerned it may be a factor in her not-enjoying it. There is something of a size discrepancy, and she was a virgin when I met her... I haven't enough experience to make a diagnosis...
Yes .... truely .... my ex wasn't a particularly large man at all and sex was painful every time ... I hated it and we ended up virtually sexless (major issues on both sides).
I didn't know how to admit it to him to anyone else and it wasn't until I had an affair that I realised it was a problem between US and not me!
There is a genuine medical condition (can't for the life of me remember what it's called) and the thought/fear of it makes it worse .... it can be cured though ... she just needs to feel brave enough to talk to a doctor.
Will pop off and hunt in a second ... brb ;)
Edited ...
Hope this helps ....
What extraordinary posts on this thread today - not least Misschief's which has to be one of the most moving accounts I've ever read on to read and re-read - painfully truthful.
MQ tells us so well about her new life since her unhappier times and Musketeer shows us a male view of this most difficult topic,where you still care about someone deeply but neithers emotional and sexual needs are being fulfilled.I know exactly what that is like,I know how painful the compromise is - and the fallout when it can't drag on how you find me here among you - I am still trying to find my seems a good place to be to connect with whats been so denied.
On a more daft Fruitcake note - Corriefem - me and my split pea send you a big
MQ tells us so well about her new life since her unhappier times and Musketeer shows us a male view of this most difficult topic,where you still care about someone deeply but neithers emotional and sexual needs are being fulfilled.I know exactly what that is like,I know how painful the compromise is - and the fallout when it can't drag on how you find me here among you - I am still trying to find my seems a good place to be to connect with whats been so denied.
On a more daft Fruitcake note - Corriefem - me and my split pea send you a big
