I just received this in an e-mail. No idea of the author but thought it was funny.
Could this explain a lot.......
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:-
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).
A previously undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts.
Another question answered!!
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half.
Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably
get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a
T-shirt.
Jas
XXX
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Beer Scooter
Sex God
And all this time, Chris thought it was me bringing him home
Bev
xx
Naughty Jas that I am. 
Sex God
what do we expect.. from someone who does not even remember to close her eyes when she has an orgasm!
Sex God
Quote by VenusnMars
LOOK EVERYONE, A MODERATOR FUCKED UP!!! EVERYONE LOOK AT THE MODERATOR WHO FUCKED UP!
GATHER ROUND! GATHER ROUND!!!
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Really Jas! You should have known that had been posted before!
Slacker!
Venusxxx
How bloody Typical!! Someones always there when you fuck up, but not when you have done something really really well!!
C'est La Vie Quote by Jas-Tim
Excuse me everyone!
Jas never fucks up. You are all imagining it.
These are not the droids you were looking for.
BTW, anyone else been to work on the beer scooter? no? Just me, then.
Hmm. Did you just want that posted again, hun? Or did your comment fall off my page, like leaves blown in an Autumn breeze?
Obviously there can have been no mistake.
Did they leave the magnificent purple chariot, when they took the scooter?
