Warwick
What happened last night?
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Sex God
Quote by foxylady 123
Yes they have a great stock of them, real ones, authentic ones, with short pinstrip dreses, white aprons with red crosses on and black, seamed stockings!!They are impossible to get in the West but that country has millions of them just sat away in boxes. They wouldnt sell them to us and my friend (you know who I mean, him across the pond) and I decided we needed thes uniforms to improve ourhealth care. Think how much sooner patients will get better if they see nurses in real uniforms rather than the shapless sacks our poor nurses have to wear now!!
I greatfully accept the PMs offer, but.....
I spot a slight flaw. Nurses dressed in sack like uniforms = no interest so those that are cured go home...
Nurses in sexy uniforms = mucho interest and a sudden, huge demand for beds as all the men try to get a bed-bath. With not enough nurses to go round this could lead to civil disorder.
Therefore I suggest that legislation be changed to force only the private sector nurses to wear the new uniforms. As we're all on good money now (due to our qwango's and "other interests" all the ministers should be able to afford the 50p per year (the rest to be subsidised out of government funds) fee to partake of this service.
All private nurses will be personally vetted by myself to ensure correct fitment of uniform and willingness to perform their given tasks (I won't have to model the uniform will I? :scared: ).
Nurses will not be allowed to discriminate on the basis of sex or gender.
I hope this proposal meets with the PMs satisfaction.
Sex God
Warwick get your tardy arse outa my biscuit tin and whats more get my Batman pyjamas off yer back, Fun365 needs to have words with you.
Prime Minister your right not to give Easy the spy job, although I think he has started already cos I have just spotted him trying to eaves drop the other side of Clare and steves wall, think Rocky is just about to confess something. Anyway the git tried to stab me with a hollowed out umberella tip, filled with Night Nurse last night (typical british budgets, never big enough for the real thing) in an attempt to suck up to Warwick, just because Warwick had landed himself an under secretary with legs longer than a Giraffes neck (wait till he gets the stockings off, if their anything like mrs davej's, they'lll be just as blotchy)
Minister for Health.....pah...he spends too much time in Jacuzzi's and showers for a responsible job and besides he's a flirt and will......Hmmmmm hang on......Health Minister.....in charge of the nurses.......new uniforms...... eerrmm superb appointment Prime Minister
Prime Minister your right not to give Easy the spy job, although I think he has started already cos I have just spotted him trying to eaves drop the other side of Clare and steves wall, think Rocky is just about to confess something. Anyway the git tried to stab me with a hollowed out umberella tip, filled with Night Nurse last night (typical british budgets, never big enough for the real thing) in an attempt to suck up to Warwick, just because Warwick had landed himself an under secretary with legs longer than a Giraffes neck (wait till he gets the stockings off, if their anything like mrs davej's, they'lll be just as blotchy)
Minister for Health.....pah...he spends too much time in Jacuzzi's and showers for a responsible job and besides he's a flirt and will......Hmmmmm hang on......Health Minister.....in charge of the nurses.......new uniforms...... eerrmm superb appointment Prime Minister
Dunno just saw lots of miserable looking bleeders on the way into work this morningThat is cos they have jobs and long may it continue.
Scuse me miss but fun said me and dave were bastards are you going to put him in detention for being mean :cry:
Do not call me "Miss" you should know by now to adddress me as Mistress at all times.
As for the detention, you should also know that I do not do Detention, though I wil put you in The Cage if you continue like this. Your are my deputy I should not have to point out such basic points to you! Get your act together and your trousers down!!!
Warwick
Brace yourself, this will hurt you far more than it will hurt me.
Someone fetch the paddle............................SPANK............................SPANK...................................Spank..............................SPANK ....................................SPANK
(Looks at nice red ass)
Now Warwick turn round on your knees and thank me for spanking you to teach to you to behave better.
I am really seriously considering your position in the cabinet , Warwick.
To ALL
If there are any bi females, who whould like to relieve Warwick of his current position please let me know. You must however have two large reasons why you are the correct person to take over from him .
Easy
Nice idea!! Go far it and please keep me informed of all your actions.
