:lol: :lol: S`okay, valid observation.....I`m still writing up my `dissertation`, it`ll take one those to be able to communicate it with offending!
Reckon I`m thatgood?!
Venusxxx
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
A question of group dynamics?
Quote by marmalaid
And how would you like me to FUCK OFF, mistress?
/bad Venus, bad bad Venus.
I would like to interrupt this discussion with a brief public announcement. Venus` brain has just left the building
. It may take some time to restore normal working service. In the meantime, if you would all like to amuse yourselves with meaningless and puerile banter, please feel free to do so. Venus would like to apologise for this inconveniance, and will try to resume normal working servise as soon as possible.Thank you everybody for your cooperation in this matter (but not you Chris
)Venusxxx
First of all i must state that ive only skimmed through the first page of this post, so if ive missed anything i appologise.
Secondly, group dyanamics are always interesting, both in real life and on here.
I rather think that life on here tends to reflect real life. Most people have a need to belong, that is why they form cliques, which i would argue have an optimum size and that give people a much needed sense of belonging.
There are a few people who seem not to need these groups, infact even some that will go to great lengths to avoid becoming a clique member and i count mysellf amongst the latter.
As for why someone want to belong and others dont give a shit, i would contend that it is greatly influenced by early socialisation and ones position with in the family go into all these issues would clearly take to long , but sufficient to say that only ones and elder children usually have less need of group support than middle or younger siblings, in my experience. anthropo,logy would tell us that humans need group as it makes survival easier.
The one issue that stood out form the thread was the number of people sayijng they dont feel comfortable enough to express themselves her, that they feel they cant write as well as others.I feel that is a shame as everyone has something worth saying and they should not let others intimidate them, using long words dosnt necessarily mean that a person has a more valid opinion at all!!
In conclussion, cliques , both here and in real life, are like religion, a wonderful thing, for those who need them!!
Secondly, group dyanamics are always interesting, both in real life and on here.
I rather think that life on here tends to reflect real life. Most people have a need to belong, that is why they form cliques, which i would argue have an optimum size and that give people a much needed sense of belonging.
There are a few people who seem not to need these groups, infact even some that will go to great lengths to avoid becoming a clique member and i count mysellf amongst the latter.
As for why someone want to belong and others dont give a shit, i would contend that it is greatly influenced by early socialisation and ones position with in the family go into all these issues would clearly take to long , but sufficient to say that only ones and elder children usually have less need of group support than middle or younger siblings, in my experience. anthropo,logy would tell us that humans need group as it makes survival easier.
The one issue that stood out form the thread was the number of people sayijng they dont feel comfortable enough to express themselves her, that they feel they cant write as well as others.I feel that is a shame as everyone has something worth saying and they should not let others intimidate them, using long words dosnt necessarily mean that a person has a more valid opinion at all!!
In conclussion, cliques , both here and in real life, are like religion, a wonderful thing, for those who need them!!
Sex God
Just wondered, how do you know if you're part of a clique or not?
Bev
xx
Bev
xx
Quote by freckledbird
Just wondered, how do you know if you're part of a clique or not?
Bev
xx
Well, first off you will need to take a very large and sharp scalpel, then carefully, remove the top of your skull, and the skulls of others around you, once the brain is exposed, you will need to whittle away at it in fine slices......
Once you have then started writing various theories taking on board everyones possible reactions to those theories, and realise that to compensate you have in fact started to write a book, which has not only confused the shit out of yourself, but will probably serve to make others assume that you are in fact a madwoman who should be locked up, you fry said slices in a nice mixture of olive oil and garlic, and serve hot with a nice glass of chianti. :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: You're mad
Bev
xx
Sex God
Not paranoid hun, just wondered if there were any distinguishing features or characteristics 
I assume you don't know either, as you haven't really answered the question :lol: If it means I might be considered as bloody mad as Venus, I don't want to be in one!Bev
xx
Sex God
Quote by Rainbows
Still, I have fantasies about librarians
Little Gem, Little Gem - over here - here!!! No HERE!!!! Kooooieeeee.
ahem - time to go to bed?
*dashes in at the the sweet sound of the gorgeous rainbows beckoning her to bed!
You called! :rascal:
Quote by VenusnMars
Just to annoy the snot out of those who hate armchair psychology :twisted: , let`s bounce a few theories around on how people interact on here, and further afield.
