Hi All,
I've been away for a little while (due to pressure of work), but I just had to log in and say Hi cos I'm very confused and I think only you wonderful people can help me out here.
A bit of background; I met the girl I've searched for all my life a few months ago and we fell for each other completely (or so it seemed). There are a number of complications that I won't go into here but about 6 weeks ago she finished with me, but still wanted to keep in touch, in fact still be 'special' friends - she just needed lots of 'space'.
Anyway, I took it very badly (who doesn't) and was just getting used to the loss when last week while talking on the phone I almost told her I love her which I've been trying not to cos I don't want to pressurise her etc. I fiented and said something else but she realised what had happened and so I admitted it, she then said she feels the same.
As a result I'm now totally confused, more to the point we haven't been able to have a private discussion to talk it through, I think neither of us knows where we stand with each other.
Maybe I just need everyone to tell me I'm being stupid and to move on, but I do know I still love this girl and that I do want her back.
Not sure what else to say, I don't expect advice, maybe just some thoughts on the subject.
SA
xxx
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Absolute Turmoil
Sorry to be the misery guts here, but IMHO, love isn't everything, it isn't the be-all and end-all, it doesn't make the world go round and it doesn't conquor all.
Think about why the relationship ended in the first place? How much difference would it have made if you'd told her you loved her before. Would you still have split up?
Sorry to be a cynical bugger - it's just me!
Think about why the relationship ended in the first place? How much difference would it have made if you'd told her you loved her before. Would you still have split up?
Sorry to be a cynical bugger - it's just me!
Call me stupid but I think the reason you guys broke up may have been because you DIDN'T say you loved her... If she is that special I would have thought you would have uttered the L word by now.
I know the L word is this big scary powerful thing that wrecks lives... but sometimes you have to be brave enough to put it to use. Worst that can happen is you end up standing in the rain outside her house, holding some shredded beheaded bunch of flowers screaming 'I love you' into the night sky while the neighbours call the police to take you away........
I know the L word is this big scary powerful thing that wrecks lives... but sometimes you have to be brave enough to put it to use. Worst that can happen is you end up standing in the rain outside her house, holding some shredded beheaded bunch of flowers screaming 'I love you' into the night sky while the neighbours call the police to take you away........
I'm not afraid of my feelings or showing them, and I told her I loved her lots of times - it was, and is true.
Why did it break down? Difficult to say, its always been clear to me that if I love someone that all boundaries and difficulties are surmountable and nothing has ever got in my way. However, the same can't be said of everyone and I think the difficulties we had just got on top of her to the point where she felt it was easier to give up.
Now thats not my way at all, the more difficult things are the harder I try to find a solution. The trouble with that approach is that I often end up overdoing it and I don't want to be seen as hassling her, that would be counter productive.
I kind of feel she's not all that happy about the separation, so I really think we need to talk, its just been impossible since that admission last week and thats probably why I'm in this state of purgatory - nothing's decided.
SA
XXX
Why did it break down? Difficult to say, its always been clear to me that if I love someone that all boundaries and difficulties are surmountable and nothing has ever got in my way. However, the same can't be said of everyone and I think the difficulties we had just got on top of her to the point where she felt it was easier to give up.
Now thats not my way at all, the more difficult things are the harder I try to find a solution. The trouble with that approach is that I often end up overdoing it and I don't want to be seen as hassling her, that would be counter productive.
I kind of feel she's not all that happy about the separation, so I really think we need to talk, its just been impossible since that admission last week and thats probably why I'm in this state of purgatory - nothing's decided.
SA
XXX
Quote by Libra-Love
Spiritedaway, do as your name suggests that impulse would be. Don't run or hide from what you feel inside. Don't live your life with regret.
:rose:
Thats great advice Libra, my impulse is to get onto my bike and ride like the wind, or as Meat Loaf/Jim Steinman put it "tearing up the road, faster than any other boy has ever gone" and take her away from everything that troubles her.