Brace yourself, this will hurt you far more than it will hurt me.
Someone fetch the paddle............................SPANK............................SPANK...................................Spank..............................SPANK ....................................SPANK
(Looks at nice red ass)
Now Warwick turn round on your knees and thank me for spanking you to teach to you to behave better.
I am really seriously considering your position in the cabinet , Warwick.
To ALL
If there are any bi females, who whould like to relieve Warwick of his current position please let me know. You must however have two large reasons why you are the correct person to take over from him .
Easy
Nice idea!! Go far it and please keep me informed of all your actions.
Sex God
I propose that we nominate the GFZ as the latest addition to the health sector and when the afformentioned "wing" is opened, all female members should be made to wear nurses uniforms.
The PMs attire is left to her own discretion of course. And may I just take this opertunity to say how amazing she looks in that leather basque and 6" stilleto heels. :mrgreen:
hey I'm getting good at this politics stuff...I can suck up like a cabinet minister already and I've been in the job less than an hour.
Davej there was no umberella incident, it was merely raining outside and I wanted to stay dry (spin) and as for the "listening" to Rocky confess his darkest secrets, well I couldn't help it, the walls are bloody thin in Clares office and Rocky's not exactly quiet (more spin).
I hope that clears up any misunderstanding between the honerable minister and myself.
The PMs attire is left to her own discretion of course. And may I just take this opertunity to say how amazing she looks in that leather basque and 6" stilleto heels. :mrgreen:
hey I'm getting good at this politics stuff...I can suck up like a cabinet minister already and I've been in the job less than an hour.
Davej there was no umberella incident, it was merely raining outside and I wanted to stay dry (spin) and as for the "listening" to Rocky confess his darkest secrets, well I couldn't help it, the walls are bloody thin in Clares office and Rocky's not exactly quiet (more spin).
I hope that clears up any misunderstanding between the honerable minister and myself.
Sex God
look, it's no good. i've been trying to balance our budgets for days, and you just keep coming up with ludicrous demands on the nations finances! <<< tuts >>>
these nurses for instance??? do they have to be fully fledged proper NHS type nursies, or could we just spend a bit on the uniforms, and send em out into the field on a kinda private healthcare basis. i mean if it's only bedbaths, well, i can already buy that sorta thing locally for a lot less than a new bleeding hospital.
and secret services??? we don't really need 'em 'ere do we ((( sorry easy get yasen off mate! well soon as i have a full report from Clare's wall please! ))) i mean, nothing stays that secret for very long round 'ere does it now??? generally a stampede to confess all in public! and i can find any number of spying types who'll do it for free just down the road at the park FFS!
it's all well and good being public spirited and taking your responsibilities seriously, but i can hardly tax all this "payment in kind" stuff either? sorry but i'm just being physically prudent! ((( ere warwick??? did i get that right???
)))
Rt Hon NeilinLeeds Second Lord of the Treasury!
these nurses for instance??? do they have to be fully fledged proper NHS type nursies, or could we just spend a bit on the uniforms, and send em out into the field on a kinda private healthcare basis. i mean if it's only bedbaths, well, i can already buy that sorta thing locally for a lot less than a new bleeding hospital.
and secret services??? we don't really need 'em 'ere do we ((( sorry easy get yasen off mate! well soon as i have a full report from Clare's wall please! ))) i mean, nothing stays that secret for very long round 'ere does it now??? generally a stampede to confess all in public! and i can find any number of spying types who'll do it for free just down the road at the park FFS!
it's all well and good being public spirited and taking your responsibilities seriously, but i can hardly tax all this "payment in kind" stuff either? sorry but i'm just being physically prudent! ((( ere warwick??? did i get that right???
)))Rt Hon NeilinLeeds Second Lord of the Treasury!
Easy, just a word of warning, look what happened to Warwick when he started squabbling with other members.!! Of course if you want me to get the paddle out agai....................................
BTW the heels are 6 and a half inches,we all know how those extra half inches make all the difference!!
BTW the heels are 6 and a half inches,we all know how those extra half inches make all the difference!!
