I can make up my own agenda and draw on any of the cabinet resources
hwoar: Many thanks,
John Major
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Anarchy in the UK ?
last reply
123 replies
4.8k views
5 watchers
0 likes
Sex God
i dont MIND being the minister for chocolate.. but i would much prefer to be the person who shouts" order, order, let the right honourable gentleman speak please!" , thats if the jobs available!
Sex God
Quote by foxylady 123
Clare,
not keen o n the netball and volley ball idea. I think Naked Rugby would be far more desireable, all that getting in a scrum and pulling the balls around. Also think of those big stout rugby players!!
davej thinks.....piles :shock: ...naked :shock: ....scrums :shock: ....crowds view :shock: ..... :eeermmm is there any chance some of us can play a sitting down game like chess? :
Claire might I humbly suggest, although of course its not my department. that all sports should be conducted naked thereby saving the economy and poor old Neils coffers an enormous amount of money 
Rural Affairs Policy
1 All females living in rural areas (ie outside greater London) will report on an individual basis to the minister for one to one interviews to see if they are entitled to any benefits
2 The rural economy will be boosted by the designation of official Dogging spots. permits for these will be only available through SH and at the behest of the minister for rural affairs
3 To sure up the rural economy village pubs (ie all pubs outside Greater London) will be required to stay open 24 hrs a day with every third pint or drink being provided free
4 Taxis will be available Foc to be payed for out of fuel tax (sorry Neil you ll have to find it elsewhere)
5 All beaches will be designated nudist friendly
6 The world will be towed off its axis so that the UK is roughly where Greece is now so it will be nice and warm
Job Vacancy
Minister requires undersecretary to serve under him. typing skills not important
apply in person :twisted:
Rural Affairs Policy
1 All females living in rural areas (ie outside greater London) will report on an individual basis to the minister for one to one interviews to see if they are entitled to any benefits
2 The rural economy will be boosted by the designation of official Dogging spots. permits for these will be only available through SH and at the behest of the minister for rural affairs
3 To sure up the rural economy village pubs (ie all pubs outside Greater London) will be required to stay open 24 hrs a day with every third pint or drink being provided free
4 Taxis will be available Foc to be payed for out of fuel tax (sorry Neil you ll have to find it elsewhere)
5 All beaches will be designated nudist friendly
6 The world will be towed off its axis so that the UK is roughly where Greece is now so it will be nice and warm
Job Vacancy
Minister requires undersecretary to serve under him. typing skills not important
apply in person :twisted:
Sex God
Quote by Debbiewebs
:
oops sorry debbiewebs we left it a bit long. you ok?
just your bosom was heaving soooooo delightfully the more you hyperventilated! i'll check with Warwick and Foxy if chancellors have undersecretary's as well? that do ya?
neil x x x x x
TO LATE!!>................... lovecommanda sorted me out he he!
If u spent less time in looking a me tits you would of got there first!
<tuts very loudly> bet gordon brown don't have these fecking problems to deal with FFS!
and if you're gonna be me undersecretary you really need to sort ya quotes out! i'm far too busy to be checking 'em for ya!
This LoveCommando. one of the armed forces????. he comes under the sarges remit, and i have considerably more power than he does FFS! i live next to tony blair ya know ( i mean FoxyLady FFS )
Quote by JudyTV
I will bring it again at the next munch Neil hunni, just for you.
<tuts very loudly> bet gordon brown don't have these fecking problems to deal with FFS!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: c ya 21st august! 
neil x x x x x
: Sex God
Dear Prime Minister,
RE: Minister of Science Post
Please accept this letter as written confirmation of my intention to resign my post as Minister Of Science with immediate effect. It is with regret that I have to inform you that I cannot continue in my role due to ill health.
As the Right Honourable Member for Warwickshire North will recall, my brief required me to carry out a number of experiments in our state of the art laboratories, in Sunnyglade Close, Hertfordshire. My most recent reports, have provided the Swingheaven Government with conclusive evidence on the following subjects.
•Shaving the male genitalia, is best achieved with the aid of a thick milkshake.
•Speed showering should not be tried without strict supervision.
•Racing thoroughbred steeds, is not suitable for men over 17 stone.
My latest brief,‘ to fully test the advice given by other members of the cabinet ’ is I’m afraid a brief too far and the subsequent pain and disfigurement that I have received, mean that I am no longer able to fulfil my duties.
