are married men outcasts???

20 Feb 2005

Quote by xxdevil69
Would you play with someone like me?
I'm officially married, but haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

Gosh she must be good at hide and seek :shock: lol

Seriously though.. I think those with the issue aren't concerned whther someone is 'officially' married.. its whether they have a partner whom they live with as though they are married (god I'm beginning to sound like a benefits form confused

), who they love and who has no idea about their swinging.
Feel free to correct me if I've got this wrong :lol:
Spot on - to me, it's all a simple question of knowledge and consent regardless of whether or not you are married, partnered, present or not present. I'll be up in Manchester next weekend at the munch without my partner. He knows I'm there and will know if I end up at anywhere afterwards - maybe not until the Sunday, but he will know.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Would you play with someone like me?
I'm officially married, but haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

Gosh she must be good at hide and seek :shock: lol

Seriously though.. I think those with the issue aren't concerned whther someone is 'officially' married.. its whether they have a partner whom they live with as though they are married (god I'm beginning to sound like a benefits form confused

), who they love and who has no idea about their swinging.
Feel free to correct me if I've got this wrong :lol:
I think that's spot on Devil.
King Arthur, the answer would be yes if you are separated and live your own lives.
Bloke, I'd expect you to join in :twisted:
Um - not sure KA would feel the same :lol: Answers on a postcard (or PM :lol: ) please...

20 Feb 2005

Spot on - to me, it's all a simple question of knowledge and consent regardless of whether or not you are married, partnered, present or not present. I'll be up in Manchester next weekend at the munch without my partner. He knows I'm there and will know if I end up at anywhere afterwards - maybe not until the Sunday, but he will know.
_________________

Ditto

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Bloke2005
Yes, or I'd watch Bev play with you
You mean that you are seperated?

Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week". I bet she's still waiting for me to return

20 Feb 2005

Quote by foxylady 123
Reese
The shock is not with whom you chose to play with, that is your own choice obviously. What does shock me is the fact that you would want to talk to the partner of someone you were swining with, if they themselves were not involved. From a womans angle i think that smaks of chauvanism and even if you apply it to males as well its too intrusive in to Real Life.
Just my opinion
Suzzy
xxx

Suzzy~
I just re-read my original post and realize that I may have been a bit unclear with respect to the involvement of the partner. Our aim in meeting both is not to get third-party consent, but rather to determine whether both partners would play as a couple (which is something we'd no doubt ask of the individual before requesting the meet with their "other half"). If it turned out that both didn't play together, as we do, we'd give it a miss...as we wouldn't want to swing with one member of a couple where the other wasn't involved, regardless of anyone's consent. Hope this clarifies...
~Reese! surprised

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Reese
Reese
The shock is not with whom you chose to play with, that is your own choice obviously. What does shock me is the fact that you would want to talk to the partner of someone you were swining with, if they themselves were not involved. From a womans angle i think that smaks of chauvanism and even if you apply it to males as well its too intrusive in to Real Life.
Just my opinion
Suzzy
xxx

Suzzy~
I just re-read my original post and realize that I may have been a bit unclear with respect to the involvement of the partner. Our aim in meeting both is not to get third-party consent, but rather to determine whether both partners would play as a couple (which is something we'd no doubt ask of the individual before requesting the meet with their "other half"). If it turned out that both didn't play together, as we do, we'd give it a miss...as we wouldn't want to swing with one member of a couple where the other wasn't involved, regardless of anyone's consent. Hope this clarifies...
~Reese! surprised

Reese , the above does make it easier for me to understand what you are saying, i dont agree but then i dont have to!!
Suzzy
xxx

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week". I bet she's still waiting for me to return

What a cowardly thing to do evil

I sincerely hope she is not still holding out for you. I'm sure she deserves better confused

Tracy-Jayne

20 Feb 2005

Quote by RedHot

Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week". I bet she's still waiting for me to return

What a cowardly thing to do evil

I sincerely hope she is not still holding out for you. I'm sure she deserves better confused

Tracy-Jayne
You saying I'm not worth waiting for? :cry:

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur

Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week". I bet she's still waiting for me to return

What a cowardly thing to do evil

I sincerely hope she is not still holding out for you. I'm sure she deserves better confused

