Back.... (for good?)

6 Sep 2006

Hi guys,
Myself and the lovely rachy have had a fair bit of time away from the site after nearly two years of constant forum visits and a few wierd and wonderful (i use the word loosely) threads and posts of our own!!
We are at a bit of a cross roads at the moment as to wether or not we are actually "swingers" or not and have decided we need a bit of advice from the wise old owls of SH to help us decide our "swinging fate"!! We would really appreciate any thoughts or comments from you guys, new or old members as to your thoughts on the next few lines that will hopefully explain our situation a little better. Maybe some of you have been in a similar situation and can share you r experiences and help us and possibly others whom i am sure there must be some :shock:
Right here goes......
When we first started using SH we have to admit it was in the hope of a quick shag or snatched sexual encounter witha cpl or single fem who we both fancied and got on with then kind of just left after the "business was taken care of".....
However after a few failed attempts at this and a few forum visits with advice from blue xxx (our mentor) we settled in to the forum scene and started to enjoy the true essence of SH. Since then we have met three cpls from here, one turned out to be a very regrettable night after a loss of erection by the other guy and a subsequent argument in our house because of this, the other was really great (thanks guys wink

) and on the other occasion nothing happened as we didnot seem to click with the cpl and were most definately looking for different things......
We have also met one bi single fem (they really do exist but are as rare as rocking horse pooh) and one single male who was a top bloke!
However....
recently we have been chatting more and more about what we are both looking for in meet ups and cant seem to find any common ground with the people we chat to, we are looking for a quite stringent type of thing (ie meet up first in bar or something few drinks chat and see how we all get along if we do then back to wherever forfem fem, bit of light touching from guys if wanted etc and MAYBE full oral or full swap if we get along and things go that way).
What we really want to know is "are we being pushy or expecting people to do things our way or are we right in telling people what we expect or are looking for before hand and them possibly thinking that we are pusy or that they can change our minds once we get there and pester us for full swap ater we have travelled to a place to meet them?"
We do find that lots of people are initially like "oh yeah fem/fem and possibility of anything else is great for us" then when the time to meet up gets near they start to say "so are you guys up for full swap", or "i know you guys said possibly but how about considering it" etc etc.....
Hope i havent bored you guys too much (he says as you fall asleep at your keyboards) but any advice or comments will be well recieved!!

6 Sep 2006

I don't think there's anything wrong with being specific about what you want and how far you are prepared to go. If someone thinks they can change your mind, that's their problem and not yours.
Having said that, if you're being very specific you also have to realise (as I'm sure you have) that you may have to wait longer to find the right people for you to play with.

6 Sep 2006

As FB says there's nothing wrong with being clear about what you want but wanting it on the first meet may be pressurising the other couple a bit.
It is always possible that it might happen on the first meet but stating that's what you want will raise the fears of 'What happens if we don't like 'em' from the other couple.' It is much easier to part company and then to make your excuses by message, phone or whatever than feeling that you may have to say so there and then.
Good luck - oh and good to see you back again! smile

6 Sep 2006

Ello you two biggrin

Welcome back to the Cafe! kiss

I don't think you need telling it, but maybe need a little reminder of it - but for you two, swinging is about what YOU want, not what anyone else wants, no people pleasing as far as the sexual side of things goes, just go for what you two want. :kiss:
You do seem to have set ideas about how you meet people and your boundaries, which is a good thing. A good thing that should be respected and adhered to by anyone that you meet up - and vice versa. Anyone that tries to push the boundaries that you've agreed upon, at the very least should be reminded of em!!
The more specific you become with your criteria and boundaries, the less people are going to be a match. The flip side of that tho, the people that do match your criteria and boundaries, the only hurdle after that is the 'click', if there's that spark - something you just can't ask for online, you only know once you've met (which must be tricky, if not awkward at times? confused

)
I would update your profile - set your specifics out there in black and white, see if that helps with meeting people of a similar mindset :D
Hope you figure it out and you have a blast cool

6 Sep 2006

Quote by steanrachy
recently we have been chatting more and more about what we are both looking for in meet ups and cant seem to find any common ground with the people we chat to, we are looking for a quite stringent type of thing (ie meet up first in bar or something few drinks chat and see how we all get along if we do then back to wherever forfem fem, bit of light touching from guys if wanted etc and MAYBE full oral or full swap if we get along and things go that way).
What we really want to know is "are we being pushy or expecting people to do things our way or are we right in telling people what we expect or are looking for before hand and them possibly thinking that we are pusy or that they can change our minds once we get there and pester us for full swap ater we have travelled to a place to meet them?"