But do ladies really want the knight in shining armour routine, in my experience romantic dreams like that aren't always welcomed in real life - women feel so guilty about things that it often doesn't work.
Having said that, its just what I'll probably do - or something similar
SA
xxx
I strongly believe in LOVE.
Its a relection of our fragmented,complex times that we are here in various states of need for,or realisation of,whatever kind of love,in varied forms,be it for a single night or a lifetime,selfless or selfish,a temporal illusion or a lasting reality.
This looks like a big step for both of you Spirited Away - make it a step toward,not away from,each other.
Its a relection of our fragmented,complex times that we are here in various states of need for,or realisation of,whatever kind of love,in varied forms,be it for a single night or a lifetime,selfless or selfish,a temporal illusion or a lasting reality.
This looks like a big step for both of you Spirited Away - make it a step toward,not away from,each other.
Master of Sex
Quote by SpiritedAway
... its always been clear to me that if I love someone that all boundaries and difficulties are surmountable and nothing has ever got in my way. However, the same can't be said of everyone and I think the difficulties we had just got on top of her to the point where she felt it was easier to give up.
Reminded by your statement of my own path, I would say to myself... you can't love for both of you. Difficulties are to be overcome together (and lessenned for that). The 'difficulty' of unrequited love cannot be overcome by the unrequited one loving more. And a one-sided love will eventually become a burden. By all means be sure and confirm that there has been no tragic misunderstanding but remember your own worth.
As i said, this is not advice. I can't even say for sure if these thoughts would have helped me make better choices.
Quote by SpiritedAway
Spiritedaway, do as your name suggests that impulse would be. Don't run or hide from what you feel inside. Don't live your life with regret.
:rose:
Thats great advice Libra, my impulse is to get onto my bike and ride like the wind, or as Meat Loaf/Jim Steinman put it "tearing up the road, faster than any other boy has ever gone" and take her away from everything that troubles her.
But do ladies really want the knight in shining armour routine, in my experience romantic dreams like that aren't always welcomed in real life - women feel so guilty about things that it often doesn't work.
Having said that, its just what I'll probably do - or something similar
SA
xxx
Just follow your heart mate. Worse case senario, rather a slap in the face than to live with the *what if's*
Sex God
I kind of feel she's not all that happy about the separation, so I really think we need to talk, its just been impossible since that admission last week and thats probably why I'm in this state of purgatory - nothing's decided.
SA
XXX
I really don't want to sound pessimistic here but of course she's not going to be happy about it 'cos it's turned her world upside down too. Don't neccessarily assume that her upset springs from the same place as yours. She's upset for herself, not for you old mate.
I hope I'm wrong. Best wishes.
Well I've had plenty of those slaps over the years, and I'll continue to set myself up for them being the hopeless romantic that I am.
I'm a great believer in 'better to have loved and lost than never loved at all' but this one has to be one of the 'lossiest' so far (I know its not a word but I liked the idea ).
I've been dumped loads of times (only done the leaving myself twice) and it never gets any easier, why is that, you'd think you'd get used to it after a while
SA
XXX
I'm a great believer in 'better to have loved and lost than never loved at all' but this one has to be one of the 'lossiest' so far (I know its not a word but I liked the idea
).I've been dumped loads of times (only done the leaving myself twice) and it never gets any easier, why is that, you'd think you'd get used to it after a while
SA
XXX
in my opinion.I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded, it made me feel a lot better having the support and thoughts of you all.
I don't know how things will turn out but I do know that life goes on and that spending time here in the cafe certainly can bring some solace to a bruised heart (as well all the naughty parts too :twisted: ).
Thank you all
SA
xxx
I don't know how things will turn out but I do know that life goes on and that spending time here in the cafe certainly can bring some solace to a bruised heart (as well all the naughty parts too :twisted: ).
Thank you all
SA
xxx
