It comes to light that someone I once called a friend has had an accident and is now suffering from selective amnesia, is there an expert in the house? Blue, is this one of your fields?
She has forgotten about me, but has just contacted me as my name was in her email pending folder.
She also didn't know who her (seperated) husband was, the consultant thinks that these things were forgotten due to the trauma associated to them.
No one has mentioned me to her, so I came as a bit of a shock to her.
I have told her that we parted company with her telling me that he no longer wanted to talk to me, and that her family probably didn't mention me because I would have added a large complication to the situation. I have told her that I am a can of worms ready to be opened and that I really don't know whether to tell her of some of the things I know about her life.
Do I tell her what I know if she asks the right questions? Do I say, I'm sorry I can't answer that question?
I don't think I should volunteer the information unrequested, but if I tell her about ho I know her then it will bring up a period o her life that I think she would have prefered to have forgotten before this accident happened.
Expert opinions welcome. Da69ve, I apreciate your input too....
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Amnesia - Serious question...
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your friends accident.
If I was in your shoes then I would wait till she asks the right sort of questions, unless she says "I want to know everything, good and bad."
She may have wanted forget these things but they could be crucial in getting her memory back. Going over anything that happened in her past could trigger her memory!!! You get me??
What do I know
If I was in your shoes then I would wait till she asks the right sort of questions, unless she says "I want to know everything, good and bad."
She may have wanted forget these things but they could be crucial in getting her memory back. Going over anything that happened in her past could trigger her memory!!! You get me??
What do I know Quote by KitKat
Hiya Marms,
I would say that your friends recovery is going to be very traumatic for her, and should occur as much as possible within the support of her care plan.
Probably the first question you need to consider is how will this affect you?
lhk
Kat
I have mentioned speaking to her therapist. I have had half a dozen emails with her and she says that she has learned more with those than in the last week of family interaction.
How will it effect me? She seemed to want to burn bridges when I last spoke to her. I am considering telling her that I can't open this can of worms for her. How do you tell someone that they were a swinger for a while, then ended it in revulsion? I don't think it would have a great effect on my life really, but it's the woman in distress thing. I can't not help.
Orgasminator
Sorry to hear about your friend marms, i,ve heard that in time in situations like this that the persons memory slowly returns, but i,m no expert, but i think you should be very carefull and try to stay clear from her, even if you told her the truth how do you know she will believe you , and then it does,nt look good for you , please be careful
Ann xx
Ann xx
Sex God
Memory's a bit of a bugger. It could come back bit by bit, or all at once (like a floodgate opening), or not at all.
To answer your question, simply reverse the roles. If you were in her position what would you want to know and not know?
Don't forget that her memory could return though, so best to stick to the facts mate. Sounds like I'm calling you a liar, but what I'm saying is don't play down some things and overdo others, just tell it like it happened, but it's probably worth mentioning that it was from your perspective and as such may not be a complete picture of what went on.
Bloody good luck as I think you're going to need it.
To answer your question, simply reverse the roles. If you were in her position what would you want to know and not know?
Don't forget that her memory could return though, so best to stick to the facts mate. Sounds like I'm calling you a liar, but what I'm saying is don't play down some things and overdo others, just tell it like it happened, but it's probably worth mentioning that it was from your perspective and as such may not be a complete picture of what went on.
Bloody good luck as I think you're going to need it.
Sometimes its better to know than have missing memories, you cant deal with memories that arent there although maybe better to tell her if she asks then that way its not gonna hit her like a ton of bricks all at once if A. Someone does just tell her it all in the one go B It all comes flooding back and freaks her out.
There must be some reason you are so prominent in her memory?? Maybe you should start by finding out if she knows how she knows you if not tell her before you tell her anything else.
Sounds like a hard situation for you too
Im no expert in this either but I know from experience that burying memories isnt a healthy thing, I think you always have an inkling of things but not knowing makes it harder to deal with. If that makes any sense!
There must be some reason you are so prominent in her memory?? Maybe you should start by finding out if she knows how she knows you if not tell her before you tell her anything else.
Sounds like a hard situation for you too
Im no expert in this either but I know from experience that burying memories isnt a healthy thing, I think you always have an inkling of things but not knowing makes it harder to deal with. If that makes any sense!
Quote by sexyann57
even if you told her the truth how do you know she will believe you , and then it does,nt look good for you
I have photo's to prove much of it! She has posts on here...
Quote by easy
Memory's a bit of a bugger. It could come back bit by bit, or all at once (like a floodgate opening), or not at all.
To answer your question, simply reverse the roles. If you were in her position what would you want to know and not know?
Don't forget that her memory could return though, so best to stick to the facts mate. Sounds like I'm calling you a liar, but what I'm saying is don't play down some things and overdo others, just tell it like it happened, but it's probably worth mentioning that it was from your perspective and as such may not be a complete picture of what went on.