As you are aware the area’s that I have been working on, have been the use of an over the counter pile remedy as a working alternative to skin tightening creams and the search for a ‘throb’
Initial advice on the pile treatment did not clearly distinguish the areas of the face to which the treatment should be applied and I was therefore left with no alternative but to follow the manufacturers instructions as per application methods, substituting the anus for the face.
Mt first purchase was the suppository style treatment which instructed me to gentle insert the suppository into the rectum. Working on the orifice substitution theory, I inserted one into each ear. My second purchase was the tube of cream with applicator, Using the substitution theory again, I have applied this with the applicator to the inside of the nasal passage and inside my mouth around my gums.
The shrinking and tightening effects I noted, prior to my glasses falling off as my ears were drawn further around the back of my skull were phenomenal. My face has indeed tightened and shrunk as advised and whilst this has an effect that is desirable in some areas, I am a little distressed at the shrinkage in my gums, however I have put all my teeth in my pocket and have hopes that the department of dentistry, can find an answer. The nose area seems less affected than most and I can only put this down to the reduced amount of skin and fat in the nose area which in most of us, is normally drawn tightly over strong bone and cartilage. The downside is that with the other areas shrinking back I know look like a toothless Bruce Lee with Karl Maldens nose.
I am sure the Minister will appreciate that at this time I am unable to go out in public with any confidence and would therefore suggest that the ‘search for a throb’ is passed onto my successor.
Yours sincerely
davej
RE: Minister of Science Post
Please accept this letter as written confirmation of my intention to resign my post as Minister Of Science with immediate effect. It is with regret that I have to inform you that I cannot continue in my role due to ill health.
As the Right Honourable Member for Warwickshire North will recall, my brief required me to carry out a number of experiments in our state of the art laboratories, in Sunnyglade Close, Hertfordshire. My most recent reports, have provided the Swingheaven Government with conclusive evidence on the following subjects.
•Shaving the male genitalia, is best achieved with the aid of a thick milkshake.
•Speed showering should not be tried without strict supervision.
•Racing thoroughbred steeds, is not suitable for men over 17 stone.
My latest brief,‘ to fully test the advice given by other members of the cabinet ’ is I’m afraid a brief too far and the subsequent pain and disfigurement that I have received, mean that I am no longer able to fulfil my duties.
As you are aware the area’s that I have been working on, have been the use of an over the counter pile remedy as a working alternative to skin tightening creams and the search for a ‘throb’
Initial advice on the pile treatment did not clearly distinguish the areas of the face to which the treatment should be applied and I was therefore left with no alternative but to follow the manufacturers instructions as per application methods, substituting the anus for the face.
Mt first purchase was the suppository style treatment which instructed me to gentle insert the suppository into the rectum. Working on the orifice substitution theory, I inserted one into each ear. My second purchase was the tube of cream with applicator, Using the substitution theory again, I have applied this with the applicator to the inside of the nasal passage and inside my mouth around my gums.
The shrinking and tightening effects I noted, prior to my glasses falling off as my ears were drawn further around the back of my skull were phenomenal. My face has indeed tightened and shrunk as advised and whilst this has an effect that is desirable in some areas, I am a little distressed at the shrinkage in my gums, however I have put all my teeth in my pocket and have hopes that the department of dentistry, can find an answer. The nose area seems less affected than most and I can only put this down to the reduced amount of skin and fat in the nose area which in most of us, is normally drawn tightly over strong bone and cartilage. The downside is that with the other areas shrinking back I know look like a toothless Bruce Lee with Karl Maldens nose.
I am sure the Minister will appreciate that at this time I am unable to go out in public with any confidence and would therefore suggest that the ‘search for a throb’ is passed onto my successor.
Yours sincerely
davej
Sex God
The Rt Hon daveJ,
as Chancellor of the SH Exchequer, your resignation is witnessed with a heavy heart. i'm sure you will go on to fulfil a completely useless function in public life henceforth, so all well and good.
all i can say is, if you used my bleedin' funds to conduct that kinda research, well it's a feckin good job you resigned!!! god knows what foxylady would make of me tryin' to explain that one FFS! and you are surely aware we have an election coming, where public scrutiny of said activities would be......well it's just best not done in public ok? FGS!
neil x x x x x
oh.... and :rotflmao: :rotflmao: you funny funny fecker! carry on........ :P
as Chancellor of the SH Exchequer, your resignation is witnessed with a heavy heart. i'm sure you will go on to fulfil a completely useless function in public life henceforth, so all well and good.
all i can say is, if you used my bleedin' funds to conduct that kinda research, well it's a feckin good job you resigned!!! god knows what foxylady would make of me tryin' to explain that one FFS! and you are surely aware we have an election coming, where public scrutiny of said activities would be......well it's just best not done in public ok? FGS!
neil x x x x x
oh.... and
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: you funny funny fecker! carry on........ :P Dave
It is with regret that I except your resignation.
