What can I do to stop this? Tell me - anything, it's yours!
I'd love it to stop too!!
Have you any use for a fat bastard of a cat at all? :shock:
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I had a Siamese (recently deceased due to kidney problems).
Due to the fact that could have an ATTITUDE that I found personally extremely painful over many years I developed a perfect technique.
1. Place thick towel on knee
2. Encourage cat to sit on me
3. Stroke cat until cat goes to sleep
4. Take tablet, open mouth stick finger (and tablet) down throat
...... now it gets tricky !!! and this is where the towel comes in
5. AS cat wakes up hang onto cat, clamp mouth shut and rub back of throat
6. Hopefull cat swallows tablet before waking up full
I could only manage this every 2 days though as it pissed the cat off so much that she wouldn't speak to me for at least a day after.
Aren;t cats fun
Hope cat get's better, I'm lost without a pussy to stroke
best wishes
Mark
Due to the fact that could have an ATTITUDE that I found personally extremely painful over many years I developed a perfect technique.
1. Place thick towel on knee
2. Encourage cat to sit on me
3. Stroke cat until cat goes to sleep
4. Take tablet, open mouth stick finger (and tablet) down throat
...... now it gets tricky !!! and this is where the towel comes in
5. AS cat wakes up hang onto cat, clamp mouth shut and rub back of throat
6. Hopefull cat swallows tablet before waking up full
I could only manage this every 2 days though as it pissed the cat off so much that she wouldn't speak to me for at least a day after.
Aren;t cats fun
Hope cat get's better, I'm lost without a pussy to stroke
best wishes
Mark
I'm with Mal here. I don't think Ive ever laughed so much just staring at a computer screen. JQL and Heather - I toast you. I now realise that my dog cooly wandering round the corner and spitting out her tablet (having digested all the chocolate and cream I had wrapped it in) was NOTHING compared to what you guys go through.
Orgasminator
Some people will go to amazing lengths to subdue their cat...
:/ Editied the link - note you need an mpeg player (Media Player will do) to view this.
:/ Editied the link - note you need an mpeg player (Media Player will do) to view this.
JQL
Whatever that link was, my P.C. wouldn't let me see it... error pages and all.
So.... DAY FOUR of operation Pill into Cat commenced with a nifty suggestion from Loneysausage. I shall try that one just as soon as I've recovered...
There's one thing gaureented to get my Tigger into a state of compliance and that's to threaten to take his toy Garfield away. He never goes anywhere without that Garfield... Well, he never goes anywhere unless there's food involved either.
Picture the scene.... me on my knees - pill in one hand, Garfield in the other; staring Tigger right between the eyes in some vain hope that he'll twig what the deal is. Like a spaghetti Western face off to the death.
Suddenly he blinked! He frowned and I could see the flickering embers of a stray thought pass through his ears... I was winning! I moved in for my moment of triumph. It was then it happened.
He lept up, sprang onto my shoulders and used the extra height to jump onto the top of the kitchen cupboard. Sit down, licked his balls and went to sleep... just before he difted off, he gave me one of those "what are you going to do about that, then?" looks.
There was only one thing TO do... I snuggled up with Garfield and swallowed the fucking pill myself!
Whatever that link was, my P.C. wouldn't let me see it... error pages and all.
So.... DAY FOUR of operation Pill into Cat commenced with a nifty suggestion from Loneysausage. I shall try that one just as soon as I've recovered...
There's one thing gaureented to get my Tigger into a state of compliance and that's to threaten to take his toy Garfield away. He never goes anywhere without that Garfield... Well, he never goes anywhere unless there's food involved either.
Picture the scene.... me on my knees - pill in one hand, Garfield in the other; staring Tigger right between the eyes in some vain hope that he'll twig what the deal is. Like a spaghetti Western face off to the death.
Suddenly he blinked! He frowned and I could see the flickering embers of a stray thought pass through his ears... I was winning! I moved in for my moment of triumph. It was then it happened.
He lept up, sprang onto my shoulders and used the extra height to jump onto the top of the kitchen cupboard. Sit down, licked his balls and went to sleep... just before he difted off, he gave me one of those "what are you going to do about that, then?" looks.
There was only one thing TO do... I snuggled up with Garfield and swallowed the fucking pill myself!
I posted this in a different thread a couple of weeks ago but just in case it was missed I'm posting it again...........(apologies to Jags)
Diary of a cat:
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
Steve
Diary of a Dog:
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
6:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
6:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING IN MY PEOPLES BED! MY FAVORITE!
Diary of a cat:
Day 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat Iwas. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
Steve
i have a similar problem, we have three cats two are similar to yours but the other one just eats the pills.
seriously any pill put it in you hand and he eats it.
i told my vet and she made me do it in front of her as she didnt belive it.
if only he will teach the other two to do it.
good luck.
seriously any pill put it in you hand and he eats it.
i told my vet and she made me do it in front of her as she didnt belive it.
if only he will teach the other two to do it.
good luck.
