One of my best friends has really surprised me this morning by revealing she is going to a swingers party at the end of the month. She's just met some guy who has charmed the panties off her and has persuaded her to go to it. To say the least she's a little unsure, but also excited (I think more about the guy than the party).
She's never, ever been involved in the swinging scene, even peripherally, and even though we've talked about the subject before she's always rejected the reality as being too difficult to handle. The concept isn't a problem - I've shown her the SH site a couple of times and she is interested in principle. She's a very sensible and also very confident woman, but also quite sensitive and I would hate to see her get hurt.
As a complete novice and non-participatory (as yet) member I don't feel qualified to advise her properly so I thought I would seek out words of wisdom from those who are experienced and who may have gone through this situation themselves. Any guidance that I can pass on to her would be really appreciated.
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Advice needed for a very good friend
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I think the only advice that you could give her is to make sure she knows exactly what she is doing. Is she really going because she is interested in swinging? or is she going because she likes him, wants to spend time with him and doesnt want to say no? Shes does need to know what his expectations will be for that evening, if he has any at all. Is he maybe just looking for a swinging partner? I think she needs to get all these questions clear in her head before she ventures down that avenue. Whether this helps or not, i dont know, but these are just my thoughts.
Louise xx
Louise xx
hi hun,
umm ok.. i dont know your friend , but from what you have said she has her own doubts, thats not to say she wont actually love the whole swinging thing, just that she has those feeling that i think we all need for survival. its never wise to go into a situation with no inner voice guiding us. if that makes any sense.
However the definition of swinging is different for everyone.
some may say what shes considering doing is not basic swinging, but group sex,etc.
there are many reasons i would advise her against this, especially as a first step.
1. she doent know this guy well enough to know he is going to be loking out for her safety.
2. its rather full on fora first experience
if she really intrested in pursuing the swinging sceene then i think she should try and find a friend who will be there for her.
just my opinion
xxx fem xxx
umm ok.. i dont know your friend , but from what you have said she has her own doubts, thats not to say she wont actually love the whole swinging thing, just that she has those feeling that i think we all need for survival. its never wise to go into a situation with no inner voice guiding us. if that makes any sense.
However the definition of swinging is different for everyone.
some may say what shes considering doing is not basic swinging, but group sex,etc.
there are many reasons i would advise her against this, especially as a first step.
1. she doent know this guy well enough to know he is going to be loking out for her safety.
2. its rather full on fora first experience
if she really intrested in pursuing the swinging sceene then i think she should try and find a friend who will be there for her.
just my opinion
xxx fem xxx
Sex God
It sounds a bit to me that the guy is using your friend to get into a swingers party, and possibly once there he will go off and do his own thing.
Is your friend really ready for the swinging scene?
Good luck for what ever you advise her
Is your friend really ready for the swinging scene?
Good luck for what ever you advise her
Quote by fem_4_taboo
1. she doent know this guy well enough to know he is going to be loking out for her safety.
2. its rather full on fora first experience
These are just the kind of worries that I have for her as well. She has only just met the guy (a couple of nights ago, although they contacted each other via an online dating site and have chatted for a couple of months) and sounds like he has kind of swept her away.
Quote by Sarah
It sounds a bit to me that the guy is using your friend to get into a swingers party, and possibly once there he will go off and do his own thing.
Is your friend really ready for the swinging scene?
Good luck for what ever you advise her
As far as I can gather, he seems to be looking for an emotional attachment (why else advertise on a dating site) as well as a swinging partner - she showed me his profile on that site and he does seem pretty upfront about his "hobby" and that he wants someone to share it with (although obviously it's not expressed in explicit terms). He's been honest with her and said he likes sex in a group situation and that will never change.
I'm really happy for her that she's found someone she likes as she's been searching for a few years, but also worried that she will end up getting hurt by someone who may not regard the relationship in the same way.
Warming the Bed
If as you say she has only known this guy a few days then maybe a swingers party isn't quite the right place for her.
Personally I would want to know the person for a longer period of time if a non swinger before doing what your friend is contemplating.
Having said that she will make up her own mind.
Perhaps you could suggest she set's up a safety net for herself. Whereby if she needs to get away from the situation she can do so easily.
On the other hand she may be happy enough at the party and really enjoy herself.
Took me months before decided to go to a munch and that's purely a social event. Even then arranged things that if I felt uncomfortable could get away.
Above all else no matter how much she feels for this guy it's still very soon to be taking such a leap into swinging.
Personal view point if she has any doubts about the evening then should seriously consider how wise it would be to go with him.
If he does care for her then he should understand.
:smile2:
Personally I would want to know the person for a longer period of time if a non swinger before doing what your friend is contemplating.
Having said that she will make up her own mind.
Perhaps you could suggest she set's up a safety net for herself. Whereby if she needs to get away from the situation she can do so easily.
On the other hand she may be happy enough at the party and really enjoy herself.
Took me months before decided to go to a munch and that's purely a social event. Even then arranged things that if I felt uncomfortable could get away.
Above all else no matter how much she feels for this guy it's still very soon to be taking such a leap into swinging.
Personal view point if she has any doubts about the evening then should seriously consider how wise it would be to go with him.
If he does care for her then he should understand.
:smile2:
Sex God
If it was one of my friends I'd probably feel the same way, but I think I'd try and let her make a fully informed decision by asking her what the guy has said about the night and what is she expecting to happen. If she did decide to go I'd tell her that if she feels uncomfortable at any time she can leave and not to feel "pressured" or that she has to do anything she doesn't want to, "no" does mean "no". I'd also tell her that I'd leave my phone on and she should call me if she needs a ride home at any time.
Sex God
Quote by Scandal
She's a very sensible and also very confident woman
I'm assuming she's a grown woman too then?
I wouldn't give her any advise, if she wants to go good luck to her, what's the worst that can happen?
Everything else is guess work
I agree - I really can't see why you're worried. :dunno:
