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Advice on possible Terrorist Attacks !!!
After spotting this very alarming post, I got the misses to dig trenches in the garden at 90 degrees to each other. I told her that it was important that these were dug by a woman because of the delicasy of the project. She then filled them with cement, a wall I told her build a wall on that side that side that side and that side, don't forget to leave an entrance. This she done with no drama what so ever. She even put a roof on it.
So now we have got a purpose made shelter.
Until it's needed I will use it as a garden shed, seems a shame to let it stand idle.
So now we have got a purpose made shelter.
Until it's needed I will use it as a garden shed, seems a shame to let it stand idle.
Quote by Flipper
I am sending this reconaisence report from the public bar of the Dog and Futtock in Little Mincing .
I have great news of a technological breakthrough, Mick the barman has just got back from holiday in Brazil , Pedro the taxi driver who collected them from the airport told him that the CD hanging up in the windscreen of his cab deflects all radiation , including speed cameras . Mick has fitted one here in the bay window looking out over the cricket pitch ( don't worry , the CD is a free "Best of Julio Englesias " from a 1997 Mail on Sunday) , this is working very well , both the beer engine and the microwave are fully functional and no one has turned into a green slime and ebbed out under the door , so it seems to have improved the beer .
More research is needed so I will looking to forum members as it is your round now .
Will this work with AOL cd's as they are no good for anything else
: :?: Quote by Flipper
I am sending this reconaisence report from the public bar of the Dog and Futtock in Little Mincing .
I have great news of a technological breakthrough, Mick the barman has just got back from holiday in Brazil , Pedro the taxi driver who collected them from the airport told him that the CD hanging up in the windscreen of his cab deflects all radiation , including speed cameras . Mick has fitted one here in the bay window looking out over the cricket pitch ( don't worry , the CD is a free "Best of Julio Englesias " from a 1997 Mail on Sunday) , this is working very well , both the beer engine and the microwave are fully functional and no one has turned into a green slime and ebbed out under the door , so it seems to have improved the beer .
More research is needed so I will looking to forum members as it is your round now .
hadn't you better ask the CDs what they want to do in an emergency?? :grin:
I bet they're not very happy being hung up in the windscreen
hadn't you better ask the CDs what they want to do in an emergency??
I bet they're not very happy being hung up in the windscreen
Sorry , cant tell you about in the windscreen as I did not go to Brazil , I can imagine that a long term solution for your approach would involve an exhibitionist CD
: ******www.swingingheaven.co.uk******OFFICIAL MEMO******
To: All Swinging Heaven Forum Members (Except Davej)
From : Sgt Bilko - Head of Security
Date : 29th July 2004
Copy To : All Moderators
.................Site Admin
Subject : Davej and Mrs Davej under the Table/ Ironing Board
It has been brought to my attention that Davej, Mrs Davej and the Davej children have misunderstood the guidelines that were sent from this office earlier this week, regarding the terrorist threat we are now facing.
This was intended to be a guide on how to survive in the event of an attack, not notification of any attack that had taken place. Davej and his family are about to embark on their third night under the table/ ironing board and being the sensitive soul that I am, I cannot bear to tell him that there has been no attack.
I am therefore asking everyone to hide the truth from The Davej's and to give him the impression that you too are suffering with him. A few words of encouragement every now and then would also be appreciated.
Regards
Sgt Bilko (HoS)
To: All Swinging Heaven Forum Members (Except Davej)
From : Sgt Bilko - Head of Security
Date : 29th July 2004
Copy To : All Moderators
.................Site Admin
Subject : Davej and Mrs Davej under the Table/ Ironing Board
It has been brought to my attention that Davej, Mrs Davej and the Davej children have misunderstood the guidelines that were sent from this office earlier this week, regarding the terrorist threat we are now facing.
This was intended to be a guide on how to survive in the event of an attack, not notification of any attack that had taken place. Davej and his family are about to embark on their third night under the table/ ironing board and being the sensitive soul that I am, I cannot bear to tell him that there has been no attack.
I am therefore asking everyone to hide the truth from The Davej's and to give him the impression that you too are suffering with him. A few words of encouragement every now and then would also be appreciated.
Regards
Sgt Bilko (HoS)
Sex God
C'mon Davej *snigger*
Sex God
we're all in this together *titter*
Sex God
we'll all be fine once this attack's over *suppressed laugh*
Sex God
you're a credit to SH mate. *bites own tongue*
Sex God
There'll be a medal in this for you, guaranteed. :giggle:
Sex God
Maybe even a knighthood........
Just think Sir Davej.....
Just think Sir Davej.....
