Would you discipline (not physically) your friends child if they were very rude to you in public ?
The reason I ask this is that I was having a convo with my Mum and she said that back in the day when she was bringing up myself and my sister if a few Mums went off to the park with their children, then generally they would all muck in and if one of them needed telling off it could have been any one of the mums that did it and the children all knew this and she says it produced alot more respect from the children to the adults. Nowadays I know that there are parents that would be absolutely affronted if one of their children were told off by anyone other than themselves.
In the instance of blatent rudeness for instance would it be too late to tell the mother if she hadnt been there and say nothing to the child. Would the moment have passed and the child think they had got away with it?
What do you think?
My view on this in general is that yes it's ok for a friend or family member to tell the child off. I will admit though to feeling miffed in the past when one of my children has been the subject in question and has been told off by another adult, but having said that I still think it's a good thing provided the teller offer has all the facts and there is no question that they could be wrong.
Thats a real toughie Fire......I think it would be ok if it was a family member or a VERY close friend....but not someone else. I think i would get a bit uppity if a stranger did it...I would be of the opinion that disciplining of MY kids is MY business and no one elses.
I work in a parent/toddler group, and its a very hard thing to judge discipline. We are very aware that everyone had different discipline styles, yet the centre we work in (as I imagine a lot of other places do) has a 'no smacking' policy and its difficult if we see a parent give theur child a tap on the hand or the backside.
Parenting style and discipline is a very personal thing, and when someone else tells you that what you are doing is, or maybe, wrong it can be a potential minefield. You need a great deal of tact as well as the hide of a rhino when broaching something like that with another oparent you dont kow too well.
Its a refelction of society as a whole today, that you cant discipline a child who is doing wrong, without fear of a lawsuit or at the very least a gob full of abuse.
I am unsure what sort of thing is a telling off.
I know that I would speak to someone about poor behaviour if that was an adult or child. Regardless of who else was around. I rarely raise my voice and I certainly speak no differently to children than I would an adult. I speak with respect and check understanding.
If someone else spoke to my son about his behaviour I would have no problem with that if it was done respectfully. (obviously I always make allowances for those who are not used to speaking to people respectfully)
I would be pretty fed up if a family member didn't tell one of our kids off if they were badly behaved. We were told last week at school open night that our youngest two were a pleasure to teach. We work hard on bringing up our children in the manner we prefer, their manners and behaviour is generally excellent. My thoughts are they this can only happen if the discipline is constant and at the same level.
If I found another child to be rude or bratty I would make a comment and tell them that I thought their actions were mean or nasty. I wouldn't discipline them as such, it isn't my place. Their parents might thing things acceptable when I don't.
If my kids were out of order then I'd have no problem with someone else (not necessarily an adult) pointing the fact out to them and giving them a bollocking.
I was brought up in a Welsh village in the 60s and that is exactly what would happen in those days. I really wish it was acceptable these days too. I think it's implicit that adults should educate kids, even if it's only to point out the error of their ways.
Obviously this does NOT include physical punishment, that is the responsibility of either me or their mother.
I'm not adverse to telling off kids if they are blatantly behaving in a way in which is offensive or damaging or illegal. Mind you i have had to live with the broken windows smashed windshield snapped wing mirrors egged doors and flat tyres as a consequence from the older brothers/sister and on one occasion a parent unbelievably.
We dont make enough of an issue as individuals about this sort of thing we just pay it lip service. Sometimes you have to stand up and be counted, even if it means at the expense of your own comfort. No violence needs be used just knowing you are in the right and they are in the wrong and telling them so whether child or adult.
Not have children, I say that the reason we now have so much trouble in the towns is simple, there is no self discipline. Where does self discipline come from? Someone imposes discipline from outside, and the person learns to act in away that correction is not needed from outside; self discipline!
So if a child learns he/she can not do x then he/she will not do x. The problem comes when there is a mixed or no message. So if a see a child kicking a dog I stop it. If I see a child. here I am trying to think of something that only a portion of the people would consider wrong, anyway in that case I would do nothing.
The bottom line is if a friend stopped my sisters boys from kicking a dog I would say thank you. If my friend read the ten commandments to I would tell my friend to be leave the boy alone.
If a child was in my home doing something I find unacceptable I have no qualms in having a word and asking them to stop, if they are in my home they abide by my rules wether they like it or not. I would expect other adults to treat my children in the same way.
Where i live you just wouldn't 'tell off' another persons child, you'd probabily wake up with a brick thro your window and that would be by the parents lol i think it depends where you live, back home before we moved here we lived in a small village where everyone knew each other and if a kid did wrong it was ok to tell them not to so long as it was done with the best intentions, but here the people are just so different, parents don't really seem to care what their kids are upto so long as they are out the house and out of their hair.
there are alternatives to 'things' just because something isn't one way doesn't necessarily mean it is the opposite of that way.
Having 'rights' doesn't mean that the child is behaving badly. Just like adults having 'rights' children are able and willing to behave appropriately within those boundaries.
Absolutely, if you are given the responsibility of looking after the child you have been given the responsibility to make sure it behaves responsibly.
After all that is what you do the minute your child passes through the school gate?
Just make sure that what you say is justifiable and balanced?
If the parent does not like it that is their problem - we should not lower our sights on behaving responsibly. We should all be brought up to respect other people unless we have reasons to think otherwise, surely?
Shay
manners and respect to name just three :grin: 
So am I to assume that screaming “Do that again you little bastard and I'll tear your head off and shove it up your arse”, may be considered a little extreme 
