To My Darling Wilma,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbours will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching TV - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby, Fred
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
An Important Letter!
last reply
27 replies
1.7k views
6 watchers
0 likes
To My Dearest Husband Fred,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot tea - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your boxers after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your ever supportive wife, Wilma
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot tea - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your boxers after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your ever supportive wife, Wilma
Quote by WilmaFlintstone
To My Dearest Husband Fred,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot tea - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your boxers after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your ever supportive wife, Wilma
This is just so funny - especially the last paragraph.
Just a quick thank you to Lady Penelopefor sending this to us. We only modified it a bit to make it work on here.
Hope people don't think we are a double act! Sorry if the funny postings are getting too much - perhaps we should have 1 thread which is a joke thread and people just add all jokes and funnies to it?
Fred
Hope people don't think we are a double act! Sorry if the funny postings are getting too much - perhaps we should have 1 thread which is a joke thread and people just add all jokes and funnies to it?
Fred
:roll: 
:wink: :wink:
:? :? 
Sex God
Hummmmmm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Corrie don't make their heads BIGGER !!!!!!!!!!
Corrie don't make their heads BIGGER !!!!!!!!!!
My god - who keeps resurrecting all the old threads!
I know some of them are good - but there is better stuff around here that my old postings. Go find the sex wars one in the GFZ or summat - that was a lot more fun!
Oh god! - Don't say that please! - Not even remotely funny
*shudders*
Fred
I know some of them are good - but there is better stuff around here that my old postings. Go find the sex wars one in the GFZ or summat - that was a lot more fun!
Quote by corriefem
Know why they are king and queen in here !!!!!!............classic
Oh god! - Don't say that please! - Not even remotely funny
*shudders*
Fred
Sex God
Ha Ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fred is shivering !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol:
Fred is shivering !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:lol: :lol: Fred & Wilma......do you remember the song by Dean Friedman, Lucky Stars????
"What are you crazy? how in the hell can you say what you just said?
I was talking to myself. shut the door and come to bed.
By the way, i forgot to say, your endearing mother called today" etc etc....
I would really love to see you both do a duet to that song at a Munch sometime!! Can just see you both singing it! hahaha!
there must never be a dull moment at your place! Oh! to be a fly on the wall
"What are you crazy? how in the hell can you say what you just said?
I was talking to myself. shut the door and come to bed.
By the way, i forgot to say, your endearing mother called today" etc etc....
I would really love to see you both do a duet to that song at a Munch sometime!! Can just see you both singing it! hahaha!
there must never be a dull moment at your place! Oh! to be a fly on the wall
I know the song - but no way will I sing - I cannot even stand to see talent competitions on telly - they make my skin crawl with embarrasment. :shock: :shock: :shock:
Actually a fly on our wall would die of boredom. We are so not like our persona's on here. Just a dull and frumpy middle aged couple with a house, mortgage, carpet slippers and nothing to say to one another other than "Oh! - Are you still alive?"
The only thing that makes me have new batteries fitted in my pace maker every year is because my life is so exciting on here! If not for this place I would have opted to go to Holland for Euthanasia a long time ago.
Thanks SH - you saved my life!
Fred
Actually a fly on our wall would die of boredom. We are so not like our persona's on here. Just a dull and frumpy middle aged couple with a house, mortgage, carpet slippers and nothing to say to one another other than "Oh! - Are you still alive?"
The only thing that makes me have new batteries fitted in my pace maker every year is because my life is so exciting on here! If not for this place I would have opted to go to Holland for Euthanasia a long time ago.
Thanks SH - you saved my life!
Fred
Sex God
<<< struggles to think of a suitable reply . . . . >>>
feck it, that is pure, pure, quality . . . . . . .
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
streaming tears, moistness, etc . . . . .
and an edit of the finest order . . . . . . :rotflmao: stoooooooooooooppppppppppp!!!!!!!!
n x x x ;-)
feck it, that is pure, pure, quality . . . . . . .
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:streaming tears, moistness, etc . . . . .
Quote by Venus'n'Mars claim that FredFlintstone allegedly
The only thing that makes me have new batteries fitted in my pace maker every year is the fact Wilma keeps stealing them for her toys
and an edit of the finest order . . . . . . :rotflmao: stoooooooooooooppppppppppp!!!!!!!!
n x x x ;-)
Sex God
I cant stop laughing that was brilliant
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Orgasminator
OMG I'm crying!!!!!!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 