Despite the tabloids claims that your resignation is merely an attempt to escape tomorrows flogging I accept your claims about your teeth no longer fitting your mouth and your subsequent and understandable embarassment at appearing in public.
However I would like you to accept my offer of Head of B/J s to the Cabinet. you will remember that not long ago your own department recommended that this important function should only be perfomed by those who are dentally challenged, so I am sure you will agree with me that you are ideal for the post and I hope you enjoy adminstring your skills as much as I am looking forward to the group punishment I shall be administering to my cabinet tomorrow.
Please feel welcome to come along to tomorrows session as usual and we will discuss you future in further detail.
It is with regret that I except your resignation.
Despite the tabloids claims that your resignation is merely an attempt to escape tomorrows flogging I accept your claims about your teeth no longer fitting your mouth and your subsequent and understandable embarassment at appearing in public.
However I would like you to accept my offer of Head of B/J s to the Cabinet. you will remember that not long ago your own department recommended that this important function should only be perfomed by those who are dentally challenged, so I am sure you will agree with me that you are ideal for the post and I hope you enjoy adminstring your skills as much as I am looking forward to the group punishment I shall be administering to my cabinet tomorrow.
Please feel welcome to come along to tomorrows session as usual and we will discuss you future in further detail.
Following on from Foxy's rather creative suggestion that Dave J be responsible for BJ's which as inventive as it is in view of the toothless suitability of the candidate, however, I am afraid I have to disagree with it as Blow jobs are by nature administered to male members only and as far as I know we have not yet made homosexuality compulsory...besides it would be far less popular if we did.
It did strike me however that this may have been tried before, the candidate then being John Selwyn Gummer(allegedly)
I recommend the house consigns this to move to the back benches(amazing how fantasy mirrors real life huh)
It did strike me however that this may have been tried before, the candidate then being John Selwyn Gummer(allegedly)
I recommend the house consigns this to move to the back benches(amazing how fantasy mirrors real life huh)
PMs Daily Statement to the house
Contrary to rumours I have not forsaken you and emigrated to Canada - it is far to cold for me there in the Winter.
This mornings puniishment sucessful was highly sucessful with at least a dozen red asses being seen and it is not expected that many members of the cabinet will be requireing chairs for the rest of the day.
However I am not satisfied that niceguysdoexist really understands the terms of him membership of my cabinet. He had the audacity to write,
"Following on from Foxy's rather creative suggestion that Dave J be responsible "
I did not "suggest" I insisted!!! Niceguysdoexist is therefore to be reasigned he will now become Minister for Lost Socks" His task will be to collect every lost sock in the land and re home it. This will not be an easy task as it will also include those socks that have been dyed in the wash.
I am glad to say that Dave J has shown a bit more loyalty and has not complained about his new job.
I knew someone would have to bring up the question of homosexuality though I had imagined it would come from the oppossition party (BTW Do we still have one?) not from a member of my cabinet.
I do not wish to have to make homosexuality compulsoury but will do so if pushed, though I am amazed as to why anone would consider a b/j to make someone homosexual, after all we all know from our respected friends acroos the pond (Clinton) that a b/j is not sex!!
So nice guysdoexist please no more being dis loyalty to your PM and your party. Off you go to search for odd socks!!!
Todays diary will , unfortunately take me away from Parliament for quiet a number of hours . In my absence I do not want you to waste time squabaling as you did yesterday (remember I am only too happy to administer more punishemt just like this mornings), there are many important issues that need to be addressed such as, how can we have good outdoor f****** with this dreadful rain, why are there so many men with yellow hard hats, why do supermarkets place condoms on the aisle with the medicens, why do all the most interesting perverts always live in Scotland, etc etc?
In my absence Warwick is again in charge though I would respectfully ask him what he has done with the two jags that came with his post?
Contrary to rumours I have not forsaken you and emigrated to Canada - it is far to cold for me there in the Winter.
This mornings puniishment sucessful was highly sucessful with at least a dozen red asses being seen and it is not expected that many members of the cabinet will be requireing chairs for the rest of the day.