Neil in Leeds
You have not read my previious wrtittings correctly. The nurses uniforms are FREEE!! Well they are now the war is over (sic)All paid for and waiting to go!! Stop trying to stop your countrys health service would you want your nurses dressed if you were in hospital?
Now secret services, yes go far the guys in the park and local dogging spots but get them some more powerful binoculars.
IMPORTNT NOTICE TO ALL CITIZENS
Now talking about staff, which we were in a round about sort of way. I have decided I need some protection. I want two big burly types to cum with me at all be tall, good looking, and smartly dressed It would help if they knew somethin about defending inocent young things like me but brains are options. Must have own (large) tools and know what to do with them. Any offers?
You have not read my previious wrtittings correctly. The nurses uniforms are FREEE!! Well they are now the war is over (sic)All paid for and waiting to go!! Stop trying to stop your countrys health service would you want your nurses dressed if you were in hospital?
Now secret services, yes go far the guys in the park and local dogging spots but get them some more powerful binoculars.
IMPORTNT NOTICE TO ALL CITIZENS
Now talking about staff, which we were in a round about sort of way. I have decided I need some protection. I want two big burly types to cum with me at all be tall, good looking, and smartly dressed It would help if they knew somethin about defending inocent young things like me but brains are options. Must have own (large) tools and know what to do with them. Any offers?
Alas poor Warwick I knew him well :cry:
ODPM STATEMENT
Warwick resigns from cabinet effective immediately and will return to the obscurity of back bench life.
He would like it to be known that he has total faith in the party leadership and will continue to offer his total support (which means he will be a right little toe rag and lead a back bench revolt trying to usurp power for himself)
he would also like it to be known that he is in no way guilty of the smear campaign which has not been levelled at him, and in any case wasnt even in the country at the time that the unalleged incidents didnt take place
The right dishonourable member for rural warwickshire
ODPM STATEMENT
Warwick resigns from cabinet effective immediately and will return to the obscurity of back bench life.
He would like it to be known that he has total faith in the party leadership and will continue to offer his total support (which means he will be a right little toe rag and lead a back bench revolt trying to usurp power for himself)
he would also like it to be known that he is in no way guilty of the smear campaign which has not been levelled at him, and in any case wasnt even in the country at the time that the unalleged incidents didnt take place
The right dishonourable member for rural warwickshire
Warwick
I do feel that you are over reacting (note no bi females have yet volunteered to take Warwicks place)
I am very disapointed in you and after your demonstration of excellent decision making skills yesterday.
You do realise that if you go through with your resignation the press may get hold of The Great Sheep Affair of 1999. you may remember there were many rumours that year when we were in oposition about you and Dolly. Fortunately I managed to successfully convince The Shit journalist that these rumours were unfounded (it took me all night, a rather large strap on and lots of chocloate spread) but Im not sure I could do it again!!! Just imagine how your wife would feel , and I can guarantee that all you blonde bimbo mistressses from the past would be only to to keen to cash in on the come Bleating to me!!
Anyway you have 24 hours to make your final decision. (all bi females interested in being minister for Rural Affairs pleas report directly to me)
I do feel that you are over reacting (note no bi females have yet volunteered to take Warwicks place)
I am very disapointed in you and after your demonstration of excellent decision making skills yesterday.
You do realise that if you go through with your resignation the press may get hold of The Great Sheep Affair of 1999. you may remember there were many rumours that year when we were in oposition about you and Dolly. Fortunately I managed to successfully convince The Shit journalist that these rumours were unfounded (it took me all night, a rather large strap on and lots of chocloate spread) but Im not sure I could do it again!!! Just imagine how your wife would feel , and I can guarantee that all you blonde bimbo mistressses from the past would be only to to keen to cash in on the come Bleating to me!!
Anyway you have 24 hours to make your final decision. (all bi females interested in being minister for Rural Affairs pleas report directly to me)
Hmm Dont think my wife would be too bothered seeing as I havent got one anymore
However I have reconsidered on the basis I would lose my undersecretary :cry:
As for Dolly I told you it was purely platonic I just needed someone on my own level to talk to
Right now thats cleared up we are still in need of a minister for fun :idea:
However I have reconsidered on the basis I would lose my undersecretary :cry:
As for Dolly I told you it was purely platonic I just needed someone on my own level to talk to
Right now thats cleared up we are still in need of a minister for fun :idea:
Dear PM
I could do with a Rural Affair (and don't forget you did say all the perverts were in Scotland).