I have just read this thread for the first time after seeing it nominated by MISSCHIEF in the SH Awards......
I thought I would just let you all know that I almost woke the kids as I was laughing so much.... I wish I had seen this thread before as I would have nominated it as well.....
Seriously funny stuff, and JQL I was crying (honestly) with laughter at your very long thread and the clip you posted.....
This is what the Cafe is all about......
:lol:
Shireen
xxx
I thought I would just let you all know that I almost woke the kids as I was laughing so much.... I wish I had seen this thread before as I would have nominated it as well.....
Seriously funny stuff, and JQL I was crying (honestly) with laughter at your very long thread and the clip you posted.....
This is what the Cafe is all about......
:lol: Shireen
xxx
Sex God
I never read this before, but have just been laughing uproariously at this hilarious thread from the past...superb! 
It must be greatest hits night at the SH cafe....
Mike.
It must be greatest hits night at the SH cafe....
Mike.
Sex God
Cat Medicine administration lesson one.
1) Purchase blowpipe/peashooter
2) Load Pills to Blowpipe
3)Call Bull Terriers from their deep sleep.
5) Aim and fire .....hey presto !
1) Purchase blowpipe/peashooter
2) Load Pills to Blowpipe
3)Call Bull Terriers from their deep sleep.
5) Aim and fire .....hey presto !
Quote by Silk and Big G
Cat Medicine administration lesson one.
1) Purchase blowpipe/peashooter
2) Load Pills to Blowpipe
3)Call Bull Terriers from their deep sleep.
4) Position Staffies either side of cat with cat back to wall in corner
( if done correctly you should see the picture below)
5) Aim and fire .....hey presto !
6) Unclip cat from the dogs backs. Shove dogs in the bath to soak away spat out tablet, welded to fur with cat spit, spray dogs wounds with antiseptic spray.
7) Remove another tablet from the pack.....
Sex God
At the risk of repeating a phrase you may have heard before " Youre not blowing hard enough " ! LOL
xx
xx
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
Cat Medicine administration lesson one.
3)Call Bull Terriers from their deep sleep.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:OMG you're joking right!
i have one of those blue cats! persian, english, god knows, it's just blue ok?
i have a staffie too. i mean a *big* staffie! like more teeth than a shark! this lad is a feckin' big dog! for the sake of argument, we'll call him the kinda meathead usually accompanying skinheads with loadsa tats and stuff! ;)
d'you think for one minute the cat gives a flying one about the dog? you know that "contemptuous glance"? the one that says "come on big boy. i'll have yer face off!"?
well my dog will run up to me bed and shake like the proverbial . . . and the cat strolls in . . . . looks at him . . . says "WTF you doing there sunshine?" and the dog looks at me, looks at the cat, then gets down so the cat can nick the warm patch!
and you lot wanna feed it tablets?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: . . . .
. . . . . at this thread! pure quality! :rotflmao:
brilliant!
n x x x ;)
Feeding a pair of ferrets antibiotics with a syringe is tough as boots too. Makes them sneeze if you do it wrong. Best to push the syringe into a chunk of meat from a tin of cat food, then when they go to eat it, spray the antibiotics down their throat.
They soon learn though. Then it's back to banging your head against the wall and crying in frustration.
They soon learn though. Then it's back to banging your head against the wall and crying in frustration.
Sex God
Im only posting this because the thread has digressed to cats. Although it isnt about trying to ram a little pill down the buggers mouth, its more to do with the bathing side of owning the furry rat.
It was one of the first email I had ever received and I read it and it still makes me laugh. Hope it makes you too!
S xx
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk -- dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.
Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)
Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)
Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.
In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.
But at least now he smells a lot better.
It was one of the first email I had ever received and I read it and it still makes me laugh. Hope it makes you too!
S xx
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk -- dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.
Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)
Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)
Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.
In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.
But at least now he smells a lot better.
Sex God
Quote by VenusnMars
Absolutely, and without a doubt, bounced!
Thankyou Davej. I can`t breathe, but thankyou.
Venusxxx
Your welcome venus.......one of several of those little gems tucked away at the bottom of the laundry basket under the pants.
Sex God
Quote by VenusnMars
Absolutely, and without a doubt, bounced!
Thankyou Davej. I can`t breathe, but thankyou.
Venusxxx
FFS DON'T BUY ONE OF DAVEJ'S BREATING AIDS!!!!!
Sex God
Quote by easy
FFS DON'T BUY ONE OF DAVEJ'S BREATING AIDS!!!!!
Easy, you been playing in the fields with the sheep again?
:x :x :x :x 
Sex God
Wow!! Fantastic thread!! This is pure quality and feel it is only lacking in one thing............
The answer to all your cat problems:
The answer to all your cat problems:
Sex God
Quote by xxdevil69
Wow!! Fantastic thread!! This is pure quality and feel it is only lacking in one thing............
The answer to all your cat problems:
:( :( T-J