However I am not satisfied that niceguysdoexist really understands the terms of him membership of my cabinet. He had the audacity to write,
"Following on from Foxy's rather creative suggestion that Dave J be responsible "
I did not "suggest" I insisted!!! Niceguysdoexist is therefore to be reasigned he will now become Minister for Lost Socks" His task will be to collect every lost sock in the land and re home it. This will not be an easy task as it will also include those socks that have been dyed in the wash.
I am glad to say that Dave J has shown a bit more loyalty and has not complained about his new job.
I knew someone would have to bring up the question of homosexuality though I had imagined it would come from the oppossition party (BTW Do we still have one?) not from a member of my cabinet.
I do not wish to have to make homosexuality compulsoury but will do so if pushed, though I am amazed as to why anone would consider a b/j to make someone homosexual, after all we all know from our respected friends acroos the pond (Clinton) that a b/j is not sex!!
So nice guysdoexist please no more being dis loyalty to your PM and your party. Off you go to search for odd socks!!!
Todays diary will , unfortunately take me away from Parliament for quiet a number of hours . In my absence I do not want you to waste time squabaling as you did yesterday (remember I am only too happy to administer more punishemt just like this mornings), there are many important issues that need to be addressed such as, how can we have good outdoor f****** with this dreadful rain, why are there so many men with yellow hard hats, why do supermarkets place condoms on the aisle with the medicens, why do all the most interesting perverts always live in Scotland, etc etc?
In my absence Warwick is again in charge though I would respectfully ask him what he has done with the two jags that came with his post?
warwick
You seem to have missed something, as a senir cabinet minister you are NOT expected to drive, you have a chauffer for that. I did wonder why he always seemed to be round at your house whilst you were out at the office!!!
Unfortunately we have not had any volunteers for the post of Minister of Transport,(no not one of those taxi drivers or Yorkies who alwasy gave the impression that they could do the job stood on their head, came forward), so I suggest we ban cars then we will not need a Minister for Transport. The shambolic ruin we refer to as Public Transport can be run by our Minister fot the Enviroment. It will give him something to think about besides dyeing his hair and looking for a tranny maid.
As for providing free condoms in every pub isnt that about the same as giving everone in wheelchairs a new pair of trainners?
You seem to have missed something, as a senir cabinet minister you are NOT expected to drive, you have a chauffer for that. I did wonder why he always seemed to be round at your house whilst you were out at the office!!!
Unfortunately we have not had any volunteers for the post of Minister of Transport,(no not one of those taxi drivers or Yorkies who alwasy gave the impression that they could do the job stood on their head, came forward), so I suggest we ban cars then we will not need a Minister for Transport. The shambolic ruin we refer to as Public Transport can be run by our Minister fot the Enviroment. It will give him something to think about besides dyeing his hair and looking for a tranny maid.
As for providing free condoms in every pub isnt that about the same as giving everone in wheelchairs a new pair of trainners?
Sex God
hey niceguysdoexist....go sort your sock draw..oh yeah ...oh yeah.... :2fingers:
Now what else did our esteemed first lady say....ahh hear we go ....davej ....new post....minister of...
eeermm ...eerrr...errmmmm...oh dear...oh dear, oh dear
Now what else did our esteemed first lady say....ahh hear we go ....davej ....new post....minister of...
eeermm ...eerrr...errmmmm...oh dear...oh dear, oh dear Well, I have read with astonishment Davej's post that he has resigned!!!! There is a man (and I use that term lightly) who(m) I have admired for some considerable time.. and he has failed in his duty..
I will not let this continue - I will offer myself up as his replacement in the testing stakes. Whilst I may not have quite as much experience as Davej , though I do believe that I can hold my own (well that's what Carolyn says) I would be firmly committed to taking on this task.
Obviously I will understand if you want some other idiot to do this - but I am the idiot that can take this task and run with it!!!
Regards
Paul
I will not let this continue - I will offer myself up as his replacement in the testing stakes. Whilst I may not have quite as much experience as Davej , though I do believe that I can hold my own (well that's what Carolyn says) I would be firmly committed to taking on this task.
Obviously I will understand if you want some other idiot to do this - but I am the idiot that can take this task and run with it!!!
Regards
Paul
Sex God
Warwick I think Paul has volunteered to take the post of Science Minister and hasn't read what the P.M. really wants him to do...
shall you tell him or shall I...
davej from behind a small bush on a deserted island and in fear of the P.M. and her unsuitable jobs
shall you tell him or shall I...
davej from behind a small bush on a deserted island and in fear of the P.M. and her unsuitable jobs
