Become a Friendlier Person on the Forums
1. Don't criticize, condem or complain.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
4. Become genuinely interested in other people
5. Smile
6. Remember that a persons "Forum name" is important to him/her.
7. Be a good listener. Encourge others to talk about themselves
8. Talk in terms of the other persons interests
9. Make the other person feel important --- and do it sincerely
10 The only way to get the best from an argument is to avoid it
11 Show respect for the other persons opinion.
12 If YOU are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically
13 Begin in a friendly way
14 Get the other person saying "yes, yes quickly
15 Let the other person do most of the talking
16 Let the other person feel that the idea is his/hers
17 Try honestly to see the others point of view
18 Be sympathetic to the other person's ideas and desires
19 Appeal to the nobler motives
20 Throw down a challenge in a POLITE and FRIENDLY way.
****************************************************
The above are taken from my Uni notes some years ago and are based on the writings of Dale Carnegie from his GOLDEN BOOK on How To Win Friends And Influence People.
It would be ever so nice if we live, even if only in part, with what he says instead of the Back Biting, Back Stabing and the so called "Just within the AUP" lines.
There is a small group of posters who take great delight in tearing other peoples posts apart.
If you want a friendly forum then take note of 20 lines above.
21. This one is my own :- FFS dont bear a Grudge as it will grow like a Cancer.
Medic_1
Looks to the future and bets the above is ignored or pulled apart. (No I have no effing faith)
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Become a Friendlier Person on the Forums
Quote by varca
:thumbup: Let's get the forum back to how it should be
Would you like to explain that one please?
How it should be for who exactly?
I think it is fine as it is with many diverse topics, with a whole choice of subjects to either ignore, or discuss as one sees fit.
I think the forums have been fine for many months now, and long may they continue to be.
Quote by kentswingers777
:thumbup: Let's get the forum back to how it should be
Would you like to explain that one please?
How it should be for who exactly?
I tend to agree with Kent on this point only, why push people to come back? why push 'niceness'. I think Medic's thread is genuinely thought out but in my opinion people will drift back when they're good and read and not when they're forced in or sorry but Varca in the case of your recent thread, publicly drawn in.
Whatever has happened in the Forum lately has happened, I for one have kept away for reasons of my own, so have others, no amount of fluffiness will bring people back 'til they're good and ready.
Happy New Year to everyone anyway :D
Sex God
No offense... (and as much as I love lists) but if I needed a list to know how to be a friendly person either on a forum or in every day life then I really would start to worry! 
I think people are themselves and they'll continue to be that way. Sometimes you just have to take a moment to get to know someone and accept them for who they are regardless of whether you agree with them on everything or not.
I'd rather those with no manners didn't follow some sort of "be a friendly person" list because it makes it way easier to spot and accept the divs! :mrgreen:
I think people are themselves and they'll continue to be that way. Sometimes you just have to take a moment to get to know someone and accept them for who they are regardless of whether you agree with them on everything or not.
I'd rather those with no manners didn't follow some sort of "be a friendly person" list because it makes it way easier to spot and accept the divs! :mrgreen:
Quote by Dirtygirlie
No offense... (and as much as I love lists) but if I needed a list to know how to be a friendly person either on a forum or in every day life then I really would start to worry!
I think people are themselves and they'll continue to be that way. Sometimes you just have to take a moment to get to know someone and accept them for who they are regardless of whether you agree with them on everything or not.
I'd rather those with no manners didn't follow some sort of "be a friendly person" list because it makes it way easier to spot and accept the divs! :mrgreen:
oh PLEASE let me use my way on you DG
:whip: :twisted: 
Sex God
Im a div! and a spaz! and I am only friendly to nice people that I actually like.. well no point wasting time is there??
There are too many diverse types of people, or differing opinions here, for it to be lovey dovey nicey nicey all the time, and in my opinion.
To be able to have a disagreement then to be able to show that at a later stage that people can be civilised towards the same person shows true adult behaviour.
