are married men outcasts???

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Reese
both.
~Reese

Reese thats a terrible thing to say, i m shocked at you!!!
Im a single female who plays with h/bs consent, but no way would I expect you to talk to him about the situation!!Why should you, what iI do and who with is down to me?Im certainly not having him give his permission to anyone!!!

20 Feb 2005

Quote by gailen
I dont think anyone on here would bother!!!!
*and please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im only trying to make a point - not having "a GO" at anyone in particular!*

this is a extract from my add

210173 Newly freed man seeking fun - kristof leicester,leicestershire,midlands Yes
of a sexual nature I am a newly single guy, was married but after living apart for 3 years we have called it a day Before you read on, please be aware, I do not approve of cheating or playing away from home, so if you are looking for that, look elsewhere. I would sooner lose out on great sex than be a part of the cheats scene I am 43, about 5'7" and average 6" cock, my pic shows that I am a little soft around the waist for which I make no excuses. I am clean shaven head face cock and balls. Clean in hygene if not in m

and I know I am not alone in this view

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Reese"
If that is what you truly think regarding everyone here, then you are most certainly wrong. Please do not make such broad generalisations when each of us is a unique individual with different desires, morals, expectations and approaches to swinging.
Let's take myself for example: Let's say I was approached by a stunningly beautiful woman who wanted to shag my barins out. Here's what I would do:
1) Introduce her to my wife, Vix.
2) The three of us would sit down and have a chat, perhaps over a few drinks, and all get to know each other. During the course of this chat, we'd be certain to broach the topic of past and current relationships. If the woman gave any indication of being involved in a relationship with another - whether married or not - we'd ask to set up a future meet where all four of us could get together. If she refused, that would be that. I don't even care if she has "consent", I'd want to hear it from her partner.
3) Provided she was truly single, we'd take her home and fuck her. However, if it turned out she have a partner (and all of the requirements for a meet with both of them were met, etc), we'd take them home and fuck them both.
~Reese

Reese!
Ive watched your posts and have the greatest of respect for you!
and i agree that we are all individuals.
My generalistion is because i so often soo that people are looking for singel females!
It does make sense that if a single female did "happen along" and was "available" then i very much doubt if the "interview" would be half as severe as if it was for a single male! married or not!

20 Feb 2005

Can I open this subject up a bit wider ............. cos I really am curious to peoples answers on it.
Ok - everyone has families, but how many people have told their families that they're into the swinging lifestyle? For instance, I know that my children would be devastated if they found out. Many others on here are in the same situation - I can't see how that makes us any different to a guy playing away from home? We are hiding a part of our lives away from the most important people to us .......... yes it's for their protection and security - but isn't that just like why a married guy doesn't tell his wife, who has absolutely no interest in sex, that he swings.
These guys are not looking for affairs (the one I'm talking about now), they have surfed the net, stumbled on SH, found themselves drawn to the community of the Forums and joined up - they've made friends, they want to meet them, socialise with them - and yes, they want to swing with them - not a one off shag, not an affair - but to be part of the swinging lifestyle. Where do these guys fit in with others?
I really am just curious - I know I've only given one scenario of the married guy, but I wanted to give an example, not rattle off loads of examples.
biggrin

20 Feb 2005

Quote by foxylady 123
Reese thats a terrible thing to say, i m shocked at you!!!
Im a single female who plays with h/bs consent, but no way would I expect you to talk to him about the situation!!Why should you, what iI do and who with is down to me?Im certainly not having him give his permission to anyone!!!

