After a chat with a friend the other evening on here about how some people here seem to use the site to create a persona for themselves that in real life, they just don't live up to, I thought it might be useful topic for debate From my experience, if I think somebody is acting or appears to lack authenticity, what tends to happen with me is that I get suspicious, start to ask a million questions, get cynical about who they really are and what's driving it. I tend to look at HOW people say things as opposed to WHAT they say and when one plus one just don't seem to two, I get curious I'm NOT talking about people who don't look like what you thought they might, more people who really don't ACT like what you thought they might - good and/or bad Having been to several socials off here and met a few decent people I hope I come across in real life pretty much the same as I do on here - i.e. I can string a sentence, have manners (a Liverpudlian version of them anyway ), debate with others without getting emotional/personal most of the time and have fun along the way. I've seen a few folk who I thought might be quiet really 'come into their own' in the real world and have been pleasantly surprised. However, I've also seen (and heard) of others who 'big themselves up' and then seem to under-deliver when it comes to matching their online persona in the real world. I guess a lot of it comes down to perception, although I do believe we each carve our own path to some degree... apparently, to some, I can appear quite scary on here but I hope those who have met me will vouch for that fact that I don't REALLY pounce on people's 'straight' husbands and bi boyfriends (much) :rascal: I DON'T want this to become a thread about who let who down and please don't let's get personal - more about how each of us read certain behaviours etc etc Any thoughts? BIoke :P x
Excellent thread BIoke I'd be inclined to say I over compensate online, purely because of the anonymity it affords me. I'm a lot less gobby in real life, just braver on here LOL.
The trouble with this way of communicating is that you never see the body language. And that, apparently is around 90% of communicating. So you may read in to any given conversation things that just are not there.
Quote by The_third_man The trouble with this way of communicating is that you never see the body language. And that, apparently is around 90% of communicating. So you may read in to any given conversation things that just are not there.
Ahem.... <geek hat on> Body language = 57% Tone = 38% Words = 7% ... or thereabouts but yes, spot on with regards to how important body language is :thumbup: <geek hat off> :P
I had a conversation with someone at a social and they commented "oh, you're not nearly as intimidating in real life." :shock: I had never thought of myself as anything but fairly shy, and chattier as I get to know someone. But I checked with a few other people (on and off-site) and, apparently, I can come across as rather forceful. As to whether one persona is real and another is put on. I reckon every single front we show people is not the real us. Or at least, not the complete us. Life would be intolerable if we couldn't maintain a work-face separate from a family-face and all of them separate from our intimate-situation face. It would be as terrifying as finding ourselves in a place where others can read our thoughts. I am ME, but the bit of me you get depends on who you are, where we are and even how I'm feeling at the time.
I have met very few people on this site, but I would hope if anyone met me I would be exactly the same as I appear on here. I believe to always be true to myself, then that hopefully comes across to people I meet. The ones I have met when I have asked do I seem different to what you expected all have said no exactly as they had expected. People that have seen me in the chat rooms on cam that know me from the forums have said you are different than I imagined, I put that down that my thoughts come out more in the forums where I go into the chat rooms to just have a laugh.
Quote by BIoke The trouble with this way of communicating is that you never see the body language. And that, apparently is around 90% of communicating. So you may read in to any given conversation things that just are not there.
Ahem.... <geek hat on> Body language = 57% Tone = 38% Words = 7% ... or thereabouts but yes, spot on with regards to how important body language is :thumbup: <geek hat off> :P 7% words? But how you use those words I'm sure, can change that percentage both up and down. Someone who is very eloquent with their words could increase their 'attraction' to someone who is of a similar ilk, but conversely could put off someone who may feel challenged by it. Whatever you are saying should be honest and consistent. Mal :wink:
Quote by BIoke ....create a persona for themselves that in real life, they just don't live up to, ...
