Am I being naive?

22 Feb 2008

I've been a member of this site for a couple of years with my now ex partner and we had some good meetings and met some great couples and lovely single guys. I am now on as a single female and what a difference. Of the guys contacting me that I have decided to establish contact with, I would say 90% of them are reluctant to give any personal details at all, and then they expect me to turn up and meet them. In two cases, by utilising searches that would have made MI6 proud (or is it MI5) I found out that the guys hadnt even given me their true first names! I dont want their bank account details or the keys to their house. But hecky thump, is it too much to ask for a name and checkable address and phone number before meeting for fantastic sex??
If this is asking too much I might as well give up now. sad

22 Feb 2008

Quote by Annabadanna
I've been a member of this site for a couple of years with my now ex partner and we had some good meetings and met some great couples and lovely single guys. I am now on as a single female and what a difference. Of the guys contacting me that I have decided to establish contact with, I would say 90% of them are reluctant to give any personal details at all, and then they expect me to turn up and meet them. In two cases, by utilising searches that would have made MI6 proud (or is it MI5) I found out that the guys hadnt even given me their true first names! I dont want their bank account details or the keys to their house. But hecky thump, is it too much to ask for a name and checkable address and phone number before meeting for fantastic sex??
If this is asking too much I might as well give up now.

Sadly I would guess they are married and playing away.
There are genuine guys on this site, keep looking good luck....

22 Feb 2008

Quote by Annabadanna
I've been a member of this site for a couple of years with my now ex partner and we had some good meetings and met some great couples and lovely single guys. I am now on as a single female and what a difference. Of the guys contacting me that I have decided to establish contact with, I would say 90% of them are reluctant to give any personal details at all, and then they expect me to turn up and meet them. In two cases, by utilising searches that would have made MI6 proud (or is it MI5) I found out that the guys hadnt even given me their true first names! I dont want their bank account details or the keys to their house. But hecky thump, is it too much to ask for a name and checkable address and phone number before meeting for fantastic sex??
If this is asking too much I might as well give up now.

I think it is, yes. Would you give a single male your address? I know I wouldn't. Name and 'phone number, maybe. But if you're meeting for sex without getting to know anything much about them (at least enough to ascertain that they are genuine and you're confident to be alone with them), why do you need to check their address?

22 Feb 2008

Quote by Freckledbird
I've been a member of this site for a couple of years with my now ex partner and we had some good meetings and met some great couples and lovely single guys. I am now on as a single female and what a difference. Of the guys contacting me that I have decided to establish contact with, I would say 90% of them are reluctant to give any personal details at all, and then they expect me to turn up and meet them. In two cases, by utilising searches that would have made MI6 proud (or is it MI5) I found out that the guys hadnt even given me their true first names! I dont want their bank account details or the keys to their house. But hecky thump, is it too much to ask for a name and checkable address and phone number before meeting for fantastic sex??
If this is asking too much I might as well give up now.

I think it is, yes. Would you give a single male your address? I know I wouldn't. Name and 'phone number, maybe. But if you're meeting for sex without getting to know anything much about them (at least enough to ascertain that they are genuine and you're confident to be alone with them), why do you need to check their address?
Well said FB!
I have been sat here pondering for a good while after reading this post.
Been thinking to myself how in all the meets I have had, singles/couples etc, have never asked for a checkable address because I wouldn't give mine out in return. I don't for a minute think that a refusal to give an address is a definite indicator of 'playing away' status. Far from it.
Why not arrange a drink/coffee first in public place? Speak on phone and webcam? Meet at a site Munch or Social? There's lots you can do to verify someone is genuine.
I think I would be quite miffed if someone asked for a 'checkable address'... just my opinion though! wink

Nola x

22 Feb 2008

I know what you mean in most of the post, but I don't know the address of anyone I have swung with. Ok I did get an address once, but I only kept it for as long as it was needed.
Love
Fire xx

22 Feb 2008

I understand what you say - absolutely. But I have done all the what I would call reasonable stuff. And ok maybe a checkable address is a step too far at first(I havent asked for one yet!!!) but the fact is I'm not advertising for one nighters! How would a bloke think I wouldnt realise that he was married/in a relationship if we met more than once.

22 Feb 2008

Maybe a bit naive at this stage. Most people these days are unlikely to hand out checkable details until they are happy to do so. But if its what you need then presumably you are willing to rapidly divulge your checkables also?

23 Feb 2008

Trouble is, when playing as a single female, you do have to be extremely careful. I know when I met people, it was like a military operation confused

And even then I got caught out with the wrong name thing :?
Daft sod sent me an email one day signging off with one name, then he must've realised and sent the same mail, but singing off with the name he used for me, hoping I wouldn't notice or something rolleyes