Serious question. Not an opportunity for people to complain of cliques, and mob mentality etc, although I`m happy to hear theories on how these are seen to be formed and why, if at all. Keep it general please, I`m genuinely interested and if barely disguised specifics arise I will ask for the thread to be locked! :P
One sentiment I try to maintain personally, is that my opinions stand in their own right. However, how many of us can truely say that, myself included, in an environment which depends upon people bouncing posts off of one another? I mean, how immune are we really from being influenced by a common opinion? If a sentiment comes up on a thread, and is echoed by others, why does it need to be said again and again? Is it a personal need to voice the same opinion but in your own words, or perhaps some feel a little braver once someone has stepped forward first. Is it possible that once everyone has had this opportunity a `bandwagon` is seen?
This isn`t influenced by any one thing, but from a general observation......and the fact I think too much! :mrgreen:
That`s just one line of discussion....I have loooooooads more! :bounce:
mods: I need something to keep my brain ticking and to keep me out of trouble!:giggle:
Venusxxx
Venus
What a great thread and for what its worth, i have chosen to jump on the bandwagon with a reply or not as the case may be after reading the reply. When i write, i write very much from my own life experiences and my own thoughts, observations and realisations on life. I always try to write with an open mind.
My perspective on something, is very much my perspective, and i have found that through interaction with others, different perspectives can be found, which i had perhaps overlooked, or, as in most cases, the open minded mentality which i thought i had, wasn't quite as openminded. This does not mean that i shouldn't think, nor does it mean that i would accept anyone telling me that i shouldn't. If my perspective is different to someone elses' it means either one of two things.
Either, i know something they don't, or they know something i don't. If i don't understand someone, it simply means that i don't understand someone. This is of course worked in both directions and recognising this, means that i really will never actively disagree with someone or end up in a heated argument. If the argument is becoming heated wether on the forum, or in real life, i will back off, since there is no way that whilst frustration and anger have a place, will any movement in thought or perspective actually take place.
This doesn't mean that i am not a strong individual. If i genuinely don't understand someones perspective, i would rather back off, take time, assimilate the information they have provided and perhaps i will see from where they are coming from. They could very well be right, and if a continuation of an argument were to proceed, human nature being as it is, suggests that i would be pulled into an emotional anger towards this person whereby everything they say, would be just pish. If i take the time, i might learn something and then the whole debate was worthwhile.
As for the dynamics on this site, its very interesting. I now no longer believe there to be anything more than groups of friends. This change in perspective came about again, through interaction with someone of a different perspective. They were absolutely right in what they said. What i did have to do though, was be open enough in my own mind for that very possibility, and since i have learned something, i really don't mind admitting when i was wrong.
So, have i jumped on the bandwagon of this discussion? Or, have i provided a different perpective? At the end of the day, i couldn't give a shit what anybody thinks about me or about what i say. You can agree, or disagree with me. It matters to me not. If you agree with me, it means that we have perhaps clicked on a similar wavelength. If you don't agree with me, but instead choose to point out all of my shortcomings, then fine. If the person pointing out my shortcomings is closed minded, then i have no need to feel that i have to justify myself. They themselves aren't open to learning, so why should i be affected in any shape or form. What is my issue, is the fact that i remain open minded to differing perspectives. And you only get differing perspectives when you think.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
Newcomers cannot be expected to have that skill (sorry if that sounds a bit specific but it truly isn't - it is generic)
Very true, and I think for the most part people understand this. Depending upon the characters involved at the time it can go one way or another with new members. If a daft intro is offered, it will get dismantled! I remember when I first joined, my first post was ok, I offered a little more than just the token `this is what we are into, who wants some` post, but that`s just me, I talk too much! :mrgreen: Even back then a reference was made to `surviving the initiation`. There is a strong opinion, one which I happen to agree with, that for the most part swinging involves much more that simply popping in once the pubs are closed and sticking a post up in the hope that one will secure a quick shag! I am sure some of us even find this a tad offensive, that people assume that because we are swingers, then by default that means we are an easy lay (actually I am, but we will ignore that for now :mrgreen
people will react to that. Enter `Newbie baiting` one good example of how group dynamics may or may not kick in. Of course, some new members are going to be more sensitive than others, long term members also, and of course some are just dickheads, we see plenty of those! Some will respond with more banter, some will take umbrage, others will shit themselves! How skilled are we really in reading new members? It seems that many of us will read thier responses differently, and others may have different goals and skills when joining in with the `newbie baiting` (great term Vix ;) ). It`s all down to the diverse personalities we have here. That is inevitable. Often advice is offered `get to know us all before you cast judgement`....a statement which could work both ways, but doesn`t. That actually isn`t a criticism, I really feel that there are very valid reasons that this sentiment isn`t offered too often, and it has a great deal to do with the amount of dickheads who do join! It`s an exhausting business extending the benefit of the doubt to each and every so called prattish post, and for well established members here, the need to have this benefit reciporated is not as great, so what does it really matter to them if a new member flounces? Some offer this benefit of the doubt more than others, again, it`s just a matter of the personalities involved. In short, depending on who joins in the banter, and how it is handled, has a great deal to do with which new members manage to fit in, and which one`s end up being shown the door. The ones who are shown the door, are not always trolls, simply a product of the clashing personalities in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with a dash of defensiveness thrown in for good measure. I`ve become defensive and polorised myself on more than one occassion. I think people are sometimes right in picking up on this, but it deserves much more thought than being devaluated by the statement `people are being mean`, or `this is a clique`. I think there are more than a few reasons people will join in with the Newbie baiting, and it`s not always because they are simply just trying to have fun, but are trying to have fun in order to `belong`, among many other things. As Foxy said. It`s not always a badthing. Is that a clique?