Bollocks!!! :shock: Rumbled!! I have to confess that I'm a 6 foot 4 inch hunk - man of few words Seriously, though, interesting thread. I remember a former leading light here, who consistently had everybody in stitches on the Forum. He told me once that whenever he went to socials people would expect him to keep up a stream of witticisms to entertain them. He said life just ain't like that. I think it is true though that we do try to present the side of ourselves that we would have others see. It's human nature, I reckon. The danger is that people might create a totally false persona, which is what Bloke is getting at methinks. That's misrepresentation and needs to be outed. Some people are very good at spotting it - some of the ladies hereabouts used to be mistresses of the skill. I find it difficult to read someone directly from their posts but over time one seems to get a good or bad feeling about someone. That's what makes this place so fascinating. <<<<<Choon - starts practising his body language.>>>>>
Quote by BIoke After a chat with a friend the other evening on here about how some people here seem to use the site to create a persona for themselves that in real life, they just don't live up to, I thought it might be useful topic for debate From my experience, if I think somebody is acting or appears to lack authenticity, what tends to happen with me is that I get suspicious, start to ask a million questions, get cynical about who they really are and what's driving it. I tend to look at HOW people say things as opposed to WHAT they say and when one plus one just don't seem to two, I get curious I'm NOT talking about people who don't look like what you thought they might, more people who really don't ACT like what you thought they might - good and/or bad Having been to several socials off here and met a few decent people I hope I come across in real life pretty much the same as I do on here - i.e. I can string a sentence, have manners (a Liverpudlian version of them anyway ), debate with others without getting emotional/personal most of the time and have fun along the way. I've seen a few folk who I thought might be quiet really 'come into their own' in the real world and have been pleasantly surprised. However, I've also seen (and heard) of others who 'big themselves up' and then seem to under-deliver when it comes to matching their online persona in the real world. I guess a lot of it comes down to perception, although I do believe we each carve our own path to some degree... apparently, to some, I can appear quite scary on here but I hope those who have met me will vouch for that fact that I don't REALLY pounce on people's 'straight' husbands and bi boyfriends (much) :rascal: I DON'T want this to become a thread about who let who down and please don't let's get personal - more about how each of us read certain behaviours etc etc Any thoughts? BIoke :P x
think a few ppl might of been scared pooless as ya humour the way it cums owa in say the chat room at one social where me and g another cpl met up with you and di for a pre social meal the crack and storys was so funny as fook and to me just a another funny witty and really intelligent person and really a joy to nar and to call a real freind but then again a cany few have said same boot me as sum humour ppls cant seem to read unless you actually meet the person same here i have thought about ppl till we met them
i'm not sure how i come over on here but i think most would think me friendly and warm in person or i like to hope i am i don't try to be anything but honest on here i hope i don't seem any diff in real life got me thinking now
I'm a pussycat really. Not fluffy though! I can definitely attest to the fact that some people have a different online persona. And for yet more people who change as you get to know them - their real persona is too hard to hide for long. And of course, they want to hide it because it ain't pleasant.
I wouldn't like to say whether on meeting me people would find me as they would expect or not. Can you put a visual image on a person just by how they come across in online and in type? I guess you must do as when reading a book a characters written persona developes a visual identity in the readers mind. Well if the books any good it does. I would say that I don't know or have a clue as to how I come across. The only thing i try to do is be polite and not harsh or rude and I like to see fair play. Other than that I am what I am in the minds of the individuals reading me. I do admit to reading the book by the cover when actually meeting people. Seldom do I disbelieve or get suspicious of people I think this bears out in who I've met through my life and fortunatly I believe that these, as are most people, infact genuine and tend towards being good rather than bad.
What an excellent thought provoking thread and it struck a chord with me. I suppose, I could easily be labelled as projecting an inauthentic persona, indeed I have been accused of being "disappointing" by one person after a Social/Munch (I always get them mixed up) I went to two years ago, even though that person did not speak a word to me all night. My defence then, as it would be now, is simply on here, in the Forum, I project the aspects of my personality I think people will like and enjoy. I feel that is what people would like to read. I could post boring rants of lack of confidence, insecurity and shyness, but I don't think people would want to read that, I certainly would not enjoy writing about it. Instead, I hope it is things like my good nature, fairness, sense of fun, humour and honesty, that people see. Though people will have formed their own opinions of me through my posts, PM's and one on one conversations with me and with other forumites, which may be considerably different to that. That is entirely their prerogative of course. In a real life situation, such as a Social, I cannot so easily hide away the aspects of my character that are perhaps not as appealling, namely my inherent shyness, initial lack of confidence especially when meeting new people in a typical social situation, the nerves of the evening itself (we are still very new to this and have had limited very mixed experiences) and the fact that I listen probably twice as much as I talk. Don't get me wrong, I am not a mute swan who mumbles and is about as funny as a dose of the clap, but I find listening more interesting than spouting tosh about what I think, or how great I am and trying to prove it with all kinds of daft behaviour to clamour for attention to somehow prove I am the same person who posts what I do. The difference is marked however when I am with people I like, understand and feel confident with. In such situations I am much more like the persona I project on here. That is much more the real "me" and the "me" I am on here. That is true regardless of whether I am in the vanilla or Swinging world. So I guess I must misrepresent myself to some extent in that I choose not to highlight the more flawed aspects of my personality. I frequently highlight many of my shortcomings in many posts and pm's, believe me I am no stranger to self-deprecation, so I may well appear 'disappointing' to some physically, socially, mentally as well as personality-wise. Indeed it is this very fear that often keeps me away from attending Socials and Munches. Perhaps this is even sinister to others, who assume it is done for some dark, ulterior motive. This all of course contributes to my inherent lack of confidence and shyness and down the spiral we go, thereby proving those assertions quite correct for some. I would dearly love to be the "Fun-time Frankie" to everyone at an event. But as Tune's friend said- life isn't like that. There are other aspects of my personality that I cannot so easily tune out in social situations. That makes me fallible, flawed and human, however it does not make me dishonest. Disappointing, maybe, but all I ask is the chance to chat and get to know you before you make that judgement, and perhaps making a judgement on someone based on a few hours of alcohol induced non-communication, may not be the best way to do so. To summarise, I am the person I am on here, in real life, I cannot and will not invent a persona to be simply to "get a shag" or try and engender some positive feeling from Forum folk. However I accentuate the aspects of my psyche that I think will appeal. In certain social situations, the negative aspects of my personality are also apparent. Whether that is dishonest, disappointing or just natural, is entirely in the perception of others and I'd hope that I would get a chance to quell the demons of fear, nerves and insecurity and show the better sides of my personality to everyone at some point, before people are quick to make snap judgements. It does ones soul good to occasionally examine our many frailties, a really good thread. Now I'm off to weep into a camomile hanky... ;-)
Quote by Calista Excellent thread BIoke I'd be inclined to say I over compensate online, purely because of the anonymity it affords me. I'm a lot less gobby in real life, just braver on here LOL.