Not sure if I'm up to the ministers job but I'm sure I could do well in a position with someone above me Perhaps Warwick you should reconsider your resignation and between you and the lady PM you could give me the guidance I need.
I could do with a Rural Affair (and don't forget you did say all the perverts were in Scotland).
Not sure if I'm up to the ministers job but I'm sure I could do well in a position with someone above me
Perhaps Warwick you should reconsider your resignation and between you and the lady PM you could give me the guidance I need. celticq
I do not think I said a ll the pervs where in Scotland, but if I did I meant all the most interesting pervs were in Scotland.
I would be pleased to welcome you on board abd into the cabinet, not sure you should be under Warwick though, its a bit warm and wooly there sometimes!!
Tell me what your good at and perhaps we can find a position that is suitable.
Warwick glad you have reconsidered, just in time actually cos there were rumours circulating about a press leak or was it a pressed leek?
All MPs
Please remeber today is Friday and you must all get off to your constinuencies. We have another genreall election looming and it is important that you get out there and "press the flesh" No wasteing this afternoon in the Commons Bar. I too am hoping to press some flesh this afternoon and tonight and Saturday.................................. I will stop at nothing to secure more votes and neither should you.
I will require a full report form each PM on Monday about the flesh they have pressed!!
I do not think I said a ll the pervs where in Scotland, but if I did I meant all the most interesting pervs were in Scotland.
I would be pleased to welcome you on board abd into the cabinet, not sure you should be under Warwick though, its a bit warm and wooly there sometimes!!
Tell me what your good at and perhaps we can find a position that is suitable.
Warwick glad you have reconsidered, just in time actually cos there were rumours circulating about a press leak or was it a pressed leek?
All MPs
Please remeber today is Friday and you must all get off to your constinuencies. We have another genreall election looming and it is important that you get out there and "press the flesh" No wasteing this afternoon in the Commons Bar. I too am hoping to press some flesh this afternoon and tonight and Saturday.................................. I will stop at nothing to secure more votes and neither should you.
I will require a full report form each PM on Monday about the flesh they have pressed!!
Just an update on the sock sorting ...based on a localised survey, the average male has 9 odd socks in his takes on average 3 months for one of these to find a mate and become a pair again...awwwwwww
By which time the odd sock count has risen to 10. So based on 26 million males in the country or there abouts...even baby boys have odd are 234 million odd socks in the country at anyone time and they are increasing at the rate 26 million a month.
This like the pensions situation is a time bomb waiting to go off...I recommend the following actions....compulsory amputation of one limb ...to consume the redundant stock of odd socks in addition pairs will last twice as long
It would also have a side benefit of improving the use of public transport hugely as people would be more inclined to hop on a bus.
The altenative would be for the ministry of science to look at converting foot odour to a fuel for private vehicles, then we could recycle our smelly odd socks as a renewable energy source ...hang on thats far too sensible and practical ..I forgot for a moment we are politicians and we dont do sensible...
By which time the odd sock count has risen to 10. So based on 26 million males in the country or there abouts...even baby boys have odd are 234 million odd socks in the country at anyone time and they are increasing at the rate 26 million a month.
This like the pensions situation is a time bomb waiting to go off...I recommend the following actions....compulsory amputation of one limb ...to consume the redundant stock of odd socks in addition pairs will last twice as long
It would also have a side benefit of improving the use of public transport hugely as people would be more inclined to hop on a bus.
The altenative would be for the ministry of science to look at converting foot odour to a fuel for private vehicles, then we could recycle our smelly odd socks as a renewable energy source ...hang on thats far too sensible and practical ..I forgot for a moment we are politicians and we dont do sensible...