Tracy-Jayne
You saying I'm not worth waiting for? :cry:
Most certainly :shock:
You not only walked out on the woman, but you failed to inform her of such. You seem to be going on with your life and joining this site is part of that, but does she have that option of moving on?
Or is she still standing barefoot at the kitchen sick waiting for her wandering husband to return? :evil:
Perhaps you're keeping your options open and if things don't work out *back in England*, you may as well go back to her? :roll: :?
T-J

20 Feb 2005

Quote by RedHot

Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week". I bet she's still waiting for me to return

What a cowardly thing to do evil

I sincerely hope she is not still holding out for you. I'm sure she deserves better confused

Tracy-Jayne
You saying I'm not worth waiting for? :cry:
Most certainly :shock:
You not only walked out on the woman, but you failed to inform her of such. You seem to be going on with your life and joining this site is part of that, but does she have that option of moving on?
Or is she still standing barefoot at the kitchen sick waiting for her wandering husband to return? :evil:
Perhaps you're keeping your options open and if things don't work out *back in England*, you may as well go back to her? :roll: :?
T-J
Don't be so hard on me :cry:
I didn't want to hurt her feelings when I left.
Tried to get in touch with her about 6 months later, but she had sold the flat and buggered off somewhere. I'm not keeping my options open, I'm happy with my life

20 Feb 2005

According to Annette Lawson, author of "Adultery," first published in 1989 by Basic Books.
"The various researchers arrive at a general consensusâ€¦suggesting that above one-quarter to about one-half of married women have at least one lover after they are married in any given marriage. Married men probably still stray more often than married womenâ€”perhaps from 50 percent to 65 percent by the age of forty."
According to Maggie Scarf, author of "Intimate Partners," first published in 1987 by Random House, re-issued in 1996 by Ballentine.
"Most experts do consider the 'educated guess' that at the present time some 50 to 65 percent of husbands and 45 to 55 percent of wives become extramaritally involved by the age of 40 to be a relatively sound and reasonable one."
According to Peggy Vaughan, author of "The Monogamy Myth," first published in 1989 by Newmarket Press (third edition published 2003).
"Conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages.

If these figures are remotely correct the population at large has a very large number of "cheaters". I would see "cheating" as being far more of a problem within a relationship when one partner goes behind the other's back on a one-to-one basis where an emotional attatchment can easily occur. If the straying partner plays on the swinging scene then an emotional attatchment is unlikely, although not impossible. I would not judge anyone on their morals unless I knew their circumstances very well.
I never bother with discussing people's status, whether they are couple or single. I want to shag them, not spend the rest of our lives with them. In my experience (clubs), couples that play with single guys do not give them the 3rd degree about their marital status.
Swingers get very upset about the public and press making judgements about their lifestyle, but so many seem ready to judge others on the flimsiest of evidence. Glasshouse and stones spring to mind.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by gailen
NOW! - you people who are swingers - and will have sex with almost (repeat ALMOST) anyone - seem to think that you are holier than thou by saying that you wont have sex with a married man (if he is so called cheating). I still maintain that you would not be so discriminatory if a female was invlolved?????
I repeat the phrase i made earlier " hi - id like to fuck your brains out!*
OK - but are you married or single? does your husband know? do you have his permission? -
I dont think anyone on here would bother!!!!
*and please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im only trying to make a point - not having "a GO" at anyone in particular!*

I have not followed this thread too closely until now, but now I have read it properly and I can see what a dreadful insinuation you're making. Of course you're not having a go at any named individual, you seem to having a go at all of us. Apparently all swingers are grubbing around in the gutter ready to shag anything that presents itself. This is such a loathsome remark - how many of us do you know personally? And don't you dare come back and say the equivalent of "I apologise, but I don't really", or "I was only generalising, I don't mean any of you personally", you meant all of us who swing.
Don't apologise for anything unless you mean it, it just makes you sound even more weasly than you already do. And I can't stand the thought of meeting up with you at Rio's, I'm off the list, unless you have the decency to leave this community while you reconsider your views on swingers.
Mike.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
Would you play with someone like me?
I'm officially married, but haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

RedHot's already said it all.
Just wanted to add....
Seperated cad swings to mind.
Despicable behaviour, with the audacity to go on and brag/make light of it! mad

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Scandal
I'm not joining in with any of the moral debates on SH, I aint got the energy.
However if the following is true:
Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week".

Quote by kingarthur
I didn't want to hurt her feelings when I left.

Quote by kingarthur
haven't seen my wife for 3 years now.

Quote by kingarthur
I bet she's still waiting for me to return

Then you are a prick of the highest order, a lowlife.
You're the type of person who gets humanity a bad name, never mind single men.
I'm not arsed if this breaks the AUP and they ban me, I'll just feel glad I took this opportunity to call you a complete twat.
You ever been in a similar situation, didn't know what to do?
I got married when I was 21 years old and I didn't know shit about life.
You don't know enough to call me lowlife mate.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur

Long story, I never told her I didn't want her any more. We lived in Europe and I came back to England for "a week". I bet she's still waiting for me to return

What a cowardly thing to do evil

I sincerely hope she is not still holding out for you. I'm sure she deserves better confused

Tracy-Jayne
You saying I'm not worth waiting for? :cry:
Most certainly :shock:
You not only walked out on the woman, but you failed to inform her of such. You seem to be going on with your life and joining this site is part of that, but does she have that option of moving on?
Or is she still standing barefoot at the kitchen sick waiting for her wandering husband to return? :evil:
Perhaps you're keeping your options open and if things don't work out *back in England*, you may as well go back to her? :roll: :?
T-J
Don't be so hard on me :cry:
I didn't want to hurt her feelings when I left.
Tried to get in touch with her about 6 months later, but she had sold the flat and buggered off somewhere. I'm not keeping my options open, I'm happy with my life
I hope you have enjoyed your time on Swinging Heaven and made lots of new friends - because I have a feeling it's gonna get pretty hard to make many more after telling people this one :doh:
I take people as I find them - even married blokes - but spineless people who are more concerned about not feeling a bit bad or uncomfortable, than the hurt and upset they cause to others is little more advanced than pondlife. I am sure this little disclosure will encourage many to share their trust with you and invite you into their relationships - NOT.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
Don't be so hard on me :cry:
I didn't want to hurt her feelings when I left.
Tried to get in touch with her about 6 months later, but she had sold the flat and buggered off somewhere. I'm not keeping my options open, I'm happy with my life

Quote by kingarthur
You ever been in a similar situation, didn't know what to do?
I got married when I was 21 years old and I didn't know shit about life.
You don't know enough to call me lowlife mate.

:therethere: :therethere:
Poor dear.......NOT! mad

Stop making excuses. You own it enough to laugh about it on the forum. But reject it when we give it back to you raw!

20 Feb 2005

Look, I dont know anything about what went on in your marriage for you to want to leave her but I do know that you should have at least had the decency to let her know that you werent inteding on coming back. Maybe you didnt know this but alot of people have trouble moving on with their lives when they dont have yourself in her situation. How would you feel if she had said to you she'd be back soon and hadnt returned? Wouldnt you feel like a fool? Wouldnt you want closure? An explanation?
I dont think much of most men as it is due to a violent father but its people like you who give a bad name to the few good men left out there.
I am soooo pissed off now mad

20 Feb 2005

Quote by lil_miz_naughty_0204
Look, I dont know anything about what went on in your marriage for you to want to leave her but I do know that you should have at least had the decency to let her know that you werent inteding on coming back. Maybe you didnt know this but alot of people have trouble moving on with their lives when they dont have yourself in her situation. How would you feel if she had said to you she'd be back soon and hadnt returned? Wouldnt you feel like a fool? Wouldnt you want closure? An explanation?
I dont think much of most men as it is due to a violent father but its people like you who give a bad name to the few good men left out there.
I am soooo pissed off now

I'm a good guy wave

20 Feb 2005

I'm really not trying to make excuses and yes, most of you are right - I should have told her.
I'm not perfect, I know and believe it or not, I did feel guilty for a long time. I'm not even complaining about her selling OUR flat and buggering off with the money

20 Feb 2005

Quote by lil_miz_naughty_0204
Put yourself in her situation. How would you feel if she had said to you she'd be back soon and hadnt returned? Wouldnt you feel like a fool? Wouldnt you want closure? An explanation?

That's after she has been through the.....
Is he in hospital?
Is he dead?
Has he been in an accident?
Is he in trouble somewhere?
Feeling desperate to help, being worried sick.
All this before reaslising he is just s shit that walked out and didn't have the bottle to even leave a note, send a card, phone.......
Avoiders are worse than liars in my book and avoidance on this scale is the most selfish, spineless, cold-hearted act.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
I'm really not trying to make excuses and yes, most of you are right - I should have told her.
I'm not perfect, I know and believe it or not, I did feel guilty for a long time. I'm not even complaining about her selling OUR flat and buggering off with the money

You sold her down the river mate lol

Don't you DARE complain.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
I'm really not trying to make excuses and yes, most of you are right - I should have told her.
I'm not perfect, I know and believe it or not, I did feel guilty for a long time. I'm not even complaining about her selling OUR flat and buggering off with the money

You don't even know whether she got any money.
Have you considered that she might have been unable to work or get an income due to being so worried about you? That it may have caused her to be ill. That she may have sold the flat because of debt?
Or did your guilt only include the financial cost of your actions onto yourself?

20 Feb 2005

Quote by PoloLady
I'm really not trying to make excuses and yes, most of you are right - I should have told her.
I'm not perfect, I know and believe it or not, I did feel guilty for a long time. I'm not even complaining about her selling OUR flat and buggering off with the money

You don't even know whether she got any money.
Have you considered that she might have been unable to work or get an income due to being so worried about you? That it may have caused her to be ill. That she may have sold the flat because of debt?
Or did your guilt only include the financial cost of your actions onto yourself?
Completely right. She may have developed depression as a result of you leaving and not returning. Depression is an incredibly nasty illness which can ruin your life and cause you to be unable to work and so she used the money to survive on. I know Id certainly be very depressed if I hadnt heard from my husband in such a long time. rolleyes

It sounds to me like you dont have your priorities in life sorted and you are an incredibly selfish man. You ran off and left the lady and all you have to say is "Im not even bothered that she sold our flat and buggered off woth the moeny". The least you cuold do is leave her with something. You must have ruined her life!

20 Feb 2005

She was in touch with my sister and knew where I was. I really don't think she was too worried about me

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
She was in touch with my sister and knew where I was. I really don't think she was too worried about me

:violin:

20 Feb 2005

Quote by Libra-Love
She was in touch with my sister and knew where I was. I really don't think she was too worried about me

:violin:
:laughabove:
I see your feeling sorry for him then lol

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
You ever been in a similar situation, didn't know what to do?
I got married when I was 21 years old and I didn't know shit about life.
You don't know enough to call me lowlife mate.

Getting married at a young age has got jack all to do with it confused

Jon and I got married when we I was 18 and he 21. Being married and having a family would soon make you grow up and learn about life I can tell you. 24 years later we are still happily married cool

As for us knowing enough about you to make judgements . . . I feel that we do indeed know as much as we need about you :dry:
Tracy-Jayne

20 Feb 2005

Quote by kingarthur
I really don't think

BINGO - case closed.

20 Feb 2005

Quote by MikeNorth

NOW! - you people who are swingers - and will have sex with almost (repeat ALMOST) anyone - seem to think that you are holier than thou by saying that you wont have sex with a married man (if he is so called cheating). I still maintain that you would not be so discriminatory if a female was invlolved?????
I repeat the phrase i made earlier " hi - id like to fuck your brains out!*
OK - but are you married or single? does your husband know? do you have his permission? -
I dont think anyone on here would bother!!!!
*and please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im only trying to make a point - not having "a GO" at anyone in particular!*

I have not followed this thread too closely until now, but now I have read it properly and I can see what a dreadful insinuation you're making. Of course you're not having a go at any named individual, you seem to having a go at all of us. Apparently all swingers are grubbing around in the gutter ready to shag anything that presents itself. This is such a loathsome remark - how many of us do you know personally? And don't you dare come back and say the equivalent of "I apologise, but I don't really", or "I was only generalising, I don't mean any of you personally", you meant all of us who swing.
What he just said.
Gailen, you have some back-tracking to do methinks mad

20 Feb 2005

At the risk of getting shot down in flames here....
Should we really judge when we've only heard one side of the story.. (and I'm not asking for it KA) .. and only a bit of it at that? A day ago we were welcoming him and now we're stoning the guy to death...
Does anyone remember the TV advert about 12 months ago - there was a guy running out of a store with a mobile phone in his hand - your immediate thoughts were that he had nicked it, or that he had robbed the store - it turns out he was rushing to push a kid in a pram out of the middle of the road and the path of an oncoming vehicle..
Hasn't anybody else made mistakes? I f**kin' have! rolleyes

Or am I being naive here?