attached men swinging alone

18 Apr 2008

Quote by jaymar
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.

I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
I wonder if the cheated other halves would feel the same way? If people want to cheat on their partners then fine, but we will not be a party to it!
Anyone who says, let people do whatever, spare a thought for the person sitting at home being cheated on. lol

I am not knocking people that do or the people who knowingly meet people they know are married...but just not for us. :lol:
But again you're missing the point. You are being judgemental by commenting on what the other half would think, it's not for us to discuss. You disagree with playing that's your opinion for which you are entitled.
This is a swinging site and people come on here for their own reasons. If people come here looking for affairs so be it, that's their perogative and I'm not saying I agree with it but at the end of the day you and I don't need to play with them.
I too have been on the receiving end of cheating, so has Jay, but what people need to respect is that this site is a sex site and it's for swinging and we need to reserve our judgements and morals for ourselves and let people do what they've come here to do.
Sorry Jaymar..do not agree. Any of us can be judgemental about anything. Most do it on a daily basis just by reading a newspaper. It is my choice to be judgemental about anyone or anything I choose to be..its called being realistic! :shock:
If somebody wants to cheat on their partner,wife or husband I have the right to judge that person as being dishonest, whether it is on a swingers site, or out there in the " real " world. I would judge that person to be one not to be trusted. The word means " having an excessively critical point of view". Think most people who go on the forum have that, which means they are judgemental which is anyones right to be. :cheers:
now there's a thing rolleyes

ain't gonna argue with you, again. Your view point, my view point, done.
also for the record, check out some of the other posters, they've more or less said the same thing. I'm not knocking your views I'm saying we should really keep them to ourselves.
Night wink

Well I wonder what their views would be if they found out their other halves had cheated on them? :shock:
Still not argueing with you Jaymar, your much too pretty to argue with. :lol:

18 Apr 2008

Quote by kentswingers777
Still not argueing with you Jaymar, your much too pretty to argue with.

come and argue with me then put 'em up... :hunk:

19 Apr 2008

Quote by splendid_

Still not argueing with you Jaymar, your much too pretty to argue with.

come and argue with me then put 'em up... :hunk:quote]
Your much to scary to argue with. :shock: Plus you would lose. :silly: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

19 Apr 2008

Quote by winchwench
I used to be pretty vitriolic about "cheating" (for wont of a better word) partners......
then I saw the "greyscale"
something that also changed my viewpoint occurred the last time this question was raised. I recieved a lengthy PM from a forumite who felt they wanted to explain their situation.
It moved me to tears.
So as I said- whilst I choose not to get involved, I also choose not to pass judgement. Whilst there are, undoubtedly some arseholes out there with devoted partners who are just out for extra pussy/cock, there are, equally, people living in situations we could not imagine.
Live & let live.

Very well said, I think I know the one you mean so same here W xx

19 Apr 2008

Quote by jaymar
I used to be pretty vitriolic about "cheating" (for wont of a better word) partners......
then I saw the "greyscale"
something that also changed my viewpoint occurred the last time this question was raised. I recieved a lengthy PM from a forumite who felt they wanted to explain their situation.
It moved me to tears.
So as I said- whilst I choose not to get involved, I also choose not to pass judgement. Whilst there are, undoubtedly some arseholes out there with devoted partners who are just out for extra pussy/cock, there are, equally, people living in situations we could not imagine.
Live & let live.

Very well said
:thumbup: from me too

19 Apr 2008

From our point of view, we don't really care if an advertised "single guy" is married, attached or actually single - we've had minor hassles on both sides of the coin. Firstly we met a genuine single guy wasn't exactly to our taste, but we had a good one-nighter and despite us telling him this beforehand he kept on mailing, texting and phoning for ages. Secondly, we met a married guy and a few weeks after got a text from what we assumed to be his wife saying "leave my f***ing husband alone" etc. Feeling wicked, we sent a text back saying "Thank you. By texting this number, you have made a very generous donation to the WWF - your account will be debited" Never heard from them again, surprisingly! Slightly off-topic though, what we're really not keen on is "fuck-buddies". We've met a few of these couples and found that they just don't know each other's boundaries well enough to be as comfortable with each other as married couples have been.

