A sudden realisation

2 Feb 2007

Going along in the car daydreaming yesterday (as a passenger I might add) I was thinking about Stormy not being with me anymore for whatever reason. I then carried on thinking about whether i would still swing and I came to the realisation that I would still swing with women, but not with men. I pondered this for a while as it surprised me to think that and I discovered that it is because I feel that I can only have sex with a man if alot of emotion is involved. So I can have sex for fun with women quite happily with a minimum amount of emotion (Obviously I have to like them) but with a man I think it has to be "a relationship"
Does anyone else feel like this? if you do why is it do you think? and if no-one else feels like this, why do I dunno

:confused2:

2 Feb 2007

Quote by firelizard
Does anyone else feel like this? if you do why is it do you think? and if no-one else feels like this, why do I :confused2:

because you are you ......... :inlove:
I would grieve but I would carry on as a swinger. Most of my most treasured friends are in the swinging community and I could rely on them both emotionally and physically.
Morb and I could never do vanilla again, either as a couple or individually.
Cx

3 Feb 2007

Quote by firelizard
I would still swing with women, but not with men. I pondered this for a while as it surprised me to think that and I discovered that it is because I feel that I can only have sex with a man if alot of emotion is involved. So I can have sex for fun with women quite happily with a minimum amount of emotion (Obviously I have to like them) but with a man I think it has to be "a relationship"

I know how you feel hun. I only have one male intimate friend ( aka knight ) but a few females. The main reason is I joined this site to explore my bi side and not to meet guys. I could have nsa with women without forming any relationship other than friendship but I'm a bit more wary with guys in case it developed into something a bit too deep for me to handle right now.
That all sounded good in my head blink

3 Feb 2007

Being straight I'd only have sex with a woman but there has to be something more than physical attraction for it to be worthwhile in my view.
I know this is half an answer to the question but it is all I can offer I'm afraid. It does chime with FL's half of her answer too. ( Ithink I know what i mean)
.

3 Feb 2007

...

3 Feb 2007

When the tart and I first got together we had several long discussions about how we were both going to continue with our now entwined swinging lives and we both realised that neither of us wanted to give it up, we just set some new rules and boundaries which we were both comfortable with at that time. They were pretty tight at first but as we've both grown in our relationship some of those initial rules and boundaries have been edged open again.
I know that if he wasn't in my life then I wouldn't give up on my swinging life. Yeah I might just be socially involved for a while, but I could never give it up completely.

3 Feb 2007

My main question though is this...... Why would I not feel able to have sex with a man without a relationship, but I would have no problem doing so with a woman. What's the difference (apart from the obvious of course...a willy!)
Love
Fire xx

3 Feb 2007

Quote by firelizard
My main question though is this...... Why would I not feel able to have sex with a man without a relationship, but I would have no problem doing so with a woman. What's the difference (apart from the obvious of course...a willy!)
Love
Fire xx

Dunno hun but if you find the answer, tell me too confused

3 Feb 2007

Quote by firelizard
My main question though is this...... Why would I not feel able to have sex with a man without a relationship, but I would have no problem doing so with a woman. What's the difference (apart from the obvious of course...a willy!)
Love
Fire xx

The obvious answer is emotional attachment. Your mind links sex to love with men but with women sex is linked to fun, therefore making it easier to have casual sex with women. Also if you have never been in a serious relationship with a woman, then you will only associate sex with them as fun.
That's my best guess anyway wink

Thankfully it doesn't apply to me as I am a cold hearted bitch :twisted:
Minx x x

3 Feb 2007

Ahhh thanks Minxy I can stop pondering now and get some sleep passionkiss

3 Feb 2007

Quote by firelizard
Ahhh thanks Minxy I can stop pondering now and get some sleep

I never said I was right!! :shock: lol

3 Feb 2007

Yeah but it sounded as good an explanation as any dunno

:giggle:

3 Feb 2007

Quote by firelizard
Yeah but it sounded as good an explanation as any :giggle:

:shock: :smug:
Minx x x (Armchair Psychologist :giggle: )

4 Feb 2007

i'm just a tart
:shock:
what? dunno

4 Feb 2007

i think that's right. it was explained to me as "emotionally straight but sexually bi".
You would possibly never consider a woman as relationship material but somewhere deepdown men are potential partners not just lovers.
that's why! lol

My issue is that i only swing as a single. Can't and won't do it within a relationship. Just too selfish to share and even if it was just me playing with women I'd still feel like i was cheating in a way.

4 Feb 2007

The sterotype has always been that attitudes to sex between the sexes go as follows. To a man sex and love are two seperate things. The sex is almost a physical need. To Women the sterotype says that sex follows for her when the brain/emotions are engaged first. Love leads to sex.
All sterotypes can be dismissed as bobins but the popular ones seem to stick around. Is it a sterotype that rings true? Albeit one that finds its proof in you prefering girls for nsa fun.
I recently sepearted from my gf as she had an affair. Knowing it was more than pure lust speeded the end. Stranegley I could cope with just a lustfull one night stand but a prolonged affair seems more a betrayal of the heart rather than the libido.
Pizza

5 Feb 2007

Oops forget that, started a new thread instead
sorry
tc
c & h kiss

6 Feb 2007

Or perhaps you were subconsciously linking swinging alone with the "loss" of Stormy, and therefore feeling it may be some kind of a betrayal.
It kinda made sense in my head. I've had a stressful day
:huh:

8 Feb 2007

I know that the loss of W would stop me in my tracks. I also know that I would go back to swinging long before finding some to settle with, if ever.
Travis