Recently i was told "i want you not your baggage"
Now personally i dont see myself as having much in the way of baggage, ok i might not be the most confident person, im a little sensitive and insecure at times but is this baggage? surely when you get to my age (44) its not uncommon to have a degree of baggage, isnt that what makes us unique?
well im curious to know what other people think about the term 'baggage' (personally i find it offensive and used as a copout) do you have any and should we be judged so harshly for it???
No Baggage !!
well thats like saying you don't want any history of that person, good or bad ?
At your age (and we are a similar age), you will have experieced many highs and low's in life. So to say not wanting any baggage is like trying to wipe the slate clean, which is impossible.
Anyone who says that must be very shallow.
love
paul & ann
well thank you for that my sentiments exactly lol
We want companions who make the load lighter, don't we - not who ignore the fact it's there?
is that too much to expect even in an open relationship?
"respect and trust" is the key.
some people think that an open relationship is a really good thing, but then jealosy can creep in.
My partner and i have been swingers for many years, but we have trust in our relationship and that is why we are still together.
We are the sum of our experiences plus our initial 'factory-setting'.
Without our experiences we are as babies - and about as interesting. At our age (I'm 45) our experiences are likely to be extensive and very influential. I know in myself that I have some habits/traints that are a result of negative experinces that are less fun to live with. I'm working on them - but they ARE part of me.
My attitide is that anyone who can't live with my history/experiences can bugger off. My 'baggage' (yes it is a prejorative term) is just that - mine - live with it. The idea that I should pretend I haven't had those experiences is stupid and insulting. I'm either good enough for you or not but I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not (or not to be something I am). That's one of the things I'm dealing with from previous - and I'm not doing it again.
I would think most of us have something that we would like to break away from. A partner or friend should be willing to live with it or help us deal with it. Not criticise and walk away because of it. But better they walk than stay and criticise.
As James T Kirk said (in the Final Frontier I think) "I want my pain, I need my pain. It makes me what I am."
Is there a "re-set" button?
lp
I would have thought that most people over 30 had some sort of " baggage "?
I always thought baggage sort of meant kids from another relationship?
I suppose that word could mean anything to anyone, but yes I think most of us have some sort of baggage, depends on the new persons interpretation of baggage?
I'd say its all the stuff like experiences, feelings, ideas, etc that you haven't quite sorted out yet; these get dredged up along with any other things you may be examining. you haven't made certain decisions and it comes back to haunt you, and your partner.
And just like trying to find a missing sock, you don't need to search through all your baggage to find it. There is a solution. in this case just bin it and buy a new pair.
It is quite possible that some people do not have any baggage.
I don't think I have any baggage as such - I am still married to my first husband and our children are manageable. I do have a suitcase worth of extra flesh on each hip if that helps ;)
I always thought baggage was left over issues that weren`t resolved in other previous relationships, so you have issues that you might take into the next one subconsciously trying to put them right, or am i waffling?
I dont see children as baggage and as many of us are of a certain age and with children what do others expect us to do, just leave them aside?
If a person has no "baggage" that could be an issue in itself, are they the sort to walk away from situations? the sort who are selfish and dont wish to truly get to know who you are?
These things make us who we are
I'll have to go against the grain and add that I'd agree with no baggage. Baggage to me is something that you'd share and deal with when you're close enough to feel comfortable doing so, in a casual relationship or just sex it's not something that I'd deal with unless I wanted to.
I have to ask though, would anyone share "baggage" with someone they weren't completely comfortable with?
thanks every one for the varied comments and special thanks to sparky :kiss
We all have life experiences that form who we are, be they good or bad and i am finding even in 'special' or as some term casual/swinging relationships it can be hard to ignore or not accept this, but it depends on the two individuals involved
thankfully we have moved forward and whilst i am still working on past issues and my confidence i believe i am better understood and accepted but also have developed a better understanding myself of not judging too harshly or living in the past as duncan put it
Im going to damn well enjoy my new pair of shoes!!!!
xxxx
Oh that brings back horrible memories of last Christmas! :crazy:
taking on someone else`s children is stressful to say the least
but it get easier there are rewards liza`s son is now my mate and her daughter is warming to me after 10 years i must be doing something right as she come`s to me with her problems and not her mom, dad or brother
but the most important thing is how much i love lisa she could have 20 kids, emotional baggage,what matters is she`s there for me all the way and i for her and no matter what i give her do for her tell her it never feels iv`e done enough to convince her how much i love her
so given the way i feel about her baggage becomes my baggage and is just another way of proving i love her
I think if somebody I was fucking for fun said "I dont want your baggage" I would take it to mean that they wanted minimal emotional involvement. I think that's fair enough.