Foxy~
Sorry to shock you, but that's just our personal preference. Perhaps it's because Vix & I would never play apart from each other that we feel this way. Thus, we limit ourselves to single males, single females and couples (where both play together). Again, it's nothing personal against anyone, their lifestyle or their situation - it's just how we choose to swing.
~Reese! surprised

20 Feb 2005

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Can I open this subject up a bit wider ............. cos I really am curious to peoples answers on it.
Ok - everyone has families, but how many people have told their families that they're into the swinging lifestyle? For instance, I know that my children would be devastated if they found out. Many others on here are in the same situation - I can't see how that makes us any different to a guy playing away from home? We are hiding a part of our lives away from the most important people to us .......... yes it's for their protection and security - but isn't that just like why a married guy doesn't tell his wife, who has absolutely no interest in sex, that he swings.
These guys are not looking for affairs (the one I'm talking about now), they have surfed the net, stumbled on SH, found themselves drawn to the community of the Forums and joined up - they've made friends, they want to meet them, socialise with them - and yes, they want to swing with them - not a one off shag, not an affair - but to be part of the swinging lifestyle. Where do these guys fit in with others?
I really am just curious - I know I've only given one scenario of the married guy, but I wanted to give an example, not rattle off loads of examples.

Very well put, almost what I was trying to say

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kristof
of a sexual nature I am a newly single guy, was married but after living apart for 3 years we have called it a day Before you read on, please be aware, I do not approve of cheating or playing away from home, so if you are looking for that, look elsewhere. I would sooner lose out on great sex than be a part of the cheats scen I am 43, about 5'7" and average 6" cock, my pic shows that I am a little soft around the waist for which I make no excuses. I am clean shaven head face cock and balls. Clean in hygene if not in m

and I know I am not alone in this view
HI Kris - we've met and i Know you are agreat guy!
I think youre right in youre ad!
My "argument" is about the different treatmnt handed out to males as opposed to females!

20 Feb 2005

In reply to misschief.....
As you i would be devestated if my kids found out(using the PC is getting harder as they get older)!...I have an ex husband,who,i'm sure would have plenty to say!
But,both my parents know,my brother on the other hand is a total prude so I wouldn't want him to of Demons family know...To date most have voiced a mild curiosity :shock:

20 Feb 2005

Quote by gailen
NOW! - you people who are swingers - and will have sex with almost (repeat ALMOST) anyone

You obviously dont know many swingers then!!.... I for one am the fussiest person around and I very rarely find someone that I find attractive enough to want to swing with.... It's comments like that that gives swinging a bad name...
We always ask the question about the other person being married be they male or female..... There is no rule for one and another rule for the other in this house.....

20 Feb 2005

Quote by shireen-steve
You obviously dont know many swingers then!!.... I for one am the fussiest person around and I very rarely find someone that I find attractive enough to want to swing with.... It's comments like that that gives swinging a bad name...
We always ask the question about the other person being married be they male or female..... There is no rule for one and another rule for the other in this house.....

OK - i accept that!
BUT! - if you were confronted with a sngle female - willing to play - would you seriously go through an "interview" before playing?
This thread isnt about the moralities of swinging - its about whether married men are outcasts or not! and no-one has convinced me that they are not!

20 Feb 2005

ok - going to bed now - not running away!
will answer any posts later!

20 Feb 2005

We can all say we wouldn't play with married men because "its not fair on his wife" but in all fairness,unless they are lifelong friends,do we make the guilt/repercussions etc our problem,or is that for him to deal with???

20 Feb 2005

Quote by gailen
This thread isnt about the moralities of swinging - its about whether married men are outcasts or not! and no-one has convinced me that they are not!

This is what I was trying to explain .............

Quote by MISSCHIEF
everyone has families, but how many people have told their families that they're into the swinging lifestyle? For instance, I know that my children would be devastated if they found out. Many others on here are in the same situation - I can't see how that makes us any different to a guy playing away from home? We are hiding a part of our lives away from the most important people to us .......... yes it's for their protection and security - but isn't that just like why a married guy doesn't tell his wife, who has absolutely no interest in sex, that he swings.

I don't think any of us should spout off about morals of married men. But I do think people are entitled to there preferences without having them questioned.
Same applies to the married people on here, I think their decision to swing should be accepted without having the moral thing told to them after every post they make.