19 Apr 2008

Quote by hisandhers
I used to be pretty vitriolic about "cheating" (for wont of a better word) partners......
then I saw the "greyscale"
something that also changed my viewpoint occurred the last time this question was raised. I recieved a lengthy PM from a forumite who felt they wanted to explain their situation.
It moved me to tears.
So as I said- whilst I choose not to get involved, I also choose not to pass judgement. Whilst there are, undoubtedly some arseholes out there with devoted partners who are just out for extra pussy/cock, there are, equally, people living in situations we could not imagine.
Live & let live.

Very well said
:thumbup: from me too
and me too
at the end of the day, myself and baz only ask for 3 things, respect for our boundries trust that the meet isnt broadcasted for all to see and he practises safe sex. I dont want to know what his home life is like, after all I only want to shag him not marry him ffs! Its our decision to meet or not based on whether we think it will be fun for all concerned, it certainly wont be his marital status.
We arnt here to judge peoples personal lives, only our own.
Vicky n Bazza

19 Apr 2008

I'm really not sure what the problem is if someone who has a partner plays on here as a single. I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves. The only person who should be worried / guilty / annoyed if need be, is the man or WOMAN who is playing as a single. After all, there may be a very good reason that they are on this site. Whoever they are having fun with should certainly not be letting it bother them, it's not their problem. Carry on having fun....summer is coming. Shaleshaker2003

19 Apr 2008

Quote by shaleshaker2003
I'm really not sure what the problem is if someone who has a partner plays on here as a single. I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves. The only person who should be worried / guilty / annoyed if need be, is the man or WOMAN who is playing as a single. After all, there may be a very good reason that they are on this site. Whoever they are having fun with should certainly not be letting it bother them, it's not their problem. Carry on having fun....summer is coming. Shaleshaker2003

For some it isn't a problem. For others there is a problem. It isn't for you to suggest that those who think differently are are not being adult.

19 Apr 2008

Quote by shaleshaker2003
I'm really not sure what the problem is if someone who has a partner plays on here as a single. I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves. The only person who should be worried / guilty / annoyed if need be, is the man or WOMAN who is playing as a single. After all, there may be a very good reason that they are on this site. Whoever they are having fun with should certainly not be letting it bother them, it's not their problem. Carry on having fun....summer is coming. Shaleshaker2003

20 Apr 2008

Said it before - will say it again "Cheating isn't swinging, it is cheating" ( well said)so in my view no mater what way him ,her tries to justify why they do it it is not swinging and not what lots of people are on here for so the cheating person should not involve swingers that clearly have not join the seen for this .

20 Apr 2008

Quote by de_sade
I'm really not sure what the problem is if someone who has a partner plays on here as a single. I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves. The only person who should be worried / guilty / annoyed if need be, is the man or WOMAN who is playing as a single. After all, there may be a very good reason that they are on this site. Whoever they are having fun with should certainly not be letting it bother them, it's not their problem. Carry on having fun....summer is coming. Shaleshaker2003

Your profile says 'I am very respectful of other people's wishes and limits.'. One of those limits might be, not to play with a cheat. That doesn't mean they aren't adults.
Up to others who cheat, what they do - and those who fuck them. Their reasons don't matter - as long as they don't try to justify it on here and say that anyone who disagrees is not an adult.
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
What Frex said. :thumbup:
The first to justify it are usually the first to throw their dummy out of the pram when it happens to them.
Said it before - will say it again "Cheating isn't swinging, it is cheating"quote]
Wont hear me argue with that one! How anyone can say differently just baffles me. :shock:

20 Apr 2008

I tend to find that females playing without their male partners knowledge tend to go unquestioned and without much fuss, or am I just being cynical in old age?

20 Apr 2008

Quote by Ahabs
I tend to find that females playing without their male partners knowledge tend to go unquestioned and without much fuss, or am I just being cynical in old age?

I think that you have a point - but I'd see both males and females in the same light.