And that was after I cut out the crap I`ve been writing all morning, and is a reaction to a statement very early on!
This could take some time...........
Quote by Ice Pie
That`s just one line of discussion....I have loooooooads more!
Next! :)
You think? Who made you the conclusion to all my questions?!
;)Venusxxx
Sex God
I talk too much!
Yep, you can say that again
and again
and again
unless Sarge already has
:lol: Bev
xx
Quote by Scandal
Very interesting and thoughtful post Venus. I especially like this bit:
people assume ......... we are an easy lay (actually I am, but we will ignore that for now :mrgreen
Fuck?
And I especially liked how that fit into some of the babble I kept offline......
Others here have some great and very strong personality traits which offer a great deal to the community, traits I would kill for. Ice is very good at drawing a line at when not to take responsibility for other people`s reactions. Neil has a sense of humour I`d kill to have, Scandal can get straight to a point much faster than I, Judy with her thought provoking posts, and Bilko, no, most of you are more than capable of playing make believe in the GFZ, when I pop in there and everyone is referring to the jacuzzi, I`m sat there saying to myself `what fucking jacuzzi?! Where?! Just a few examples too show that I am not considering myself as the SH one man band!
Venusxxx
Sex God
Quote by VenusnMars
Just wondered, how do you know if you're part of a clique or not?
Bev
xx
Well, first off you will need to take a very large and sharp scalpel, then carefully, remove the top of your skull, and the skulls of others around you, once the brain is exposed, you will need to whittle away at it in fine slices......
Once you have then started writing various theories taking on board everyones possible reactions to those theories, and realise that to compensate you have in fact started to write a book, which has not only confused the shit out of yourself, but will probably serve to make others assume that you are in fact a madwoman who should be locked up, you fry said slices in a nice mixture of olive oil and garlic, and serve hot with a nice glass of chianti. :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
Now I know where the marbles came from :!: You wannem back Venus
: Sex God
This is a great thread.
One thing that fascinates me is when people say, as a generalisation, that they don't give a fuck what people think about what they say. (I'm not having a pop here - just interested).
If I ever get to the point where I say I don't care what people think it is usually because I'm sinking. That's because I do care what people think - mainly on two counts - I do not want to unthinkingly hurt others feelings and secondly because I think it is good to have your opinions respected. I think most people would honestly admit to that - wouldn't they?
<<<<<< Gets ready to duck? >>>>>>>
One thing that fascinates me is when people say, as a generalisation, that they don't give a fuck what people think about what they say. (I'm not having a pop here - just interested).
If I ever get to the point where I say I don't care what people think it is usually because I'm sinking. That's because I do care what people think - mainly on two counts - I do not want to unthinkingly hurt others feelings and secondly because I think it is good to have your opinions respected. I think most people would honestly admit to that - wouldn't they?
<<<<<< Gets ready to duck? >>>>>>>
Bloody Brilliant thread Venus
Im admitting now that ive mainly skimmed through it
ops: But as most others have said I cant resist it
My opinions have changed over and over again on how i percieve this place and the people who post here.I used to think there were "cliques" but i now just recon they are friendships,certain people are going to get on better with cetain others as would happen IRL.
Certain peoples posting styles are bound to attract peeps who post in the same way.
So now i can see that its just the way things are for forum life and ive got used to it.
Occasionally i really dont care what people think but that does depend on the for newbies well,give em chance we were all there once.I remember when we first joined the cafe,there was always talk of the good old days and i remember thinking to myself,"why bother even trying to fit in" Where as now i can see the need to chat about things that have happened so i think its all just down to perspective.
Now did that lot make sense :scratching head and wondering:
Im admitting now that ive mainly skimmed through it
ops: But as most others have said I cant resist it My opinions have changed over and over again on how i percieve this place and the people who post here.I used to think there were "cliques" but i now just recon they are friendships,certain people are going to get on better with cetain others as would happen IRL.
Certain peoples posting styles are bound to attract peeps who post in the same way.
So now i can see that its just the way things are for forum life and ive got used to it.
Occasionally i really dont care what people think but that does depend on the for newbies well,give em chance we were all there once.I remember when we first joined the cafe,there was always talk of the good old days and i remember thinking to myself,"why bother even trying to fit in" Where as now i can see the need to chat about things that have happened so i think its all just down to perspective.
Now did that lot make sense
:scratching head and wondering: Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
Now did that lot make sense
Yup :!:
Quote by westerross
This is a great thread.
One thing that fascinates me is when people say, as a generalisation, that they don't give a fuck what people think about what they say. (I'm not having a pop here - just interested).
I think about this too, and I think it`s great that people can say this. I also think it`s great that they probably feel very self-confident as a result. Me, I do care very much how people perceive what I say, but I try very hard not to let this sway my opinions. I am quite prepared to take on board other people`s opinions, and change my own as a direct result, but I won`t adopt a popular opinion just to fit in...I prefer to bugger off and make friends with those who respect my opinions, if not necessarily agree with them all the time. Whether or not my lack of immunity is an indication of my strength of character remains to be seen. I prefer to think it`s because I`m an extrovert, so how successful I am in this depends very much upon how well I can communicate with others, that, and the fact I`m very sensitive to serious conflict.
However, as self-confident as this may (or may not) make me sound, I have held back from offering my opinion, or supporting someone who seems to be in the minority on the odd occassion. Again, whether this is because I feel that the mood of the thread would cause others to be less than receptive to what I have to offer, and my opinion would fall on deaf ears, or me simply taking the cowards way out, I`m unsure, but I`m working on it! If I voice my opinion I want it to be heard, and considered, and this can very much depend upon how well I put it across, which in turn depends upon how well I understand how to communicate with a given mood and/or personality, and how those personalities are likely to react to me, and others as a result.
Venusxxx
Quote by VenusnMars
This is a great thread.
One thing that fascinates me is when people say, as a generalisation, that they don't give a fuck what people think about what they say. (I'm not having a pop here - just interested).
However, as self-confident as this may (or may not) make me sound, I have held back from offering my opinion, or supporting someone who seems to be in the minority on the odd occassion. Again, whether this is because I feel that the mood of the thread would cause others to be less than receptive to what I have to offer, and my opinion would fall on deaf ears, or me simply taking the cowards way out, I`m unsure, but I`m working on it! If I voice my opinion I want it to be heard, and considered, and this can very much depend upon how well I put it across, which in turn depends upon how well I understand how to communicate with a given mood and/or personality, and how those personalities are likely to react to me, and others as a result.
Venusxxx
I think sometimes when the "mood" of a thread is quite "agressive" and people aren't taking on board different opinions it can be almost impossible to put your point across no matter how well you word it. In those instances you would just be banging your head against a wall IMO. It's like trying to rationalise with someone who just keeps shouting over you. Best to walk away in those instances I think.
Quote by Rainbows
It's like trying to rationalise with someone who just keeps shouting over you. Best to walk away in those instances I think.
That is when I end up questioning my strength of character. I never seem to stop exploring ways around a howler/s.....
possibly because I am a tenacious bitch! :mrgreen:
Venusxxx
Quote by Scandal
Go 'ead, bite me 'ead off !
/rubs hands together.
ta very much :twisted:
Although I agree that a spirited debate can be very entertaining, for me, the purpose of debate is education. If people start to become casualties of a spirited debate, said debate then turns into a Flame war, people become polarised, and the orignal purpose of the debate is lost. Noone is any the wiser, but oft will come away with opinions about who`s the git, and who isn`t, who was on thier `side` and who wasn`t.....and dare I say it........which group is the `clique` or `bandwagon` of the week! Now of course I am familiar with the sentiment `If you can`t stand the heat, then stay out of the kitchen`, but perhaps many people didn`t join the debate for the heat, perhaps they prefer to eat the meal at the end? I totally respect this, and although it could (and probably will be) argued that a persons inability to recognise, or respond to a spirited debate in the way it`s intended is their own fault, but by the same token perhaps it could also be argued that sensitivity toward the diverse personalities involved to go a long way toward staving off ignorance and hurt feelings...always a major consideration in my book, partcularly if I actually do want to communicate my point, or perhaps learn something without becoming embroiled in a traffic accident! I am not condemning spirited debate, rather promoting some sensitivity and understanding towards others involved.
One person`s self confidence in not having to take responsibility for sensitivity (which IS a good thing), is to another person a lack of consideration.
Depending upon how you view it. I like try the view out of many windows....
I *think* I addressed your point. Did I address your point?
Can you expand on the following?
Exchange of views, polemics, heated even are one way understanding progresses.
Venusxxx