Probably my take on it as well (um unless I've had a big chunk out of a bacardi bottle eh Tan? )
Quote by benrums0n I'm pretty convinced most people are reasonably skilled at acting to some degree depending on the situation.
Absolutely :thumbup: I am in a job where I have to pretty much 'act' every day - I have to get a certain point across and I have to put on a 'persona' to do it, particularly on days where I am feeling less than 100%. If I wasn't putting on a good show, then I wouldn't be as effective. In the cyber vs. real world debate, hmmmm... I think I'm pretty consistent. I have always, I believe, had a bit of a "good girl" exterior: parents always liked me, I was always the trusted 'alibi' at school, I can do "posh" when necessary. I don't like people knowing my business. I like that I can get away with having the hobby I have (recreational sex with other consenting adults - yes, I do actually do it, rather than just post in here!!) and yet probably look like the "Least Likely To Be A Swinger" in the SH Yearbook. That works for me. So, I don't know if that constitutes having a persona or not. Really good question though - I have met people from the Forum or Chatrooms and been disappointed that they were different than they appeared on line. More often than not though, I have been very plesantly surprised!
I too have a job where there is an element of acting in it. However I am a big believer in honesty, and I would hate to come across differently on here to I am in real life. How I portray myself and as chatty as I am, I hope I am the same in real life! Saying that we all have quiet moments on here where we have a quick perv, and again in real life it's nice to be able to do that too. I am a firm believer that we do play certain "roles" on here, i'm tarty Mexy, some of my friends are kooky, scary or innocent, and sometimes people do expect you 24/7 to act in that role. This then spills into real life, so when you go to a social, it can sometimes feel like ohh the entertainment has arrived! However I'm not complaining, when you make yourself public on this site, by being chatty and camming, I don't think you can then complain about the attention it brings! It can be hard to get used to though! Mex xx
Quote by jaymar Excellent thread BIoke I'd be inclined to say I over compensate online, purely because of the anonymity it affords me. I'm a lot less gobby in real life, just braver on here LOL.
Probably my take on it as well (um unless I've had a big chunk out of a bacardi bottle eh Tan? ) You were not gobby! Im actually quite quiet in RL Honest
well if you think i'm 4ft nothing then i'm sorry i've deceived you lol other than that what you get here is the same in real life i'm multi levelled and faceted i can be an ass a wit and some 1 who can hand out a dose of common sense i can show empathy and accept others are different to me as i often quote i'm 'me myself and i' i have my own way of doing things and can back them up with some logic or reason i don't take myself to serious and will be the 1st to take the piss out of not only myself but all around me (saying that i reserve this for those i like) this is not to be confused with me putting idiots to the sword though they normally do a good job of it themselves unfortunately i have seen to many posts on these sites bring out the true nature and face of people
I'm just me. Some people like me, lots don't. I give people the same respect online as I would to their face. I'm a lot less gobby in real life especially when I meet people for the first time but that's just me sussing them out.
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I'm NOT talking about people who don't look like what you thought they might, more people who really don't ACT like what you thought they might - good and/or bad 
), debate with others without getting emotional/personal most of the time and have fun along the way. I've seen a few folk who I thought might be quiet really 'come into their own' in the real world and have been pleasantly surprised. However, I've also seen (and heard) of others who 'big themselves up' and then seem to under-deliver when it comes to matching their online persona in the real world. 