To have a disagreement then to be able to be polite and not hold a grudge is the way forward I believe. There will always be times when people disagree and seem to argue.
I say leave them be to sort it out themselves it is when others jump on the band wagon and try to interfere I see that it can then all get out of hand.
What I have seen in the past if people are left alone to fight their own battles generally it all sorts itself out.
When people try to calm things make jokes, start to interfere I see it as stoking a fire. That was only a simmering pile.
Live and let live, be and let be, Mods are here if it gets out of hand, I see them as policing the forums not the normal posters and a fine job they always do too.
To be able to have a disagreement then to be able to show that at a later stage that people can be civilised towards the same person shows true adult behaviour.
To have a disagreement then to be able to be polite and not hold a grudge is the way forward I believe. There will always be times when people disagree and seem to argue.
I say leave them be to sort it out themselves it is when others jump on the band wagon and try to interfere I see that it can then all get out of hand.
What I have seen in the past if people are left alone to fight their own battles generally it all sorts itself out.
When people try to calm things make jokes, start to interfere I see it as stoking a fire. That was only a simmering pile.
Live and let live, be and let be, Mods are here if it gets out of hand, I see them as policing the forums not the normal posters and a fine job they always do too.
I agree with the sentiment of the post as i believe if you cant say anything nice don't say anything at all.
I also want people to be themselves because i note the err how can i put it politely "not so tolerant members" who appear to enjoy pulling posts to pieces.
It helps me identify members to avoid.
I also want people to be themselves because i note the err how can i put it politely "not so tolerant members" who appear to enjoy pulling posts to pieces.
It helps me identify members to avoid.
Sex God
I know I have been advocating similar behaviour to what Phredd lists but I wouldn't go so far as to say we should all be aspiring to it. In fact I think in this medium it is impossible to promise to be nice - otherwise it'd be like the Stepford wives.
On the other hand I do believe we need to confront people who behave chronically at the other end of the scale. Having to be right all the time and rubbing peoples noses in their own 'wrongness' is immature and offensive generally. It should be avoided. Fortunately we are seeing less of that around here lately.
I agree with Jaymar and I think Kent's got it right as well. Self moderation needs no moderating.
The other thing we should avoid is harking back to the way things were. 'Things' move on. The forum is the people that are on it at any particular moment.
It's a bluddy quiet one just now. I shouldn't have opened that third bottle of wine last night - always wakes me up before dawn. :shock:
.
On the other hand I do believe we need to confront people who behave chronically at the other end of the scale. Having to be right all the time and rubbing peoples noses in their own 'wrongness' is immature and offensive generally. It should be avoided. Fortunately we are seeing less of that around here lately.
I agree with Jaymar and I think Kent's got it right as well. Self moderation needs no moderating.
The other thing we should avoid is harking back to the way things were. 'Things' move on. The forum is the people that are on it at any particular moment.
It's a bluddy quiet one just now.
I shouldn't have opened that third bottle of wine last night - always wakes me up before dawn. :shock: .
What is this thing about pulling posts apart?
Isn't that like, well you know...answering them?
I'd rather have a post of mine absolutely destroyed by someone with an intelligent, thought out and incisive reply than one hundred "I agree/disagree with an emoticon thrown in for variety" posts, or have the grammar/spelling police turn up.
Answering post's directly whilst putting forward your own point of view is what stimulates and keeps debate going, not this fluffy, pink ideal.
Post and be damned. Just remember, if you feel strongly on a subject, someone else will feel just as strongly about the opposite viewpoint.
If folks can't handle that, as a wise man once told me "Never bring a knife to a gunfight"
There is and always has been a choice here, get involved in a thread or pass it on by, it is the individuals choice. "I don't like my post's being pulled apart" Simple answer then isn't there?
As long as no one steps outside the AUP (and I would love someone to explain how this skirting round the AUP works, because imho that's the biggest cop out load of crap i've ever read on a forum) Rules are either broken or not, broken = a bad thing, not broken = no problem.