20 Feb 2005

Totally agree Misschief...we are all big enough to make our own choices...
On that note...I choose to go to bed nunnite wave

20 Feb 2005

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Can I open this subject up a bit wider ............. cos I really am curious to peoples answers on it.
Ok - everyone has families, but how many people have told their families that they're into the swinging lifestyle? For instance, I know that my children would be devastated if they found out. Many others on here are in the same situation - I can't see how that makes us any different to a guy playing away from home? We are hiding a part of our lives away from the most important people to us .......... yes it's for their protection and security - but isn't that just like why a married guy doesn't tell his wife, who has absolutely no interest in sex, that he swings.

well my family on the whole know, my ex knows, ok the kids dont, but seeing as the eldest is just 9 thats something that woiuld be wrong to shove in their faces now. I wont hide what I am, but I wont thrust my ways onto somebody else either
Misschief I understand your question, hell, I probly recieved more flac in a day than most others because of my flaming of cheaters, but yes I will agree that not all families and friends are as open and understanding as mine.
I cannot condone, but in some circumstances I might understand non disclosure.
Now I know darn well I am missing something here, something thats trying to be said, but I am tired, I keep trying to sleep and failing and end up back here, so tommorrow I will look again probly and try to decide what it is I missed

20 Feb 2005

I'm one of the ones who's a bit in the 'grey' as far as my opinions go. I wouldn't arrange to meet with anyone who I knew to be in a relationship and who were shagging behind their partners back (male or female)
On the other hand.... when in a club and having sex with strangers who I'm probably never going to see again.. I DON'T question their marital status. TBH in that situation I couldn't care less. Ignorance is bliss. wink

20 Feb 2005

Quote by MISSCHIEF
This thread isnt about the moralities of swinging - its about whether married men are outcasts or not! and no-one has convinced me that they are not!

20 Feb 2005

Quote by xxdevil69
I'm one of the ones who's a bit in the 'grey' as far as my opinions go. I wouldn't arrange to meet with anyone who I knew to be in a relationship and who were shagging behind their partners back (male or female)
On the other hand.... when in a club and having sex with strangers who I'm probably never going to see again.. I DON'T question their marital status. TBH in that situation I couldn't care less. Ignorance is bliss.

This is actually a rather good point and I think anyones ability to know the marital status of their swinging partners will always depend on the style of swinging they engage in. If people only do private meets after a fairly long time of chatting beforehand then it is relatively easy to be reasonably sure of the cicrcumstances of your partners.
If however you go to clubs and parties - marital status in general becomes irrelevant, people do not (In my experience) sit down in a swinging club and discuss all the issues of partners consent and status before going to a room or playing in the Jacuzzi. For instance I know of a couple who are both married and swing as a couple but they aren't married to each other, I wonder how many people would even think to ask whether they are married to each other before playing?
Also to those people who are very careful to avoid the married people on here who swing alone - how do you know you are being told the truth? The "single" guy who you've played with might have been lying, his wife may have found out and your bit of fun may have broken up his marriage, you could just as easily be named in his divorce even if you didn't know he was married! (This still applies if you only swing with couples - as I have stated above how do you know the couple are actually with each other?)
At the end of the day married men will always have to work harder than single guys (Although I do know of at least one situation where the fact that I am married is an advantage as it makes me a safer bet than a single guy.) and guys will have to work harder than girls in the swinging scene - this is as much down to supply and demand as anything else.
I am lucky that I am in the position of having my wifes consent but even that opens up a whole minefield of other issues in that anyone I play with only has my word for what that means. - I might say I have consent for unprotected sex with anyone I wish to play with, the actual situation could be that I have agreed with my wife that I will not do penetration at all!
At the end of the day everyone has their own preferences and are entitled to them however when you start swinging it is impossible to know where it might lead and it opens up a pandora's box of moral, ethical and emotional dilemmas - regardless of how "careful" you might try to be.
And as a final point on the subject of married women playing on their own - they don't need to tell everyone they are married, they don't need to get known on the forums or show their true personality on here - all they need to do is posts a half decent add in women for men or women for couples and they will get more offers than they can shake a stick at. This is why we never see the debate from the married womans point of view!
Roger the Dragon (Rambling as usual :wink: )

20 Feb 2005

Quote by MISSCHIEF
I don't think any of us should spout off about morals of married men. But I do think people are entitled to there preferences without having them questioned.
Same applies to the married people on here, I think their decision to swing should be accepted without having the moral thing told to them after every post they make.