Bloody good luck as I think you're going to need it.
Thanks easy, I'll bear that lot in mind. I'll certainly tell her that everything I say was my understanding of what she told me, as much of it was her recanting the stories to me.
Orgasminator
Sorry if I sound insensitive or blunt here. If I was in your situation, I'd tell her the truth as far as she asks. If you don't and she recovers/is told by others, then it will look like deception on your part.
You say that she was revulsed at being a swinger. If she got over her swinging the first time around, couldn't she do so again? We all have to deal with the consequences of our actions, in all aspects of life.
I sincerely hope she recovers all of her memory. Without our memories, we will lead "false" lives. The way we deal with stressful situations etc depends on our memories and how we dealt with them in the past. Our memories/experience shape the way we behave, even on a daily basis. My opinion- be totally honest in answering questions she asks. It must be a traumatic time for her anyway, but having the truth/someone to trust is better than feeling you don't know who you are to begin with.
You say that she was revulsed at being a swinger. If she got over her swinging the first time around, couldn't she do so again? We all have to deal with the consequences of our actions, in all aspects of life.
I sincerely hope she recovers all of her memory. Without our memories, we will lead "false" lives. The way we deal with stressful situations etc depends on our memories and how we dealt with them in the past. Our memories/experience shape the way we behave, even on a daily basis. My opinion- be totally honest in answering questions she asks. It must be a traumatic time for her anyway, but having the truth/someone to trust is better than feeling you don't know who you are to begin with.
Sex God
I am sorry my friend but I just don't think you are going to get reliable guidance here - apologies to any experts around - but FFS we're talking about someone's mind that has been traumatised here.
I'm sorry if I'm over-reacting but .......
I'm sorry if I'm over-reacting but .......
Sex God
Sorry Marms, I've just been kicked for being a bit abrupt. I wasn't criticising your desire for help - it's just that I think you need professional guidance to know what to do.
I tend to agree with Tune. I`d suggest encouraging her to talk to her therapist specifically about actively routing out memories independantly via other people and the effect that might have. If she`s going to dig, then she needs to be aware of the possible implications before-hand. Unless any of us are qualified or have some experiance in this area, we will be unable to offer an informed opinion. I think the gravity of the situation demands such. Not saying a pro might not be along any moment though....... 
Venusxxx
Venusxxx
Sex God
On reflection I'd agree with tune and Venus. Get her to talk to her therapist before she starts digging round in old memories.
I gave my advice from what I would probably do, but I'm by no stretch of the imagination an expert. ........... in fact, just ignore me. 
:lol: :lol:
I gave my advice from what I would probably do, but I'm by no stretch of the imagination an expert. ........... in fact, just ignore me.
:lol: :lol: Quote by Libra-Love
Sorry Marms, I've just been kicked for being a bit abrupt.
Sorry
I seem to be offending everyone, both on forum and in pm today. I'll shut-up
Time for another SH break perhaps?
Nope ... you don't escape us that easily :kiss: just some days its one of "those" days.
I've not commented on the issue but do tend to agree with Tune/Venus/whoever, Marms you aren't going to do yourself any favours in this situation, either you open up that can of worms or later when she regains her memory she may resent you for things said/not said.
Best to stay in the distant and let her rediscover herself.
C x
Quote by Calista
Marms you aren't going to do yourself any favours in this situation, either you open up that can of worms or later when she regains her memory she may resent you for things said/not said.
Best to stay in the distant and let her rediscover herself.
C x
Yep I agree with TE, Venus and Calista.... Best leave it to the experts hun....
Shireen
xxx
Quote by Libra-Love
Venus
Calista :kiss:
Thanks guys, I was just over-tired and overly sensitive last night.
But the bitch is back today
Glad to see you're going nowhere, young lady.
Right thanks guys and girls. I had a bit of a long chat with her, she told me all the names in her mobile phone. One name she didn't remember was someone she had described previously as her best friend, so I told her to give this girl a call as she was her best friend. She called her and was told that actually I was her best friend
ain't that nice? Anyway, before that I had a chat and told her that she now had the opportunity to rebuild her life in the way that she wants it rather than accept what was and coincidentally her other friend said the same. So my decision is to keep her bad memories to myself. I have discussed this with her and she seems to think it's the right thing to do.For instance, last night she met her sister whom she had forgotten, I was asked about her sister, I told her that I didn't know her (which was true I've never met her), after the meeting I spoke to my friend who said "She doesn't like me, I don't like her." so at that point I let on that she didn't get on with her before either, my friend thanked me for not giving her a prejudice.
I think we can let this go now... Thanks again all.
Chris