We're all as far as anyone knows adults. Some of these threads are adult conversations about adult subjects. The subjects are not always pink and fluffy, why would anyone expect the conversation to be?
Isn't that like, well you know...answering them?
I'd rather have a post of mine absolutely destroyed by someone with an intelligent, thought out and incisive reply than one hundred "I agree/disagree with an emoticon thrown in for variety" posts, or have the grammar/spelling police turn up.
Answering post's directly whilst putting forward your own point of view is what stimulates and keeps debate going, not this fluffy, pink ideal.
Post and be damned. Just remember, if you feel strongly on a subject, someone else will feel just as strongly about the opposite viewpoint.
If folks can't handle that, as a wise man once told me "Never bring a knife to a gunfight"
There is and always has been a choice here, get involved in a thread or pass it on by, it is the individuals choice. "I don't like my post's being pulled apart" Simple answer then isn't there?
As long as no one steps outside the AUP (and I would love someone to explain how this skirting round the AUP works, because imho that's the biggest cop out load of crap i've ever read on a forum) Rules are either broken or not, broken = a bad thing, not broken = no problem.
We're all as far as anyone knows adults. Some of these threads are adult conversations about adult subjects. The subjects are not always pink and fluffy, why would anyone expect the conversation to be?
Quote by varca
I am in full agreement with you Staffs, that is the way it should be! Again, this is not about making all threads/posts fluffy, it is about how we treat each other in the process of any debate that ensues. Is there ever a need to get personal, point out someone's spelling or grammatical error or snipe and make veiled digs in the thread in question or other threads about people?
No there isn't any need for it.
But you won't ever stop it. People are individuals, we all have our own way of getting our points across, we all react in different ways to differant things.
Your 'dig' could be someone else's 'point well made' You take that out of a forum, we might as well pack up and go home, I used to moderate a forum on another swinging site, I allowed debates to form and removed only those posts and parts of posts that were directly abusive to other members (name calling etc etc) This forum was full of superb debates, about subjects close to peoples hearts, yes there were arguments, spats, silliness but through it all fantastic debate.
After I gave up moderating that forum, the pink fluffy brigade came out in force. The forum AUP went from two rules to at least 20, now there are 24hr gaps between posts, no more than 2 or 3 posts on a good day and anything that looks like it may spark a bit of a debate is aborted before it has any chance to get going by an over zealous moderation system, (to the point of being automatic, three complaints about a post, the poster is banned automatically for a week)
How people treat each other on a forum will be exactly the same way they treat people in real life.
Why would anyone expect it to be different?
Quote by varca
I disagree, there are many who are a lot more vocal and nasty than they would ever be in real life. The power of the keyboard can change personalities and not always for the better.
I apologise, I didn't make myself clear re-reading it. What i meant by the first part is that in the wider world there are those who are nice, those who are nasty and those who fall into every point between the two extremes. Why would anyone expect that to not be reflected on a forum where the same demographics are represented? Surely that is an unresonable expectation where individuals are concerned?
I see where people are coming from here, really I do, I just personally enjoy this forum and would really hate to see it become anything other than what it is now, whether that's by over zealous moderation (which I do not think for one minute we have)or by posters moderating themsleves for fear of someone else taking offence. Either one of those is a death knell for a forum imho.
The first few attempts I made to join in with threads in the forum were shot down in flames and I nearly gave up. I was almost reduced to tears by one. When I was feeling a bit less emotional about it I could see it as some peoples' clumsy attempt at humour, just inarticulately put. I'm still wary of posting a new thread though, but I'm sure my confidence will return late one evening after a few sherbets (and serve me right if what I post is torn to pieces) 
Now I enjoy participating in the forum and visit most days. I try to take a christian approach to life even though I am not religious. Treat people as you would wish to be treated yourself. Life is too short as it is, enjoy every moment you have without holding grudges. :inlove:
Now I enjoy participating in the forum and visit most days. I try to take a christian approach to life even though I am not religious. Treat people as you would wish to be treated yourself. Life is too short as it is, enjoy every moment you have without holding grudges. :inlove:
Quote by staffcple
I disagree, there are many who are a lot more vocal and nasty than they would ever be in real life. The power of the keyboard can change personalities and not always for the better.