Missy - can I just re-iterate that this thread was started becuase someone asked a direct question about the subject of married men swinging - and was therefore inviting comment from the "anti-married men" lobby.
Gailen - I have sooo many issues with your posts. I will be back after I have had a chance to re-read and make sure I totally understand what you are saying.
aRSexx:color: (TM VIx)

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Reese
Reese thats a terrible thing to say, i m shocked at you!!!
Im a single female who plays with h/bs consent, but no way would I expect you to talk to him about the situation!!Why should you, what iI do and who with is down to me?Im certainly not having him give his permission to anyone!!!

Reese
The shock is not with whom you chose to play with, that is your own choice obviously. What does shock me is the fact that you would want to talk to the partner of someone you were swining with, if they themselves were not involved. From a womans angle i think that smaks of chauvanism and even if you apply it to males as well its too intrusive in to Real Life.
Just my opinion
Suzzy
xxx

20 Feb 2005

you know all i ever wanted from this thread was for some people to stop having a pop at married men on here.i and every other married men have as much right to be on here as you or anybody else.i dont critise other peoples misgivings or beliefs and never will.

20 Feb 2005

If you lie to your partner/husband/wife or withold things from them.............. then you are taking away their choices................... and none of us have that right.
So if you are married or in a long term relationship and swing.............. the least you should do is tell your partner..
If you dont tell them, then you know something is wrong with what you are doing to them......
But at the end of the day each to their own.........(only that is exactly my point........ the partner being cheated on doesn't have the choice to do their own thing)
Off for a perv at the married man ads....lol lol lol

20 Feb 2005

Quote by gailen
You know something?
Some of you people are such hypocrites - you spout forth about not "playing " with married men ! BUT how many of you would say the same thing about playing with a married woman??????
NOT MANY I BET!

Gailen â€“ first of all I personally object to the tone of â€œyou peopleâ€. Are you referring to swingers in general or are you referring to the people who answered this personâ€™s question honestly without malice? Look back and see just how many of those people responded to the married women question with exactly the same answer as that answered re married men.

Quote by gailen
If I was approached out of the blue by a lady wanting sex | would either be looking for the cameras or wanting to know how much she charged. :shock: :shock:

But Roger - it happens! nad if and when it does - would any guy really honestly ask questions first???
*sorry - i know you want to fuck my brains out - but can i ask you a couple of questions first?*
Cant see it myself- sorry!
Personally I think you are doing a disservice to a lot of the single men on here who would ask and would want to get to know the person before â€œfucking their brains outâ€. It is this sort of generalisation that gives single men a bad name â€“ and I am surprised to hear it coming from a man.

Quote by gailen
It might be a swingers site and yes we go in for fucking other people but it doesn't mean that you leave ALL your morals at the door! Your making it sound like people do .. .tempted with a naked/willing female that people won't ask questions first!
C x

Yes i am making it sound like that! Because thats how i believe it is!
Can you clarify this please? Are you saying that you personally believe that swingers donâ€™t have morals? Sorry f I have misread your post â€“ but it does come over that way to me.

Quote by gailen
Can you give me proof of this? Can you show me any posts where people have confirmed this theory ... "single" bi females are available they are just careful at protectng their anonymity for some obvious reasons. There are married bi females who play alone (with partners consent) as well.
I have seen no evidence of the accusations you have made .. .yes married men get bad press but you can hardly blame people for not wanting to get involved and married females don't come on and advertise themselves so readily. The married females I do know on here have non interested partners who know they swing!