20 Apr 2008

Quote by de_sade
what does everyone think about this? is there some kind of ettiquette about it?
i don't mean men who swing with the knowledge and blessing of their partner but men looking for a furtive fumble.
usually says something like "discreet" in the profile - and "discreet" is usually spelled wrong too.
am i just being too fussy as usual?

Just men?
No, no, no...Some women too.

i was just thinking this, i've had a woman who was playing away ask me to meet and a few couples where they was both married to other people, single men on this site seem to get a real bum deal and everything wrong about swinging always seem to land on their shoulder.
Personally i wouldn't meet anyone who is playing away but you have to give them respect for telling you at least, as i have meet a couple of guys who have told me they was devorced and it had turned out they still with their wifes mad

:x at the end of the day theres nothing on the site that say's people who cheat can't join so as far as this site goes they are not doing anything wrong, so long as people are honest with me so i can't decide on true facts if i want to meet them thats ok with me, theres enough people on here to meet without having to worry about the few you don't want to smile

20 Apr 2008

Quote by shaleshaker2003
I'm really not sure what the problem is if someone who has a partner plays on here as a single. I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves. The only person who should be worried / guilty / annoyed if need be, is the man or WOMAN who is playing as a single. After all, there may be a very good reason that they are on this site. Whoever they are having fun with should certainly not be letting it bother them, it's not their problem. Carry on having fun....summer is coming. Shaleshaker2003

I'm like to think of myself as a nice person, cheating on people is not a nice thing to do, if i met someone knowing that they was married and their partner was sat alone looking after the kids thinking their partner was out with their m8s, then i feel i would have also cheated on them and that not a nice thing to do, if they ever found out i'd sure they would be very hurt and i would have played a part in that hurt sad

again not a nice thing to do, thats my problem, i'm not the kind of person who think's fuck you so long as my marrage is ok, and if you can't understand that maybe its you whos not an adult

20 Apr 2008

Well, I can only repeat what I have already said ( and ALL means we are all the same, not that anyone is NOT an adult):-
'I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves.
Adult's - meaning this is an Adult site.
Adult's - meaning as an adult you have a responsibility to make decisions for yourself.
Adult's - meaning you have a responsibility to yourself to make sure you are happy and understand whatever situation you enter.
Adult's - meaning you should have the life experience and ability to listen and understand any persons reasons for being on the site.
There are many opinions in the world, yours is only one of them, so is mine. That doesn't make any of them right. Sometimes opinions change when the person stands back and looks at the big picture, rather than the blot on the landscape.

20 Apr 2008

Quote by shaleshaker2003
Well, I can only repeat what I have already said ( and ALL means we are all the same, not that anyone is NOT an adult):-
'I thought we were ALL adults on here, therefore we have a responsibility to ourselves.
Adult's - meaning this is an Adult site.
Adult's - meaning as an adult you have a responsibility to make decisions for yourself.
Adult's - meaning you have a responsibility to yourself to make sure you are happy and understand whatever situation you enter.
Adult's - meaning you should have the life experience and ability to listen and understand any persons reasons for being on the site.
There are many opinions in the world, yours is only one of them, so is mine. That doesn't make any of them right. Sometimes opinions change when the person stands back and looks at the big picture, rather than the blot on the landscape.

The majority of people on here, are here to swing. Cheating is not swinging, however you dress it up and try to justify it by showing the 'big picture'. I've stepped back and looked at the big picture, and it's still cheating - although, as some have said, it's not always black and white. Cheat if you're going to, just don't try to justify it to those who don't want to play with cheats - find someone who doesn't give a shit if you're cheating instead.

20 Apr 2008

Quote by Whipsnspurs
well my opinion counts to me but apparently not to others. for instance; it clearly states in our profile that we do not want anyone who isn't single or over 45. and yet i have mail today from a guy who is 46 and nearly married.

Welcome to the wierd world of internet swinging Whips... that will happen time and again. Delete the mail and move on, why get stressed about it? People chance their arm all the time...