I apologise, I didn't make myself clear re-reading it. What i meant by the first part is that in the wider world there are those who are nice, those who are nasty and those who fall into every point between the two extremes. Why would anyone expect that to not be reflected on a forum where the same demographics are represented? Surely that is an unresonable expectation where individuals are concerned?
I see where people are coming from here, really I do, I just personally enjoy this forum and would really hate to see it become anything other than what it is now, whether that's by over zealous moderation (which I do not think for one minute we have)or by posters moderating themsleves for fear of someone else taking offence. Either one of those is a death knell for a forum imho.
Staffs my sentiments exactly too! :thumbup:
I think to have people debating different sides of a topic is what opens our minds to make a more informed opinion, if we all thought alike there would be no reason for debate, questioning, or learning.
Quote by staffcple
What is this thing about pulling posts apart?
Isn't that like, well you know...answering them?
I'd rather have a post of mine absolutely destroyed by someone with an intelligent, thought out and incisive reply than one hundred "I agree/disagree with an emoticon thrown in for variety" posts, or have the grammar/spelling police turn up.
Answering post's directly whilst putting forward your own point of view is what stimulates and keeps debate going, not this fluffy, pink ideal.
Post and be damned. Just remember, if you feel strongly on a subject, someone else will feel just as strongly about the opposite viewpoint.
If folks can't handle that, as a wise man once told me "Never bring a knife to a gunfight"
There is and always has been a choice here, get involved in a thread or pass it on by, it is the individuals choice. "I don't like my post's being pulled apart" Simple answer then isn't there?
As long as no one steps outside the AUP (and I would love someone to explain how this skirting round the AUP works, because imho that's the biggest cop out load of crap i've ever read on a forum) Rules are either broken or not, broken = a bad thing, not broken = no problem.
We're all as far as anyone knows adults. Some of these threads are adult conversations about adult subjects. The subjects are not always pink and fluffy, why would anyone expect the conversation to be?
i think you are spot on
if i knew how to copy your other post onto this reply too...i would have done... because i think you have the correct take on things.
I have had the odd pm telling me im aggressive etc etc... and several times I have had people go literally "apeshit" at me for things i have written.
I dare say theres a few members out there who completely despise me but to be honest...i dont think its because of what I have actually said ... rather , to WHOM i have had the "temerity" to say it to.
There was a time when if you were a newbie or mentioned that "cliques" existed or that there was a "pack" waiting to flame or bully you.... you would be castigated for merely suggesting the fact. In my opinion, it was the cliques and "pack" that only ever denied this was the case....when to all IMO, it was clear to see that this behaviour was common place and keeping people away.
It is good to see that these people rarely post these days and inevitably, as happens with such groups... that they actually begin to despise each-other, and the clique breaks down and begins to argue with themselves, because they have run out of victims and realised that what was once fun for some, is infact no fun at all.
I think the "hiding behind the AUP" is an interesting concept. I once accused someone whom i thought was a bully and a clique member of exactly that....namely that they would be harsh to people but fall short of actually using foul language or breaching the AUP....and that , usually, the person on the recieving end of the treatment would be angered to the point that they responded with language that got them banned. This i used to find completely unfair and i believe i used to see the same group of people doing it time and time again- even to me.
strangely, or rather peversely, the people that would regularly provoke, flame etc were friendly with the mods and i believe that this was actually whom/what they were hiding behind rather than the AUP.
even worse, there are mods around that are atill holdng grudges because their dear friend has been given a tase of their own medicine in the past, and are just looking to get retribution.