So what about the married males who have partners who show NO INTEREST ? - different story HUH?
I think a lot has been said to clarify that a married man swinging WITH his partnerâ€™s consent would be just as accepted as any other â€œsingleâ€ man. It is those swinging WITHOUT their partnerâ€™s consent who get the â€œstickâ€. I think Calistaâ€™s point made it clear that she was referring to women swinging WITH their partnerâ€™s consent.

Quote by gailen
WHAT ABOUT - the married guy who dearly loves his wife? - wouldnt hurt her for the world? BUT - she has no interest in sex - in any way shape or form? (this may be alien to some of you people - but bear with me!). For what ever reason - he will not leave her because he loves her! - JUST what is he supposed to do? (and ladies are in this position too!)

There have been a lot of posts about this in the past â€“ I think the general consensus has been to talk to her. If she agrees that swinging is the way to go for that man â€“ then I believe that the majority of people on here would accept that. That is my personal â€œassumptionâ€ based on the posts I have read in previous threads.

NOW! - you people who are swingers - and will have sex with almost (repeat ALMOST) anyone

I agree with Shireen in that it is comments like this that give swinging a bad name. It is the same sort of generalisation that you hear bandied about gay men. And it does not help the perception of swinging at all. I agonised a long time over whether to join this community or not â€“ purely because of generalisations like this.

I repeat the phrase i made earlier " hi - id like to fuck your brains out!*
OK - but are you married or single? does your husband know? do you have his permission? â€“

Yes â€“ exactly what I , and others I know would ask. Reeseâ€™s scenario in response to yours is one that would emulate my own. And I would respect the couple that â€œinterviewedâ€ me as Reese described.

I dont think anyone on here would bother!!!!

Well I for one have found that my experiences have shown quite the opposite! And I am wondering whether your attitude is down to some experience you , yourself have had?

*and please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im only trying to make a point - not having "a GO" at anyone in particular!*

It is hard not to take that as â€œhaving a goâ€ in light of your previous generalisations about â€œus peopleâ€.

Quote by gailen
Reese!
Ive watched your posts and have the greatest of respect for you!
and i agree that we are all individuals.
My generalistion is because i so often soo that people are looking for singel females!
It does make sense that if a single female did "happen along" and was "available" then i very much doubt if the "interview" would be half as severe as if it was for a single male! married or not!

Actually Gailen I have chatted a lot to Vix and Reese and I would be very surprised if it were any different for male or female!

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Can I open this subject up a bit wider ............. cos I really am curious to peoples answers on it.
Ok - everyone has families, but how many people have told their families that they're into the swinging lifestyle? For instance, I know that my children would be devastated if they found out. Many others on here are in the same situation - I can't see how that makes us any different to a guy playing away from home? We are hiding a part of our lives away from the most important people to us .......... yes it's for their protection and security - but isn't that just like why a married guy doesn't tell his wife, who has absolutely no interest in sex, that he swings.
These guys are not looking for affairs (the one I'm talking about now), they have surfed the net, stumbled on SH, found themselves drawn to the community of the Forums and joined up - they've made friends, they want to meet them, socialise with them - and yes, they want to swing with them - not a one off shag, not an affair - but to be part of the swinging lifestyle. Where do these guys fit in with others?

Missy â€“ I can see what you are saying here â€“ but I, personally, feel that the family scenario does not match the partner scenario. We are, after all, discussing sexual contact here. Sexually intimacy as opposed to being part of a community is different. I suppose for me, personally, there is a line. So yes there are some wonderful married guys on here who enjoy being part of the community and I have absolutely no problem with that. Personally, I will socialise with them and enjoy their company â€“ but I personally would not â€œfuck their brains outâ€.
Gailen â€“ In summary:-
You have shown no proof of married women being treated any differently to married men. I still think that if you look over the different responses you will come to the conclusion that the majority of people on here would have the same â€œruleâ€.
You have made sweeping generalisations when almost every single person who has posted, has made the point that the view they have expressed is their own personal view.
Unfortunately you have left me seriously concerned about just how many of the nice single men I chat to on here are actually only out to â€œfuck my brains outâ€. And as a result I shall now be taking my name off the Rios list for next week. And yes â€“ you can take that as a flounce if you want â€“ but your generalisations in that area worried me.
aRsexx