20 Apr 2008

Quote by Whipsnspurs
hi nola,
not stressed about it. it's already deleted. just rather disapointed that some people just don't care enough to respect your individual wishes. this is hard enough for us to start in as it is. us all being 'adults' i had thought that people would have more respect. i suppose this is one instance that i should put on the thread about newcomers misconceptions?
whips

It gets worse if you have pictures on your profile lol

then they never read the actual words!! :roll:
I am of course, being a tad sarcastic! Some people do... but chancers are a fact of life on here and other sites. Is nothing to do with your individual wishes alas - but hey, means that when the good ones come along then they are extra special! wink

20 Apr 2008

Most of the times when this topic comes up it ends in a stand off, between the 'genuine' swingers and the cheating chancers.
But this argument would have no use in the conventional world. Conventionalists would not acknowledge the argument of the genuine swinger in that they uphold some conventional values.
So in some perverse way the argument accumulates more clout when used in this setting. Its one example of the mixed values of being unconventional.
There won't be a resolution to this argument, because it employs such mechanisms to function.

21 Apr 2008

I am a married men 'cheating' on my wife (when I get the chance). I've met women on here doing the same and also single women BUT I've always been up front and tell them so during our first few e mails. Once they know more about me and my genuine reasons for being deceitful, the married issue soon subsides. Swinging Heaven has probably saved my marriage!
There are a lot of people who have genuine reasons for playing away and most of the time the reasons are not the sort of thing you'd want to put in your profile.

21 Apr 2008

Quote by de_sade
I am a married men 'cheating' on my wife (when I get the chance). I've met women on here doing the same and also single women BUT I've always been up front and tell them so during our first few e mails. Once they know more about me and my genuine reasons for being deceitful, the married issue soon subsides. Swinging Heaven has probably saved my marriage!
There are a lot of people who have genuine reasons for playing away and most of the time the reasons are not the sort of thing you'd want to put in your profile.

Oh, that makes everything different...You have GENUINE reasons for cheating and lying and fucking someone else behind the back of the person you are supposed to love.
IMO swinging is about honesty, and cheating (in any form) is not about honesty. It is about selfishness.
If you were half the good guy you pretend to be plumfabio why not do the honest thing and tell your partner who and how many times you've fucked someone else behind her back...That way when she forgives you (which you know deep in your heart she won't, otherwise you would be honest with her) you will know she loves you.
Not as much as you love her obviously, treating her so unfairly.
Save your marriage..? Good ol' SH !!!!
You could always have a wank you know and that way remain honest to the person you supposedly swapped vows with...
rolleyes

Why don't you speak your mind and stop holding back lol

I knew I was taking a chance speaking my mind on here about this subject........you know nothing about my life or my wives for that matter. I'm happy to PM you with my full story but then why should I have to justify my actions to you or anybody?

21 Apr 2008

Quote by plumfabio
I am a married men 'cheating' on my wife (when I get the chance). I've met women on here doing the same and also single women BUT I've always been up front and tell them so during our first few e mails. Once they know more about me and my genuine reasons for being deceitful, the married issue soon subsides. Swinging Heaven has probably saved my marriage!
There are a lot of people who have genuine reasons for playing away and most of the time the reasons are not the sort of thing you'd want to put in your profile.

You are very honest and brave to post this Plum, and this is the very reason (and for one other wonderfully honest lady I know of who has reasons for doing the same.... sad

) why I keep saying we cannot come in here and be judge and jury to members of this site.
Please everyone, we've all got our morals and ideas, I would never ever play away and cheat on Jay, but we cannot comment or condem people who do because we do not know what is going on in their lives that are making them do it.
By the way has anyone in here stopped to think what we're doing by swinging is 'consented adultery'. It's most certainly not in our marriage vows is it? Are we as swingers in a position to get on our high horse and be all moralistic in the first place?
Unless we know the people and the facts, I say :gagged:

21 Apr 2008

Quote by jaymar
Unless we know the people and the facts, I say :gagged:

I don't want to know all the facts.
I don't need reasons or an explanation because I'm not going to swing with a married person.
In short for me personally, if someone is cheating, I don't consider it swinging.
Most married singles give swingers the chance to decided if they want to swing with them but they don't give that option to a partner which confuses me confused

Still doesn't stop me talking to someone and enjoying a persons posts though :thumbup:

21 Apr 2008

Quote by Dawnie
Unless we know the people and the facts, I say :gagged:

I don't want to know all the facts.
I don't need reasons or an explanation because I'm not going to swing with a married person.
In short for me personally, if someone is cheating, I don't consider it swinging.
Most married singles give swingers the chance to decided if they want to swing with them but they don't give that option to a partner which confuses me confused

Still doesn't stop me talking to someone and enjoying a persons posts though :thumbup:
If you read all my posts on this matter I've given no indication that I do agree with cheating!... in short I don't. I wouldn't entertain someone who is cheating on their partner either. This thread has never been about commenting on my views or what I would or would not do.
I do agree that swingers should be given the chance to say yes or no. I'm not commenting on people being invited by 'cheaters'. My comments are related to this thread only in that we shouldn't sit here with our halo's gleaming and condemn people without knowing the facts.
My life has been dominated by cheating, my parents split up from it, I don't like it never will. I cannot sit here and say the same for everyone and I cannot comment on other people's lives in here. I know a couple of people in here who have reason for doing what they are doing.
This thread (IMO) for me has been about not judging people until we know them. That's it in a nutshell.

21 Apr 2008

Quote by jaymar
My comments are related to this thread only in that we shouldn't sit here with our halo's gleaming and condemn people without knowing the facts.

I never condemned anyone. I don't need to know reasons because no one should be expected to explain themselves.
We all have different ideas on what swinging is, that will never change. My idea of swinging is full consent for everyone involved.

Quote by jaymar
I cannot sit here and say the same for everyone and I cannot comment on other people's lives in here. I know a couple of people in here who have reason for doing what they are doing.

We all have our reasons to be here, not everyone will agree with those reasons.

Quote by jaymar
This thread (IMO) for me has been about not judging people until we know them. That's it in a nutshell.

I have not made a judgment on a person. I have made a general comment that states I don't class cheaters as swingers dunno

21 Apr 2008

If you expected everyone to pat you on the back and say "hey, that plumfabio, he's a good egg - he fucks people behind his wife's back but it is OK because he loves her and it is saving his marriage" I think you might have misjudged the sentiment in the forum.

I did not want or expect a pat on the back.

In regards to your life story, I feel that you have trawled it out many times before in the forum, so save your hard-luck story for the sympathy shags on here...I'll use my search button, if I need to remind myself.

Gee, thanks for your compassion and empathy, the women must be flocking to you with those sentiments. I've never had a sympathy shag on here; I've always got to know the person first and met them before meeting up properly so if you think that's my motive for my post you're sadly wrong.

I think you might have misjudged the sentiment in the forum.

Really? Would you like me to forward the messages of support I've received since making my earlier posts? Not everyone has the balls to speak out or wants the risk of being belittled by anyone with the same "holier than thou" attitude you have.

21 Apr 2008

Quote by Dawnie

My comments are related to this thread only in that we shouldn't sit here with our halo's gleaming and condemn people without knowing the facts.

Quote by jaymar
I cannot sit here and say the same for everyone and I cannot comment on other people's lives in here. I know a couple of people in here who have reason for doing what they are doing.

We all have our reasons to be here, not everyone will agree with those reasons.

Quote by jaymar
This thread (IMO) for me has been about not judging people until we know them. That's it in a nutshell.

I have not made a judgment on a person. I have made a general comment that states I don't class cheaters as swingers dunno

I think you've misinterpreted me Dawnie, my comments weren't directed at you personally but at the thread as a whole. kiss

21 Apr 2008

goodness me,
I fuck married man/women, with or without their partners permission. I don't justify it. I don't need to, I can live with myself. My partner knows what I do. She has no issue with it, in fact all of the important people in my life know what I do. To that end, I make no secret to those that I fuck what my views are on a lot of things. Shy and retiring have never been traits of mine.
I am not sure I would class myself as a swinger purely because it is too restrictive not because I fuck people who are being unfaithful.
By some people's definition all swingers are being unfaithful.
By some people's definition I am in hell because of my sexuality anyway.
When I start living my life the way that 'others' dictate I will be wheeled out in my own reusable coffin on the way to the crematorium to my non-denominational celebration of my life.