Sex God
Quote by niceguysdoexist
we could recycle our smelly odd socks as a renewable energy source ...hang on thats far too sensible and practical
well i've scoured every online dictionary, thesaurus etc there is, and nowhere can i find a definition of "sensible" that doesn't suggest you're mad as a box frogs, daft as a bat in a biscuit tin, nutty as a squirrel in a sack ( tm DaveJ 2004 )
tho i have read thru the countless copies of hansard adorning my shelves at No 11, and admittedly i've found countless worse suggestions??? sooooo...... would you care to expand on this??? if i can somehow replace the loss of north sea oil to fund all these nurses uniforms ((( and yes PM i know you said they're free but somebody somewhere has to pay for 'em FFS! cabinet discipline all well and good but fiscal responsibility clearly not your strong point eh????? ))) ooooppppsss
The Chancellor!
Sex God
Quote by niceguysdoexist
...I recommend the following actions....compulsory amputation of one limb ...to consume the redundant stock of odd socks in addition pairs will last twice as long
It would also have a side benefit of improving the use of public transport hugely as people would be more inclined to hop on a bus.
:
I would ask that the Rt. Hon. Gentlemen include in his white paper what he intends to do with the obvious shoe mountain that will be generated by the compulsory amputation of one limb. Furthermore I would ask if any fiscal study has been made to fully explore the cost benefit of such an act, assuming that the Health Secretary will now have to buy a crutch for each person that has had a limb removed to hold them upright. The spiralling cost of sweeping litter from our streets and gutters, will become crippling if local authorities are forced to sweep up pedestrians that have fallen over.
Could the Minister for Transport, please confirm that efforts to reduce polution by the expansion of local cycle ways, will now be curbed given the difficulties of propelling a bicycle with only one leg. There may be an oppurtunity to redirect funds from this project to help pay for crutches
I also think that the Minister For Cultural affairs should be consulted as I can see certain traditional events being affected. Morris dancing may go out of existence and whilst I can see that ladies will be excluded from the limb amputation because they seldom wear socks, we may find difficulties finding enough ugly women with full beards to make up the Morris dancing teams. I would also imagine that the 'Arse Kicking Contest' held annually in Little Piddle, will now become a non event. I see no problem for us within the international football arena and suspect that despite the plans, results will be no different.
Sex God
Quote by davej
I see no problem for us within the international football arena and suspect that despite the plans results, will be no different.
Just that Beckams lower leg will follow the ball over the bar.
Sorry. I saw it on the news and couldn't resist making a comment
Chancellor
I have told you and told you the damned nurses uniforms are FREE. We have already paid for them. Argueing about if we can afford them is irrelevant. Which bit of FREEE do you not understand?And I must remind you, Easy did point out that there will be considerable financial ADVANTAGES to having these new uniforms in opperation.
I must also remind you that I do not take kindly in having my finacial skills questioned.
When you have finished in you constituency get your ass round here I think we need to have a chat or something!!
Please not we still have some positions avainlable in the cabinet for bi females and two male bouncer typesThis is your opportuinty to serve your country and your PM
I have told you and told you the damned nurses uniforms are FREE. We have already paid for them. Argueing about if we can afford them is irrelevant. Which bit of FREEE do you not understand?And I must remind you, Easy did point out that there will be considerable financial ADVANTAGES to having these new uniforms in opperation.
I must also remind you that I do not take kindly in having my finacial skills questioned.
When you have finished in you constituency get your ass round here I think we need to have a chat or something!!
Please not we still have some positions avainlable in the cabinet for bi females and two male bouncer typesThis is your opportuinty to serve your country and your PM
Quote by davej
I would ask that the Rt. Hon. Gentlemen include in his white paper what he intends to do with the obvious shoe mountain that will be generated by the compulsory amputation of one limb. Furthermore I would ask if any fiscal study has been made to fully explore the cost benefit of such an act, assuming that the Health Secretary will now have to buy a crutch for each person that has had a limb removed to hold them upright. The spiralling cost of sweeping litter from our streets and gutters, will become crippling if local authorities are forced to sweep up pedestrians that have fallen over.
