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Behaviour at a "munch "
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Sex God
Quote by Scandal
I'm surprised anyone is surprised really, munches are a cocktail for dickheads to really come into their own.
Of the events I've attended the first one I went to with a partner. It was a really nice event except for a well known member of the site giving a guy a blow job right opposite the door where you came in. Later on my friend was groped by a woman she neither knew, invited or, irrelevant but fancied. Only when she told her to "get yer f**kin hands off or I'll kill ya" did she stop. Later on, after being asked twice to stop some bloke had to be told he wouldn't be walking for a few weeks unles he stopped the same thing.
At another event I was with a couple, having a nice time and due to incessant unwanted attention her husband had to physically threaten the hand wanderer. Later on that night a member of the bar staff, female and I'd say about 19 had to stop a couple who were on the floor having oral sex.
Final straw for me was when a woman came into a room, walked up behind me and squeezed both my nipples extremely hard. Quick as a flash she whipped her camera out and took a photo of me, this was before the rules on cameras were introduced. As I was asking her what she was doing she was in a giggling fit spilling Bacardi and coke over meWhen I pm'd her two days later she said she was pissed and even tried to deny it!
Apart from those events it's the uninvited over familiar hugging/groping that goes the extra mile from people you've never met before sometimes with bad breath and B.O thrown in for good measure.
The other day I was talking to a friend who described experiencing this kind of touching up from one male regular munch goer as being like an "oil slick". Quite appropriate and it's one of the reasons she won't be going to any more.
So it's not really like being out in town is it? That kind of behavious would soon have the ambulances on the way.
I'm sorry you have had this experience but we do need to put it into perspective here & for a newbie reading this, they would neverput their names down for a munch. It is only a minority who break these rules. 99% of us have a fantastic night
Sex God
Quote by Blokes
OK, obvious question but if someone knows who these people are that were performing the 'live sex show', have they let anyone know and can something be done about them? I think the debate and conscensus here warrants action...
...Yes they have and yes it can.
Sex God
Quote by davej
OK, obvious question but if someone knows who these people are that were performing the 'live sex show', have they let anyone know and can something be done about them? I think the debate and conscensus here warrants action...
...Yes they have and yes it can.
In view of that and...
Quote by hisandhers
I'm sorry you have had this experience but we do need to put it into perspective here & for a newbie reading this, they would neverput their names down for a munch. It is only a minority who break these rules. 99% of us have a fantastic night
...to avoid the bit in bold, might it be a good idea to draw this one to a close?
Good thread Sercher!
.
Quote by davej
OK, obvious question but if someone knows who these people are that were performing the 'live sex show', have they let anyone know and can something be done about them? I think the debate and conscensus here warrants action...
...Yes they have and yes it can.
Thank you kind sir :P
Can i just say one last thing?
I have been to two munches now, I hope to go to many, many more, I
the organisers and helpers who make them possible, the bad behaviour of a few is vastly outweighed by the fun, laughter, and fantastic time had by the vast majority, I already have my outfit for Wigan, and Munches - Long may they Reign
and breathe!
I have been to two munches now, I hope to go to many, many more, I
the organisers and helpers who make them possible, the bad behaviour of a few is vastly outweighed by the fun, laughter, and fantastic time had by the vast majority, I already have my outfit for Wigan, and Munches - Long may they Reignand breathe!
Sex God
Can I make a point.........
I personally dont think we should start a which hun over the members that overstepped the line. Personnally the members invloved should come forward and say look were rally sorry what we done and apologise.
If i started to complain about EVERY unapropriate grope i got, i would be PMing munch organisers all day, and that is not just from females. People should look at it objectivly and say right this is what is acceptable and this is what isnt.
What we should say is this, is mayby have a warning system in place if things to get a bit heated. I am not justifying it just looking objectivly. When alchole and randy people, get together sometimes people will overstep the mark.
I am sure most people wudnt take offence to mayby asked to stop it.