These days we have a new breed of member, those that can debate and dont mind the odd personal put down ... but there are still those around who provoke an argument and go screeching to the mods/friends by PM because they can only see fault in the protaganist rather than the antagonist... because the AUP hasnt been breached... they are simply taking sides!!! and to be brutally honest, they are too daft to realise that such behaviour is easy to spot.
I have to admit... i have hiden behind the AUP to some degree myself...i have had to tailor my useage of words and for long periods i didnt even post because it was clear to see, despite my softer approach , I was still ruffling feathers simply by putting my straight forward views on peoples threads.
Id rather not post at all rather than having to litter my reply with disclaimers pointing out that im not setting out to offend anyone in particular.
if i have a point to make i will make it.... to be honest, those who get offended at the slightest thing are weak IMO its like the boy who cried wolf.
anyway, i could go on and on... but i will leave that for the ranters.....
Sex God
Quote by DeeCee
anyway, i could go on and on...
You could?? :shock:
:giggle:
.
Sex God
Quote by westerross
anyway, i could go on and on...
You could?? :shock:
:giggle:
.
and he does
My view is that the forums need debate, they need people to speak up and give thier views on things, so long as they are not just doing it try and belittle another person, or attempt to make the other person look silly.
Live and let live, we all have the right to our views, and we all have the right to discuss them, what we shouldn't do (and this is only my opinion) is turn sensible, adult discussions into mud slinging, personal attacks.
Pesonally, I think we all just need more sex and then everything would be fine
Sex God
Quote by medic_1
Pesonally, I think we all just need more sex and then everything would be fine
Where would you like me ??
Front or Back
in the queue that is
About half way up it I reckon.
And how on earth Voddy thinks that it will be orderly beats me. :wink:
.
Quote by westerross
Pesonally, I think we all just need more sex and then everything would be fine
Where would you like me ??
Front or Back
in the queue that is
About half way up it I reckon.
And how on earth Voddy thinks that it will orderly beats me. :wink:
.
<<<<<<<<< is now in hospital with Crush injuries.
Sex God
Quote by medic_1
Pesonally, I think we all just need more sex and then everything would be fine
Where would you like me ??
Front or Back
in the queue that is
About half way up it I reckon.
And how on earth Voddy thinks that it will orderly beats me. :wink:
.
<<<<<<<<< is now in hospital with Crush injuries.
Quickly slips into her nurses uniform :twisted:
Do you need to be friendly on a forum?
Let's say for instance that I made a crass and rude comment... and the reader (whomever they were), thought "oohhh... she is really rude" - then they would have the option of pointing out the errors of my ways or simply ignoring me.
When I read a comment that I disagree with then generally I ignore it - because most of the time it is about a subject of little or no interest to me - however when it is a matter that I feel is important then I generally will put my point across.
Now... whether or not my views are ignored is a matter of very little significance to me - because generally speaking I don't know who the people are that are replying - they may have a genuine point to raise or may simply be spoiling for a fight. Either way I don't care.
I will of course defend my position if I think that the matter is worth arguing over irrespective of what I believe the motives are of the person that replies.
My point is that I do not feel that it is necessary to be "nice" (whatever that means) on an internet forum, respectful certainly - but nice - no.
Her.
xx
Let's say for instance that I made a crass and rude comment... and the reader (whomever they were), thought "oohhh... she is really rude" - then they would have the option of pointing out the errors of my ways or simply ignoring me.
When I read a comment that I disagree with then generally I ignore it - because most of the time it is about a subject of little or no interest to me - however when it is a matter that I feel is important then I generally will put my point across.
Now... whether or not my views are ignored is a matter of very little significance to me - because generally speaking I don't know who the people are that are replying - they may have a genuine point to raise or may simply be spoiling for a fight. Either way I don't care.
I will of course defend my position if I think that the matter is worth arguing over irrespective of what I believe the motives are of the person that replies.
My point is that I do not feel that it is necessary to be "nice" (whatever that means) on an internet forum, respectful certainly - but nice - no.
