Artificer has plans for Easter...

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

Easter is coming: I have a few days off.
On Good Friday I will get spade out of shed. I will be looking at the huge expanse of vegeatable ground, still to be dug, which would normally, by now, be a forest of little green shoots pushing skywards. At the moment it is a sodden wilderness.
If it rains again on saturday, I will be leaning on spade, cursing the weather, and looking for signs of a break in the clouds.
If it rains on Easter Day, I won't swear, being holy day and all, but will be hitting inanimate objects with spade and batting Easter Eggs at cows in next field .
If it rains on monday, I will be throwing spade at anything that moves, especially the ducks, geese, fish and aquatic creatures that will be inhabiting the swamp by then.
If it rains on tuesday, I will be attacking family with spade and doing Zulu impressions at passing motorists.
If it rains again on wednesday, I will be bludgeoning people in white coats who will have come to take spade off me. I may well appear on News at Ten, brandishing blood-soaked spade at cameramen.
If it rains again on thursday, I will use spade to dig large hole, six feet deep and three feet wide.
If it rains on friday, my last day off, I will stand in front of hole, whack myself over head with spade, and topple in.
On saturday, with the sun streaming from brilliant blue skies, children moaning about the heat, and ice-cream vendors doing record business, my family will find note on spade requesting hole be back-filled and runner beans be planted on top of me.
On sunday, family will attend church for memorial service in my honour: the vicar will say how I 'lived for my garden'. Vicars haven't heard of irony.
On monday, just after the hosepipe ban has been announced, my work colleagues will hear of my demise, and club together to buy a memorial , which will take the form of an engraved spade.
Gardening is, basically, a form of madness: keep away from it...
Happy Easter
A.

bluexxx

Sex God

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

Well :shock: , you've obviously got the holiday period well planned, Arti wink

:wink: :wink:
Maybe you should try a less violent hobby lol

Unknown User

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

Well I'm safe Arti I hate gardening apart from sitting in the garden in the sun with a cold beer smile

Unknown User

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

:shock: You mean you can actually GROW vegetables? In the ground? :shock: Isn't that a bit un-hygienic? confused

lhk
Kat

willxx69

Sex God

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

Tell you what, arti. If it does continue to rain you could always give me a ring and we can go for a beer. I am prepared to sacrifice my liver for the sake of your sanity and wellbeing. Consider it to be an act of kindness to a troubled soul! :smug:
Have a great Easter everyone!
Will - bound for both Norfolk and Shropshire, even though they are in opposite directions from Berkshire! :crazy:

Unknown User

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

Arti
The cows have returned in the field behind me and the horses. Bliss. But to get to them is the garden and at least a weeks work. So I think when I get offer to go to Cornwall for a week from this Saturday with kids what could I do??????? Whats my plan of action? Shut the french window curtains, open the wine and chill until Saturday and bugger off asap. I need a gardener!!!!!! lol

slimjim57

Warming the Bed

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

First class Artificer, the best of luck with the spade, if you had said so before we could have arranged a work party for you. Iâ€™m sure enough mixed recruits could have been found, might have been a working munch. Now thereâ€™s an idea :jagsatwork: canâ€™t you let better weather dry out said plot and sow a later crop, that way you could have week off. Although its freezing up here Iâ€™m off for a couple nights camping/fishing soon and Iâ€™ll be thinking of you getting stuck in (literally), only problem is Iâ€™m going on my own again. :upset:
Slim.

Unknown User

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

Quote by slimjim57
First class Artificer, the best of luck with the spade, if you had said so before we could have arranged a work party for you. I’m sure enough mixed recruits could have been found, might have been a working munch. Now there’s an idea :jagsatwork: can’t you let better weather dry out said plot and sow a later crop, that way you could have week off. Although its freezing up here I’m off for a couple nights camping/fishing soon and I’ll be thinking of you getting stuck in (literally), only problem is I’m going on my own again. :upset:
Slim.

Cheers Slim mucker,
haven't heard from you for a while.
I could indeed sow later crops, possibly 2008? I could then tackle up and go fishing: how are the 'brownies' looking this year?

slimjim57

Warming the Bed

0 likes 8 Apr 2004

haven't heard from you for a while.
I could indeed sow later crops, possibly 2008? I could then tackle up and go fishing: how are the 'brownies' looking this year?

Been a bit busier than normal and been watching events taking place on here. Bit confused by it all mad

Must be bad if your talking of years rather than weeks, try a JCB :grin:
Bit cold yet, bloody freezing in fact and not looking too promising, few rivers in spate worms needed, couple @ pound & half last week bit thin though, got my eye on a spot for this week-end.
Still in need of some female company at night can't all be city folk on here dunno

have resorted to 2 drams instead of the usual one to keep chill out of course rolleyes

Don't go daft now and watch the back you never know when you might be called into action (hope you have better bloody luck than I am) smile

:) Off too catch some of the golf. Slim