Mike
I personally dont think we should start a which hun over the members that overstepped the line. Personnally the members invloved should come forward and say look were rally sorry what we done and apologise.
If i started to complain about EVERY unapropriate grope i got, i would be PMing munch organisers all day, and that is not just from females. People should look at it objectivly and say right this is what is acceptable and this is what isnt.
What we should say is this, is mayby have a warning system in place if things to get a bit heated. I am not justifying it just looking objectivly. When alchole and randy people, get together sometimes people will overstep the mark.
I am sure most people wudnt take offence to mayby asked to stop it.
Mike
Quote by MikeC
... If i started to complain about EVERY unapropriate grope i got, i would be PMing munch organisers all day, and that is not just from females. People should look at it objectivly and say right this is what is acceptable and this is what isnt.
...
And by not doing so it leaves people thinking their behaviour is acceptable and to take it one step further next time (may be).
Quote by PoloLady
... If i started to complain about EVERY unapropriate grope i got, i would be PMing munch organisers all day, and that is not just from females. People should look at it objectivly and say right this is what is acceptable and this is what isnt.
...
And by not doing so it leaves people thinking their behaviour is acceptable and to take it one step further next time (may be).
i agree with Pololady....it has to be nipped in the bud early...it might just be a grope to one person...buts its sexual assault to another.
Sex God
Quote by MikeC
People should look at it objectivly and say right this is what is acceptable and this is what isnt.
What's unacceptable to you may be acceptable to others; how can people be objective then?
What we should say is this, is mayby have a warning system in place if things to get a bit heated.
There is a warning system in place - people go and tell the organiser if they are unhappy.
Quote by hisandhers
I will say that if anyone is found engaging in inappropriate behaviour at Bristol, they will be asked to leave.
:thumbup:
Do people always leave though if asked.
Yes, they will if I ask them, I am very persuasive. ;) My main concern on the night will be that people are having a good time and if that means that I or one of my team has to warn/ask people to leave then so be it. I don't wish to seem aggressive but people are aware of the rules and a reminder will be sent in Pms giving the venue details, so there's no excuse.
Mike, the venue we have this year is not disimilar from last years' and I really don't anticipate any trouble, although I understand the point you were making
It's a tad disheartening to read that some munch organisers are considering not doing anymore, let's not let the behaviour of a minority spoil it for the rest of us hey ? ;)
Minx x x
If you know the person and have perhaps been touched by them in the same way on a previous occasion does not automatically give them the right to touch you in a similar manner again.
Therefore if someone does touch you in what is considered to be an inappropriate manner and you are not comfortable with it... you either say directly to that person.. excuse me I'm not happy with you doing that... or if its continuing after you have spoken to them... then it is sexual assault.
I would hope that members are respectful of each others wishes and would not be guilty of such behaviour after all swinging is all about trust, honesty and respect isn't it????
Therefore if someone does touch you in what is considered to be an inappropriate manner and you are not comfortable with it... you either say directly to that person.. excuse me I'm not happy with you doing that... or if its continuing after you have spoken to them... then it is sexual assault.
I would hope that members are respectful of each others wishes and would not be guilty of such behaviour after all swinging is all about trust, honesty and respect isn't it????
Sex God
So we all agree the rules don’t need changed but there is a problem that needs “nipped in the bud “ as has been pointed out .
Iv been thinking over the weekend and may have a solution , if everyone agrees ,( after all this is a democracy )
There are lots more people going to munches now .most newbies and we don’t want to stop this as the more the merrier . but we do need to protect people from this sort of thing happening we all agree on this point ?
My idea
As we have chatroom opsmoderators an admin on the site who do a very good job .
Why not have door hunks and door bitches?
These people would then get well known by newbies and us old hands alike
They would only have power at a munch ,but would be able to take names and eject people officially as site and organiser representatives ( obviously we would have to work on the powers thing) I know this happens already but if you put names up in colour of these people you would have an immediate physiological affect , and these people would get known and respected . although this may not stop the “overt sexual acts “ completely I feel it would have a positive affect and would make people think twice and feel safer ?????????