Never met or spoke to him after that - at the end of the day, it's my safety I was concerned about, not whether people felt uncomfortable giving information I asked for. Anna, if they don't give info you're after, then don't meet them.
Only ask for information that you're comfortable giving out yourself, don't ask more from someone that you're willing to give. After all, they've got to be as careful about their safety as you have.
When I first started out, what worked ok for me was to meet people socially first, in a busy place. Give a trusted friend the plans of what you're doing, the phone number and map of where you're going, and keep your mob to hand as well, and don't leave that place or deviate from plans.
Then eventuall, if comfortable, I used to then arrange to meet at a club, once again letting a friend know my exact plans. I think all the clubs have private rooms if you just want to play alone.
Also, I had said friend phone me up a couple of times, especially on the initial meet. We even had certain words that if said, meant a certain action my friend should take, all sounds very cloak and dagger lol

but it worked at the time, but nothing is 100% so still be v. careful.
Then things got a whole lot easier when I discovered the SH forums and the social side to the scene, a brilliant way of meeting people in a social environment, and getting to know them.......... which eventually led me to meet David :rose: The last thing I was looking for was a partner to end my singledom, but turned out to be brilliant, having a blast :twisted:
And David if you're reading this, when I say 'blast' that doesn't include last night when you had severe wind evil

that wasn't fun at all smackbottom

Good luck Anna - Hecky Thump (love that phrase, haven't heard it in yonks! :lol: ), if it's just fantastic sex you're after, with no strings, then how about just going to a club and forgetting the one on one meets :twisted: As above, they have private rooms if you're not into more than one on one cool

Great fun in busy and safe surroundings 8-)

23 Feb 2008

Quote by Missy
.......... which eventually led me to meet David :rose: The last thing I was looking for was a partner to end my singledom, but turned out to be brilliant, having a blast :twisted:

I remember it well, nearly naked weren't you! lol

:bounce:

23 Feb 2008

Quote by Sarah
.......... which eventually led me to meet David :rose: The last thing I was looking for was a partner to end my singledom, but turned out to be brilliant, having a blast :twisted:

I remember it well, nearly naked weren't you! lol

:bounce:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
It was your fault I got lumbered with the trumper from hell!!! evil

I blame you entirely Sarah!! :lol2:
:inlove:
Now sat here wondering if it really was a jacuzzi we were sat in :shock:

23 Feb 2008

Quote by Missy
Trouble is, when playing as a single female, you do have to be extremely careful. I know when I met people, it was like a military operation

isn't it just!! But worth it... wink

23 Feb 2008

Quote by Missy
.......... which eventually led me to meet David :rose: The last thing I was looking for was a partner to end my singledom, but turned out to be brilliant, having a blast :twisted:

I remember it well, nearly naked weren't you! lol

:bounce:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
It was your fault I got lumbered with the trumper from hell!!! evil

I blame you entirely Sarah!! :lol2:
:inlove:
Now sat here wondering if it really was a jacuzzi we were sat in :shock:
No one made you flirty and chat to David! You did it all on your own. biggrin

25 Feb 2008

'hecky thump' what on this and other worlds does that mean? lol

25 Feb 2008

"hecky thump" colloquial exclamation, meaning "By Gum", "Blimey O'Reilly," "Crikey Mikey", "Well bugger me!" etc

25 Feb 2008

One of the problems with giving out personal information is the chance of ID theft/fraud. I have been a victim of this and did not attend a recent munch because of having to show 2 forms of ID.
It may sound a little extreme, but when you have been a victim of ID theft it makes you VERY careful.

25 Feb 2008

Quote by browning
One of the problems with giving out personal information is the chance of ID theft/fraud. I have been a victim of this and did not attend a recent munch because of having to show 2 forms of ID.
It may sound a little extreme, but when you have been a victim of ID theft it makes you VERY careful.

You had to show 2 forms of ID to get into a munch? On this site?

25 Feb 2008

Quote by browning
One of the problems with giving out personal information is the chance of ID theft/fraud. I have been a victim of this and did not attend a recent munch because of having to show 2 forms of ID.
It may sound a little extreme, but when you have been a victim of ID theft it makes you VERY careful.

What a load of codswallop! I wouldnt have gone either... think your ID and being a member here is enough. Nobody needs ya name or any other details imo.
I agree with Missy though, as a sinlge fem meeting on your own you do have to be careful and take precautions..Missy gave some great suggestions, all that Ive used for dates in *my* world lol

25 Feb 2008

Yep, it's true, the munch was at a club and it was thier rules, I spoke to a few people who went and they enjoyed themselves and the club did NOT take a record of thier ID, but I would'nt take a chance.

25 Feb 2008

Quote by browning
Yep, it's true, the munch was at a club and it was thier rules, I spoke to a few people who went and they enjoyed themselves and the club did NOT take a record of thier ID, but I would'nt take a chance.

Ah right, if it was a club (sex club??) they do ask for ID dont they if you arent a member??? So maybe understand that a little more...
I do understand what you mean though.. I dont like to give out details unless its necc!

25 Feb 2008

I have swung for aaaaaaaaages as a single fem wink

I haven't ever had someone's address. What I have always had is their car registration number. This is something I text to a friend who also has my log in details here. It means, should the unthinkable happen, the person is traceable. But if I was so nervous about meeting someone that I expected their address or even full name then I would worry that I wasn't ready to have NSA sex with them.
I can't recall that anyone actually knows my surname. A man googled me and found out details about me that I didn't want him to know. I was furious that he had done that and have now ensured that I am not traceable on google. Someone from here who fucks me gets my body and my mind for that few hours. That is it. They have no access to the rest of my life.

25 Feb 2008

Quote by browning
Yep, it's true, the munch was at a club and it was thier rules, I spoke to a few people who went and they enjoyed themselves and the club did NOT take a record of thier ID, but I would'nt take a chance.

Then it wasn't a munch. It must have been a club meet, maybe organised on SH but a club is not neutral.
The definition of a munch (at least part of it anyway):
'A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members of Swinging Heaven get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones.'

25 Feb 2008

To enter most clubs for the first time, you need to take at least 2 forms of ID.