I'm sorry Sarge, but I cannot let an upstanding memeber (hehehehehe) like Davej be taken in by this ....
DAVEJ: It's all a ruse mate... you have been taken in by the cruel Sarge and those that you think are your mates (that means you Easy).
Now come out from your shelter - you can leave Mrs Davej there if you so wish..
Right, we'll say no more about it
Regards
Paul
DAVEJ: It's all a ruse mate... you have been taken in by the cruel Sarge and those that you think are your mates (that means you Easy).
Now come out from your shelter - you can leave Mrs Davej there if you so wish..
Right, we'll say no more about it
Regards
Paul
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Fun365 is dragged away kicking and screaming by men in white coats!!
Ignore him Davej, I think the nerve gas got to him !! He'll be OK once the medication kicks in. This is what happens when these terrorists attack. :shock: :shock:
Bends Fun365's fingers back and pokes him in the eye!!!
Okay, Mr Clever Sarge... How come that I am off to play golf in an hour? eh, eh, eh!!!
If there were terror wrists around I would not be going to the golf course
And don;t attempt the lame old joke that I'm only going there to hide in a "bunker"
I rest my case M'lud
Paul
Quote by Fun365
Okay, Mr Clever Sarge... How come that I am off to play golf in an hour? eh, eh, eh!!!
If there were terror wrists around I would not be going to the golf course
And don;t attempt the lame old joke that I'm only going there to hide in a "bunker"
Do you think its really safe to be going to play golf????
Cant you see that the clubs are possibly possessed by terrorists and can use them through you as a weapon to hurt others,youll have to be very,very careful :shock:
Clare,xxx
Quote by Fun365
Fun365 is dragged away kicking and screaming by men in white coats!!
Ignore him Davej, I think the nerve gas got to him !! He'll be OK once the medication kicks in. This is what happens when these terrorists attack. :shock: :shock:
Bends Fun365's fingers back and pokes him in the eye!!!
Okay, Mr Clever Sarge... How come that I am off to play golf in an hour? eh, eh, eh!!!
If there were terror wrists around I would not be going to the golf course
And don;t attempt the lame old joke that I'm only going there to hide in a "bunker"
I rest my case M'lud
Paul
The problem is that he honestly believes he is going to play golf. It is one of the side-effects of the drugs he is on. Do not let him fool you Davej. Before you know it, you too could be thinking you are going to play golf!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
How come that I am off to play golf in an hour? eh, eh, eh!!!
If there were terror wrists around
Sorry
: Terror wrists :?: Have the Socialist Workers Party found a way of inflicting mass yips on the golfing classes ? I had not realised how dark the storm clouds were until this moment :giveup: 
Sex God
Day three.
Last night was no more comfortable than the previous nights although we are getting used to our own odours which is making it a little easier. We have taken on board the old wartime spirit and have started singing songs together to bolster our spirit. Despite this the tension of the moment is giving rise to shorter tempers and a disagreement over the words of an old Neil Sedaka number did send us into a temporary depression. Mrs davej insist that the words are....'Oh Carol I am but a fool'......whilst I am sure that he sings.......'Oh Carol these Cargo trousers are cool'........
We did think that an attack was under way when we heard a noise early this morning. The letter box opened and in anticipation of the chemicals that we felt sure were about to be poured through the letter box we frantically searched for face masks to filter out any gases. Seeing as the head of security had omitted to include them in his emergency pack, we had to improvise. Given the fact that even today, the desert nomads of Africa use masks made from animal skins, we decided to use Harriot and Jemima our pet hampsters and with the use of the elastic bands managed to strap them over our mouths. Both of us, suffered scratching and bites to our lips and noses as the Hampsters objected but at least we feel safer.
Item 10........face masks TCP and plasters.
We were relieved when no hose pipe appeared through the letter box and saw nothing more than a small plastic crocodile land on the mat, with a label that said 'love from WBB' we have taken this as a sign that WBB is working with the resistance and is as we speak free. Our spirits were lifted.
We then suffered another set back, as we opened our lines of communication with you all. Our current procedure is to check the last post on this thread where we assume the all clear will be posted and to check other threads. Our spirits went down when we read that several of you have been under attack via germ warfare and that the heineous forces that attack us, have started with the children. We read with alarm that the strain of germ that is being used, is causing rashes and scratching. As a precaution against this germ we are planning to pull out our finger nails tonight to prevent us from self harming, fetching the pliers from the shed will be particularly tricky because when I erected it I put it outside, I wanted to put it indoors as I couldn't see the point of sticking it down the garden but mrs davej insisted so down the garden it went.........I could curse her now for the dangerous positioning of the shed but I fear for her mental health at this time and perhaps its best left alone till later.
