:? :?now as you can imagine, i greeted her pronouncement with a not inconsiderable degree of consternation! :shock: in short, my ghast was well and truly flabbered! :? here i am, a man who thinks nowt of prancing around in women's undergarments, fears intimacy with mechanical contraptions not one bit, has indulged his bi side with some vigour on occasion, and was even once upon a time officially verified as a kinky slapper by some of the kinkiest slappers i've ever come across, and yet, in the grand schemey scheme of things i'm still considered to be at the very blandest end of ice cream flavourings. i can't even kid myself she might have meant that really expensive, subtle, velvet smooth, really sexy when it's licked off warm skin kind of vanilla. she meant yer Mr Whippy in a soggy cornet kind of vanilla i'm sure!
now this frankly has me worried. :confused: in fact i'd go so far as to admit i'm scared witless, and quaking in me high heeled boots! :scared: she's got me wondering what other deviant sexual practices are out there lying in wait for me, practices with which she must be horribly familiar, but that i, poor naive, innocent little lamb that i am, know bugger all about? :shock: :scared:
so . . . it got me thinking . . . . how about, for all the vanillas like me among us, we come up with some kind of Swinging Heaven curriculum. a kind of Home Study Guide for the sexually perplexed, one that answers all those eternal questions that keep on cropping up, like how do i introduce anal, and why am i jealous of my partners rampant rabbit, and squirting, what is it, and how do i make it happen, and things like that? a whole "Swinging in Theory and Practice" if you like? we could have regular study groups, a bit like Blue's parties perhaps, though not quite so scary obviously, maybe with regular trips to Cupids for a bit of in-depth field research, and at the end of it all we could have exams and stuff to see how well we put all that theory into practice, possibly with orals and stuff? ((( nooooo not that sort of orals! i mean like yer French GCSEs FGS!
))) so . . . without actually scaring me to death, just when i thought i'd got over that whole abject terror thing, what d'you reckon i should do about my vanilla ways, and how should we help future newbie vanillas aim for that whole triple chocolate fudge with sauce and bits on end of the ice cream spectrum???
neil x x x :P
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