Could the Minister for Transport, please confirm that efforts to reduce polution by the expansion of local cycle ways, will now be curbed given the difficulties of propelling a bicycle with only one leg. There may be an oppurtunity to redirect funds from this project to help pay for crutches
I also think that the Minister For Cultural affairs should be consulted as I can see certain traditional events being affected. Morris dancing may go out of existence and whilst I can see that ladies will be excluded from the limb amputation because they seldom wear socks, we may find difficulties finding enough ugly women with full beards to make up the Morris dancing teams. I would also imagine that the 'Arse Kicking Contest' held annually in Little Piddle, will now become a non event. I see no problem for us within the international football arena and suspect that despite the plans, results will be no different.
Oh dear I see you still have your head in that most unproductive of environments (namely your ass)
Firstly one would of course amputate alternate legs left right left right etc ..thus negating the needless shoe mountain referred to by my honourable but shortsighted friend.
There will be no state funded crutch(not a nice way to referr to the queen)issue . The general public will be expected , as always, to bear the full burden of policy implementation and stand firmly on its own two...errr foot.
Cycles will be halved and converted to unicycles ...One Wheel one foot keep moving being our jingoistic will double the amount of available cycle stock in the country at little one legged people will not be allowed to drive non automatic automatic vehicles to be banned reduces vehicle congestion by 90% at a stroke.
Being a listening person I have taken on board the recommendation of my fellow memebr to allow ladies to keep two legs as they are such aesthetically appealing features. The thought of a lady never opening her legs again was a step too far even for this governemnt.
I commend these steps to the house and would add that the loss of morris dancing to the country is indeed a major benefit of my recommendations.
I am loathe to point out that a one legged Beckham would not have slipped and missed the penalty last night and Rooney may well have not had to come off as the injury could have been to his apmutated foor designate.
One legged arse kicking is also infinitely possible and to ensure the nation is adept we shall forthwith require every amputee to hone their skill on the countries touring national arse kickee namely.........one.......... Sven Gordon Erickson.
Legs are no longer 11...apologies to the bingo playing fraternity in the house of lords
Sex God
Quote by warwick
Uh oh
Chacellor you are so gonna get your ass paddled when the boss gets back :shock:
Ha warwick! didn't get to be Chancellor by bein that daft ya know! scuse me, just nipping next door for a bit! :P
now PM, this chat??? where d'you want me???
and perhaps we better have a look at these uniforms you're so keen on then? hhhmmmmm??? 
The Not So Honourable Chancellor
Sex God
Geez - I only go away for two days and I miss a brahma like this.
I want to be Minister for Buildings because I'm very good at large erections.
My first white paper will be....
Badly Stained!
(God I hope I'm not duplicating anybody here - I got so excited I haven't read all the posts yet - going back now) Have you noticed how everybody here has started behaving like politicians with "I want this .... Iwnat That.. - power corrupts!!!)
I want to be Minister for Buildings because I'm very good at large erections.
My first white paper will be....
Badly Stained!
(God I hope I'm not duplicating anybody here - I got so excited I haven't read all the posts yet - going back now) Have you noticed how everybody here has started behaving like politicians with "I want this .... Iwnat That.. - power corrupts!!!)
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Sex God
erm.....yes TE.
and absolute power corrupts absolutely you seen what the PMs wearing ffs scuse me chaps i may be some time!
n x x x x x x
and absolute power corrupts absolutely you seen what the PMs wearing ffs scuse me chaps i may be some time!
n x x x x x x
Sex God
Quote by neilinleeds
erm.....yes TE.
and absolute power corrupts absolutely you seen what the PMs wearing ffs scuse me chaps i may be some time!
n x x x x x x
Boy that's the sort of PM we want so strict and commanding. Foxy can I please offer you my whip so long as I can be in the Cabinet (watching!).
Incidentally I'm very disappointed with you lot - all this time and you haven't got a Minister for Bollox FFS!
Gotto be Davej now he's resigned from Blowjobs!
Sex God
Quote by westerross
Incidentally I'm very disappointed with you lot - all this time and you haven't got a Minister for Bollox FFS!
Gotto be Davej now he's resigned from Blowjobs!
Had to resign the post Tune, I found the job and its policies left a bitter taste in my mouth.