Her.
xx
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Pesonally, I think we all just need more sex and then everything would be fine
Where would you like me ??
Front or Back
in the queue that is
About half way up it I reckon.
And how on earth Voddy thinks that it will orderly beats me. :wink:
.
<<<<<<<<< is now in hospital with Crush injuries.
Quickly slips into her nurses uniform :twisted:
NWC you will regret that comment :wink:
NURSE = NURSE can you empty my bedpan please.
Oh and while you are at it would you like to give me a blow job and blow my candles out ?
Sex God
it is not even of having a friendly forum as such (I am not one for the amount of fluff on the forums)
It is more a case of reasonable discussions not turning into the mud slinging, or belittling of people's opinions
I might not agree with peoples opinions on certain subjects, but if I don't then which is more likely to further a conversation... explaining why you don't agree or pulling apart a post line by line????
I know which is more likely to cause things to go south in a hurry......
not so much a case of "post and be dammed"... more a case of "think before you post" for every action, there is going to be a reaction, and I'd rather that people reacted in a positive way, even if to criticise than to go negative!
I think that made sense... it did in my head anyway...
sean xxxxx
It is more a case of reasonable discussions not turning into the mud slinging, or belittling of people's opinions
I might not agree with peoples opinions on certain subjects, but if I don't then which is more likely to further a conversation... explaining why you don't agree or pulling apart a post line by line????
I know which is more likely to cause things to go south in a hurry......
not so much a case of "post and be dammed"... more a case of "think before you post" for every action, there is going to be a reaction, and I'd rather that people reacted in a positive way, even if to criticise than to go negative!
I think that made sense... it did in my head anyway...
sean xxxxx
Sex God
Quote by HimandHer
Do you need to be friendly on a forum?
Let's say for instance that I made a crass and rude comment... and the reader (whomever they were), thought "oohhh... she is really rude" - then they would have the option of pointing out the errors of my ways or simply ignoring me.
When I read a comment that I disagree with then generally I ignore it - because most of the time it is about a subject of little or no interest to me - however when it is a matter that I feel is important then I generally will put my point across.
Now... whether or not my views are ignored is a matter of very little significance to me - because generally speaking I don't know who the people are that are replying - they may have a genuine point to raise or may simply be spoiling for a fight. Either way I don't care.
I will of course defend my position if I think that the matter is worth arguing over irrespective of what I believe the motives are of the person that replies.
My point is that I do not feel that it is necessary to be "nice" (whatever that means) on an internet forum, respectful certainly - but nice - no.
Her.
xx
Great post. :thumbup:
I love being part of this forum. I genuinely like the banter and, as a result of posting in here, I have made some great friends.
However, if I don't like something in here then I too usually just ignore it. I don't have to be friendly with everyone; there will be always folk I like and folk I dislike. But yes, I agree with you, it's more about respect.
So, a more respectful forum would be a good thing.
Nola x
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
anyway, i could go on and on...
You could?? :shock:
:giggle:
.
and he does
My view is that the forums need debate, they need people to speak up and give thier views on things, so long as they are not just doing it try and belittle another person, or attempt to make the other person look silly.
Live and let live, we all have the right to our views, and we all have the right to discuss them, what we shouldn't do (and this is only my opinion) is turn sensible, adult discussions into mud slinging, personal attacks.
Pesonally, I think we all just need more sex and then everything would be fine
A good post.
My main gripe is people who moan about certain topics, and then make remarks. I have always said that if you do not like a thread, then keep out.
Nobody is forced to enter a debate, it is of a persons choosing if they do but.....why moan about a topic? We all have the freedom to enter a debate or not, but I would not enter one if it did not interest me.
As Staffs has pointed out, it is bullshit about hiding behind the AUP. You either breech it or you do not....period.
There is every type of person on here, that have differing views to others. Strong debate will always cause arguements, it happens in real life, and in the cyber world. When people get their heads around that point, maybe people will understand why people argue.