You're not looking hard enough wave

No i dont think you're pushy, I think you're spot on telling people what you're looking for beforehand. Its those who think you might (or think they can persuade you to) change your mind about what you're looking for who have the problem, not you, imo.
I'm looking for the same thing you are, and it has to be 'my way' or no way - my 'approach' seriously limits my swinging activity because its not open to negotiation..... but, I'd rather play once in a blue moon on my terms and find exactly what I'm looking for with people who are also looking for the same so that everyone's happy, than play for the sake of it in a situation I'm not 100% comfortable with.

6 Sep 2006

Oh shit, having read Missy's post I think I misunderstood. Got it the wrong way 'round sorry.
.

6 Sep 2006

Quote by westerross
Oh shit, having read Missy's post I think I misunderstood. Got it the wrong way 'round sorry.
.

Silly man

6 Sep 2006

Oi!!! Come over here and let us pester you!!!! lol

We thought you guys had gone for good...... wink

We promise the only full swapping will be of our head lice......
m xx

6 Sep 2006

ok, I'll be good for once -
good post! :thumbup:
xx

7 Sep 2006

Just echoing what has been said.
We have clearly defined limits, and while we know that if we went full swap could meet loads more people, we prefer quality over quantiy.
John & Shel

7 Sep 2006

Hello

Nice to meet you!
As for your dilemma, I don't see what's wrong with holding out for the right couple for you both. Are you prepared to compromise your own preferences for a quick shag or keep on looking so you can have a night to remember for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones?
I know which way I'd go :thumbup:
and I'm only falling asleep because I've just come off a night shift honest :giggle:

7 Sep 2006

You are spot on. Stick to your principles.

7 Sep 2006

It strikes me that all you are saying (reading between the lines) is that you'd like to meet for a drink first and want to start with soft swing/play........... doesn't strike as unreasonable!! Anyone who thinks it is is definitely wrong for you as a couple.
Good luck with everything and anything you decide!

10 Sep 2006

just logged on again and read your replies, thanks for the good advice guys, its nice to hear from you all, im sure wether we decide that the "swinging thing" is for us or not, we will stick around at SH as there are some great people using the site and a plethora of information and advice is always at hand!!

10 Sep 2006

Quote by steanrachy
just logged on again and read your replies, thanks for the good advice guys, its nice to hear from you all, im sure wether we decide that the "swinging thing" is for us or not, we will stick around at SH as there are some great people using the site and a plethora of information and advice is always at hand!!

I've been here since December and had one great social meet up one to one and if that all i get i'd be happy.
Only you know what you want, you stick to that and don't let anyone devaite you from it.
Like you said this is a great place eitherway and i for one have a laugh on here. Some have said i'm here a lot lol

I've started going to munches after just attending my first and had such a good time i'm down for more. This place has a great social side and i would stay for that whatever else happens.

10 Sep 2006

hi you 2 ,wondered where ya had gone ,well go to a club do a few socials sit back and take it all in ,then go home and talk about what you are looking for ,from what you have said rings a few bells here,we met a few cpl s who we thought were ok ,asked chatted about what you would like to happen if you had met and CLICKED ,that has to happen on all side before anything happens (well at least thats our point) every different person has different points and views this is just ours .you have to both know what you are both looking for and set out your rules ,we met people who like you said and when there want a bit more which might put a bit of doubt in your mind,any way talking of socials we have one in pink triangle this friday night if you would like to go and meet some great peeps from north east chat rooms put ya names down ,hope we helped just a little.

11 Sep 2006

I'd rather play once in a blue moon on my terms and find exactly what I'm looking for with people who are also looking for the same so that everyone's happy, than play for the sake of it in a situation I'm not 100% comfortable with.

Hi steanrachy
I totally agree with Darkfire's comment among others, OK so we're yet to experience anything but having researched and starting putting feelers out we know we are gonna be very choosy. We are looking for exactly the same as you and it seems quite hard to find. Hey ho. We plan to go to munches and socials, get to know people and their views and then discuss even further between ourselves. We plan to go to a party soon and just plan to observe and play together wink

and just see how we feel. We are both 100% together in this and have no problem with our slow "researching" pace. If others do then they should look elsewhere. Good luck in what you decide.
pink x