Item 11........a small toolkit
We are tired now and need to rest before our ordeal that is to come, so farewell our brave comrades, stay safe in your shelters, we will beat them yet...............................
in similar words to a very famous Prime Minister.......
We will fight them in the Air.........We will fight them on the beaches..........
do....wup....a....diddy..///..diddy...dum...didy....do....
We will poison their blood and then suck em dry like Leaches.......
do....wup....a...diddy...///...diddy...dum...diddy...do...
Last night was no more comfortable than the previous nights although we are getting used to our own odours which is making it a little easier. We have taken on board the old wartime spirit and have started singing songs together to bolster our spirit. Despite this the tension of the moment is giving rise to shorter tempers and a disagreement over the words of an old Neil Sedaka number did send us into a temporary depression. Mrs davej insist that the words are....'Oh Carol I am but a fool'......whilst I am sure that he sings.......'Oh Carol these Cargo trousers are cool'........
We did think that an attack was under way when we heard a noise early this morning. The letter box opened and in anticipation of the chemicals that we felt sure were about to be poured through the letter box we frantically searched for face masks to filter out any gases. Seeing as the head of security had omitted to include them in his emergency pack, we had to improvise. Given the fact that even today, the desert nomads of Africa use masks made from animal skins, we decided to use Harriot and Jemima our pet hampsters and with the use of the elastic bands managed to strap them over our mouths. Both of us, suffered scratching and bites to our lips and noses as the Hampsters objected but at least we feel safer.
Item 10........face masks TCP and plasters.
We were relieved when no hose pipe appeared through the letter box and saw nothing more than a small plastic crocodile land on the mat, with a label that said 'love from WBB' we have taken this as a sign that WBB is working with the resistance and is as we speak free. Our spirits were lifted.
We then suffered another set back, as we opened our lines of communication with you all. Our current procedure is to check the last post on this thread where we assume the all clear will be posted and to check other threads. Our spirits went down when we read that several of you have been under attack via germ warfare and that the heineous forces that attack us, have started with the children. We read with alarm that the strain of germ that is being used, is causing rashes and scratching. As a precaution against this germ we are planning to pull out our finger nails tonight to prevent us from self harming, fetching the pliers from the shed will be particularly tricky because when I erected it I put it outside, I wanted to put it indoors as I couldn't see the point of sticking it down the garden but mrs davej insisted so down the garden it went.........I could curse her now for the dangerous positioning of the shed but I fear for her mental health at this time and perhaps its best left alone till later.
Item 11........a small toolkit
We are tired now and need to rest before our ordeal that is to come, so farewell our brave comrades, stay safe in your shelters, we will beat them yet...............................
in similar words to a very famous Prime Minister.......
We will fight them in the Air.........We will fight them on the beaches..........
do....wup....a....diddy..///..diddy...dum...didy....do....
We will poison their blood and then suck em dry like Leaches.......
do....wup....a...diddy...///...diddy...dum...diddy...do...
Sex God
Quote by Fun365
DAVEJ: It's all a ruse mate... you have been taken in by the cruel Sarge and those that you think are your mates (that means you Easy).
:rude:
DaveJ stay where you are mate. You're much safer there than with all these poor lost souls who have gone crazy from the gas attack and seem to do nothing but stalk large, green open spaces that are surrounded by trees, carrying an assortment of metal bar things in an umberella stand on wheels.
I don't know what's more terrifying, the fact that they actually call these metal bars clubs or the horrendous clothing choice that seem to affect these poor fools.
:eeek:
As I speak I'm winging my may out to a location in an attempt to track down and recapture Fun365 with a crack team of highly trained goldfish.
*digs out balaclaver again*
Mr 365 if you're reading this.....
DEAD OR ALIVE YOU'RE COMING WITH US.
Sex God
Go Fetch Fun 365 back Easy cos from what I've heard he's gotta swing that looks like an Octopus falling out of a tree!!..........jeez with a swing like his, he could give Canadian Fur Sealers lessons!!
Sex God
top man Fun365 and well done Celticq for snapping him in his anti chemical suit, there's no way any bodily seepage will escape from them although I suspect that as his trouser fill, he will have the gait of one of those weebils.
Sex God
Quote by celticq
I'm pleased to see that Fun365 is at least following davej's sound advice re - pampers and elastic bands.
*van screeches to a halt. Easy and his team of goldfish pile out*
GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
*Goldfish team grab Fun365, pull a bag over his head and pile him into the back of the van*
Right guys back to the forum, for some "thought realignment" from the Sarge. Don't worry Fun you'll soon be feeling yourself again (like most of the single blokes on the site :P )