What do we all think ?
Just an idea that’s all
Iv been thinking over the weekend and may have a solution , if everyone agrees ,( after all this is a democracy )
There are lots more people going to munches now .most newbies and we don’t want to stop this as the more the merrier . but we do need to protect people from this sort of thing happening we all agree on this point ?
My idea
As we have chatroom opsmoderators an admin on the site who do a very good job .
Why not have door hunks and door bitches?
These people would then get well known by newbies and us old hands alike
They would only have power at a munch ,but would be able to take names and eject people officially as site and organiser representatives ( obviously we would have to work on the powers thing) I know this happens already but if you put names up in colour of these people you would have an immediate physiological affect , and these people would get known and respected . although this may not stop the “overt sexual acts “ completely I feel it would have a positive affect and would make people think twice and feel safer ?????????
What do we all think ?
Just an idea that’s all
Sex God
ok maybe we could change the name but thats whats used at the mo 
how dose " munch security " sound ?
how dose " munch security " sound ?
Quote by sercher01
My idea
As we have chatroom ops moderators an admin on the site who do a very good job .
Why not have door hunks and door bitches ?
These people would then get well known by newbies and us old hands alike
They would only have power at a munch ,but would be able to take names and eject people officially as site and organiser representatives ( obviously we would have to work on the powers thing) I know this happens already but if you put names up in colour of these people you would have an immediate physiological affect , and these people would get known and respected . although this may not stop the “overt sexual acts “ completely I feel it would have a positive affect and would make people think twice and feel safer ?????????
What do we all think ?
Just an idea that’s all
So these would be kind of like SH bouncers?
Don't think it would work....what if someone got hurt while being removed from the premises and they decide to report the matter to the police...bouncers have to be licenced by local councils don't they?
They only solution is to educate people on the do's and don'ts of munches a lot more!
Quote by sercher01
ok maybe we could change the name but thats whats used at the mo
how dose " munch security " sound ?
I just think that giving the blokes a flattering title 'door hunks' and the women a derogatory one 'door bitches' is a tad off... but, as you say, if THEY like it then go with it.
:shock:
Quote by sercher01
Why not have door hunks and door bitches ?
These people would then get well known by newbies and us old hands alike
They would only have power at a munch ,but would be able to take names and eject people officially as site and organiser representatives ( obviously we would have to work on the powers thing) I know this happens already but if you put names up in colour of these people you would have an immediate physiological affect , and these people would get known and respected . although this may not stop the “overt sexual acts “ completely I feel it would have a positive affect and would make people think twice and feel safer ?????????
I don't like the idea
I was soooo going to keep out of this thread :doh:
The bahaviour that we are talking about recently shouldn't ever happen but the reasons I don't think the ides will work is because we can never know how we will react in an unpleasant situation so I don't think having 'door bitches' will achieve anything.
You only have to read some of the posts made to realise that people deal with things in different ways, some leave, some do nothing because they are shocked at what they are seeing and some just don't have the courage to complain.
Apart from that sercher, these people at munches are adults, they should be able to control themselves at munches. People go to a munch to socialise, to have fun meeting old and new friends. No one should be asked to 'keep and eye' on a group of adults.
Before anyone suggests it, yes I do know that I've been a bugger at some munches but oral is just way overboard in my opinion.
Sex God
What about organising a badge for security personnel that is universally recognised and then having people post an image of the badge in their final PMs or in the initial post with a message saying who the badge wearers are and explaining their role.
That way there's someone who's easily identifiable without having to stick to (and exhaust) the same members.
Some of us are trained to deal with aggression and violence as part of our work roles. We can ask people to leave by using persuasion, but I think if someone refuses then it should be left to the police to remove them. However if someone becomes aggressive and violent you are allowed to meet force with a reasonable amount of force under common law so that would give the security the ability to physically restrain and remove the person from the venue to an area that is safer for everyone if someone has become violent.
Hopefully it'd never come to that as I think that 99.9% of people would leave when asked and wouldn't want the fuss of being arrested for several offences (indecency, trespass, assault etc)
That way there's someone who's easily identifiable without having to stick to (and exhaust) the same members.
Quote by Mr-Powers
So these would be kind of like SH bouncers?
Don't think it would work....what if someone got hurt while being removed from the premises and they decide to report the matter to the police...bouncers have to be licenced by local councils don't they?
They only solution is to educate people on the do's and don'ts of munches a lot more!
Some of us are trained to deal with aggression and violence as part of our work roles. We can ask people to leave by using persuasion, but I think if someone refuses then it should be left to the police to remove them. However if someone becomes aggressive and violent you are allowed to meet force with a reasonable amount of force under common law so that would give the security the ability to physically restrain and remove the person from the venue to an area that is safer for everyone if someone has become violent.
Hopefully it'd never come to that as I think that 99.9% of people would leave when asked and wouldn't want the fuss of being arrested for several offences (indecency, trespass, assault etc)
I'm with Dawn on this one -why on earth should adults from an adult site find it so difficult to behave responsibly in public? It shows, to me (on a personal level) that if they can't contain their sexual activity in a public space then they probably can't contain it in private and would be predatory.
In fact, from the comments read here it seems that there are a load of predatory males and females around who are under the impression that membership of SH confers group consent to unwelcome and invasive sexual attention. It doesn't.
Don't 'punish' the good ones because of the twats - just ban the twats, throw out the budding twats and let the good and the ugly party on.
Having official security is way over the top. Having official good times is the way to go.
In fact, from the comments read here it seems that there are a load of predatory males and females around who are under the impression that membership of SH confers group consent to unwelcome and invasive sexual attention. It doesn't.
Don't 'punish' the good ones because of the twats - just ban the twats, throw out the budding twats and let the good and the ugly party on.
Having official security is way over the top. Having official good times is the way to go.
Maybe one thing that might be helpful is have a few named members who are attending a munch who will act as *support persons*.
So if someone has a problem/needs help/a query and cant find the organiser or recognise them (might have only met them at the door). They have someone they can go to and ask advice ect..
Yes, it is a little bit like a hand holder but it would be a different role.
They could be identifed via coloured badge or whatever...
Not keen on the idea of *heaven bouncers*
Good discussion tho Sercher...
xanaisx
So if someone has a problem/needs help/a query and cant find the organiser or recognise them (might have only met them at the door). They have someone they can go to and ask advice ect..
Yes, it is a little bit like a hand holder but it would be a different role.
They could be identifed via coloured badge or whatever...
Not keen on the idea of *heaven bouncers*
Good discussion tho Sercher...
xanaisx
I would like to know how these "support persons" "security" "bouncers" etc etc would be selected ? It has already been mentioned by several people that well established members of the site are as guilty of inappropriateness as the "newbies".
Perhaps we should all just, as has been mentioned several times, manage our own behaviour in a public environment and remember that swinging is about having sex with whomever we desire at a time and place that suits us. Public decency and the law states that that should be in a private place and a munch venue doesn't qualify.
The munch rules should be written out in full in the sticky on the Lets' meet up section and again in the invite PMs'
As humans managing our behaviour is something we should do at all times irregardless of the social or drug induced setting. Alcohol is no excuse for being a prat.
Perhaps we should all just, as has been mentioned several times, manage our own behaviour in a public environment and remember that swinging is about having sex with whomever we desire at a time and place that suits us. Public decency and the law states that that should be in a private place and a munch venue doesn't qualify.
The munch rules should be written out in full in the sticky on the Lets' meet up section and again in the invite PMs'
As humans managing our behaviour is something we should do at all times irregardless of the social or drug induced setting. Alcohol is no excuse for being a prat.
Quote by Mr-Powers
They only solution is to educate people on the do's and don'ts of munches a lot more!
If only it were that simple.
There are established members of this community who go way way overboard at munches (the power of drink). These established members have attented multiple munches and should know the rules better than anybody. Yet still they continue at every munch to contravene the rules
So who is going to educate these people? And please don't anybody suggest that they are beyond reproach, that's just bollocks.
It gets down to what is acceptable by some is totally unacceptable by others.
Some situations that I have seen at munches have made me cringe, some going on in a venue where the vanilla community is very close by, some in private venue's.
If I were to introduce a newbie into this community I would be extremely careful to warn them what to expect at a munch.
In the past, when speaking to Newbies I have always expressed an opinion that the munches are purely a social event where they would feel completely comfortable and safe. This is no longer the case and if I am honest with myself, it has not been the case for many a year.
My 2p worth.....
I dont believe anyone should be responsible to "police" a munch. Everyone there, including the organisers, should be able to have a chat, a drink, a laugh, a dance etc etc and not have to spend the night wandering around checking on what people are doing.
The last munch was worse than any other I have been to, Oral sex on the dance floor and oral sex in the Ladies loo (male/female - no idea who they are. If you'd seen the loo's you would know why that was a desperate act!)
When I first joined the site a Munch really was a social event. A party was a playing event and I dont understand why that's changed, but it has.
People who break the rules should be banned ...... has that changed?
Does it make any difference if they have paid to be a member? IMHO it shouldnt!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I dont believe anyone should be responsible to "police" a munch. Everyone there, including the organisers, should be able to have a chat, a drink, a laugh, a dance etc etc and not have to spend the night wandering around checking on what people are doing.
The last munch was worse than any other I have been to, Oral sex on the dance floor and oral sex in the Ladies loo (male/female - no idea who they are. If you'd seen the loo's you would know why that was a desperate act!)
When I first joined the site a Munch really was a social event. A party was a playing event and I dont understand why that's changed, but it has.
People who break the rules should be banned ...... has that changed?
Does it make any difference if they have paid to be a member? IMHO it shouldnt!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by blonde
When I first joined the site a Munch really was a social event. A party was a playing event and I dont understand why that's changed, but it has.
People who break the rules should be banned ...... has that changed?
Does it make any difference if they have paid to be a member? IMHO it shouldnt!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:thumbup: (again) :P
Sex God
Quote by blonde
People who break the rules should be banned
Spot on......
Either from the site as a whole or from Official Munches..
How many witnesses are required for the person(s) to be banned?
Does it have to be the organiser who sees the inappropriate behaviour or will they take word-of-mouth that it occurred?
Will you go by whether one person finds the behaviour offensive or if it is by general consensus?
How do you police personal grudges or genuine mistakes?
Hmmm. Good luck!
Does it have to be the organiser who sees the inappropriate behaviour or will they take word-of-mouth that it occurred?
Will you go by whether one person finds the behaviour offensive or if it is by general consensus?
How do you police personal grudges or genuine mistakes?
Hmmm. Good luck!
Inappropriate behaviour at munches is a long term problem. We went to the first NW munch, the second organised munch on SH. At that munch mrs northwest was taken to the ladies by a group of well established female members who were playing with vibrators and I saw male/female groping in the gents toilet. Tits and bums were also on display in the main bar.
The problem is not isolated to newbies, but what messages do you want to give to newbies? Every munch thank you thread is full of snog counts and innuendo. At the moment there is a thread running showing photos from a munch, some of which could not be taken in your local pub in full view of the landlord without you being thrown out. From reading between the lines of the forums (as most newbies will do) it would appear that munches are not the purely social events that they are supposed to be and never have been.
While mild sexual behaviour is celebrated it is unsurprising that some people will take it one step further.
The problem is not isolated to newbies, but what messages do you want to give to newbies? Every munch thank you thread is full of snog counts and innuendo. At the moment there is a thread running showing photos from a munch, some of which could not be taken in your local pub in full view of the landlord without you being thrown out. From reading between the lines of the forums (as most newbies will do) it would appear that munches are not the purely social events that they are supposed to be and never have been.
While mild sexual behaviour is celebrated it is unsurprising that some people will take it one step further.