20 Feb 2005

Quote by blondeslave
If you lie to your partner/husband/wife or withold things from them.............. then you are taking away their choices................... and none of us have that right.
So if you are married or in a long term relationship and swing.............. the least you should do is tell your partner..
If you dont tell them, then you know something is wrong with what you are doing to them......
But at the end of the day each to their own.........(only that is exactly my point........ the partner being cheated on doesn't have the choice to do their own thing)

Exactly blonde. We wouldn't consider swinging with anyone we know to be married and his or her partner not knowing.
What really pisses me off if the men/ladies saying how much they love their wife/husband so the don't want to leave them.. If they loved them enough they would not swing OR have the courtesy to tell them.
Dawn :silly:

20 Feb 2005

Well im sorry you feel that way Rainbows - because not a single one of my posts was ever intended as a generalisation - NOR a swipe at anyone in particular OR their morals !
I dont have to prove that Married men are treated differently - because its there for all to see. But again that coud be classed as a generalisation. In fact i believe ive apologised twice during the thread in case i have offended anyone?
You picked out many snippets of my posts - but i beleive that if thread was taken as a whole - it may read a little differently.
I have no argument with you - nor anyone else on this site. I do not like upsetting people and i certaily do not like offending people. If anything i have said has either upset or offended you then i sincerely apologise.
But i am entitled to my opinions as much as anyone. Maybe sometimes we dont say things quite exactly how we mean them - but then i hope we are man (woman) enough to apologise!
This is my last posting!

20 Feb 2005

This debate was done recently and if I recall correctly, the general outcome was 'if married people come onto this site and admit that they are cheating (for whatever reason) then at least they are being honest with us on the site. People on here can then make an informed decision as to whether or not they meet/shag this person'.
The singles could be lying about marital status, yes, but at the end of the day it has to come down to whether you believe them when they say they are a single. We would expect to be able to meet them or chat on the 'phone before engaging in any sexual activity. We spoke to one 'couple' who, when we 'phoned, his partner had always 'just popped out' so we didn't meet them, because we didn't believe that they were a couple.
There are people for whom status or partner's consent is not an issue but for us, and for many people on this site, it isan issue. We are choosy who we play with and will not play with 'almost anyone' just because we are swingers. We resent that remark, it is far too offensive and is what the non-swinging population of this country seem to think. If fellow swingers think the same, then we are lost.
Misschief, we don't tell members of our family that we swing because it would make some of them worry and would shock others. It isn't any more their business than it's our business what they do in bed, or with whom. Several of our friends know, with different degrees of curiosity/ shock, but it's up to us, not them, who we have sex with. We don't tell them who they should meet/date/shag etc., so why would they do that to us?

20 Feb 2005

Would you play with someone like me?
I'm officially married, but haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

20 Feb 2005

Yes, or I'd watch Bev play with you lol

You mean that you are seperated?

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
Would you play with someone like me?
I'm officially married, but haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

Gosh she must be good at hide and seek :shock: lol

Seriously though.. I think those with the issue aren't concerned whther someone is 'officially' married.. its whether they have a partner whom they live with as though they are married (god I'm beginning to sound like a benefits form confused

), who they love and who has no idea about their swinging.
Feel free to correct me if I've got this wrong :lol:

20 Feb 2005

Quote by xxdevil69
Would you play with someone like me?
I'm officially married, but haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

Gosh she must be good at hide and seek :shock: lol

), who they love and who has no idea about their swinging.
Feel free to correct me if I've got this wrong :lol:
I think that's spot on Devil.
King Arthur, the answer would be yes if you are separated and live your own lives.
Bloke, I'd expect you to join in :twisted: